are such cunts.
A lot of weighty noms recently and absolutely nothing wrong with that. On a lighter note modern motor cars are such cunts. I’m not talking EVs here. The downsides of those are legion and known universally now which is why they are unsaleable. But the junk that’s on proper cars which ranges from pointless and irritating to positively fucking dangerous beggars belief. Fucking systems which try to take over the steering and braking, hill start assist, ESP which comes in hard when you’re in a position my thirteen-tear-old grand-daughter could handle, do fuck off. I retired in 2020 but even before then I was accustomed to spending an hour in the handbook of a new company hack finding out how to disable all this shit. Annoyingly, some of it had to be switched off each time you started the car. And top of the heap, touch screens! Which moron with a sub-saharan IQ and no driving licence thought that one up? I even had a company car which had what was described by the manufacturer as a haptic pad. This was a pad by the handbrake on which you were expected to draw letters as you were driving! I confess I hadn’t the nerve ever to try it.
Then we come to the engine and transmission. The politicos brought in incentives to persuade people to switch to diesel engines. They realised later that diesels are inherently dirty. Rather than lose face and admit they fucked up they gave us those inventions of Satan himself, the diesel particulate filter and the dual mass flywheel. Short term fix and a longer term route to a repair bill which will have you in tears. Then they fitted DMFs to petrol engines. FFS why? The other device now almost universal is the turbocharger. That combined with direct injection which causes your inlet valves to coke up saves you small amounts of petrol. When you get the bill for fixing the damage caused you will wish you had never seen the fucking car.
I recently replaced my ’51reg Mondeo which I had run for fifteen years and which had finally succumbed to the tin worm, with an ’11 reg Focus. Do I feel like the poor relation or hard done by? What do you think?
Nominated by arfurbrain.
I don’t drive, but my daughters both do, and have fairly new hybrid cars.
I can’t help that feel that a lot of the “features” are more Emperor’s New Clothes than driving experience enhancing, and really just gimmicks to catch the unwary.
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I like all the screems ‘n shit. Like owning Knight Rider minus the turbo boost (jum). Yeah it’s all superfluous crap, but it’s a muscle-memory by now to turn the key and turn off x, y & z (lane stability etc.).
The USB fed stereo and remote control heated windscreen(defrosting) ARE 2 for the plus column over years past.
Thr fact the cunts are recording (and in some cases relaying)everything you do, on the sly, is a whole cunting of it’s own, though.
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In Knight Rider, both KITT and Michael Knight seemed to flirt with each other. They were both grooming each other.
You never saw them Duke boys trying to bum the General Lee.
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Hey, pal … 😄
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wet belts Arfur.
who thought that up?!!
id been daydreaming about getting a Ford Ranger Raptor
My mate works at a Ford dealership
said hed do me a good deal on one,
put it through the books as a business vehicle.
I mentioned it to the mechanic when at the garage having new tyres on the van.
” don’t do it. it’ll cost you a fortune.
they’re a bag of shit.
wet belts.
have to strip the engine to fix it.”
modern vehicles are full of electrics, sensors and all kinds of stuff that can and will go wrong in a expensive way.
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And wet clutches Mis, more common on motorcycles. My old Mini suffered with a wet clutch, but only after the main oil seal leaked oil all over the plate.
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*jump
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Off a multi storey?
Don’t do it, Cuntemall!
You can talk to us, we’re your friends.
I’ll talk you off the ledge.
For £100.
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Please. I lost closer friends the last time I was deloused …
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As my dear old dad used to say “What’s not on there can’t go wrong.”
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I’m an automotive design engineer by trade and have to deal with modern suprcars day in day out; they’re horrific in not only their complexity but trying to ‘get into’ them using any other than manufacturer’s software and hardware is the very essence of frustration. I’m always happiest when designing what I design for a pre-2015 supercar.
There’s also a good reason why I choose to drive significantly older cars (09 plate Audi A3 TDI, Rover 45 diesel and a rusty old Cortina).
I can do almost all the work on them myself.
Modern cars are indicitive of modern society: unnecessarily complex, expensive and designed to fuck over the regular guy.
Good morning to one and all.
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I can turn off lane control on my car, but I have to do it every fucking time I start the thing.
I can’t imagine that anyone uses lane control on any car.
The car decides to make a noise if it thinks that I am not braking quickly enough for the car in front, or if it thinks that I am getting too close before I overtake.
I can’t turn that feature off.
I blame vegans and students.
It seems that younger people just can’t be bothered to drive a car with a clutch and a gear lever.
They want more than just an automatic, they want a car that will do everything for them.
Years before I was old enough to drive I had a car which I used to tinker about with.
A Ford Anglia if I remember correctly.
I learned about basic mechanics by fucking around with it.
Modern cars with all their features can’t be fucked with.
You need a computer to do anything.
Good morning.
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You’re a man after my own heart arfur. Excellent nomination.
Earlier this year we were looking for a replacement car for Mrs Twatt. Nothing fancy, just a small runaround for going into town, but even they seem to be filling up with unnecessary electronic shit nowadays. And it’s nearly always the electronics that goes wrong and costs a fortune to put right.
In the end I got her a 3-year-old Kia Picanto. Apart from the Infotainment thingy that neither of us use anyway, there’s no touch screen bollocks at all. It’s all buttons, knobs and sticks, nice and simple.
Why can’t other car manufacturers figure out what their customers want?
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Damned right, GT…for the heater controls, it needs to be 3 dial knobs: temperature, speed and direction, that’s it.
How the fuck people are banned from using their phones behind the wheel yet have to plough through 3 touchscreen menus to increase the blower speed is ridiculous.
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Buying new tyres for more modern vehicles is a scary business nowadays.
Even some Fiat 500’s have wheels so large that you’re looking at £250 a corner.
A fucking grand to replace all 4 on a little puddle jumper like that?
The world’s gone mad.
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