Spam

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is a cunt

No, no … not the subject of Cleese & co’s 70’s not particularly funny ditty … this is about the kind of e-mail and text shit – and increasingly cunts directly dialling your number, sometimes human more often now bots – that are sent in the *trillions* worldwide per year.

We all know in a nutshell, it’s scumbag cunts trying to rob people. Some folk make the mistake of thinking the old ‘Amazon prime is about to charge your card £79’ is an attempt to steal £79, which would be cuntish enough but if these cunts get access they will take everything you have, no mercy.

And it gets ‘better’ all the time. A.I. blackmail spamming using voice duplication is worth a look-at, where – for example – bots impersonating company managers have secured/stolen millions at a time from lowly staffers transferring funds under expediated duress. Ditto wealthy parents believing their kids were kidnapped. (The offspring’s voices having been lifted from Tiktok and the likes).

But it’s actually the sheer utter shittiness of spammy stuff the other end of the scale I’m cunting specifically. Have a look at this I’ve just seen verbatim in a Gmail spam catcher.

“Good day

this is Mr. Richard From FBI department According to our verification we notified you have paid
so much money to receive your fund but you haven’t any from anyone because you send it to wrong people

But now i Mr. Richard Ben Hope will bring your fund worth sum of $7Om united state dollars to your doorstep
and believe me nothing will ever stop me even custom in airport won’t stop me

Note that the only fee you have to pay is registration fee only once you send the payment your
fund will be registered and deliver to your home

Mr Richard Ben”

Now. What the fuck?. In this day and age… how in the absolute hell will that lead to a payout for the spammer. Who on earth is lowbrow enough for that to snare?

And yet, it exists. Which denotes to me that the cunt that created this would be dumb enough to be caught by similar … but … it wouldn’t exist as such if there wasn’t a percentage of success from the likes. Or maybe it was this cunts first ever attempt 😄. Swing and a miss, M’tembe, you filthy attempted-thieving cunt.

This Mr. Richard, or Mr. Richard Ben(did you spot that above?), and his $70 million can just fuck off anyways. I got an email a few weeks back from J.D. Vance (yep! – THE J.D. Vance, current USA V.P.) and even though he was only securing $45million for me, .. who am I gonna trust? Some random cunt from the FBI department, or the actual vice president of America.

Five hundred quid to get a debit card issued so’s I can access the full 45 mill is all good ol’ J.D. is asking for.

Here’s a link ; it’s more about the current evolving A.I. end of things than the good, old-fashioned bullshit outlined/cunted above.

cnn.com

Nominated by Cuntemall.

65 thoughts on “Spam”

  1. Cunters!
    Do NOT leave a reply – I believe this nomination to be an A.I. scam designed to harvest all our personal information and such.
    Unless I am also a bot.
    🤖
    Hello? ..

    Reply ↓

    • Dear Ms Beau,

      As solicitors dealing with the estate of your late uncle Abdulla we are pleased to inform you that, following the sale of your uncle’s waterhole, we are now in a position to release your legacy of 30,285,904 bitcoin.
      Please send us your bank details so we may effect the transfer.

      Mohammed & Mohammed MA FGM INNIT,
      Solicitors,
      Lagos

      Reply ↓

  2. I had text only the other day:
    Brown cunt: Hi dad, this is my new number
    Me: Is this Jane or Lucy? (both my kids are guys)
    Brown cunt: It’s Lucy! Remember to save my number!
    Me: Fuck off, you scamming pakı cunt
    Indians really hate being called pakıs! I had one trying to scam my elderly mother years ago and he ended up almost screaming with anger when I said that Indians and Pakıstanis are exactly the same.
    The smelly brown rapists.

    Reply ↓

  3. Someone should ask A1 how to solve the small boats

    Input, they are all lying cunts who pose a threat to the UK.

    AI ‘sink them in the channel’

    As for fraud, if someone asks me for money I know they are not genuine, anyone who knows me wouldn’t dare 😂

    Reply ↓

  4. How people get scammed is beyond me, a bit of basic research by the scammers would help.. don’t phone me and say my Vodafone or O2 bill needs paying.. I’m not on that network..

    I once had an automated call saying the police were coming to arrest me if I didn’t pay my tax bill. Good luck with that..

    Jason statham knew how to deal with the scammers in the beekeeper film..

    Reply ↓

    • They’re casting a wide net, Barry.

      If they send out 100’s of thousands emails, they’re bound to catch a few people who are using that specific provider and who are gullible enough to be caught.

      There are those who really are not tech savvy, mainly older people.
      I belong to a few online community groups and everyone makes a point of posting scam alerts, so folks can not only be aware, but make sure their vulnerable families and friends are safe.

      Reply ↓

    • JD Vance should be ashamed of himself.

      Conning hard working people.

      If you dont wear a suit and tie he thinks you’re scum.

      Always knew he was a piece of shite.

      Reply ↓

      • Yeah, that email from him was probably real. The fucking pig-eyed inbred grifting hillybilly cunt.

        Don’t know why he’s so high falutin’ about wearing a suit. He’s barely one generation away from sporting dungarees and a straw hat while playing the banjo or doing unspeakable things to tourists.

        Yeehaw!

      • Hahaha 😂
        That make me laugh out loud Stanley.
        Jolly good show.

  5. If you have a company website with contact email addresses listed, you will get hundreds of spam messages every fucking day.

    The usual ones are from cunts wanting to build you an app or to improve your website.
    We will make you number one on a Google search!

    Invariably from Pákís using Outlook or Hotmail addresses.

    Listen you wanker.
    Build your own website, make yourself number one on a Google search and then you wouldn’t have to hassle me for business.

    Then there are the emails with attachments to infect your system.
    These are usually claiming that a bill has been paid or needs to be paid and that bill is attached.

    The hundreds of emails that I get trying to sell me stuff are always for rubbish that I would never need.

    Phone calls to my mobile are not usually a problem.
    I don’t know if you have the same on your networks in the UK, but I am alerted to ‘Suspected Spam’ when a call is received, so I can choose not to answer.

    Reply ↓

  6. I’m a bit of a Scarlet Pimpernel when it comes to finding me, due to me being a recluse and only dealing with things in person. I was phoned during the early days of scams by a young lady and I was more interested in her coming round to my place. After my suggestive remarks, she put the phone down on me.

    Reply ↓

    • Me too Sammy.
      I find asking them the colour and style of the knickers they’re wearing usually ends the conversation pretty quickly.

      Reply ↓

  8. Things must have changed now but the bizarre phone calls from my genuine bank and credit card companies used to go like this…..

    Good morning. Am I speaking to Mr Cunter?

    “Who wants to know?”

    This is your bank/credit card company. Before I speak to you would you please answer a few security questions for me?

    “No I fucking will not”

    But we need to make sure we are talking to the correct person.

    “Well you rang me, didn’t you?”

    Yes, but we need to make sure that it is you.

    “What’s the point of having security details if I were to give them to any cunt that rings me?”

    Well we won’t be able to talk to you otherwise.

    “Good. Fuck off then. It’s not like I rang you, is it?”

    The strange thing is that these institutions get very upset when you deal with them that way.

    It’s not surprising that people get ripped off if they give out private information on their phones.

    I have no sympathy for them.

    Reply ↓

  9. Who needs scammers when you have a labour government, though I imagine Rodney is a breeze to scam.

    Micron has had starmzy’s pants down all week, but that fat quare normally pays extra for that..

    Reply ↓

    • He bent Starmer over and thrust his tiny French cock into his arse, one in one out, one in one out….

      Starmer giggling away, ‘oh yes that tickles’, ‘can I suck you off now’

      Disgusting 😂

      Reply ↓

      • @ttce…funny I really like the tinned gammon with the copious amount of jelly glooped around it with piccalilli…no Ritz overpriced cucumber 🥒 finger sarnies for me 😂

  11. I had one twat ring me last year obvious spam call, my reply went:

    Just one minute, I’m having to move my cardboard box as the police are moving me on from under the bridge..!

    Click, the cunt hung up on me..😂

    Reply ↓

  12. Trojan and not spam,
    in the age of dial up, I had a trojan in the computer.
    The trojan is a program that claims to be the computer security centre and urges you to accept a link so that it can fight off the current attack.

    So I logged in and a little message pops up saying that a virus has been detected….few mins later another message someone is trying to access data.
    so being the age of dial up, I disconnected the system from the phone line.
    Next it tells me that it is accessing my browser history and starts flashing up a load of porn (most of it credible, bar some that I would never view).
    now most men would think shit and hit the rescue link offered and hope the wife never found out.
    however as mentioned, the computer was no longer connected to the web so the “attack” was not credible, so I investigated.
    seems that the wife managed to download the Trojan from a recipe web site, and it sat dormant foe a while then started when it was ready.
    I had a bastard of a time getting rid of it involving back dated restarts and defrags galore.
    lesson learnt.

    Reply ↓

    • I have found that most of the well known anti virus software isn’t that good at removing stuff.

      I have an old programme called Loaris which has got me out of trouble a number of times.

      I occasionally used to have a screen saying that my computer was frozen until I paid an amount of money to have it un-frozen.

      Fuck knows how the computer was infected.
      It was a work computer and never used for dodgy searches or porn.

      If booted in safe mode I could run Loaris and get rid of the ‘ransomware’ (if that’s what it’s called).

      I don’t know if Loaris is still available but I have a very old copy on my present computer, just in case.
      The programme has never needed updating.

      Reply ↓

  13. We should be allowed to use technology to combat this problem. What I have in mind is using GCHQ to accurately locate the perpetrators and despatch a reaper drone to end the career of said scammers permanently.
    After a few goes the practice will stop.
    Not going to happen but it’s a fun thought!

    Reply ↓

  14. one cautionary tail.

    Being of an age where I receive many calls from medical professional’s

    When someone calls you up and miss preannounces your name, hold on the gag act of telling them to fuck off because it could be a nurse!

    Reply ↓

  15. I like them.

    It just gives me another excuse to tell foreign cunts to Fuck Right Off.

    Last one was some Malaysian cunt telling me HMRC had “lost my national insurance number”..to which I naturally replied “Good,fuck them and fuck you”.

    Puts a spring in your step..

    The greasy little verminous cunts.

    Reply ↓

  16. “You need to speak to who? Well hold on I’ll go get him, he’s just at the bottom of the garden…
    …he’s just coming…
    …won’t be long…
    …he’s on his way…
    … hold the line…
    … your call is important to us, please hold…
    …You are currently- 167890000 in the queue…

    Reply ↓

    • Along with

      ” I’ll have to plug my computer in, the battery is flat. I’m just putting the phone down while I do that”

      Ten minutes later, after a cup of tea and a fag.

      ” Hello, are you still there? Sorry, I forgot where I put my phone.
      Have I done what? Plugged my computer in? Why would I want to do that?”

      And so on until they start swearing, then hang up. Passes an idle hour on.

      Reply ↓

      • Or:
        A problem with my windows?
        No… no, I can’t find a button but there is a latch…
        Log on… I don’t have a log burner…
        etc 😊

      • 😁

        The possibilities are endless, Major.

        I enjoy a challenge. My goal is to have them burst into tears, or become so incoherent with rage that they start stuttering. I try to keep them on line as long as possible, that way they don’t mither some other poor old bugger.

        I used to do this ( spam/fraud prevention) as my job, things are more sophisticated but the people trying to con folk are still the same poorly educated idiots.

        Still, you only have to catch one fish out of a schoal to eat!

  17. I rarely look at my spam folder.

    When I do on occasion, it’s just the usual crap.

    You’ve won the Nigerian Lottery.
    Girl from Bolton wants to fuck.
    Special deals for printer cartridges.

    I haven’t bought a printer cartridge for years…..

    Reply ↓

      • Corrrr… Frosty. Mornings💪💪

        Corned beef is probably the greatest invention mankind ever had.

        Forget antibiotics, computers and the nuclear bomb.
        Corned beef.❤️

  21. Email spam is another one of those things which the powers that be have decided is just part and parcel of everyday life nowadays. I disagree. Not eliminating email spam is basic laziness and/or incompetence. The amount of spam email sent daily is a huge percentage of all email traffic. 80%+. Look it up for yourselves. That’s how much of a problem it is. The IT fraternity’s response? Create spam filter hardware and software! NO! Fuck off with that shit.

    Start tracking down and finding the cunts who send the spam, destroy their equipment and remove their knees. Most of the spam that I get (more on that in a moment) is hawking the goods and services of some household name companies. The spammers are not doing this for a lark. They must be being paid by these companies. Therefore, sue/fine those companies for engaging in spam marketing campaigns. Simple really.

    I’m sure AI has its uses. Medical research being one that I’ve heard of. Generally speaking I truly believe AI is utter bollocks. Why would I say such heresy? On any given day I’ll get the same email content, but sent several times from several different fake email addresses. How fucking hard is that to spot? Not very. I can scan 20+ emails in my junk folder by eye and determine if they’re all spam or not. in a second or 2. If I can do that, why can’t AI in a fraction of the time? Because it’s utter bollocks, that’s why. Sometimes I’ll get spam sent from a gmail account. Hey Google – if you’re so fucking special, why can’t you detect and stop your own servers being used by spammers? Lazy? Incompetent? Stupid? People who work for Google are cunts in my experience, but that’s a different story for another time.

    Spam email really does infuriate me. It’s the electronic equivalent to some cunt posting some shite flyer through your mailbox multiple times a day, every single day. Sooner or later you’d catch the cunt and beat the living shit out of them. But spammers get a free pass. Why FFS? It’s about time IT and the authorities decided this shit stops and actually do something about it.

    Reply ↓

  22. Evening IY, all. Tell you what would fix the problem IY. If Google was required to reimburse people who had been scammed via Google, I bet you they would very quickly get a grip on it.

    Reply ↓

    • I call you right about that, arfur.

      As with most things in life, it’s all about the money. There is financial incentive for the spammers even though a tiny fraction of one per cent of people actually click something in their spam emails, it’s still a tiny fraction of billions of emails. So fining anyone who facilitates spamming provides the financial disincentive for doing so.

      I put spammers in the same category as the bastard mudslime child rapists. Absolutely abhorrent cunts.

      Reply ↓

  24. The Daily Mail is pure Spam. Yet more sycophantic rubbish about that Scouse ball-kicker who wrapped himself and his brother around a Spanish chicane no doubt off their faces on coke.

    Reply ↓

  25. G0oDings dayings Mr Cuntemall ings,

    I have a-de Moh-NEY dat yoo be wettin’ frum much TRUS-ted KO-FEE Annan. HEE is be wettin’ to GEEF to YOO.
    EET be plenty-plenty ah dee MOH-NEY.

    EEF YOO wanna to GET EEET
    YOO can SEN-na DEE MOH-NEE innadee WEst-TUN YOON-YUN.

    WOMAN SHE TRO-WAY POOPOO de train SHE TROW-WAY POOPOO!!

    Reply ↓

  28. Can’t go along with this, always found it a great bait, especially rolling it along into deep holes on the Severn or Wye to tempt a Chubb or big Barbell.

    Reply ↓

  29. A year earlier

    Zal Cleminson was a very underated guitarist

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svSV_G65CF4&list=RDsvSV_G65CF4&start_radio=1

    I like scammers ringing me up….

    ” Hello. You want to talk to me ? That’s nice, I haven’t spoken to anyone for days. Hang on I’ll just get off the commode. Oh dear, a bit of poo has just dropped on the carpet, hang on I’ll get a bit of tissue and wipe it up. Hello ? Hello ? ”

    Fuck them.

    Reply ↓

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