Apparently CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) is sexist
It would seems a lot of women have cardiac arrests, but members of the public trained in CPR are put off helping because the mannekins they are trained on don’t have tits, so they are now calling for more of them to have tits to practice on.
‘New figures show women are less likely than men to receive bystander CPR as many “feel unsure about touching a woman’s chest”, an ambulance service has revealed’
I suspect this really isn’t about not being familiar with a bra and tits being there, but more to the point the ‘patient’ should they survive accusing you of ‘copping a feel’ and getting taken to court, and bystanders thinking you are doing something pervy, videoing it and putting it online, and still ending up in court. However, I am quite happy to ‘give it a go’ even if I haven’t been trained…any excuse to feel some tits!
Order your very own Sophie here: Amazon.com (You’re welcome – NA)
(Linked fixed as fucking Amazon changed the original. Enjoy! – NA)
Nominated by : Chuff Chugger
Sounds like a job for the dentally challenged hypnotit Dave Paulden.
13
Instead of Zack Polanski, manky-ttoth cunt Paulden ought to have changed his name to Mohammed Iqbal for maximum efficiency.
It won’t be long before he’s outed for doing something appalling to a young lady, probably under hypnosis.
Morning GT/all.
15
Given that he’s a bumder, I’d hazard a guess that it’d be dressing her up as a teenage boy & doing her up the shitter?
15
He’s a puff, Thomas.
Most likely be accused and convicted of buggering little boys.
His hard drive wants checking either way.
14
Ban him
4
I’ve done CPR training on a titted mannequin, which the instructor explained in exactly the terms in the nom, but the men in the group raised the potential pitfalls of having to basically get a woman’s tits out to do CPR. The instructor was saying it won’t matter, you just have to get on with it, but my view is that in this day & age there’s a good chance it might.
Looking at a woman in the wrong way nowadays can get you sacked, so if men aren’t resuscitating women through fear of being called out for it, then tough shit, you reap what you fuckin sow.
11
To practice CPR I have a life sized model similar to the young lady pictured in the nom.
To add to the reality, mine has dark hair, a 10 speed vibrating vagina and a expanding, sucking mouth.
I keep it in the shed.
I practice my technique when Mrs Cunter is out shopping or away for a few days.
10
I don’t suppose you have the make and model?
Asking for Thomas. Obviously.
8
Get yourself over to http://www.RealDoll.com, Odin 🤣
5
I thought initially reading this, that Mr Engine had hacked Mr Cunters account…
3
Is that the one with real hair and latex mouth? Asking for a friend (he wants to know if there’s an owners club or something.)
6
That is exactly the type of mennequin that first aiders should be training on, AC.
After all, if you were applying CPR on a fit bird in real life and you failed to save her it would be a shame to waste the opportunity, wouldn’t it?
5
I’d be curious to know what % of female heart attack victims are young, pert, glamour models, vs the proportion that are fifty-plus chain smoking tubs of lard with tits like John Wayne’s saddle bags.
With apologies for the extreme sexism of the above remark 😂
13
Fantasy v. reality, Dave.
What’s sexist about this is the assumption that there wouldn’t be a woman trained in CPR around.
Both my daughters know how to do this, whereas I wouldn’t have a clue.
8
Both of them but not you eh Jeezum? HaHa! Same here I’m afraid.
Don’t hear much from you these days. How’s Dexter? How’s the house hunting going?
4
Morning arfur.
I’m very sorry to have to tell you that Dexter is no longer with me.
After spending the equivalent of a small second hand car on vet visits, antibiotics, dental extractions, etc, some genius at the vets decided to x-ray his skull. Turns out the poor lad had a tumour in his nasal cavity, and the bones in his head were already showing signs of spread.
So, being a responsible pet owner I had him put to sleep, and I hope he forgave me for all those weeks of proding and poking that I subjected him to.
5
House hunting seems to have stalled somewhat, but is still on the agenda.
2
Sorry to hear about Dexter Jeezum, but no-one could say you didn’t do your best for him. It’s the inevitable if you choose to keep dogs or cats, ten to fifteen years if you are lucky. Over the years we’ve seen off nine and I think our present one who is ten is in his closing days now. He used to run at an amazing rate and climb 6′ fences in one bound but no more.
As for houses, our elder has been in the throes of buying one for months now. She and the seller are dead keen to complete but my belief is it’s the lawyers pedalling it along to justify their exorbitant fees. We are already taking the piss by calling her a TQ9er. She’s moving to Totnes you see, where the crazy folks come from, post code TQ9. In fact only last week they had a woman booked in for surgery who has asked them to reschedule the appointment because the date they gave her falls on the wrong phase of the moon. The woman lives in Totnes.
2
That’s the thing Dave, in my experience a majority of the 50plus chain smoking sacks of shite are the ones that are gonna complain about the inappropriateness of it all…. Especially the ones with pink/purple hair and neck areas festooned with lanyards…
6
I think that the trouble may be that there are so many trannies around.
If a ‘woman’ were to have a heart attack near you, you would have to decide if it’s a horrendously ugly female or a mad bloke in a frock.
Best not to take the chance and simply let it die.
Of course real women could wear a bra embroidered with ‘real woman’ to help out any gentleman.
You rip open their blouse and get the message.
But trannies can be sneaky.
Don’t be fooled.
Just walk away.
9
Why would i practice CPR on anyone?
Fuck em.
5
Plenty of heart attacks waiting to happen, when filling up at the petrol station.. yesterday I saw diesel at 199.9.
Go on make it a round two pound you grasping cunts..
I hope to be in attendance when two dinners lammys, overworked, fat, heart finally explodes..
5
What if the person in need of CPR is a Muslim woman in full head-to-toe clothing? Just imagine the minefield of potential prosecution you could face for trying to help her once the family smell the potential avenues for compensation. Not to mention potentially being murdered by one of the males. And that’s if you actually manage to save her.
9
Muslims dont have the same physiology as us.
The heart is located in the throat.
Step on the neck and push,
Keeping pressure on,
One missisippi
Two missisippi
Three missisippi.
Then piss in their mouth.
14
‘Then piss in their mouth’
…& shove a couple of rashers of bacon in after, Mis?
7
@truth….’walk on by’ 🎶 would be my song of choice…simples 👍
6
Those cunts believe in ‘God’s will’, so let their fairytale magician sort it out for em, assuming he’s not to busy shagging underage white girls.
8
Those CPR dolls tend not to have arms an legs,
Never mind a decent set of knockers.
Thalidomides.
Whod want to save them?!
Leave em.
Its a kindness.
4
Would you cpr an ethnic.?
Or see it as an opportunity to reduce the colonization …🤔
7
Cpr Sophie 2000 looks ok for practice though..😁
5
Apply a defibrillator to his gonads.
It might save a few white girls from getting raped in future.
5
I would think it my lucky day, Doctor Syntax, to see a black cunt lying there in distress and probably give the twat a piece of my mind.
4
👍
4
I would be worried about doing more harm to women by pressing down on their chests than anything else. But I’m sure it wouldn’t occur in an emergency and automatically go to their aid.
One thing I wouldn’t do is give another bloke mouth to mouth. I’d walk on and think he’s probably a misogynist to put my mind at rest.
3
Also what would ease my mind is walking on if any big fat cunt was lying there and think they don’t deserve help for bringing it upon themselves.
3
I thought mouth to mouth resuscitation wasn’t practiced nowadays? Imagine returning to consciousness only to find the face of some buck toothed monster like Polanski moving in for a slobbery bit of tongue action 🤢 That would get the heart going alright.
Performing the kiss of life on the vagina is still standard practice though I believe. Perhaps others with training in this field could confirm?
5
To tell you the truth, Truth Master, I’d go straight for the snatch and spend ages on it until I hear groaning coming from up top. I think that should be standard practice in future.
4
Only for stopped hearts, for choking the best solution is clearing the airway, it can be a challenge to get hard as someone chokes to death but it really is of upmost importance to get an erection and clear the airway urgently.
3
The only Sophie I’d like to interfere with is lantern-jawed horn monster Sophie Ellis-Bextor.
If she has bum failure, I’ll kickstart her ringpiece for her by injecting my special life-giving fluid deep inside her bowels.
5
Sophie EB….. She does give me the horn, in a long legged moon-face kind of way. I suspect she does enjoy some good old anal fun, most tall birds do in my experience.
Mind you I wanted myself senseless as a young-un fantasising over her mother off Blue Peter and Maggie Philbeam off the Multi-Coulored Swap Shop going at it hammer and tongues….
4
On further thought, women’s breasts tend to lie side to side especially if they are large and go for the middle,
2
Again, if a bloke was lying there I don’t like the look of, I’d have a quick look round to make sure no one’s looking and give the cunt a swift kick in the bollocks.
3
Many year’s ago I was on holiday in Phuket.
The hotel boasted the biggest swimming pool in Asia, and it was fucking huge.
Many of the guest rooms overlooking it.
I went for a walk early one morning and saw a young boy, no more than 10 year’s old, floating face down in the pool.
Still clothed, I jumped in and pulled him out.
He wasn’t breathing.
Without really knowing what the fuck I was doing, I gave him CPR like I had seen on the telly.
Guests overlooking the pool were out on their terraces, probably alerted by the noise of me jumping in.
I was working on the kid for a few minutes when his panicking Thai parents turned up.
After another few minutes, which felt like an hour, the kid coughed and came round.
Just like on the telly.
I expected a medal or at least a free holiday for my heroic efforts.
All I got was a thank you from his mum.
5
You saved a life..👍
6
You should have been offered the pick of the Fuck-it bar girls as a nice thank you 👍
3
I won’t go back there Sick of it, too many of my favourite places were destroyed in the tsunami, including the hotel I believe.
However, if I were to go back it wouldn’t surprise me if the young boy that I saved wasn’t now a ‘girl’ working in a saucy bar.
They are a strange lot.
4
Well your lucky to get that.
I saved a kid from drowning in a crete swimming pool Artie.
Didnt give him CPR,
Im not Huw Edwards!
But hauled him out of the pool where he lay scriking and coughing up water.
His parents didnt even thank me.
0
10 out of 10 for the header pic
She would have to wait until I had finished my wank before I could start CPR.
When I had my training for this procedure over the years the philosophy changed from the breaths and compressions to just compressions.
Fact from the instructor, CPR gives a one in 10 chance of survival, Defibrillator gives 50 % and the modern ones don’t work if the heart is in normal rhythm so you can’t go wrong.
Starting CPR, keep going until help arrives or until you are physically unable to carry on, right back to the header pic …..
4
It’s breaths as well again now SOI. Did refresher training a few weeks back & it’s AED, breaths & compressions, 30-2 if you’re trained.
2
Good afternoon TSG, it’s been at least 10 years since I had emergency aid training.
I would definitely go with breaths on something like the header pic, even if she was breathing normally 😉
1
I can remember doing first aid training in my cadet days back in the early 80s, and even then the instructor was warning us impressionable young lads of the risks of being accused of sexual assault when CPRing a woman. Try and have a witness handy was the advice as I recall. Didn’t strike me as very practical.
3
I despair 🤦♂️.Go woke go broke
4
If another black cunt was lying there, I’d be in a blind panic looking for a green waste bin to chuck the bastard in.
3
It won’t matter when all women are forced by law to wear those pakí bedsheets “garments..
By the time the first aider has got through all those layers of black canvas or whatever the woman will be long dead.
Good morning.
4
Morning UT…much like what’s under a Scotsman’s kilt, ehat do you reckon these muzzıe bitches wear under their black tents which’d be revealed if they stood, Marilyn Monroe-style, over a grate blowing hot air?
I reckon long Union Jack bloomers.
7
Well Mr Cunt Engine I think they wear those swaddling undercrackers made popular by everyone’s favourite dead pacifist Gandhi.
A huge hairy beaver would also be law.
Dear me.
Your very good health sir.
2
Tenapads
1
I mostly enjoy taking the piss on here, but truthfully I’d be useless at CPR
1
…. sorry, due to my rheumatoid arthritis. I can’t open my hands properly besides not being able to bend my wrists.
15
Howd you have a wank then Sammy?
1
For ladies of a certain age you can just say you were giving them a foot massage
3
Young women collapsed on Baker Street platform 1, limped as fast as I could too render assistance, couldn’t get near her as a swarm of ethnic doctors was assisting. Horrible fucking nightmare, had the shakes for hours. What type of shithole are we becoming?
5
We are sinking fast 😞
1
I wonder if – in the interests of education – Lisa Nandy and Emily Thornberry would allow their generous knockers to be used in a “how to” film, produced by Boggs Pornographic Film Productions (Taiwan) Ltd. Nothing too way out – just the pair of them naked except for green Wellington boots laying there looking wanton?. If it would make them feel better we could always issue them on our Spankie Wankie label, which you probably know is used for “educational” productions.
3
O/T, VOTE REFORM, get this..!
https://youtube.com/shorts/BNhvFFpYZ0o?si=4Fi-Z0QiwpDDjJNn
3
VOTE RESTORE..!
3
An excellent prescription. Thanks Doc.
0
Was there a white man in there, was there a white man in the areas anyway 😂
0