What a cunt.
The ‘northern funny man’ is doing four gigs in Bolton for Bolton Hospice.
However, the thing is, Kay has insisted that only those with a Bolton postcode need apply.
I personally think he is about as funny as crabs. But, what the fuck is he at? Is this a new form of Lancastrian Apartheid? So, the hordes of fans who packed out arenas across the country and who made the fucker a millionaire are now not allowed to see him? I’ve heard of shitting on your fanbase, but fuck me.
Maybe Kay has done ir because he knows a shitload of Bolton yonners will lap up everything he does at these gigs. Everybody I’ve met from there watches Emmerdale and listens to Meat Loaf. But, the system of Bolton residents only is also ridiculous. Some cunt could only have moved to Bolton a week ago. Doesn’t make them from the place, does it?
Of course, we’ll get the ‘But… But it’s for charidee yer know’.
If that’s the case, why not make the hospice a shitload more money by playing the Co Op Arena a few times? Then we’ll get ‘But… But he’s giving something back to his own’. So the multi millionaire star is suddenly Robin Hood and loves Bolton? Well, does he spend the Winter in Bolton? Or does he fuck off to Miami or Barbados for the duration? I think we know the answer to that one.
Anyway, how much more garlic bread, big lights, Bullseye, misheard 80s pop lyrics, crap pop and all that other bollocks can people take? Naturally, the ‘folk’ in Bolton will love it.
Link below. He looks like some sort of fun mirror Cliff Richard.
Nominated by Norman.
Peter Kay’s recent show in Birmingham was abandoned and the hall evacuated when a suspicious package was spotted.
It contained some new jokes.
25
I heard it was garlic bread..
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At least the 19 year old suspect had a sense of humour.
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Turned out it was a giant bag of laughs, with a flat battery.
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It must have been a huge relief for the audience to get out.
In more ways than one.
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Fatty is vying with Michael McIntyre as the most insipid, most bland, most outdated ‘comedian’…he’s hardly Doug Stanhope.
Doubtless some lame people like him, but they probably enjoy ‘Mrs Brown’s Boys’, look forward to going to Butlins and adhere to 20mph road signs.
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You know me so well Thomas😉
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I quite like Mrs. Brown’s Boys – good unpretentious honest filth masquerading as smut and innuendo. Knowing the DG and the Islington Guardian set hate it, makes it even funnier.
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it’s fecking shoiyt but fair play to you
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I can only ask, who cares? Don’t want my money? Do I look bothered?
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Couldn’t find the exclusion part in the BBC story, but the beeb doesn’t like that sort of thing..
Those quislings think a recently arrived Somalian Malteser head is as British as Shakespeare and dickens..
Couldn’t he just give his money away and save the people the pain of having to watch his tired act.. ave-it.
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Kaye is another chubby funster like Wes Streeting -he is nowhere near as good as he imagines he is. He is old fashioned and stolid He should be appearing in a working mens club doing a bit of patter and a tap dance. Streeting should be sweeping the stage.
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Cover chunky in garlic bread and pop him in your oven Unkle
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Know someone who was at the same college as this cunt. His recollection is that Kay spent most of his time “entertaining” people with routines he’d nicked from Bob Monkhouse.
Used to lke Phoenix Nights but that was an ensemble cast and had two other co-writers.
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yep, I understand the Kay created the characters whilst Dave Spikey and Neil Fitzmaurice created the humour.
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I’m getting the word ….💩
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Kays ok. Lives in his home town not the home counties. Doesnt play golf with Tarby, Brucie, Parky any of those cunts (where still breathing).
And, unlike 99% of today’s comics, is actually funny.
So, Kay or perhaps Pascoe, Love or any number of mincing wretches etc etc? No contest.
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My brother’s ex was from Bolton, she always used to indignantly exalt the place as exempt from criticism, make a joke about its residents at your peril. A peculiar chauvinism that revealed a dyed in the wool insecurity, no doubt founded in the fact her dad was an abusive wife beater who’d killed himself on the drink and her impoverished mother had smoked herself to death. It seemed to me that the people from Bolton (based on a survey of one) had some serious inadequacy issues.
This reminds me of the time that the divisively conceived “Slave Play” was given a run in the West End, and included performances that were scheduled under the abhorrent slogan “white out show”, where only “black” attendees were permitted, free to enjoy the show without labouring “under the white man’s gaze”. It of course forced the question who’s black and who’s white, and was ultimately banned under threat of drawing the darkies’ we’re more equal than others chip on their shoulder under legal scrutiny.
Anyway, a few musings, still pissed from last night tbh and the missus is dragging me to a house viewing. Really enjoying making estate agents sweat right now, house market crash coming, 100% nailed on, and making my own entertainment putting in 40% below asking price offers on overpriced dogshit just to watch the slimy fuckers sweat. Morning all.
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Christ I have no idea why that one went into moderation, I can’t be arsed wordsmithing the cunt to pander to WordPress’s woke sensitivities. Have a fucking word admin, can we get a new platform – how about Turdpress, it does what it says on the tin
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Where the fuck is Bolton? I expect they vote Labour, mostly. Not many Joos.
Good morning, everyone.
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Phoenix Nights was and still is very funny.
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I think knowing Peter, it’s all tongue in cheek about having a Bolton post code and people move around districts these days. When this Mancunian was living in London, I met a lovely lady from the Wanderers and nicknamed her Mrs Trotter. She still lives there since I moved again to the southeast coast and we still keep in touch.
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Sammy Snake 😂
https://youtu.be/YpclZV3P84k?si=fNVvpzFHUHYHEOzs
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It wasn’t nice was it, Norman, when Nat Lofthouse assaulted Harry Gregg at Wembley, who should’ve have been sent to prison instead. But that was the referee to blame. My sisters were at the match whilst I watched on a neighbour’s telly. Now the trotters are nowhere to be seen.
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Aye Sammy. Lofthouse was a right dirty bastard. Same goes for that cunt Peter McParland, twatting Ray Wood in the 1957 Cup Final.
My dad and my grandad were at the 57 and 58 finals.
A few Trotters crawled out of the woodwork when ‘Big Sam’ was manager. Him and that fat little noxious Scouse cunt Sammy Lee (little fucker). Their instant fans, gloryhunting and talking shite about ‘Super’ John ‘pisshead’ McGinlay, cross eyed elf Jason McAteer, and that other cunt, Mixu Pantyliner, or whatever he was called. Knobheads.
I recall playing them at Old Trafford, and the ferret fiddlers singing ‘Who needs Cantona? We’ve got David Lee!’
I’m still laughing about it to this day.🤣
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Oh yes, Norman. I remember watching the 1957 final in a friends house due to my poor family being unable to afford a set. Never shed a tear when McParland died. It’s good that the likes of Sammy fat cunt Lee wouldn’t be able to perform in today’s climate. Don Revie’s team of dirty bastards annoyed
me, especially the one I called gravel face because he was sent flying by a defender onto the dirt track. Could’ve been David Lee. The bastards won the league and went down the following season. What a laugh.
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There’s only about four white people left in Bolton.
So the majority of the audience will be paki’s.
Good morning 🌞👍
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Garlic Naan?
Garlic Naan!
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Your average Boltonian is a predictable beast, Jack.
Why do they all listen to Billy Ray Cyrus and/or Meat Loaf?
The sort of cunts who request ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ or ‘Bat Out Of Hell’ on New Years Eve.
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Norman@ Boltonistan is a fucking shithole.
Decades of Tory and Labour treachery.
Same as many other places.
Crawling with paki’s and other assorted vermin.
Good afternoon Norman 👍
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Kay should only be charging half price now he’s only half the weight he was. He might not even last the course and drop dead halfway through his act, which might please quite a few people.
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His entire act is ‘Remember that ad/crisps/pop from the 80s’. Pile of previously fat cuntshit.
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I’d like it if some comedians were raised from the dead and make me laugh about how tough it was during the last war when we had fuck all. The closest who came to that is Roy Chubby Brown and he’s on is last legs.
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His, let’s have it right.
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Agree, WokeUp.
Kay has made a fortune out of the everyday and mundane. My mum used to say ‘Put the big light on, Son’. My dad and my Uncle Billy had an aversion to what they saw as strange food. I remember my Uncle Billy moaning about Primula Cheese my Auntie Kath had bought. He thought it was toothpaste.
Thing is, Kay has made an entire career out of such things. They weren’t funny, never were. They were just things my parents and relatives used to say.
Just how many crap pop/taping the Top 40/Bullseye/skidding on floors/Rola Cola/big light and garlic bread ‘jokes’ can there be?
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Notice the camera always goes to the audience to try and make Kay’s jokes funnier, especially on his family.
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I’ve noticed that too Sammy
Usually some daft cow student type in ‘tears’ of uncontrolled laughter. He says ‘Oooh! Me old nana called Chicago Chick-A-Go!’ and the camera goes to some stupid cunt, acting like it’s the funniest thing of all time.
Shite of the highest order.
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I have been to Bolton twice, once in 1974 and once in 2024, trust me it’s not worth it.
Don’t Go!!
Peter Kaye only fans Bolton, the mind boggles
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I went there for a couple of training courses in the twenty-teens. Struck me how quiet the roads were at any time of day after being used to hacking round London.
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TRIPE.
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Seeing these are an all day affair. I thought I’d like to mention that Southampton fans should be allowed into a few matches for free from next season, after their clubs appalling illegal attempts to do anything to get what they want.
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So how come Pete can decide who can come to his shows, but if you don’t want bearded mental cases in dresses, in women only spaces, you are a transphobe.
Or endless inbred goat fuckers in your neighborhood, the fat,weak prime minister calls you a far right racist.
I mean phoenix nights was great, but having that amount of flex is unreal.
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No coincidence that Dave Spikey and Neil Fitzmaurice (both later ignored by Kay) co-wrote Phoenix Nights.
Everything else he’s done is predictable arse. Max and bastard Paddy, and that shit syrup drenched ending to Car Share.
Mind you, that little redhead from Car Share would have got a thorough forensic tonking.
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You’ve got to admit if you like to reminisce about the past, he’s the only one doing it. Nostalgia has always been a big thing in my life, especially with my love of classical music and the old black & white films.
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What about the Black and White Minstrels, Sammy? Mustard!
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How about a free for all later in the day, admin.
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I think it’s a great idea to restrict entry to the people of Bolton.
That way, I can’t even accidentally end up seeing the talentless prat.
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What’s with the new look weight loss Kay?
Mrs Norman nailed it, when she said to me ‘He looks like a deflated balloon.’
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Because we were so used to seeing his obesely frame, he now looks ill in his normal self.
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Apparently, Kay won’t deal with hecklers any more. No quick and witty put downs from the stage. Instead, he orders security enforcers to bodily chuck them out.
Any professional and decent comic can handle such a situation with ease. Bernard Manning (RIP) always used to.
Power to choose who actually sees him? Power to have punters thrown out? I wonder, is he going to wear a dictator’s uniform, like that big conked ex-Floyd horse faced antisemitic windbag, Roger Waters?
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Agreed, Norman. Bernard, who I’ve seen live a few times, was at a level others can only ever hope to reach.
I remember one winter night taking my then still at university son to watch a Rugby League international match. I put an old Bernard Manning recording on in the car and before I got out of our road my lad said to me, ‘Dad, you just can’t listen to something like this any more’.
I enlightened him a bit as to what Bernard was all about and told him to behave and to keep quiet. By the time we were out of our road he was listening intently and before we’d gone a mile he was laughing out loud. A few minutes of Bernard put nearly 20 years of woke education to the sword.
Peter Kay doesn’t come anywhere near Bernard. I find him predicable and tedious – and I’m Lancashire born and bred. Kay’s just a fat cunt whereas Bernard was a very funny fat cunt.
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Nah, disagree with both Norman & Isabel on the subject of hecklers.
Punters don’t pay their hard earned to listen to some ar$e hole in the audience disrupt a show. I’m with Kay on this one and they should just chuck ’em out (preferably with security having given the culprit a fat lip or bust nose whilst doing so).
The only exception I’d make for hecklers is for those astute punters who pelted Nish Kumar with breadrolls.
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I didn’t mention hecklers, Dickie, but agree that they disruptive and tedious smart-arsed cunts who deserve a good turfing out. Preferably on to rough concrete.
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I like Peter Kay.
pheonix Nights was great.
His mate McGuiness is a bit of a twat though.
Hes got some of the essential attributes for a comedian.
To be funny you have to be
1 fat
2 northern
3 wear a dicky bow
4 smoke.
not my rules,
the rules of the universe.
peters fust a bowtie and packet of Benson an Hedges from making it.
5
Fucking despise McGuinness and his staged northerner shit….
All that ‘Eh Flower’ ‘Dinny Donny Din Dons’ ‘Me an Thee’ crap.
And, the Greggs commercials and those holiday adverts (Boo-kin geniuses) are vomit inducing.
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Ain’t his ex wife a raging lesbian now.. sounds like paddy enjoyed those sausage rolls to much..
3
used to l9ve the comedians on telly in the70s.
Bernard, Colin Crompton, ken Goodwin, Charlie Williams etc.
proper stand ups whod honed their acts in workingmens clubs.
Not some woke little student cunt from university.
Never so much as smiled since that went off air.
5