https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/21559578/mummy-girlfriend-delivery-cool-bag-sleeps-in-bedroom/
Peruvian Perv who just Luvs his Mummy
Julio Cesar Bermejo. This sad tosser has been caught in bed with an 800 year old Peruvian Mummy (wait while the LGTBQ+-mob come up with the appropriate pronoun).
“At home, she’s in my room, she sleeps with me. I take care of her”
Julio is a rather confused lad and in need of pronoun assistance not least because the object of his/its affections is actually male. We do not speculate how Julio achieves satisfaction but it must involve a bucket load of KY Jelly. Taking a squint at the pervs boat race I get the distinct impression that he is well on the way to mummification himself. “There is no greater love than this” as the poet says. Keeps the object of his affections in a foil lined pizza delivery backpack so she can travel with. Touching but mistakes can be made.
“Ere wasiss you cunt. I ordered a Chicken Pharaoh fully loaded so where’s me extra toppings innit?”
Never having had the horn for desiccated people (no not even Twiggy in my day) so granted I may be missing out on something but Cleopatra? Nah. Tutankhamun?. Nah. Queen Hatshepsut? Nah. Not a twitch of me haemorrhoids. Possible explanation for archaeologists obsessively digging the desert sands though. Crawling up dank narrow tunnels inside Pyramids? Very Phallic Pharaoh.
Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke.
Pharaoh nuff
12
This Giza is off his Cheops, what an Akunahten.
I’ll get my coat Ramases you later.
8
Did you hear about the mummy covered in chocolate and nuts discovered in Egypt?
Archeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.
12
He’s in de Nile .
11
All of these terrible puns.
(rama)-tut-tut.
0
He says it’s his “spiritual wife” so he might not actually perform unmentionables with it. Although, to be fair it’s better looking than the average Peruvian woman.
11
fck me mate, have you seen them? not too bad at running around though.
4
Maybe I’ll take a look. Big butts and I’m in.
2
Gotta watch those teeth mate
2
That’s what it feels like lying next to my wife sometimes 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
10
Bit brutal cuntus, Hope she doesn’t check your fone, like mine checks mine lol
4
😂It is a bit brutal, I couldn’t help myself. I’d been watching some old Mike Reid sketches last night, who was speaking about his wife and he came to mind when I saw this post.
1
Date night at the museum.
“Sorry you’re binned love, I’ve just seen a 500 year old stunner”.
11
Sex dolls are hard to find in Peru. So they have to make do with whatever they can dig up. But tricky getting the wrapping of though.
4
Not too much of leap in my neck of the woods, where lots of 70 somethings still visit their parents.
0
Perfectly normal, I don’t see what the fuss is about.
6
Jesus fucking Christ wtf!
I see he nicknamed her ‘Juanita’
I’m guessing she has one tooth then.
8
Prolly an overstayer in the US
2
Will the tomb raider be up for cereal rape, even though his “morning glory’s” were out of date ?
4
What does a mummy say after telling a bad joke?
I’ll get my wrap !
…I’ll get my coat.
7
Ho ho, this looks like a South American version of my question yesterday about the dryness of post-menopausal wimmins’ fannies!
This cunt looks like a Peruvian version of Dobby the house elf.
Paddington Bear’s Darkest Peru-located Great Aunt Lucy ought to be careful…who knows to what depth this miscreant would sink?
Mature bespectacled bear clunge.
9
Vaseline is the cure for that. Don’t get mixed up with Vic’s Vapour Rub, causes all sorts of problems of you grease her up with that.
3
I bet that some gamey biltong..
6
Imagine the biltong you could make from Katie Price’s well-worn fanny flaps, BZ.
Mind you, who’d want to eat cannibal biltong that tasted of Harvey spunk?
5
Reminds me of that cow vaginas recipe vid link that was posted not so long ago.
If the food crisis gets really bad, they’ll make calamari out of Stormer’s arsehole.
3
Sounds like one for Rooney – its in the age bracket
8
He’s the south American version of president Macron.
Raiders of the lost arse.
12
Yeah Macron will marry her so he can claim her pension for the last 700 years. Put that with the money we pay him for his dinghy vermin and he’ll be the richest man in France.
7
Looks like another entrant for the ‘bizarre sex’ category.
(I’m assuming of course that some sort of interaction of that fashion does actually occur now and then…)
Afternoon all.
6
Ron@
That’s strictly between a man and his mummy.
5
Afternoon to you Ron, always polite, you are.
4
The cunt nominated looks like a corpse himself – a victim of the amateur embalming hobby of Dame Kweer.
3
Is the the nom pic the 800 year old mummy?
3
Holy shit HJ…he’s only 26!
What’s that, in dog years?!
Fucker looks in his early 50s.
3
He looks like Suella Braverman in drag.
9
Bury the cunt under a sphinx.
2
His girlfriend looks like Jeremy Vine.
Oven.
3
I really think we need to start evening these fuckwits, fucking degenerates. What happened to pulling the fit bird from the pub?
2
Ovening. Fucking spell checker
2
Ugly bastard-his first time.
Still stops him being rapey, hopefully.
-llamas
-Peruvian nose flutes
-pan pipes
Jesus-what a cuntry 🥺
4
A digression.
I believe Had-a-boy-whore, has retired. Another thick footy pundit destined for stardom.
3
My guess is it’s the older woman who stole Harry’s cherry behind a pub.
4
fckng state of her, must have been pissed
3
To be honest he looks older than the 800 year old Peruvian Mummy that he’s having rumpy pumpy with.
3
I’m still laughing at the Macron reference
4
The boys reached his peak.
I’ll get my pyramid.
Will anybody give me a lift ?
3
‘If it’s got a fanny and a pulse…well, the pulse is optional’.
The Jimmy Savile Giant Book of Jokes.
5
I heard that Tony Blair had a wife swapping party and this cunt and his bird were the only ones who turned up.
5
I’d rather shag him
3
Cherie Blair disgusts me. The only takers would surely be the intellectually stunted or morally repugnant. She looks like leftovers from a Royston Vasey social club rummage sale. She needs to meet a real-life Maggie Blackamoor, and feel that all-enveloping warmth.
3
Imagine that gurning, giant grinning mouth descending towards your terrified knob, HBH…😵💫
6
Julio is going to be the laughing stock of the village when she leaves him for a older man.
5
Fuck me?!!
I’ve just read the link.
This mummy is a daddy!!
His spiritual girlfriend is actually a corpse of a 40 odd year old bloke!
4ft 11?
Like Sammy Davis Jr.
3
So he’s gay then? That changes everything, now he is so brave and courageous and you’re not allowed to take the piss.
No hate speech ok?
3
This fella doesn’t look like he has much success at the local dance hall, so what’s he expected to do? We’ve all been at that stage where a wank just isn’t good enough. I’m not going to criticize his choice of partner, I haven’t shagged an eight hundred year old dead body. For all I know it might be fun.
3
Man he sure is one ugly fucker.
4
Perhaps Julio is living out a filthy Mary Berry fantasy?
4
We’ve all had them.
…haven’t we?
0
Give the man a break, it was the only way he could stop Katie Price hitting on him.
3
Dr. Jill; “He seems perfectly normal to me.”
5
I bet old Joe would love to sniff the Mummy’s hair the dirty bastard.
7
Hey Freddie,
Put Joe next to the mummy and you wouldn’t be able to tell who was sniffing who.
7
Old Joe gets on well with dead people General. That’s why they all vote for the cunt.
7
Its what Joe would call a ‘vintage century’
2
Each to their own I suppose, surely the government’s antiquities department would have something to say? In the U.K. once it was established the mummy was male the pervy bastard would qualify for a two bedroom house and full benefits, plus his own float at the next pride event. Sometimes wonder if this adventurous spirit most humans have is really worth having though. If we got rid of all these cunts would our existence be more interesting.
He does appear to care for his mummy which is something in his favour but really the fucking World is descending into new levels of fuckwittery by the day.
2
Dirty boy.Oven.
1