I suppose it had to happen. The ex footballer, turned knicker model, turned international playboy with a taste for underweight tarts, and self-titled father of the year – any year, has now, with far too much time and money on his hands, decided to become a farmer. Or at least he likes to grow broad beans in his weekend home back garden and pose in tweeds and shepherds crook. This has impressed the formerly tasteful magazine Country Life to employ him (for one week only) as “guest editor”. Apparently it has taken them the best part of a year to bring out the issue – no wonder, I daresay Dave is yet to master using all the crayons in his kit.
The tosh they have written about them is as sickening as his posing. The author of the deathless pose clearly fancies him. He or she gushes as Dave bends down to puck some berans and offer them to the assembled crew.
In reality this over-tattooed elderly poser probably has staff that run his “farm” or market garden (at best) -more likely a couple of rows of beans behind the dahlias and lobelia.
No wonder his eldest son wants nothing to do with him – probably the result of years of having to indulge his various delusions – not least that he is a good father – that has sickened and embarrassed the lad, like this latest improbable stunt. He says the countryside matters to him – publicity matters to the old hasbeen even more.
Nominated by : W. C. Boggs
Clicked on country life and found nothing there. Then realised it was a scan of his brain.
5
You can just hear his missus ‘Skeletor’ in the background: “Ere! Dave! Why not buy a farm and pretend to work the land at weekends! It’s proper popular at the moment”.
7
Shouldn`t that be “Cuntry Life”?
9
Growing extraordinarily high quality organic cannabis and magic mushrooms is far more involved than growing broad beans but I didn’t get the offer of an interview with Country Life.
I’m much more a horticulturalist and mycologist than this squeaky-voiced simpleton.
It’s favouritism, I tells ya!
(probably the less said about making DMT the better, eh Odin?!)
5
Afternoon Thomas. I have a bunch of spare seeds if you are looking to prepare for next year in the horti-fucking-culture stakes.
All good houses and strains and all feminised.
Let me know and I’ll send them over.
1
Thanks…much appreciated, but I have a decent seed bank myself.
And Admin would, understandably, throw a wobbler if anyone revealed their privatr details!
Jesus, when I think about some of the shit I’ve posted on here over the years! Imagine being exposed!
3
I was thinking more along the lines of Admin giving you my email address. 😂
Had a great harvest this year, which should see us through to next October. 😁
1
I asked Admin to give a cunter my email a couple of years back…’twas a big NO!
2
I actually had an opportunity years ago to get some ‘grow your own DMT from Christiania
Am I right in thinking it kind of looks like wheat grains with chaff in its ungrown form?
1
Not how I did it. I got powdered tree bark (Mimosa Hostilis tree, grows in the Amazon) and used various chemicals to extract and reverse the liquid’s polarity…takes a few hours then you’re left with an off-white syrup which goes into the freezer for a couple of days to crystalise.
1
Farming is hard work.
Hes only ever kicked a football around.
Dont remember him sticking up for farmers?
Or having a interest in rural lifestyles?
Probably just a excuse to swan about it thousand pound wellies and a 400 quid flatcap.
Once hes got pigshit splashed on him hell run sobbing to his Skellington wife.
Ive seen ya.
at Crow Crag.
Prancing like a tit.
You need working on boy.
https://youtu.be/NqMNC_RzOsI?si=Xjq6ONGBfynbxn_T
7
Its the obvious way to get away from the Misses, Mis.
4
I see you started off with a spade. There’s no blacks on my land came the reply.
6
I wonder if Dave tries to catch the animals talking to each other like in Animal Farm?
I’d write ‘Four legs good, two legs bad’ on the side of a barn. This is assuming he has read the book though more likely watched the film.
5
In cartoon form, otherwise he wouldn’t understand it.
2
There’s no program on telly that wouldn’t be improved no end by getting Harvey Price to snort half a gram of coke and go rampaging through it, his mother’s 3-day worn knickers clamped to his cuddly face with some elastic bands, especially ‘Strictly’, ‘Antiques Roadshow’ or ‘Beckham’s Farm’.
6
Or Countryfile where Harvey corners John Craven and violates him with the Countryfile Calendar.
6
I started to read the link article while it was on the nom page.
Concentrated sycophancy.
HE – if he had any shame – should be embarrassed by that article ; something so sugar-coatedly fawning cannot contain a hint of objectiveism. 🤮
Bet he fuckin’ LOVED it.
🎵’Oh lord it’s so hard to be humble.. When you’re perfect in every way …
I can’t wait to look in the mirror
Cause I get better lookin’ each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man
Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble
But I’m doin’ the best that I can’
***
Point of order ; The cunt that wrote the article is *also* a cunt.
4
Totally agree – she (or he, perhaps a poof who fancies him) sounds like one of those BBC Royal correspondents. “Just imagine, Sir David risking get him some dirt on his fingers while he picks one of his beans”. To be that human, when he is a God, showing us his nurturing side when we should rather be in a pit of our own filth than walk in his stead.
He is a halfwit who has been indulged all his adult life, and now reminds you of one of those witless Hollywood tarts whose every word is hung on to as if they were a sage. Dave is probably a sage as well, all he needs do is get with some onion and get stuffed.
3
Morning Cuntemall…what’s the betting that dullard Dave didn’t give a rat’s arse about a knighthood and it was all the boney bitch’s pushing so she could be referred to as ‘Lady Beckham’.
Well ‘Sir’ Dave, you’re in exalted company…Blair, Khan, ϟϟtarmer and Savile. All knights and all deserve to be burned at the stake.
5
Ayup, T!, (as David probably says now …)
“Does the farming angle not remind Lady V about the whole Rececca Loos affair(affair)”?, a decent journo would have asked…. ; watch the nasally cunt squirm and shit himself some before remembering to phone his super injunction guy…
2
Loos was filth back in thr day. Hopefully he took full advantage of her botty.
Much better than that miserable bag of bones Victoria.
3
Fucking farmer, bollocks to that. What is this cunt now a sir about. Why not just have a laugh and spend some of your money. Indulge in expensive cars or something but please don’t indulge in pretend farming it’s really cuntish Dave.
Back in the 1970’s that part of the Cotswold was like fucking paradise for a suburban boy like me. Now it appears to be mega cunt central, I won’t bother retracing my youthful steps don’t want to run in to any of the fucktards who’ve moved there. Bloody sad but sign of the times I suppose.
3
Didn’t he fuck his au pair who then went on to wank a pig off on some reality t.v show?
Ah yes,he we are..
https://www.google.com/amp/s/metro.co.uk/2023/10/04/rebecca-loos-the-farm-pig-david-beckham-netflix-affair-victoria-19602753/amp/
Dear me,what cunts indeed.
6
Don’t know how he’s contained himself all these years, being taken for a scapegoat of a simpleton. Unless he’s a genuine thick cunt and doesn’t realise it.
4
Maybe the large amount of money he has access to shelters him from the bricks people obviously jealous of his marriage to duff spice hurl at him. Or he has a thicker than normal skin. Or like me couldn’t give a fuck. Or he’s just thick, play farmer fuck off
2
Warning minority view approaches.
I quite like the fella.
1
…. I mean, where the fuck is the objectivity?
From the header, no less …
‘It makes me feel as if I’ve done a good job as a father…’
… *should* have been met with questions about having an estranged son … ; as they say in court , he ‘opened the door’ to that line of enquiry with his self praise on the matter.
Meanwhile Sydney Sweeney faced a two-faced cunt of a hostile interviewer recently and handled it SO well … PJW’s narration of the event is quite helpful in this instance …
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pe2J-UddGh0&pp=ygUScGF1bCBqb3NlcGggd2F0c29u
3
This farming malarkey might be a ploy and he’s come to his senses by burying the whole family on his land.
2
I’ve never quite understood why he’s never thought of having elocution lessons ? Unless its because of being a thick cunt and wouldn’t have anything intelligible to say.
1
I found a cut excerpt from the original full interview.
‘David had a glow about him. .. he always does, but there was just a hint of something extra – if you could imagine there was room for anything more heartwarming ; I just .. I just HAD to ask why he was wmanating this extra loveliness there and then….
And he replied to my enquiry with that lovable humbleness and shyness that is part of the reason anyone who ever heard of David Beckham, letalone had the honour to be in his presence – like me – just cannot fail to be lifted up by the experience.
It turns out Lady Beckham had had one of the staff go to Harrods the previous day and buy David a little gift which another servant had handed him only a few hours earlier…. A diamond encrusted large thermos flask.
‘I didn’t not know what a fermos is’, he told me in his delightfully innocent way … but I wos told it is for when you bring something from home to have as elevenses. ‘The butler said it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold’, David continued in his mesmerising, lovely tone …
I gushingly asked him what he had brought in it for its first use ever…
And with his unfaltering lovely, wonderful mouth he told me.
‘A 20 oz. coffee and a couple of Cornetto’s’
God bless him.
3
Apparently I’m the same as Dave :
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rad+dad
Only without the money and farm and a big house in Great Tew..!
6
Santa Maria!!! Is there no end to this arse twitching unctuous crawling? I am so pissed of with all this shit, what can I do? Get pissed and hurl abuse at the cunts on the idiot box again.
See G linerkunt left the BBC and it’s disappearing up its own arse.
3
At least there’s one thing he can be proud of is coming up from the United youth ranks of mostly northern ladies and winning trophies the way they should be won. We will never see the likes again. All you’ll get now until the end of time is none of the culture but foreign muck bought with expense. I’m proud of country cricket not selling its soul to the devil.
2
Is that designer (made to look a bit rural) jumper Lincoln Green
Years ago I went to work one day in dark blue denim jeans and a lighter blue denim shirt, I got comments ‘oh David Beckham double denim’
Never been so embarrassed in my life 😂
4
Is that lady Vic he’s got his arm on..?
7
Which Spice Girl would cunters like to have had a go on 20 years ago?
Ginger for me…utter filth and she looked kinda…juicy.
4
Same.
But while i drowned her in a bucket.
4
With Mel B I would just be imagining her from Bo’ Selecta! saying “Ooooh, crab paste!”.
4
Menage a trois with the fat titted ginger and the fat titted macaroon..
Goodness what a disgrace indeed.
2
I would have liked to bounce the baby on my winkie 😂
1
Plenty of these celeb types are getting into farming.
Notably permed Jeremy Clarkson.
But also vinnie Jones
And Kelvin Fletcher.
They give it a go, fair play to them.
But ive never heard any of them condemn this governments play to seize farm land, building on greenbelt or dumping of dinghy scum in small rural villages.
And theyve the money to get out of trouble,
And other career options rather than hanging themselves in the barn.
But if i had the money id do exactly the same.
Buy land.
4
And not forgetting Stephen Hawking…here he is piloting his ATV offroad tractorchair:
https://share.google/ljfV6Cei9GrbmS7gB
Safe pic.
3
Dead right, Mis.
They’re certainly not making any more of it.
3
Fucking pikeys do…!
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15270127/Stockbroker-millionaires-travellers-Tarmac-planning-permission-caravans.html
3
ALL CREATURES THICK AND THIN
The ever popular tales of a veterinary practice in the Yorkshire Dales returns to the BBC for a new series.
In Episode 1 Siegfried Farnon deworms Mrs Pumphrey’s Tricki Woo.
Meanwhile James Herriot is called out by farmer David Beckham to examine his cow Skellington. Sadly the animal is emaciated and has Mad Cow Disease. However the programme ends on a happy note once the skinny cow has been culled and farmer David can go back to admiring himself in his underpants in front of the mirror.
6
Bet hes never even backrogered a sheep.
I win that Lottery?
Im buying a farm.
An ill name it Jollity.
Ps
You trespass?
Ill blow your fuckin head off and feed you to the pigs.
https://youtu.be/VwksszrDYNw?si=FDwyCjYiZl6Qj8IZ
2
At approximately 26 acres the farm is actually the gardens of his whacking great posh house. The grounds also include a football pitch, lake, swimming pool and traditional Estonian sauna.
As far as I can find out the 1400 acres of land belonging to the estate are leased out.
I don’t have a problem with him, working class lad done good. His ungrateful cunt son wants to remember how he ended up marrying a billionaires daughter.
We really don’t like to see people make it in this country do we? Sure he doesn’t give a fuck what we think.
2
Sixdog@
I certainly dont like to see people make it.
And the working class can get fucked.
The scruffy bunch of cunts.
Long as theyve got fireworks and Gogglebox theyre content with theyre lot.
We need another war.
Get them off the xbox and into the front line.
Ps
Any they eat with their mouths open.
3
Didnt his ex knock-off wank a pig? On telly?
I can see where he’s coming from.
3
How does his flat cap wearability rate? These celeb types always look like cunts in tweed. Remember when Guy Ritchie and Madonna were lording it up and dressed head to toe in Dick Fiddlers cast offs?
3
Flatcap wearability?
He looks like Andy Capp with AIDs.
2
My childhood was spent growing up in a small Cornish farming village, everyone knew you and all helped each other out at harvest time, local butcher made sausages while you waited and asked how thick you wanted your baked sliced, village milk delivered straight to your door
I went back to visit recently, pub full of posh twats in Bellstaff hats and green wellies with their brand new Landrover Sport HSE’s parked outside, think they are farmers because they own a field their bungalow is built in.
That is this Beckham twat
4
‘baked’… Bacon.
Cunt phone.
2
Oh oh do the oki coki…🎵
BBC News – Second migrant sent to France returns to the UK
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c5y4ez53x7do
4
“Anyone looking to return to the UK after being removed under the UK-France agreement is wasting their time and money,” the spokesperson said.
THEIR money? 🤔
Also no clarification if that’s now going to be ‘2 out 2 in’ , or ‘2 out 4 in’
And ; as already o/t re:recent cunted behaviour by cunts …
“President Trump has sent a letter to the BBC, threatening legal action”
https://www.bbc.com/news/live/cd9kqz1yyxkt
3
Booyakasha!!!
Easy now.
DJ and possible rapist Tim Westwood has been released from prison on bail.
Westside🤟🫳
Hes facing numerous charges of rape and sexual assaults.
Strangely all against sooty types.
Piccaninny pin ups.
He was seen outside court rooting through a bag of jellybabies
Picking out the black ones and licking them.
What a rotter.
Monkey pox
2
Westwood. Wasn’t he the honky xzibit?
See? .. I AM ‘home with the downies’..
Played the poor cousin’s Weinstein with some of those girls, did Tim. Hope some of their big relatives get to do a bit of stretch with him, inside …
1
I bet farmer Dave wears a nice pair of white Gucci loafers while mucking out the Cow shed
3
Nice to see you back Mr Fistula👍
0
Same here Fenton. Good to see you.👍
0