The Gravlax cunt


We seem to be in another crisis, folks. It hit the stage in September 2022 and to this day, the cunt is still abusing UK households on a daily basis.

The advert is for 3 communications and is branded as : “life needs a big network.”

At first, this advert was just annoying. The stupid Wallace and gromit-esque gormless cunts expressions, his lispy weak chinned pronunciation, and the frequency of the advert. Nothing sinister just really annoying, but it will be OK: persevere and it will fuck off and be replaced by a more annoying advert 3 months later.

Fast forward to May and we have nearly had 3 financial quarters of this bullshit. Over the last 2 weeks I can’t escape the Gravlax cunt. I get him 3 times a day, across the TV, iCunt and mobile phone. It’s almost like I am being forced to have a homoerotic relationship with Mr Gravlax.

However, watching it under a different lens and I found another issue with it.

It’s the lack of ambition and aspirations that his mixed race in laws have… You know the score. Stupid honkey cannot order anything other than burger, chips and beans.

The 2 cunts are so impressed that he orders the Gravlax with such a solid conviction. Fantastic, now I’ve ordered a salmon dish, I’m good enough to bang your daughter… Cheers.

And of course they are right to question his lazy privileged honkey ways: the daft cunt doesn’t have a fucking clue what Gravlax is, and 3 has to step in and save him from his privilege colonising background.

I won’t let this get to me anymore… Now where did I put the lemon rind, white peppercorn and freshly picked dill sprigs…


Nominated by Cunt Executive Officer. A refreshingly original cunting CEO, C.A.

63 thoughts on “The Gravlax cunt

  1. It wasn’t until I watched this ad that I got why CEO found it so annoying.

    Apart from the fact that he’s punching well above his weight, the gormless expression and the “oh, I fell into the wardrobe in the dark, and this is what I came out wearing” clothing choice, and that he obviously doesn’t own a mirror, it’s so fucking patronising.

    I’m just shocked that his jumper isn’t Fair Isle.

    • The subtext is the same as 99.9% of modern television advertisements. Dark-key/Asian/brown skin = sophisticated, intelligent, culturally adept. Whitey = thick, gormless troglodyte who doesn’t know what gravlax is.

      How can you sell a product by insulting 90% of your target audience.

      • “…How can you sell a product by insulting 90% of your target audience….”

        Easy, convince them through the application of 50 (let’s call it 60) years of hourly media messaging that they are a worthless, exploitative, reactionary, racist beasts who should expect nothing better.

  2. What a pillock. Destined to be one of Darwin’s victims.

    Three UK needs to be avoided. When will businesses learn that cuntish adverts do them no favours.

    • Precisely MMCM. Advertising is purely about money. If a substantial number of people avoid ‘3’ the problem will be fixed in short order. Witness the Bud Lite fiasco. The advertising industry employs only vermin.

      Morning all.

  3. Sadly, being a gormless cunt is the only job left for white heterosexual males in advertising. Even then they have to have a missus from a different race.
    It’s a reminder of how stupid we all are to put up with it.

    • Its like that in the latest Asda ad. Cue pregnant black wife belittling and emasculating her clearly dumb white hubby for daring to shop around for a bargain. And they even manage to shoehorn in one of the strangest looking hybrid kids i’ve ever seen for about one second that says and does nothing except look like she’s taking part in a Gremlins trailer. Cunts one and all.

      • She had to have a white husband. If the father had been black he had cleared off ages ago and they couldn’t have made the advert.

  4. Just another example of showing honkies as stupid pitiful people..

    Couldn’t they find someone with a bigger overbite.

    And best of all Asian man married to a black women..

  5. Gravlax wouldn’t be my first choice from a menu
    And I wouldn’t eat it in a snooty restaurant with half castes.

    You want something less pungent.
    Gravlax smells like Katie prices knickers.

    He should assert himself!
    Go with something he enjoys.

    Ask if they do a meal deal.
    Get a free drink,
    Bangers and mash is nice!
    You could eat the sausage suggestively to the daughter?

  6. Yes, a Japanese man with an Asian wife.
    That happens a lot!
    Throw in a daughter, the advertising company obviously couldn’t find a Jap/Nigerian mix so a West Indian girl will do.
    Who is going to notice?

    At least the white guy, given the part because he looks particularly gormless, is holding the menu the right way up.

    He has therefore been to restaurants before, but only places where the menu has pictures of the food on offer.

    A good, well noticed cunting.

    • ‘He has therefore been to restaurants before, but only places where the menu has pictures of the food on offer.’

      Ahh, Little Chef and Wimpy.
      Before the dark times. Before the Empire (Wetherspoons).

      I like the nostalgia of laminated menus with pictures at the local cafe run by an Italian or Greek family.
      It makes the place family and builder-friendly

      • Point and grunt menus.

        Very popular here in Spain.

        The tourist must notice that many of the ‘restaurants’ have exactly the same menu.

        The food is brought in by the big catering companies and stuck in a microwave for a few minutes.

        It’s amazing what shit people will eat when on holiday.

  7. He shouldn’t be judged by some jap anyway.
    That jap should still feel suitably apologetic of the sins of his father.

    Bet they didn’t eat gravlax on the Burma railroad did they Mr Mayagl?

    • They didn’t eat anything much at all on the Burma railway…

    • Plus you know the father is hung like a 10 year old..
      It’s probably why the mother is smiling when he passes the test..

    • I’ll have you know Mr Miyagi was from Okinawa and fought the Yanks in the Pacific.
      It’s in my prequel script to The Karste Kid, ‘Miyagi Goes Nuts On Wake Island’.
      It features him roundhousing the Fat Boy atomic bomb into a million bits.

  8. Ironically 3 doesn’t have a big network which is why they are trying to merge with Vodafone…

    • it doesnt seem to as I missed out on that vrry successful emergency fart from the govt.

  9. The cunt in question is a bin dipper. While he is conning a free lunch from the well to do, racially diverse parents, his scally chums are robbing their Aston Martin.
    Fuck them all.

  10. Whilst pronounced ‘Gravlax’, the correct spelling is ‘Gravad Lax’. A posh restaurant would not have made that mistake in its menu.
    The cunts who dreamt up this garbage are obviously as thick as the moron depicted in the advert.

    • Well spotted GT , it is nice to have an educated bloke on here.
      I, of course, had to look it up and it was interesting to see on Google that the first half a dozen mentions of Gravadlax were recipes from the BBC or Guardian, so that is proof enough for me that the advert was made by a bunch of shirt lifting, woke, cunts.

  11. If I have to Google it I’m not interested.

    Steak and kidney pudding, chips, peas and gravy.

    Plenty of salt and vinegar.

    I need to keep my energy levels up.

    Your daughter’s a right fucking nympho.

    Does she get it from the missus ?

  12. Morning all. Me too jack I never heard of it but then I don’t do raw fish. Fuck that. I’m civilised, learned how to make fire 🔥
    Separates me from the animals.

  13. Fucking hell..I wrote a spiffing reply to this excellent cunting only for the page to crash..

    Can’t be arsed trying to remember what I wrote,perhaps it’s brain fog from watching appalling shite like this scouse weasel and his cobbled together band of multiracial cunts?

    A fucking chinaman married to a dark key ?

    Brilliant,it’s advertising man’s Top Trumps for the most ridiculous couple in an advert.

    Anyhow it’s awful and they all need gassing.

    • The multiculti Narnia of the ad executive. Another reason to ditch telly, evrn if I have to stomach this crap via Youtube (inexorrably removing the ‘You’

      • Do you think shooting an email to the head honcho at you tube suggesting they just do adverts and fuck what you are trying to watch?
        Telling him that the ads are a fucking irritant because we, unlike the yanks have an attention span and a functioning brain. Slip in a reminder that he is also a cunt too.

  14. If they’d wanted it to look authentic they should have made the dad a 28 stone sumo wrestler and the mum bare titted with a bone through her nose.

  15. Not seen this advert before now.
    Must live a charmed existence.
    Fuck knows what it’s all about?
    The wife tells me they’re switching off 3G next month
    Whatever that is.
    Reckons I won’t be able to use my mobile or summat.
    Not that I bother with it much anyhow.
    I agree with Jack.
    Fuck them all.
    Good morning.

  16. And i thought it only came in tins. Doner kebab meat and chips all the way, washed down with korev and jd. Nourishment from the gods.

  17. One advert that Pisses me off at the moment is the one Youtube keep pushing.It’s the Paypal one with the obese black woman while some other (probably black) woman sings ‘go be the change’..
    Yeah, the change to a cashless society you cowardly corporate cunts.

    • This one gets on my tits so bad it makes my teeth itch. Listening to a playlist on youtube on my phone, this appears before every other song, fucking cunts.

  18. I wouldn’t touch “3” with a bargepole – any more than I would touch AnalEase Dodd’s shit staind knickers.

    Thy are the only company I ever felt strongly enough to take to the Small Claims Court, because some years agoI bought one of their pieces of crap and there were connectivity issues – th compny refused to take my word for it and when I refused to pay them any further money, as the phone was unuseable I got almost daily letters from their debt collector goons. In the end, an MPs letter, a solicitors letter and conversations with their CEOs secretary resulted i me having to do it. It was unnecessary but as they are owned by Chinky company Hutchinsons, I suppsoe it is no more than one should expect.

    I haven’t seen the advert but it is no doubt 100% shit like all the rest of them.

  19. Indeed, a truly annoying adverts.

    What gets my goat about this is the fact that chinky dad and darkie mum didn’t order:

    Number 3, special fried rice and sweet n sour prawn balls
    Fried chicken, with rice and peas

    Given our colonial prowess in days gone by I’d argue we are the more cultural ones.

    Besides all that who would want to shag a spliced slitty eyed spade – not me!

    • or deep fried salt and pepper chiggun with egg fried rice for both, and a block of lithium for the dad, from the mum, as a symbol of Chinese-African unity.

      ‘Eb-on-ee and err… mustardy…

  20. Imagine if it was a black fella instead of the white one and a honky bird and her honky parents?

    For some reason I just can’t put my finger on, I don’t think they’ll ever make that advert.

    And wanky dining is shite. Once took a bint to one of those places and I was still hungry after spending over £100 about 25 years ago.

    Ended up going to the chippy.

    • Yeah, I split the bill with my brother at one restaurant his mate worked at.
      It was for our mum’s birthday. It came to £230 for 5 of us. I didnt eat my pork fillet because it was too pink. What made it worse was it being a 50 minute drive , after working all day in the sun, run off our feet, then we find out that the pub area of the restaurant has its own menu; fucking huge burgers and stacks of onion rings. I couldve cried.

      The trouble is I was so hungry and fucked off with the poncey tidbits of food we were served, hiding my disapointment became a real chore, and I made jokes about changing to a table in the pub.
      Still had to pay though. If it wasn’t my mum’s birthday I would’ve left at the starter and gone to the chippy or Indian on the way home.
      Never eating there again, or anywhere like it, unless it’s in the bar area.

  21. Spending a lifetime avoiding intrusiveness, it becomes second nature. Why not give it a try everybody ?

    • Aye some fussy cunts on ISAC.

      A few saying Holly Willoughby was too thick to fancy. Like I’m interested in her brain. Kelly Brook was also poo pood.

      The lass on this 3 advert looks South East Asian to me. They do tan to the point of being almost black if in the sun a lot. She’s probably been in the sun a bit I reckon.

      Which shows how thick 3 are. The East Asians/South East Asians see dark skin as a sign of being poor and uneducated. That’s why they buy all that skin whitening cream.

      If this bint was sophisticated as they are trying to portray, she’d be paler than the Fritzl children.

      Still, tan or no tan. Doesn’t bother me. I’d still chuck one up her.

      • Willoughby too thick to fancy?

        I wouldn’t care if she’s got the IQ of a zombie.

      • I don’t want a relationship with Willoughby, Brook or the dozens of page 3 or porn actresses i’ve knocked one out over. I just want to spaff my load over their tits and tummy them fuck them senseless.

  22. The mum gives the hapless twat a worryingly raunchy look at the end and all.

    A look that says, “Now let me drop my eight inch, 2 kilogram beef flaps on your face for dessert.”

  23. What is Gravlax? A remedy for constipation?

    Or am I confusing it with Lavlax?

    Morning all.

  24. Sirs:

    I know what Gravlax is.

    I’ve been drinking it and suffering the consequences all night, as I am having a colonoscopy in a few hours.

    Nasty but necessary stuff. Doesn’t really need advertising at all.

  25. Ah the death of intellectual white people in television adverts
    I personally wouldn’t ask or eat Gravlax in Mansfield restaurants they probably wouldn’t know what it is anyway?
    Good advert spoiled by it constantly being on yes the bloke is gormless but that’s how the woke want to portray us white people now 👍

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