St Patrick’s Day

A cunting for the annual Mick-Fest known as St Patricks Day (17th March).

I don’t wish to offend any cunters of Irish heritage. I rather like the Irish, have spent a number of wonderful holidays in their lovely country and admire their literature. They have, however, been total cunts over Brexit, but let’s not harp on about that for the sake of amity. No, this cunting is for the obnoxious, fake horridness of the annual St Patrick’s day celebration, loved by Plastic Paddy’s in the USA more than it is by real Irishmen who just get drunk for the occasion.

Let’s disect this myth of St Patrick. First of all he was not Irish. He was Romano-British, most likely born in Cumbria where his father was a senator and a tax collector. Secondly, he had no cause to love the Irish and did not travel their voluntarily. He was captured by Irish pirates at the age of 16 and probably received daily buggerings from them. Thirdly, as soon as he was able, he fled the Emerald Isle and returned to the relative sanity of late Roman Britain.The clearly PTSD suffering Patrick then heard “a voice from God”, ordering him to return to Ireland to convert the heathen to christianity. In other words, he was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome and, after running away, found that he couldn’t wait to get back to be abused.

Turning to the modern celebration of St Patrick’s Day, from what I have seen in the USA it is an excuse for Americans of dubious Irish heritage not only to get drunk but to utter meaningless stereotypical Irish phrases (“begorrah, tis like the Old Country again, feel the craic, I’ll have another pint of Guinness, curse the Black and Tans, etc.”). They do this whilst dressed like something out of a Dr. Seuss book, in leprechaun outfits and silly great green hats, etc. Morons.

During St Patrick’s day large areas in US cities like Boston and New York become an image of reckless intoxication, with rowdy college students crawling from bar to bar, where everyone is wearing that puce shade of green that proclaims their fake Irishness and public drunkenness, safe in the knowledge that law enforcement is colour blind in the USA (as it is here) and can only see in black and white, not puce green.

If I were Irish I would feel uncomfortable with the stereotypes on display here. And it’s hypocritical – Irish emigres in the USA were despised until Kennedy made the Irish seem cool. Their reception and treatment was worse in the USA than in mainland Britain, where the Irish were accepted as close neighbours and practically kin.

So happy St Patrick’s day – if you like dressing up as an emerald green leprechaun whilst getting blotto and urinating in public. A puce green pile of cunt practiced by cunts.

Nominated by MMCM.

79 thoughts on “St Patrick’s Day

  1. It’ll soon die out,the rate the Irish government and it’s EU masters are flooding the republic with third world rubbish.

    Begorrah! There’s a witch doctor moving in next door,to be sure.


  2. Absolute fucking wank! Sad, delusional cunts who for one day in their life celebrate their Oirish heritage. Well, when I say heritage, I mean that the nearest they come to being Oirish is that they watched an episode of Father Ted!

  3. Off road…….

    As much as I dislike those dreadful types, known collectively as ‘ the French ‘.
    I do admire their willingness to demonstrate their opposition to Microbe and his shitty government.
    We don’t seem to have the same spirit 🙁

      • Not strictly true Geordie. Our revolution was more than a century before the French got round to it. Seems we fucked up though, we could now be the world’s oldest republic had we not slipped back into our old ways.

      • True MMCM. Seems to me Cromwell just wanted Charlie’s job, justified to himself by his belief in a sky fairy.

  4. In November 1920, fifteen British soldiers were murdered by the IRA in Dublin. The Black and Tans enacted revenge later that day by opening fire on a crowd at Croke Park, killing 14. It was a shameful incident, for which the Queen apologised at a ceremony at the Croke Park memorial to the 14 dead.
    However I have never heard of anyone apologising for the murder of the British soldiers, nor of a memorial to them. How odd.

    Fuck off you blarney stone kissers.

    • When England were to play at Croke Park a couple of years ago the fucking Beeb went on at length about Irish sensitivities regarding the actions of the Black and Tans. Strangely, there was no mention of the events leading to the shootings.
      Perhaps the Irish should rename the place Croak Park in honour of the fallen.

    • Have you managed to grasp the fundamental difference between a soldier and a civilian yet? AKA non-combatant.

      A large number of those ‘British soldiers’ in Oireland were, weirdly, Oirish, what with it still being part of the UK at the time. I’m glad that their deaths at least move you to tears, if not anyone else’s.

      You’re like those blokes down the pub who only like blacks when they play for your football club.

      • I refer to the spectators at Croke Park (14 dead, 80 injured) who were shot indiscriminately, as you know full well.

        Stop digging.

      • I’m with you on this Mickey lad-remember the way the British establishment behaved at Peterloo👎

    • It must be 35 years to the day, give or take*, when some cowardly old Irish taxi driver kidnapped two serving soldiers, and aided and abetted the IRA cunts in beating and murdering them, during their self-inflicted “troubles” . I bet neither Biden or Starmer will care to remember that today or make mention of it.

      (*If I recall correctly 19th March 1988)

    • de Oirish dont nerd an excuse to behave like belligerent, violent poîkeys, but dis day gives dem de chance. I’m not sure what’s worse: the nî99ers of Europe or the plastik paddy nî99ers of Europe.

  5. It all boils down to why the yanks pronounce their T’s as D’s and getting pissed on St Patrick’s Day, is the reason why its called having the DT’s. That’s how I sum up all this baloney. Or is it a load of Blarney ?

  6. Many years ago before he was famous, a young Graham Norton done a bit of time in an Irish clink
    While serving his time in there, there was a notoriously violent well endowed homosexual convict in there with him called Mick “Chopper” Flynn.

    Chopper Flynn was a right nasty cunt, often terrifying his fellow inmates inmates by waving his oversized organ about in the showers.

    On hearing of Norton’s arrival, Big Mick walked into young Graham’s cell, bollock naked one afternoon swinging it about and proceeded to clear a shelf full of belongings with one swipe of his gigantic member, even wrecked his bed with it, flipping the mattress off his bunk, smashed the wall mirror, bashed fuck out of his sink with repeated swings of his giant length until the sink had detached from the wall with water spraying everywhere. It was carnage.

    Graham’s cell was basically destroyed by this one man wrecking ball.

    On seeing Graham’s terrified face, Mick, pointing menacingly at his cock and looking at Graham Norton said “See dis ting young feller – I’m gonna stick dis ting all der way up your fecking arse and bum der fuck out of yer till yer fecking eyes bleed !!!”

    On hearing that, Graham’s look of genuine fear turned to one of relief and he said “Oooohhh tank God fer dat – for a minute der, I thought you were gonna hit me with it.”

    Sorry about that.

    Morning fellas and Happy St Patrick’s Day.

    • Great story. I envisage St Patrick as a sort of holy version of Graham Norton, constantly making tasteless jokes about fannys and dicks. The only difference is he didn’t get a million pounds a year for it.

    • Morning HJ…imagine the state of Gayham Norton’s botty.
      It must look like a strawberry trifle mixed with raw, bleeding minced pork.

      • Morning Thomas. I feel quite sick. You have a terrific descriptive talent and could be the new Roald Dahl.

  7. Sea weed collecting leprechaun cunts. The Irish have a over justify view of themselves.
    The WW2 Prime minister of rotten potato land sign the book of condolence at the German ambassador residence when Hitler died.
    The country spent years abusing children/adults and offering the world Inbred travellers, semtex and self imposed pity
    Nothing but a Third world country made of rain, bogs and religious fanatics.

  8. “Their reception and treatment was worse in the USA than in mainland Britain, where the Irish were accepted as close neighbours and practically kin”

    Ho ho ho, ha ha ha, you are too much.

    I begrudgingly approve this nom because it is feckin annoying to have our day hijacked by college wankers, yankee doodles and norf and sarf engerlund types, eager to learn how to enjoy a bit of craic. I’d call it ‘cultural appropriation’ if I wasn’t a grown man who doesn’t really give a shit.

    As for the rest of the comments about the Tans and Cromwell, in the spirit of St Patrick O’Hanrahan himself I cordially invite all you cunters to sit on my appalling green cock.

      • Happy St Patrick’s day to you too.

        Only messing, this is a grand cunting and I’m ticking all the funny comments as usual.

        I know we Oirish love to spin a good yarn but my mother remembers arriving in London in the 70s and literally seeing the ‘No blacks, No Irish’ signs.

        Anyhow, I’ll leave you with a joke more true than funny;

        “how many Oirishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?”

        Five – one to change the bulb and the other four to sing about how great the old one was.

      • Lol.

        And Cromwell was undoubtedly a cunt and the Black and Tans weren’t exactly saints. But I think there’s more in common between the Irish and British than either side care to admit. Trouble is both nations dwell on stereotypes and grievances.

  9. We English often moan that there isn’t the same enthusiasm for St. George’s day as there is for St Paddy’s or others. There are many reasons why we are right to be uppity about it, but let’s be honest, our neighbours aren’t exactly celebrating much.
    The Scot’s banging on about losing battles and their shipyards whilst attempting to get more pissed than they usually are.
    The Welsh droning on about lost mining communities, depressing green valleys and slag heaps whilst sticking leeks up each other’s bums.
    Then our Irish friends trying to make the most of a windswept island where it rains 364 days a year. All sponsored by the Guinness brewing company.
    I’m quite happy to give that kind of national celebration a miss, thanks.

  10. I’ve been watching a lot of stuff recently on YouTube about the EU dumping all the immo shit all over Ireland… and other accommodation being stuffed full of the vermin in tiny villages and towns. Exactly the same as over here the lefties and do gooders cry about them while the ordinary Paddies are abused with the usual names. I don’t know how true it is but it all seems eerily familiar.
    Perhaps the Micks might have a new set of “Black and Tans” to hate instead of the dreaded British who fucked off a hundred years ago. They might find their EU masters somewhat less accommodating than the British government all those years ago. Cunts.

    • The ‘New Irish’ situation amuses me.

      My maternal grandfather’s family are off the Irish (one set of my gt. grandfather&grandmothers had english as their second language), another branch of the Irish side gets a mention in Thackeray’s ‘Irish Sketch Book’ when he spent a couple of days with them. There’s a whole lot more, but as there are no extant documents to prove any of it, we regard it as just your typical family myth.

      Yet even with all that provable Irish ancestry (there’s still a whole village back there full of blood relatives ffs) because my gt. grandparents didn’t register the birth of my granda back in the ‘old country’ (reason: they were glad to see the back of the place according to my mother) I’d have no chance at an Irish passport (Not that I’d fucking want it, but it’s the principle of the thing…) as I’m not Irish enough on paper, yet they’re happy to call this lot Irish?

      Hell mend them.

  11. Sorry, off topic again, but a few minutes ago on Radio4 a reporter asked us to bear with him while he used a calculator to add 90 and 93. Wonder what they pay this divvy?

  12. Whats this, the irish going to the pub for the day? A bit like the other 364 days. I quite like the irish, well having irish ancestry aswell as welsh, and prussian jews and my dear wifes mum is irish, so let them have there fun. They aint urting no one bruv, as they say.

  13. I don’t mind Ireland or genuine Irish people but I can’t stand wankers who identify as Irish-American. Nobody in their background will have been anywhere near Ireland in the last 150 or so years but they bang on as if they only left the place in the middle of last week, be-jayzus. They’re American, full stop!
    Like Scousers who’ve made it good elsewhere, why don’t they just fuck off back if it’s so wonderful? As for that Nazi sympathiser Joe Kennedy, words that would get past the moderators fail me.
    I’m all for Gurkha-Americans and Aztec-Americans but never seem to hear much about them.

    • Ah, the Oirish Americans….so in-tune with their Oirish heritage that they can’t tell the difference betwixt Scottish and Irish accents…and don’t let’s further confuse the poor deluded cunts by pointing out the subtle difference between a lot of them having Ulster Scots ancestry rather than Irish ancestry…

  14. The dopey Irish fell for the ” vote again” shite from the EU when they got it “wrong”.

    The bastard’s won’t give up till we’ve done the same….🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

  15. Pikeys with fake Ooorissh accents. Most of them have never even geen there.

    Fake toothed,loud,fat,tracksuit adnorned ignorant cunts.

  16. I had an interesting experience on 17th March one year. I was in a relationship which, to put it mildly was on the rocks. She was South African, but as is common with settler stock, her family used to bang on about their Irish “roots”. There’s far more of that in my family than hers but whilst I don’t mind the Irish, I don’t feel any affinity.

    Anyways, it got to Paddy’s Day and she wanted to go out and drink green beer, a particular favourite in SA, decent lager beer polluted with green food colouring. I didn’t, and it further helped to hasten the demise of our relationship.

    The bitch retaliated nicely come St George’s Day though, and steadfastly refused to do anything.

    As the years pass I have to admit that she had a point, but I retaliated I’m kind by putting my England replica shirt on and fucking off to the pub by myself.

    So St Plastic’s Day can fuck straight off!

  17. Why is the Chief Constable of the RUC,sorry,PSNI, in Washington making political speeches about N.Ireland?

    Simon Byrne fucked up Cleveland police after fucking up parts of the MET. A real cunt.

    He is demanding hundreds of UK coppers help make Biden safe when he visits Belfast.

    Biden doesnt even know how he is,let alone,where he us. Fuck the cunt.

  18. Come on lads-stick a U2 cd on, marvel at Tommy “I’m just a set of ragged claws, ragged claw” Lee Jones mastery of de Oirish accent in Blown away, drink some warm Guinness and Bushmils and proclaim your Oirish heritage.
    Finish the night by knocking one out to a photograph of Andrea Corr, before vomiting violently on the cat and falling asleep.

    Happy St Paddy’s day, “Yer Bollocks!”

  19. When the whole world was looking for one person, wasn’t it Irish Special Forces who stormed a branch of Debenhams, after someone reported seeing summer bed linen on the third floor….

  20. I have an oirish born friend. He is an England supporter. He is a cunt for that! As he said to me, I was born Irish but brought up in England, I AM ENGLISH!

  21. How come there is no screeching about St Patrick? For St George’s day we get the usual screaming and shouting…

  22. The biggest laugh of all today, is Palace sacking their Paddy. A day he’ll never forget. Blistered thumb face will be singing the Esso sign means happy motoring at a pump near you.

  23. We don’t celebrate St George’s day. It’s raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccccciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssstttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  24. Sirs:

    Agree 100% with this cunting, especially in the U.S. context.

    The smell of corned beef and cabbage makes me want to barf.

    The sight of some bepimpled twat drowning in a sea of green beer and babbling about the Troubles makes me homicidal (in a good way).

    However I will point out that, unlike Black History Month, on St Patrck’s Day everybody wants to be pretend Irish, at least.

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