Objectum-Sexuality

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(Anyone fancy shagging some artisan country cream gates? – Day Admin)

Over the years we have had all manner of weirdos cunted on IsAC with their perversions ranging from Nips in nappies to Tank Hafertepen (look up that one in the IsAC archives!) Now I give you Objectum-Sexuality, a sexual orientation defined as individuals who experience emotional, romantic and/or sexual feelings towards inanimate objects such as bridges or statues for example.

This being clown world there is of course advocates and organisations devoted to OS, feeding their narcissism and attention seeking personality disorders. One of the best known is Erika Eiffel who yes, you guessed it, fell in love and married the Eiffel Tower. Unfortunately they are no longer together after the busy bodies at the Eiffel Tower management became involved and they grew apart.

There is a happy ending to all this though, after briefly finding God with Christ the Redeemer, Erika is now with the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco who offers more support and structure in her life.

Erika meet padded cell. Padded cell, Erika……

You Tube

Nature

Nominated by: Liberal Liquidator

57 thoughts on “Objectum-Sexuality”

  1. I am at a loss as to understand why the media think these nutters deserve our attention.

    • This is all perfectly normal.

      It’s known as ‘Architects horn’.
      The arousal at a grade 2 listed building effects 3 out of!10 people.

      For Erica it’s phallic french towers and model planes

      I’m partial to Tudor timbered framed houses.

      Oh it’s not sexual, not really,
      Just looks exchanged.
      I wouldn’t be comfortable dating someone who’s half black.

      Besides I’m barred from all National Trust property and land.

      • Morning, MNC,

        I get Architect’s Horn from Socialist brutalism and modernism.

        I’m priapic when I go back to The Old Country and I have been banned from three residential districts in the former Soviet Union.

        I quite like a bit of Bauhaus, too. It’s the use of primary colours that do it for me.

        Those of us who know, know. As you said, it’s nothing sexual. More a knowing nod of who can tell the difference between a Khrushchevka and a Brezhnevka.

      • Morning CC👍

        I haven’t got a fuckin clue what your on about.

        As for Russia I thought the Kremlin looked nice.
        Sort of like a mosque but designed by Walt Disney.

      • The less said about the ‘incident’ at the Beatrix Potter Gallery the better, Miserable.

  2. There is a book to be written about these weirdos. It would be a best seller. It might even beat “How To Bugger Your Wife” or “Teach Yourself Cottaging” both by Anthony C . L. Blair in the best seller lists.

    • I’m confused.

      I thought Blair’s book was called “How to Bugger Your Country”?

      No matter. His other book just released in the States is called “Pegging the Populace.”

  3. A friend of mine would like to know if these inanimate objects might include his wife’s sister’s knickers.

    Especially the black, lacy ones apparently.

  4. I think I may have suffered Objectum Sexuality in the past. A session with the first Mrs Twatt was certainly akin to humping an inanimate object.

    I’m pleased to report that Mrs Twatt no 2 cured me of the affliction.

    • Hey Geordie,

      At first glance some might be envious of you shagging 2 Twatts…

  5. Erica, allow me to introduce Mr. Springfield 45 Auto.

    Mr. Springfield, would you like to bang Erica?

  6. I like Erica’s haircut.

    That shitty perm she had in the link put 20 years on her.

    Her new Mike Tyson circa 86 is both bold and refreshing.

    She must be the envy of the Outpatients.

    • No outpatients for that one Mis’. Locked behind two sets of fire doors with keycode access,and orderlys built like Geoff Capes.

      Looks bitey.

  8. (Joke from the 80s)

    Did you hear about the Oirishman who fucked a Princess?
    He got his dick stuck in the exhaust pipe.

  9. There are a billion weirdo’s that are obsessed with carpets..
    Always on their knee’s kissing it..

  11. This nom is objectumsexphobist. We must accept and respect this persons view just as we must accept women with bollocks.

    • Have y’all seen the WhatsApp pregnant man emoji? Full-on moustache, cradling the distended belly…. funny how the two pregnant women ones right next to it allow you to change the skin colour to black via the various poo tones along the way but the pregnant man? .. caucasian only.

      What about inclusitivity? There had to be a meeting (a fucking meeting!) about this, for sure! Best play it safe with/wouldn’t want to upset the peacefuls. Fucking assholes AND hypocrites.

      And cunts.

      • Morning, CuntemAll,

        I thought it was a fat bloke with a beer belly. I felt represented.

      • Mornin’, C_C … Sorry to ruin that for ya. Your under-representation is an outrage & you could probably get a ten, nay twenty-ad scrolling ‘article’ about it on Mailonline. Play your cards right and you could be telling your story on Good Morning Britain, if the comment section is favourable.

        Stay strong.

        Now. As for the (whatsapp, again) moustachioed dude in the wedding veil … any takers?

  12. I love getting it on with a crane, but sometimes have trouble getting it up.

  13. So your in love with planes..
    No need to drone on about it, who doesn’t like a spitfire between the sheets..

    But ob-Cessna can be a Boeing to other people

      • Apologies Barry.

        Thought you were Liberal Liquidator for some reason.

        The reason might be.. I’m a cunt.

  14. During an exhausting session of lovemaking with an airport baggage carousel I fell asleep on the job.
    Eventually I came round.

    Whatever happened to J R Cuntley?

  15. People have far too much time on their hands nowadays, if this twat was in a mill spinning cotton six days a week it would be to knackered to indulge it’s fantasies..!

  16. Perhaps Erika is just a more extreme manifestation of a common and widely recognised phenomenon though usually associated with men. Young men commonly drool over fast cars for instance. (Stop laughing at the back there! I said young men; I’m almost 73.) In a TV documentary I saw two elite soldiers looking round a fully configured Apache helicopter. One turned to his mate and said; “Cor, this is sex isn’t it?” In a scene in Top Gun where the trainee F14 pilots are in the classroom learning about the performance of the plane one man turns to Tom Cruise and says; “This gives me a hard on.” I must say though I can’t remember getting a hard on when I was flying but there were a couple of times I nearly shat myself.

  18. This isn’t a sexuality – it’s a kink as inanimate objects don’t possess sexual characteristics or a sex/gender. Same thing with mechaphilia (the desire to fuck machines like cars and motorcycles).

    I think this is an attempt to normalise perversions so that they can eventually be decriminalised without much public opposition. If people who want to shag the Golden Gate Bridge are destigmatised and allowed to be loud and proud about it, I imagine that necrophiles, PDF Files and bestials might not be too far down the line.

    • The vagaries of human sexuality never cease to fascinate me.

      Oh well, at least she’s not doing any harm I suppose.

      Morning all.

  20. I find sll sorts of inanimate objects erotic for some reason: space hoppers, melons, grapefruit, twin dirigibles, party jellies (although they can be quite animated).

  23. At the hotel where I work threes a waitress who’s been there 18 years. She’s that emotionally attached to the place she may as well be in love with it. Turns out the silly bint didn’t even know whiich one was the food bin despite the bags being colour coded.

  24. Maybe just a rumour but i heard the Eiffel tower became impotent and wrecked their relationship.

  26. I once saw a knot in a tree that looked like a gaping vagina. I was fascinated but not aroused.
    Guess I’m ok.

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