The Worst Song Lyric(s) Ever

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Friends, Romans & Cuntrymen (and women), I beg your indulgence to launch yet another frivolous nomination – and indeed, competition.

(I note that the ADMIN(s) have not [yet] engaged in the awarding of some sort of `prize` for the best response for such light-hearted cajolery?)

(A plastic trophy of Diane Abbott’s used under-crackers awaits – Day Admin)

Anyway, back to song lyrics.

The other day I heard a tune on the radio called Africa by Toto
This is verse 2, with the most ridiculous lyric ever to appear in a song (fucking ever) italicized

“The wild dogs cry out in the night *
As they grow restless, longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what’s right

As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti

I seek to cure what’s deep inside
Frightened of this thing that I’ve become”

Jon Anderson (him from that `Yes` progressive band) couldn`t have come close (To the edge – sorry) to `writing` even crapper prose.

Perhaps YOU can think of another ?

But I doubt it.

* My humble re-write, after this, would be …
As they grow restless thinking about bones
OK, maybe a bowl of Winalot®
And, as sure as shit, they`ll be howling for `doggy bix` later on, the greedy shitters.
Etc.

But then, I`ve actually thought about the words.

Unlike Toto

Nominated by: Sam Beau

93 thoughts on “The Worst Song Lyric(s) Ever”

  3. Thin Lizzy.
    Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town……
    Somewhere? How about the fucking prison

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  4. An interesting nomination, but I find the reference to Jon Anderson of Yes somewhat perplexing. My understanding of the topographic Mr Anderson is that his voice reaches the upper echelons of the eighth octave and therefore is only audible to canine species.
    So how do you what lyrics he wrote, Sam? Or have you transitioned into a dog to go with your racial transitioning?

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    • “A man conceived a moment’s answer to the dream
      Staying the flowers daily, sensing all the themes
      As a foundation left to create the spiral aim
      A movement regained and regarded both the same
      All complete in the sight of seeds of life with you
      Changed only for a sight of sound, the space agreed
      Between the picture of time behind the face of need
      Coming quickly to terms of all expression laid
      Emotions revealed as the ocean maid
      All complete in the sight of seeds of life with you.”

      A bit of a head scratcher this, Geordie.
      But I’ll never not be moved by the magnificence of the music

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  8. Also:

    For one, Kilimanjaro is located at over 150 miles (250 kilometers) from the closest part of the Serengeti National Park. As such, the mountain is not visible from the Serengeti, unless you happen to find a particularly high vantage point on an exceptionally clear day.

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      • I should have put that in inverted commas as I took it from the ‘net. My geography is nowhere near good enough to have known that but I came across the fact a few years ago. I also don’t understand wtf solitary company is supposed to mean. Evidence points to them being shit faced when they wrote the lyrics.

  9. 🎶 The wild nıgs drill rap in the night
    As they grow violent, looking for some KFC
    They know that there’ll be a knife fight
    And then benefits coming from evil whitey 🎵

    Toto, Tower Hamlets/Africa

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  10. A fine nom for a Monday morning.

    Donovan has come up with some corkers in this category. Mind bending drugs and eastern religions will do that of course. Famously, there is the one that was written with MNC in mind:

    ‘The lock upon my garden gate’s a snail, that’s what it is
    The lock upon my garden gate’s a snail, that’s what it is’

    Maybe MNC and Donavan used to hang out in the same 1960s coffee shops sipping the frothy stuff? We have a right to know…

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    • Ditto Mark “mind that tree Gloria” Bolan.

      Baby I’ve got metal knees ooh.
      Lady I’m beggin’ of you please
      Baby you think you’re a champ but
      Girl you ain’t nothin’ but a raw ramp.

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      • Donovan ” First there is a mountain then there is no mountain then there is.”

        What the fuck was he on ?

      • Jenifer, juniper lives upon a hill….

        They call me mellow yellow….

        Maybe he quaffed Jennifer’s fragrant urine…. Who knows…

        Still better than anything by Sheercunt or that weirdo Sam smith

  12. MacArthur Cunting Park.https://youtu.be/lV1oafB3grM?si=_Vc8rm2yD0D4gPH3
    “MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark
    All the sweet, green icing flowing down
    Someone left the cake out in the rain
    I don’t think that I can take it
    ‘Cause it took so long to bake it
    And I’ll never have that recipe again
    Oh, NO”
    Oh no indeed Donna.
    Then this happened https://youtu.be/sD-zTwi3_GU?si=a3Bdx6EM3lf3yk9w
    For fornications sake, what was he thinking?

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  13. Pink Floyds Drug zombie Syd Barrett wrote a lot of bollocks

    I have a clan of gingerbread men
    There are men
    Lots of men
    Gingerbread men
    Take a couple of you wish
    They’re on the dish

    They decided one day not to pick him up in the van
    Wrote Dark side of the moon
    Became multi millionaires

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  14. Sirs:

    Sting and Paul McCartney are masters of the “anything for a rhyme” school of songwriting, but the all-time dumbest song lyric to my mind I’d “Horse with No Name” by America.

    The whole thing is awful but here is the chorus:

    I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name
    It felt good to be out of the rain
    In the desert, you can’t remember your name
    ‘Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain

    Let us pause to consider the majesty of the last line

    “For there ain’t no one–”
    So there is someone, yes?

    “–for to give you no pain”
    So the person who is there is not planning to give you pain?
    Or am I being thick?

    I’m also amazed by the lyricists’ keen eye for the wonders of Nature:

    On the first part of the journey
    I was looking at all the life
    There were plants and birds and rocks and things
    There was sand and hills and rings
    The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz
    And the sky with no clouds
    The heat was hot and the ground was dry
    But the air was full of sound

    Wait. Rings? What kind of rings?

    And the fly with a buzz. Was it drunk, or what?

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    • Stings nadir was in the police, Synchronicity II, I believe he wrote/sang about ‘speaking above the din of our rice crispers’

      Made McCartney the cunt, look like Ivan fucking Novello.

      Reply ↓

  15. “oh what a feeling when I’m dancing on the ceiling ” by some black bloke, any lyrics by wham especially club Tropicana’s ” but dont worry you can suntan” what a load of Posey nancy boy guff.

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  16. Maybe a cunt but Must admit its got miles on anything coming out of the cunts that are Adele, Robbie Williams, Araia Grande, Take that, Taylor Swift Harry Styles, Stormzy – the list goes on.

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    • To be fair to Robbie Williams, he provided the perfect answer to any difficult question, one I use to this day:

      “Press be asking do I care for sodomy
      I don’t know, yeah, probably”

      “I dunno, yeah, probably” , a work of genius. Try it!

      Reply ↓

      • Good pick up. “I dunno, yeah, probably” would be also be a better song title than anything else the cunt has done.

  17. I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
    While my guitar —

    I told you bout ar kid now he’s married to Mabel —

    Both great tunes and musicianship. Words by the late, lamented G Harrison.

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  18. Man thinks ’cause he rules the Earth, he can do with it as he please
    And if things don’t change soon, he will
    Oh, man has invented his doom
    First step was touching the moon

    Bob Dylan, ‘License To Kill’

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  19. I was listening to some satellite channel over the weekend and they were interviewing Swedish popular music artists and one of them said whenever he writes lyrics he thinks in English hence all his lyrics were rubbish. At least he was honest.
    Tim Rice in his book “Oh What A Circus” gives a bit of a discourse on writing lyrics and how they can transform a song. He had a song “Kansas Morning “ which was a flop but he just changed the lyrics to “I don’t know how to love him”

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  21. From “Persuasion” by Throbbing Gristle, from their album “20 Jazz Funk Greats”

    With words I persuade you
    Persuasion
    I’ve got a little biscuit tin
    To keep your panties in
    Soiled panties, white panties, school panties, Y-Front
    Panties
    By the canal, by the canal
    And I persuade you
    Look at me
    Look at me

    Jaaazz – nice!

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  22. The greatest two lines of lyric ever written;

    ‘one little chap then had a mishap
    broke off his horse’s head’

    Sheer genius, rhyming ‘chap’ and ‘mishap’.

    Can any cunter beat that?

    Morning all.

    Reply ↓

  23. From Ed Sheeran’s A Team

    ‘But lately, her face seems
    Slowly sinking, wasting
    Crumbling like pastries..’

    George Ezra’s Shotgun

    ‘ll be riding shot-gun
    Underneath the hot sun
    Feeling like a someone’

    Pure shite.

    Reply ↓

    • I’m afraid of the dark
      ‘Specially when I’m in a park
      And there’s no one else around
      Ooh, I get the shivers
      I don’t want to see a ghost
      It’s a sight that I fear most
      I’d rather have a piece of toast
      And watch the evening news
      Desree, life.
      Genius!

      Reply ↓

  24. “OverviewLyricsVideosArtistsListen
    Waldo Jeffers had reached his limit.
    It was now mid-August which meant that he had been separated from Marsha for more than two months.
    Two months, and all he had to show were three dog-eared letters and two very expensive long-distance phone calls.
    True, when school had ended and she’d returned to Wisconsin and he to Locust, Pennsylvania she had sworn to maintain a certain fidelity.
    She would date occasionally, but merely as amusement.
    She would remain faithful. But lately Waldo had begun to worry.
    He had trouble sleeping at night and when he did, he had horrible dreams.
    He lay awake at night, tossing and turning underneath his printed quilt protector, tears welling in his eyes,
    As he pictured Marsha, her sworn vows overcome by liquor and the smooth soothings of some Neanderthal,
    Finally submitting to the final caresses of sexual oblivion. It was more than the human mind could bear.
    Visions of Marsha’s faithlessness haunted him.
    Daytime fantasies of sexual abandon permeated his thoughts.
    And the thing was, they wouldn’t understand who she really was.
    He, Waldo, alone, understood this.
    He had intuitively grasped every nook and cranny of her psyche.
    The idea came to him on the Thursday before the Mummers Parade was scheduled to appear.
    He had just finished mowing and edging the Edelsons lawn for a dollar-fifty
    And had checked the mailbox to see if there was at least a word from Marsha.
    There was nothing more than a circular form the Amalgamated Aluminum Company of America inquiring into his awning needs.
    At least they cared enough to write.
    It was a New York company. You could go anywhere in
    The mails. Then it struck him: he didn’t have enough
    Money to go to Wisconsin in the accepted fashion,
    True, but why not mail himself? It was absurdly
    Simple. He would ship himself parcel post special
    Delivery. The next day Waldo went to the supermarket
    To purchase the necessary equipment. He bought
    Masking tape, a staple gun and a medium sized
    Cardboard box, just right for a person of his build.
    He judged that with a minimum of jostling he could
    Ride quite comfortably. A few airholes, some water, a
    Selection of midnight snacks, and it would probably be
    As good as going tourist.
    By Friday afternoon, Waldo was set. He was thoroughly
    Packed and the post office had agreed to pick him up
    At three o’clock. He’d marked the package “FRAGILE”
    And as he sat curled up inside, resting in the foam
    Rubber cushioning he’d thoughtfully included, he tried
    To picture the look of awe and happiness on Marsha’s
    Face as she opened the door, saw the package, tipped
    The deliverer, and then opened it to see her Waldo
    Finally there in person. She would kiss him, and then
    Maybe they could see a movie. If he’d only thought of
    This before. Suddenly rough hands gripped his package
    And he felt himself borne up. He landed with a thud
    In a truck and then he was off.
    Marsha Bronson had just finished setting her hair. It
    Had been a very rough weekend. She had to remember
    Not to drink like that. Bill had been nice about it
    Though. After it was over he’d said that he still
    Respected her and, after all, it was certainly the way
    Of nature and even though no, he didn’t love her, he
    Did feel an affection for her. And after all, they
    Were grown adults. Oh, what Bill could teach Waldo —
    But that seemed many years ago. Sheila Klein, her
    Very, very best friend walked in through the porch
    Screen door into the kitchen. “Oh God, it’s
    Absolutely maudlin outside.”
    “Ugh, I know what you mean, I feel all icky.” Marsha
    Tightened the belt on her cotton robe with the silk
    Outer edge. Sheila ran her finger over some salt
    Grains on the kitchen table, licked her finger and
    Made a face.
    “I’m supposed to be taking these salt pills, but, ” she
    Wrinkled her nose, “they make me feel like throwing
    Up.”
    Marsha started to pat herself under the chin, an
    Exercise she’d seen on television. “God, don’t even
    Talk about that.” She got up from the table and went
    To the sink where she picked up a bottle of pink and
    Blue vitamins. “Want one? Supposed to be better than
    Steak.” And attempted to touch her knees. “I don’t
    Think I’ll ever touch a daiquiri again.” She gave up
    And sat down, this time nearer the small table that
    Supported the telephone. “Maybe Bill’ll call, ” she
    Said to Sheila’s glance.
    Sheila nibbled on a cuticle. “After last night, I
    Thought maybe you’d be through with him.”
    “I know what you mean. My God, he was like an
    Octopus. Hands all over the place.” She gestured,
    Raising her arms upward in defense. “The thing is
    After a while, you get tired of fighting with him, you
    Know, and after all he didn’t really do anything
    Friday and Saturday so I kind of owed it to him, you
    Know what I mean.” She started to scratch. Sheila
    Was giggling with her hand over her mouth. “I’ll tell
    You, I felt the same way, and even after a while, ” she
    Bent forward in a whisper, “I wanted to, ” and now she
    Was laughing very loudly.
    It was at this point that Mr. Jameson of the Clarence
    Darrow Post Office rang the door bell of the large
    Stucco colored frame house. When Marsha Bronson
    Opened the door, he helped her carry the package in.
    He had his yellow and his green slips of paper signed
    And left with a fifteen-cent tip that Marsha had
    Gotten out of her mothers small beige pocket book in
    The den. “What do you think it is?” Sheila asked.
    Marsha stood with her arms folded behind her back. S
    He stared at the brown cardboard carton that sat in
    The middle of the living room. “I don’t know.”
    Inside the package Waldo quivered with excitement as
    He listened to the muffled voices. Sheila ran her
    Fingernail over the masking tape that ran down the
    Center of the carton. “Why don’t you look at the
    Return address and see who it is from?” Waldo felt
    His heart beating. He could feel the vibrating
    Footsteps. It would be soon.
    Marsha walked around the carton and read the
    Ink-scratched label. “Ugh, God, it’s from Waldo!”
    “That schmuck, ” said Sheila. Waldo trembled with
    Expectation. “Well, you might as well open it, ” said
    Sheila. Both of them tried to lift the stapled flap.
    “Ahh, shit, ” said Marsha groaning. “He must have
    Nailed it shut.” They tugged at the flap again. “My
    God, you need a power drill to get this thing opened.”
    They pulled again. “You can’t get a grip!” They
    Both stood still, breathing heavily.
    “Why don’t you get the scissors, ” said Sheila. Marsha
    Ran into the kitchen, but all she could find was a
    Little sewing scissor. Then she remembered that her
    Father kept a collection of tools in the basement.
    She ran downstairs and when she came back, she had a
    Large sheet-metal cutter in her hand.
    “This is the best I could find.” She was very out of
    Breath. “Here, you do it. I’m gonna die.” She sank
    Into a large fluffy couch and exhaled noisily.
    Sheila tried to make a slit between the masking tape
    And the end of the cardboard, but the blade was too
    Big and there wasn’t enough room. “Godamn this
    Thing!” she said feeling very exasperated. Then,
    Smiling, “I got an idea.”
    “What?” said Marsha.
    “Just watch, ” said Sheila touching her finger to her
    Head.
    Inside the package, Waldo was so transfixed with
    Excitement that he could barely breathe. His skin
    Felt prickly from the heat and he could feel his heart
    Beating in his throat. It would be soon. Sheila
    Stood quite upright and walked around to the other
    Side of the package. Then she sank down to her knees,
    Grasped the cutter by both handles, took a deep breath
    And plunged the long blade through the middle of the
    Package, through the middle of the masking tape,
    Through the cardboard, through the cushioning and
    (Thud) right through the center of Waldo Jeffers head”

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  27. ‘I’m as serious as cancer, when I say rhythm is a dancer’.

    Playing that on Hospital Radio would be…..

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  28. From the brilliant Gary Young (Rest in peace). I bring you Plant Man.

    The Plant Man knows that the plants will grow
    The Plant Man knows that the plants will grow
    The Plant Man knows that the plants will grow
    The Plant Man knows…

    Plant Man…..

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  29. I sometimes prefer inaudible lyrics that fit in with the music, causing a mystery to what’s being sung, when the sound from instruments and voice intertwine. Such as the Cocteau Twins did for instance.

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  30. Nah naaa
    Nah naaa na na
    Nah naa naa na
    Nah naa naa naa naaa

    Two Unlimited. (There’s) No Limits.

    Popular at the time in the clubs with the chant of ‘there’s no lyrics’ where the words should be….

    Awesome.

    Reply ↓

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