Ed Miliband (12)

Hello Cunters and let me introduce you to the Fuckwitt family – dad Keir, mum Rachel and teenage son Ed.

Sadly Ed is not the full ticket and attends the Westminster Cloud Cuckoo Land Academy (school motto: ‘Not the Real World’). Ed’s teacher, Miss Thunberg, convinced him that the polar bears were drowning which turned Ed into a full-on adolescent eco-warrior with a mental age of 6.

Ed demanded lots of shiny new eco-toys from Santa last Christmas. Dad Keir said Ed could have the toys and couldn’t have the toys, depending on the day of the week. But mum Rachel holds the family purse strings, and she said that Santa couldn’t afford 28 billion for the new toys, most of which wouldn’t work anyway, so Ed had to go without.

To placate him and avoid a teenage strop, she promised another of Miss Thunberg’s demands – to replace the central heating with something called a ‘heat pump’, which is what most people call a ‘fridge’.

The Fuckwitts work at the same place and both are expecting a promotion later this year. But as Rachel Fuckwitt works in Accounts, she knows full well that the place is as good as bankrupt. So they won’t be getting a pay rise, and they won’t be able to afford the ‘heat pump’ either. Besides, who wants to shell out over 10 thousand pounds to be 15C colder every winter?

So what is the cerebrally-challenged Ed going to do when he finds out? I forsee a gigantic teenage tantrum on the horizon. Instead of trying to use his brain, a task for which he is so ill-equipped, perhaps Ed should stick to something simpler, like trying to negotiate his chops around a bacon sandwich.

Ah, on second thoughts …

Politico News

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt 

98 thoughts on “Ed Miliband (12)

  1. Ed and David are the weird brothers from school nobody wanted to be mates with. Ed doesnt know how to eat properly, even to this day. He’s been over indulged and surrounded with softies who won’t point out his weird habits and let him go out into the world like it. ive known blokes like this, but they’re usually unemployed, unmarried and have a health visitor.

  2. Is it just me or does Ed Millitant always look a bit like he’s from Paxtan. Imagine if he had on some pyjamas and was curling one out onto the pavement

  3. I get mixed up with the two Millipede Bros; I bollocked one of them and his fucking Met. Police Bodyguard for daring to enter the closed Horseguards Parade area to enter Downing St via the ‘back door’ during a Trooping rehearsal years ago. “But he’s the Foreign Secretary” his man protested; “I could give a fucking toss”, I replied, much to the amusement of the Army Officers observing the Parade. You will remember exactly who I am Mr Millipede, and so will your flunkies…Get it right up ye, ya cunt.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *