T-shirts

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I have dozens of them.
They are separated into 2 categories.
Smart and expensive and smart and not so expensive.

I hope that doesn’t sound snobbish, but T-shirts are the things to wear year round in our climate, and if I am going to wear one in the evenings then I am willing to pay good money for them.

I won’t buy anything with obvious designer labels. I only buy solid coloured.
I don’t need the ego trip of showing what fashion house has supplied my clothes and I am certainly not going to advertise for them.

I have brought cheap ones in the past obviously, but they don’t last long before they become mis-shaped and discoloured.
They are then put to one side to wear when gardening or decorating.
Once they get more fucked they are resigned to be cut up for cleaning the car.

I will wear a T-shirt under a jacket, with tailored trousers and proper shoes when we go out at night.

I will wear a lesser quality one with chinos when going to work.

What I won’t wear is cheap crap, and that’s all we will see here as the weather gets warmer.

Rubbish, faded, old T-shirts stretched over fat tourist’s guts, complete with holes and stains from last night’s dinner.

People here go out to eat dressed like the cast of The Walking Dead.
It seems that whatever the season, once they land in Spain they feel that it’s mandatory to wear a T-shirt, shorts and flip flops.
The scruffy fuckers.

Worse than that are the slogan T-shirts.
These can either be ones with childish pictures on them, ones showing some rock bands tour from decades ago, ones in a football teams colours, often with a player’s name on the back who retired after being transferred to half a dozen teams since.

But what absolutely confirms the wearer as being a complete cunt are the T-shirts with pathetic messages on them.

“My mum went to Benidorm and all I got was this shirt”
“I’m with stupid” (with an arrow pointed to the left or right).
“World’s best grandad”.

The people that wear this shite think that they are wacky and interesting.
They are not.
They are cunts.

design hill

Nominated by the Artful Cunter.

61 thoughts on “T-shirts”

  1. My outfitter of choice is Tesco t-shirts at about a fiver a pop. Trousers are good too. Shoes are shit though.

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  2. What’s a t-shirt?

    No sorry, not even in warm weather.

    Short-sleeved, button-up cotton shirts for me, preferably in some gaudy, eye watering print that looks like it was woven by Guatemalan parrots!

    I don’t wear shorts, either, as my legs are not a pretty sight, and are best covered up.

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  4. Many successful people dress the same way every day and become style icons:

    Mark Zuckerberg – grey T-shirt
    Steve Jobs – black turtleneck
    Richard Branson – thick sweater
    Diane Abbott – mismatched shoes

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  5. Talking of rock band t-shirts. I reckon the Ramones must have sold more t-shirts than records over the years.
    Be it Sainsburys, Primark, HMV or independent retailers, they’ve all got them on the rails.
    Bearing in mind that most of those retailers aim at the 18-30 age bracket, it makes you wonder who the fuck is buying them.
    And I guarantee the vast majority of people wearing one have probably never heard a single song by them.
    Stupid cunts.

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    • ‘..And I guarantee the vast majority of people wearing one have probably never heard a single song by them.
      Stupid cunts.

      Lucky cunts, I’d more think…

      T-shirts, I’ve a large collection of the buggers in black, some decades old blackish ones, for those special occasions a kahki one, or a blue one.

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  6. I’ve got the official T-shirt for the film ‘Conspiracy of Silence’.

    But I’m not going to tell you where I got it.

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    • It doesn’t sound snobbish at all Artie.
      Frankly a tshirt twinned with a suit jacket makes you sound like Spains answer to Rab. C. Nesbitt.

      When not in my tuxedo my usual attire is tshirt( Motorhead)
      Jeans an rigger boots.

      None of my tshirts are smart casual though.

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      • I think that I am the only person in Spain that doesn’t own a pair of jeans or a pair of shorts MNC.

      • I would of thought shorts were essential in Spain Artie?

        I wear shorts in summer simply because when working i can overheat.
        My knackers like 2 boil in the bag new potatoes.

  7. I own numerous single coloured, unbranded T-shirts & just 1 with writing on the front:

    CHARLIE
    UNIFORM
    NOVEMBER
    TANGO

    …so by Artful’s standards, I am quite rightly a double-cunt.

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  9. There’s a rumour going around that Sir Quare liked to wear a Choose Life T-shirt whilst being bummed by his Ukrainian friends.
    Made him feel a bit George Michael.
    The dirty deviant.

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    • I’m hoping, FMC, that as well as having his arse battered by a Ukrainian rent boy, I hope he gets torn a new one in the Commons today. Fucking field day for all & sundry 🤞🏻

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      • I hope so too, SG.
        Although I think he’ll wriggle out of this one, for now at least.

      • True enough, but it’ll underline exactly how much of a hypocritical, clueless cunt he is. He’s fooling no-one & on borrowed time.

      • I think we are all hoping for that but if he goes who do we get:
        A) Angela Rayner, who apart from avoiding £40grand of stamp duty, abandoned her handicapped child and removed £150thou from his NHS provided trust fund which was meant to help with his care.
        B) Ed Milliband whose sole political achievement was stabbing his brother in the back to the detriment of his party and country.
        C) Wes Streeting – Responsible for inflationary pay rises in the NHS and the worst medical outcomes in the developed world.
        D) David Lammy – God help us all.
        E) Lisa Nandy – Super boobies, my personal choice.

      • There seems to be a growing belief that the cunt has threatened to dissolve Parliament and call a General Election if his MPs flush him down the sewer. Whereupon most will lose their cushy sinecures.

        If no one tries to get rid it’s a racing certainty that’s exactly what has happened. We’ll see.

  10. Clothes maketh the man…

    But im never comfortable when dressed up.
    The only concession to getting dolled up i make now are some Wrangler western shirts i ordered from the states.

    Yanks have some good clothes.

    I have a Carhartt waistcoat made from duck canvas.
    Its fuckin bombproof.
    Impervious to thorns,
    Warm, water resistant,
    Its great.
    Last forever.

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  11. Mrs Cunter once worked for a property company here.
    They would advertise at various overseas property exhibitions in the UK.

    They would pay for the prospective buyers to fly here for 3 days and view properties.
    Included in the deal was a stay at a 3 or 4 star hotel and all meals.

    After showing the punters properties all day the reps would accompany them to pre-booked restaurants for dinner.

    These restaurants were always a good standard.
    A cut above the usual tourist places.

    The clients would turn up at the airports to be met by their allocated reps.
    Often a couple, and sometimes a whole family would arrive with no luggage.

    They would be wearing shorts, sandals and a scruffy T-shirt and they would wear the same clothes for the entire stay.

    Even though it was quite obvious that the cunts were only here for a free mini holiday and had no intention or means to buy a house, they all had to be looked after for their trip.

    Mrs Cunter would often come home late in the evening and race to the shower, telling me how much the bastards stink.

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    • Brave lady, Artful, mingling with that kind of filth.
      I fucking recoil from British cunts whilst on any foreign holiday & deliberately choose expensive spots where the scum & detritus don’t go. This started many years ago when I was unfortunate to be sitting in a restaurant with some brummie accented cunt behind us talking loudly about some relative who was in nick, how he’d got there & what he was up to inside, for fuck’s sake! Cunt also made zero effort to speak even a smidgin of the lingo (Greek.) I don’t profess to be fluent, but ‘please’, ‘thank you’ & the odd phrase isn’t so hard. Lazy cunts.

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  12. I’ve a bunch of frayed neck t-shirts I will wear day in day out for weeks, from morn till night and stink to high heaven. Then I might change into a clean one if I’m going somewhere. All worn under shirts that compete with the pong.

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    • Hopefully not the same ones for the entire time Sir Mali.

      You probably have this in Jaén……

      Our hospitals don’t cater for foreigners who can’t speak Spanish.
      They refuse to speak to them.

      If you can’t speak the language and you don’t have an interpretator then you can fuck off.

      The exception to the Spanish only rule are the many signs in the hospitals that say, in several languages, “If you are going to be examined or have any sort of procedure carried out, will you please shower before you arrive”.

      You wouldn’t think that people would need telling, but they do.

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      • I have at least 3 full sets so no worries.
        The non Spanish speaking Brits round here really piss me off, can’t even read a menu, ordering polo does make me laugh.
        I was talking to someone in a bar last week who had lived on the coast before moving to our area 5 years ago. He told me he didn’t like the town he was living in and they were moving. I asked why and he said no one speaks English there. I nearly fell off my stool.

      • It’s bizarre isn’t it Sir Mali.

        There are urbanisations all over Spain where every street is named on a theme.

        It could be famous composers, artists, trees, flowers, herbs or any other theme.

        We have one golf course where every street is named after a different fish.

        So we get Calle Lubina, Avenida Limonar, Carrer Nabuco, for instance.

        The people that actually live in these roads, especially the English, have no idea what their street name means.

        You would think that people would have the curiosity to find out.

      • I had the pleasure of going to campasol last year for an RBL do. Wow, what an experience. I will say though that I did have a few pints of very nice Stella in a bar there. Can’t get that anywhere near me but the Indian was crap, my Mrs does much nicer so can’t complain, my nearest Indian restaurant is 100 Kms away

      • Carrying on from the foreigners that mis pronounce Pollo (chicken).

        It’s even more amusing when a foreigner tries to speak Spanish and gets the gender wrong.

        Asking a waiter for la polla brings a smile to everyone’s face.

        Polla is slang for someone’s cock.

        Year’s ago Mrs Cunter made the mistake of ordering a bedside table with cojones (bollocks).
        She wanted one with cajones (drawers).

  14. I used to enjoy wet t-shirt competitions until the Fun Police made them illegal.

    In fact they should be mandatory again,cheer right minded gentlemen up no end,despite the gathering storm of rocketing food prices,fuel prices and a dose of inflation across the board.

    Just imagine the Chancellor in a wet t-shirt!!

    Enough to give Starmer wood..

    Then again,maybe not.

    The cunt.

    Good morning.

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  15. I take great pride in my retro t-shirt collection.

    The ones that get noticed are the 1996 Roskilde festival ‘crew’ t-shirt.
    The 1997 Roskilde festival t-Shirt.
    The tie dye shirts I bout in Dahab in 1993

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  16. Starmer will be wearing a designer t shirt soon with the slogan

    I was fucked by Mandy

    Lord Ali is probably having it printed as I type.

    I have T shirts and shorts and trainers, I used to look ok 20/30 years ago, not so much now 😂

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  17. Wearing a t shirt with a jacket is a sure sign of moral decay.

    Also a sign of being ideologically unsound.

    One should always wear a shirt and tie with a jacket.

    Or a crew or roll neck jumper.

    I always used to advise the kids that if they were ever approached by a ruffian, to shout for a policeman or run to someone wearing a collar and tie.

    It’s infallible….
    https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/135725267368?_ul=GB&rb_itemId=135725267368&rb_pgeo=GB&var=435052669376&ff=11&mkevt=1&mkcid=1&mkrid=710-53481-19255-0&campid=5339059258&toolid=10044&customid=CjwKCAjwnZfPBhAGEiwAzg-VzHTzaszVpT76ntqyF1pJClRSzFQmhKElsVB4E4yGJqVIDJMy6pfFFBoCbJQQAvD_BwE&gclid=CjwKCAjwnZfPBhAGEiwAzg-VzHTzaszVpT76ntqyF1pJClRSzFQmhKElsVB4E4yGJqVIDJMy6pfFFBoCbJQQAvD_BwE&wbraid=CkEKCQjw-pHPBhClARIwAI92vqNz1KkZeNfRbz2kz5GEHZf-sP_Bi12Y8cWJEblQwPq94H7hORSI4Jf5z0RdGgLafw&gbraid=0AAAAADA7Q_K41DZHXWhnxv92jvIfP-xYX&adtype=pla&loc_physical_ms=1006886&loc_interest_ms=&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20506529405&gbraid=0AAAAADA7Q_K41DZHXWhnxv92jvIfP-xYX

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  18. My mate prints my tshirts.
    Can have pretty much anything i want.

    My favourites are

    Motorhead Stockport

    Led bloody zeppelin thats who!

    Faded, bit tatty, but comfortable.

    Available in all colours long as its black.

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    • I wouldnt mind a safari suit.

      Roger Moore was fond of them.

      Thats what Id wear in Spain for going out dining.

      “egg n chips for two manuel”

      Id urbanely say,
      The locals thinking im 007.

      But a sombrero on the beach to protect my bald nut.

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  20. Step change in my attire on retirement. Always a suit, collar and tie at work. Now jeans and t-shirt practically all the time. Never shorts. I wouldn’t inflict the sight of my sparrow legs upon the world.

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    • My apologies Jack.

      Chinos are far better than the torn up jeans that the younger people like wearing nowadays.

      They look like they have survived a bear attack.

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      • Just to add to your outrage Jack.

        In addition to a smart T-shirt under a tailored jacket I will also wear one of several fedoras that I own.

        Made with Ecuadorian straw by Borsalino, obviously.

    • Know what i want?

      A sheepskin jacket like Brian Dennehy wore in Rambo.

      Old school with big lapels an open seams.

      Ive got a flying jacket,
      But every cunts got them.
      No,
      A proper Marlboro man sheepskin!

      But no one in the uk makes em anymore.
      Like everything manufactured in the UK its a dead duck.

      Somerset used to make brilliant sheepskin coats,
      Particularly Baileys,
      But now all they can manage is fuckin slippers.

      Probably have to get one from that America?

      , Tariffs on it🙁

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