Drum Type Toilet Roll Dispensers

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I think we can agree that over the years, this esteemed site has proved invaluable in allowing cunters to vent their spleen against those persistent, perennial individuals and organisations that blight life in our great nation. You all know the usual suspects; The BBC, shithouse politicians and ‘celebrities’, Peacefuls, tranny loons, scratters and ‘The Guardian’…

But in addition, IsAC is the vehicle to rant against the million and one annoying liitle irritants in life that can also drive you to distraction; tight plastic film packaging, gum on your shoe after some cunt has spat it out, litter, call centres, weeds…

I’m encouraged to add an item to the latter category after my latest encounter with the offender yesterday.The wife and I went for a coffee and some cake, and while in the teashop, it proved necessary for me to retire to the smallest room for a spot of navel gazing.

As is always the case in any café, cinema, store, hospital etc, the loo comes equipped with one of those fucking great cylinder drum type bog roll dispensers bolted to the wall. These infernal things can be a source of real irritation when you just want to clean up and go, and my latest experience was no exception.

You’ll know the score. You reach up for the end of the roll…and it’s not there. So you reach in side the drum to find it, but still can’t. So you roll the paper around, hoping that the end will drop, but gravity or whatever holds it firmly against the paper’s surface. Finally you just grab hold and rip a lump out, but then when more is required, you can’t find the end…

A visit to the loo should be a time for a few minutes’ of calm and reflection, but these infernal drums will make sure that it ain’t so. Occasionally I’ve even found that one of them has been ripped off the wall, presumably by some character whose patience had run out. An eminently practical and sensible solution if you ask me.

WashRoom Hub

Nominated by: Ron Knee

And seconded by: Chuff Chugger

may i second this nom….as i think we have all done the drum juggle. however i do leave nothing to chance… A i always check there is some loo roll in there before starting. B if there is, i always wipe the seat clean of pubes, piss and poo first, and C i ensure the tail of the roll is suitably extracted ready for the first wipe.

its is not just these drum roll holders…even the most basic single roll wall mounted loo roll holder can be incorrectly loads by cunts who don’t grasp the fact the ‘tail’ of the loo roll should be at the outer edge (or front) of the loo roll and NOT against the wall so you have to put your hand around the back of the roll between that at the wall.

this is basic stuff…..yes, wife i am talking about YOU!!!!!!

93 thoughts on “Drum Type Toilet Roll Dispensers”

  1. Fear not ron, toilet paper will be a thing of the past..
    A little bowl of water and a smelly hand for the rest of your life..

  2. If all else fails, do what David Lammy does – use your hands, if you don’t fancy that, do what Anthony Blair does,and get Kweer Starmer to lick your arse clean

  3. Well done to the admins for timing this nom just in time for breakfast!

    But yes, I would agree on both authors – not only that drum roll bog dispensers are awkward cunts at the best of times, but also the condition of the bog itself, the toilet seat, the floor and even the bog brush!

    It would help immensely if these dispensers had a glass/perspex window at the front so you could see at a glance if there was sufficient bog roll inside before doing one’s business!

    Of course none of this is relevant to some foreign types, they just sit on the rim of the bog, do a few bomb-drops, and then use their hands to wipe and go back outside to serve you your Chicken Tika Masala, with pilau rice and turdlets.

  4. I think they load them up wrong deliberately to piss people off. Make sure you always have a pack of pocket tissue incase of emergencies or failing that, just wipe your arse with your hand, wipe hand down the wall to get rid of excess shit, then wash hands as normal😁

  5. Then of course, if you get taken short in High Street, just go into W H Smith (there is never anyone in there, so you will be served quickly) and buy a copy of “The New European” – why else do you think it is published?. It’s just for people too shy to buy Andrex or Bronco.

    • If I’m ever bored on a shop and see that publication I always put two copies of The Daily Mail over it.

      • Funny you should say that – in my local Sainsbury’s I cover it with the Daily Express. The three copies of the NE they have each week are still there on Saturday. I think they only sell it so the likes of Heseltine and Mandy can wipe their jizz off after a wank in the garden shed.

      • 😂 Based upon this limited survey I wonder how many are obscured around the country?

  7. I don’t know which are worse, the drum type, or the ones that dispense a minute sheet of paper, roughly big enough to wipe a gnats Chuff, assuming you even manage to extract it in one piece.

  8. I am not a fan of these. But they pale in comparison to the ones that ironically have a little plastic arsehole they you must attempt to remove paper one sheet at a time from. It’s like something from the Crystal Maze.

  9. Something I learnt from the film ‘The Mask’: Given how disgusting the general public, and the imported filth with their nasty, tropical diseases, I always lay loo roll upon the seat before placing my derrière there. Not only does it serve as a protective layer, but it also has a pleasant and warm cushioning effect.

    • Advice often given in the Carry On’s – “don’t forget to put plenty of paper down first”

  11. I don’t like using a public khazi.
    I like to go Al fresco as God intended.

    That’s why I’m banned from the garden centre.

  12. Perhaps I have better nipsy control than most people, but I have never shat in a public bog.

    I wait until I get home or back to a hotel maybe.

    No problem.

  13. And why do they always use that narrow, single-ply Torq roll that you have to triple or quadruple over? Cheep bastards.

  14. izal paper……it didn’t matter whether you had enough of it to wipe your arse, simply because it didn’t 🧻😁
    That’s were the name skidmark came from surely 💩

  15. Some parts of the world have an attendant who gives you a couple of sheets on the way into the public bogs. Never enough as I need half a roll…

  16. Best use bowel control, my mum used to make sure you went before you went out.
    Using a public bog is beyond contempt. You have no idea what some cunt as smeared on the seat, unless you stand on it a sqwat.
    Good morning.

  17. I’d add that some folks cannot grasp the simple mechanics of fragility inherent in perforated tissue paper. A gentle pull will unravel the roll, violent jerks tear it.
    But some folks are just thick cunts.
    The paper is always budget, check it’s visible before use, maybe grab as much as you think you’ll need before commencing delivery.
    Always pad the seat too, you have no idea just what disgusting arse has preceded you, they don’t always leave a trail of shit.
    Public khazis are an emergency last resort, given the chance I’d sooner shit behind a tree, bound to be cleaner.
    Good morning.

    • Public toilets are a great place for meeting new friends!

      And if you’re lonely get down there and improve your social life.

      I was once sat having a brown baby in trap 2, and noticed a hole connecting to the next cubicle.

      The nice gentleman in there offered me a sausage!
      It was very kind of him but it looked undercooked.

  20. Not only is entering a public toilet (especially in pubs or train stations) fraught with dangers already mentioned on here, but you also have to check that there’s a secure lock on the door so that no dozy cunt bursts in while your in mid-dump!

    Also check for glory holes and crusty spunk stains down the walls with scribbled graffiti suggesting that “Owen Jones came here!”

    Enjoy your breakfast, chaps!

  21. Nothing beats the relaxation and satisfying feeling of a nice firm shit in your own toilet.

    Nice.

  22. I love Victor Mildew style noms like this one. Yes, those drum bog roll dispensers are a clusterfucking pain. So too are those little square boxes that dispense postage stamp sized pieces of shiny paper which only succeed in smearing rather than absorbing or wiping.

    Humanity can split the atom and send men to the moon, and yet we can’t invent an efficient and reliable public toilet roll dispenser.

    Humanity is finished!

    • I thought the square boxes should come with a WWII propaganda poster above it. ” If you use than two sheets then Tojo wins”.

    • Fair point that, EAC. I would.

      A couple of years ago, I had my hand forced into using the public khaki after getting caught short in Waitrose. Some cunt in the cubicle next to me was wanking. I could hear the dirty old sod.

      I felt like I was living in a Derek and Clive sketch.

      • Brilliant.

        I once went into the bog in the Odeon where a minor kerfuffle was underway, as a couple of attendants were right in the process of ejecting a couple of blokes from one of the cubicles.

        Honestly, the goings on.

  24. The possum in the header picture would be more effective to wipe your arse than the rough single ply, mind the claws though.

  25. Many a time caught short at work crap in a bucket of straw wipe bot with hay straw no good to shiny then bury in the muck heap, once as an apprentice I was on me own in forge and I burnt it that was a mistake Vatican had nothing on me that day,and the last turd related tale after burning incident went in bushes at the top of a thirty foot bank and it rolled down just as village bus came past splat ! up the side. Still rather go outside than use public khazi.

  26. Thank fuck the last place I worked had the twin evil of grease proof paper and a giant cylinder roll that only dispensed one piece at a time closed and I got made redundant.

    Being unemployed was a small price to pay knowing I’d never face that horror again.

  27. Could be worse, Ron. You could have stuck your finger through the paper…

    I once had to wipe my arse on my socks when the paper had run out in a public lav. That said, the humiliation of having to go out in jeans without socks was much worse than a shitty arse.

  28. I have a terrible confession that will most likely unset a lot of cunties. Here I go…..

    When I was a lad, often drunk, I would use the bog roll I required from these evil dispensers. Then I would stand well back and sniper piss onto the dispenser…..this turning the bog roll into a sloppy surprise for the next customer.

    I am a bastard and I am not at all sorry.

  29. Well I knew that the IsAC faithful could be relied upon to provide some top tips and practical solutions to this dilemma.

    Morning all!

    • A friend’s elderly mother wrote to a bogroll company to complain, after finding that the perforations did not match up in the last pack of four that she bought…she got a written apology and a box with about fifty bogrolls in it. Hopefully this helped her to overcome the deep distress and anguish. I would have expected a “fuck off” type response to that, obviously I need to brush up my complaint writing technique.

  30. Anyone else get that thing when you’re gagging for a gypsy and somehow your foreskin stops the jet making it 2 jets ?

    Fuckin nightmare.
    I’m no fireman,
    I can barely manage one jet nevermind two.

    Piss everywhere ☹️

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