are such cunts.
A lot of weighty noms recently and absolutely nothing wrong with that. On a lighter note modern motor cars are such cunts. I’m not talking EVs here. The downsides of those are legion and known universally now which is why they are unsaleable. But the junk that’s on proper cars which ranges from pointless and irritating to positively fucking dangerous beggars belief. Fucking systems which try to take over the steering and braking, hill start assist, ESP which comes in hard when you’re in a position my thirteen-tear-old grand-daughter could handle, do fuck off. I retired in 2020 but even before then I was accustomed to spending an hour in the handbook of a new company hack finding out how to disable all this shit. Annoyingly, some of it had to be switched off each time you started the car. And top of the heap, touch screens! Which moron with a sub-saharan IQ and no driving licence thought that one up? I even had a company car which had what was described by the manufacturer as a haptic pad. This was a pad by the handbrake on which you were expected to draw letters as you were driving! I confess I hadn’t the nerve ever to try it.
Then we come to the engine and transmission. The politicos brought in incentives to persuade people to switch to diesel engines. They realised later that diesels are inherently dirty. Rather than lose face and admit they fucked up they gave us those inventions of Satan himself, the diesel particulate filter and the dual mass flywheel. Short term fix and a longer term route to a repair bill which will have you in tears. Then they fitted DMFs to petrol engines. FFS why? The other device now almost universal is the turbocharger. That combined with direct injection which causes your inlet valves to coke up saves you small amounts of petrol. When you get the bill for fixing the damage caused you will wish you had never seen the fucking car.
I recently replaced my ’51reg Mondeo which I had run for fifteen years and which had finally succumbed to the tin worm, with an ’11 reg Focus. Do I feel like the poor relation or hard done by? What do you think?
Nominated by arfurbrain.
Just remembered in 2020 I became the proud owner of a Toyota Corolla estate 1.8 hybrid. On driving home along the worst kept roads in Europe I proceeded to position the car in the middle of the road to avoid the collapsed road edges and huge water filled potholes. Every time the wheel was pulled to the left I was fighting the car as the car seemed intent on committing suicide. Approaching a right angled turn a bridge over a drain the fucker started braking much sooner than I would as we got close to the brickwork. I kept that car for another two years my wife liked the seats and legroom etc. I got rid when she had gone, fucking thing was possessed didn’t need a mechanic needed an exorcist.
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