Woke 007


I remember a time when James Bond, the world’s greatest superspy, would despatch the Queen’s enemies accompanied by a witty one-liner. He raced about in fast cars, drank his martinis shaken not stirred, and shagged gorgeous crumpet with names like Luscious O’Plenty and Clitty Throbbing. Every woman wanted him, every man wanted to be him.

Sadly, all that’s changing, thanks to the efforts of former ‘Fast Show’ star turned author Charlie Higson, who’s given 007 a proper ‘woke’ makeover. Yes, it seems that Jamie B now espouses all those fashionable causes so beloved of the champagne drinking Islington socialist luvvy set.

In his new novel ‘On His Majesty’s Secret Service’, Higson has our hero sent to Viktor Orban’s Hungary, to dismantle a (wait for it) vast right-wing conspiracy to attack King Charles. I give you a sense of how things are with an illustration. Having infiltrated a gathering of the blackhats, Bond spots a baddie ‘famous for promoting COVID/vaccine/mask-wearing/5G conspiracy theories, spilling over into the usual anti-immigrant, anti-EU, anti-BBC, anti-MSM, anti-cultural Marxist, climate change denial pronouncements’. The former Tory MP’s ‘anti-trans diatribe’ had then resulted in him being kicked out of the party. Well I don’t know about you lot, but he sounds like a top man to me.

The novel then has Bond lamenting the fact that Athelstan, the far-right supervillain, doesn’t embrace diversity by including ‘women, non-white or disabled’ people in his plot to attack the new king. I’d like to think that Higson was being ironic, but somehow I doubt it.

What next for Bond then? Will the martini be replaced by a soy latté? Will he abandon the Aston Martin for a bike? Instead of blowing his enemies to kingdom come, will he try to rehabilitate them by pointing to the healing qualities of mindfulness and a vegan diet?

It’s gone beyond parody. Higson, you’re an absolute cunt, and I hope that ‘OHMSS’ goes straight into charity shop 10p a pop baskets.

Will the real James Bond please stand up?

NY Post Link.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

123 thoughts on “Woke 007

    • Is it cheating if I say black teen from Croydon on deadpool.
      After all the latest victim of rich black culture is now more famous than benny from crossroads..

      • 20 grand a year private school? That didn’t do her much good did it? No more than young Mr Flabbott.

      • Croydon/Selsdon was a very nice area 40 years ago.

        It is now a zombie knife lover’s paradise.

      • I see the suspect remains unnamed. Unlike the lad who dared deface the Windrush memorial in Port Talbot.

      • The brown goblin is too busy readying the Blackwell tunnel for tolling, to worry about trivial things like murdered teenagers..

  1. The intro sequence in most early Bond films had a woman dancing around in silhouette while the theme tune played.

    Today it will be Diane Abbott in “sexy” negligée in silhoutte, just about to go down on Annalise Dodds.

  2. It might be a twist.
    Could be white, so they don’t have to bother anymore.
    Part and parcel of living in a paki capital city.
    Diversity is OUR strength
    Not yours.

  3. I would laugh my dooh-dahs off if the new “Bond” films totally bombed at the box office!

    No doubt the studios/producers/stars would claim that there’s a lot of bigots out there and that’s why the film failed.

  4. Pssst.

    IsAC’s film and tv critic Ron Knee here.

    Do you guys want to get a sneak preview of the title song sequence to the new Bond film ‘Arseraker’ due out in 2024?

    Well feast your eyes, but keep schtum, because this is a pirated copy.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYjHhqLSiN4

    And remember, you saw it first on IsAC; ahead of the game with all the best stories.

  5. I gave up on Bond when they gave the 007 to some fucking split-arse n*gnog! Absolutely fucking shite, same Dr Who! They think the n*gnogs can do a better job, do they? What’s next, I wonder? They’ll be insisting that the dinghy riders get a fair shot at it, soon! Fucking, flotsam excrement!

  6. Higson is indeed a cunt. I hated that very last Fast Show. Where what were supposed to be stupid crazy funny characters all got schmaltzy mawkish back stories and tragic pasts. Splendid pisspot Rowley Birkin QC lost his girl and he became very very drunk.
    Competitive Dad is the way he is because his dad was competitive and he apologises to his kids. It was rapid fire comedy sketch show, not Armchair Theatre. t It was funny, but its end was syrup drenched shite only rivaled by Peter Kay’s Care Share

    • I think the script may go something like this:
      “Man’s name be Bond, aight! DeJames Bond, ye rasclart. So, what you fink mandem gwan blab, doh innit”
      Blofeld “Sorry, what? Oh, you mean do I expect you to talk? No, Mr Bond. I expect you to die!”
      Bond “Easy now, bredren! Mandem no be deein today, bludclart. Everyting gwan be ayree!”

  7. I ignore all this woke shite.
    Last weekend I went on a two day shagging trip with a blonde.
    While away I left by 4.6L jag idling in the drive just o piss of the green lefties.

    Oh and we drank a lot of booze and had a bloody good time.
    My cardiologist says I’ve shortened my life by about 3 years, but wtf wants to hang about in the shitfest coming our way??
    Fuk it.

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