are such cunts.
A lot of weighty noms recently and absolutely nothing wrong with that. On a lighter note modern motor cars are such cunts. I’m not talking EVs here. The downsides of those are legion and known universally now which is why they are unsaleable. But the junk that’s on proper cars which ranges from pointless and irritating to positively fucking dangerous beggars belief. Fucking systems which try to take over the steering and braking, hill start assist, ESP which comes in hard when you’re in a position my thirteen-tear-old grand-daughter could handle, do fuck off. I retired in 2020 but even before then I was accustomed to spending an hour in the handbook of a new company hack finding out how to disable all this shit. Annoyingly, some of it had to be switched off each time you started the car. And top of the heap, touch screens! Which moron with a sub-saharan IQ and no driving licence thought that one up? I even had a company car which had what was described by the manufacturer as a haptic pad. This was a pad by the handbrake on which you were expected to draw letters as you were driving! I confess I hadn’t the nerve ever to try it.
Then we come to the engine and transmission. The politicos brought in incentives to persuade people to switch to diesel engines. They realised later that diesels are inherently dirty. Rather than lose face and admit they fucked up they gave us those inventions of Satan himself, the diesel particulate filter and the dual mass flywheel. Short term fix and a longer term route to a repair bill which will have you in tears. Then they fitted DMFs to petrol engines. FFS why? The other device now almost universal is the turbocharger. That combined with direct injection which causes your inlet valves to coke up saves you small amounts of petrol. When you get the bill for fixing the damage caused you will wish you had never seen the fucking car.
I recently replaced my ’51reg Mondeo which I had run for fifteen years and which had finally succumbed to the tin worm, with an ’11 reg Focus. Do I feel like the poor relation or hard done by? What do you think?
Nominated by arfurbrain.
Just remembered in 2020 I became the proud owner of a Toyota Corolla estate 1.8 hybrid. On driving home along the worst kept roads in Europe I proceeded to position the car in the middle of the road to avoid the collapsed road edges and huge water filled potholes. Every time the wheel was pulled to the left I was fighting the car as the car seemed intent on committing suicide. Approaching a right angled turn a bridge over a drain the fucker started braking much sooner than I would as we got close to the brickwork. I kept that car for another two years my wife liked the seats and legroom etc. I got rid when she had gone, fucking thing was possessed didn’t need a mechanic needed an exorcist.
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Electric cars are the work of Satan 👹
7
Quite so.
Why Trump hasn’t told Musk to shove his electric vee-hickels up his reeking arsehole remains a mystery to me.
5
The difference is, Elon’s got squillions of pounds and he likes making his EV’s as toys, which he has every right to. He’s not a WEF Fabian Marxist trying to force us all to get one (before banning cars altogether in 2030).
2
The main trouble with modern motor cars is that they’re so fucking boring – no character – they all look the same.
7
I prefer classic American muscle cars.All modern cars now are soulless boxes
2
I used to maintain and customise a couple for a friend in the 90’s. Fantastic beasts
1
While not a car its along the same theme, I used to drive buses all over the place, I found myself doing some contract work for Newport bus where I first encountered Yutong electric buses these things were beyond dangerous in thinking it knew better than the driver.
Try getting off the line sharpish to get onto a roundabout while safe to do so, put foot down, bus moves into live lane, bus then decides you used too much throttle and kills all power until you release throttle fully and reapply more gently, leaving you sat there with something hurtling towards you which would never have happened it the biss just let you go as you intended.
3
Your experience CotI and that of BB at 4:50pm above, I’m sure has been shared by many of us who’ve done serious driving. Mostly these unwanted toys are just an irritant but occasionally situations occur where they are positively fucking dangerous. When they are things which you cannot switch off that just compounds the danger. My wife swears that when she spun one of my company cars it was because the car’s electronics intervened mid-manoeuvre.
3
Not had a problem with my electric car, not in terms of what powers it at least. 600hp and £5.50 to fill up does me fine.
BUT what I do have a problem with is the cunt trying to drive its self and being a useless nannying twat. T’other day I was driving down a rather too narrow B road and spotted and HGV coming the other way. Naturally because I still enjoy being alive I moved well left. At which point the fucker decided that I’m an idiot and I’m going to get the wheels dirty, so it started wrestling me back into the path of certain death. Oh and throwing the fucking anchor out when I try to go through a gap big enough for the fucking QE2, and flashing the brake lights on to make me look like a brake happy incompetent twat every time I decelerate by lifting of the throttle slightly, though apparently the EU wankers are responsible for that bit of idiocy. Though I could have sworn we pretended to leave 7 years before my car was made.
3
A very good morning to all who took the trouble to read my nom and to post their comments. I must say I feel flattered that so many show interest in the view of an insignificant pensioner like myself. Clearly my views are widely shared and I think the catastrophic statistics coming from all areas of the motor industry prove it. To step back and take a wider view I think this shows that all the various restrictions piled on the ownership and use of a motor car year in, year out nibble away at our freedom. In the sixties the universal view was that your motor car gave you a huge measure of freedom, you could go where you liked whenever you liked within a reasonable cost and time frame. This mindset is anathema to the politicians whose whole life and career depend on exerting control over others and thus they have been working at changing our view, mostly by trying to instil guilt. They witter about “car dependency” but what normal folks fear is public transport dependency. Like the imposed and unwanted mass immigration it has returned to bite ’em in the arse. People won’t buy their crappy modern cars. People don’t bother to pay for the privilege of entering the town centre. The result is hundreds of thousands heading for the dole queue and therefore not paying taxes and certainly not voting for them.
3