Cadbury’s Creme Eggs

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Cadbury’s Creme Eggs are absolutely revolting. I can attest to this, having just taken a bite out of one for the first and (I hasten to add) last time in my life.

The wife and I had just finished a superb fish supper each, as she calls it, and had settled back with a cuppa. ‘Do you want a creme egg?’ says she. ‘No thanks’ says I, ‘I hate them’. ‘But you’ve never tried one, so how can you know?’ she comes back.

Now I’ll admit that there’s logic in this, although in response, I’ll state that my decision is based on the mere look of the things. Anyway, for some reason I can’t really fathom, this time I said ‘oh go on then, throw one over’.

I really wish that I hadn’t. One bite was enough. Cadbury’s chocolate normally isn’t bad, but the choc shell on this egg didn’t taste like Cadbury’s; it tasted like a sort of grainy plastic as it melted. As for the inside… a sickly, icky goo, with the texture of toothpaste mixed with too much sugar. Much too much sugar.

‘Yccccch!’ was my immediate response, as I fled to spit this abomination out. ‘I take it you’re not impressed then’ says the missus upon my return.

Impressed? Fuck me, do people actually pay for this shit?

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Nominated By: Ron Knee

126 thoughts on “Cadbury’s Creme Eggs”

  2. What the fuck is that photo? Two fa**ots sucking on The Flabbott’s dildo?
    Fucking disgusting!

  5. I believe Kraft now own Cadburys and I suspect the contents of the gunge is made from manky rejects of Kraft cheese. I prefer a Flake, especially if lovely LIsa got her knockers out to unwrap it for me, in a cornfield…….

  7. The other Guitarist in a punk band I was in, when we were 16, pulled an upper class lass from one of the big houses, who was a year older.
    Looking at her, you would think she was a demure virgin. The dirty bitch had him putting creme eggs in her snatch, then eating her out.

    His first mistake-telling the other lads in the band about it.
    The second-bringing her into the Sally Arms in Ambleside, where we all congregated, back then.
    Let’s just say, she didn’t “eggs-pect” the innuendo and sniggering she received.
    She dumped him shortly afterwards, not before fucking his best mate and the bass player in our little beat combo.

    I cannot look at a creme egg, without reminiscing about those simpler, happier times……

    • Have you ever thought about writing a book about all these anecdote CG?
      I’d read it.
      Be a lot more interesting that all this modern day crap like Coldplay eating one meal a day and fasting and burning incense and all that new age crap.

      Are you secretly Glen Hughes?

  8. The other Guitarist in a punk band I was in, when we were 16, pulled an upper class lass from one of the big houses, who was a year older.
    Looking at her, you would think she was a demure virgin. The dirty bitch had him putting creme eggs in her snatch, then eating her out.

    His first mistake-telling the other lads in the band about it.
    The second-bringing her into the Sally Arms in Ambleside, where we all congregated, back then.
    Let’s just say, she didn’t “eggs-pect” the innuendo and sni.ggering she received.
    She dumped him shortly afterwards, not before fucking his best mate and the bass player in our little beat combo.

    I cannot look at a creme egg, without reminiscing about those simpler, happier times……

    • That’s how the members of Culture Club and Frankie Goes to Hollywood used to eat their chocolate treats, CG…right out of the Lubbocked arseholes of their bandmates (except they used Easter eggs) in a process known as ‘shegging’.

      • Methinks a certain someone is plagiarising the famous 1967 Marianne Faithful Mars bar incident… 😉

      • Marianne Faithfull later termed that story ‘a dirty old man’s fantasy’.

        It’s a fucking great rock an’ roll legend tho; we all would’ve.

      • A lot is said about rock stars of the time fucking underage groupies, but as a 14 year old in 1967 I would have been more than happy to be fucked by Marianne Faithful, would even have supplied my own Mars bar!

      • Marianne Faithful was famous for playing “Irina Palm” in the film of the same name, giving hand jobs in a Soho club. It was never proven that Cadburys used their chocolate egg filling from Marianne’s busy takings.

  9. Sorry to disagree Ron, but I used to love ’em. Past tense that is, because I haven’t bought anything by Cadburys since Kraft took them over and made their chocolate cheap and nasty. Creme eggs probably taste like Dairylea now.

    • I love Dairylea®. Although maybe not in a chocolate carapace. That would just be wrong.

    • I used to love creme eggs but, in the usual yank fashion of attempting to maximise profits at the expense of, well, everything, they changed the recipe for the chocolate to something brown and that’s how they taste now.

      • I used to enjoy them years ago, I recall eating one at work years ago, getting my tongue right inside of it, the bloke sitting opposite asked me if I would eat another one the next day as watching it gave him the horn.

    • I get what you’re saying Geordie.

      I suspect that moggie’s right, and the Yank takeover is what’s fucked these things up.

  10. I like the caramel ones. But then I have a sophisticated pallet.

    The chocolate has been downgraded though.

    • The filling is like emulsion paint.🤮

      And they’re a Alphabet symbol for gay rights.

      They allegedly drug one in every hundred.

      The friends of Dorothy Action Front is behind it all.

      An the Jews.

  12. Great cunting.

    They are fucking disgusting. Shit quality ‘chocolate’ with a, sickly sugary paste in the middle.

    That advert must’ve done wonders for sales too, implying they’re filled with spunk.

  13. Cadbury products do not reach the accepted level of cocoa to be sold as chocolate.

    On an egg theme, how about Kinder Surprise Eggs?

    The chocolate used for them is fucking horrible.
    I challenge anyone to eat an entire egg.

    To sell the fucking things they put a cheap, plastic toy inside which your average 9 year old seems delighted to receive, according to their adverts.

    Yeah, right.
    Lure your kid away from the latest Grand Theft Auto on their PlayStation with a plastic piece of tat.

    That will work.

  14. The Creme Shite egg has been around since 1923 FFS. In my day when school shorts were very long, grey and itchy they were mainly used to glue the likes of Pratt minor to their seats. A sticky bomb judiciously lobbed under the school boy arse in the act of sitting down invariably did the business.
    Having spent various periods in a variety of Colonial Locations my pet hate is the Hershey Bar, a Yank sweet chocolate flavor bar that is beyond sickening.
    “Hershey’s huge range of deliciously creamy chocolates and other sweet treats has grown into one of the biggest in the world. They have been the mastermind behind dozens of your favourite brands, and have been making candy since the 19th Century! If that doesn’t impress you, we don’t know what will! Why not see what all the fuss is about, and grab yourself a bar of Hershey’s Chocolate today!”

  17. On the ‘chocolate’ theme, can I just say what a great time everybody had today, at the Hot Chocolate fan club annual picnic, it started with a quiche….

  18. Forgot to mention that Hershey manufacture the Cadbury brand in supersweet Yankland including the tooth rotting Creme Egg. Hershey/Cadbury chocolate is even sweeter than Cadbury/Cadbury chocolate. No surprise then that Cadbury’s UK products are getting sicker and sicker to the adult taste. Every relaunch of a product and it gets sweeter because children are addicted to supersweet. CF Pepsi and Coke.
    https://time.com/3684812/chocolate-wars/

    • I’m not a fussy man,
      Jesus I pick up chips I’ve dropped on the ground!

      But the American palate must be like a pigs?

      Vomit flavoured Chocolate?!

      Hershey’s kisses being the worse.
      Whoever thought up that name had been molested of a tramp.

      Truly awful.
      Just dreadful.

  19. I think we can safely say that our chums across the Atlantic know fuck all about chocolate.

    Whichever government officials allowed Cadburys to be bought by Kraft should be summarily shot as traitors.

    Fucking Hersham Highway indeed.

    Cunts.

    • Same with the Belgians.
      Known for fine chocolate,
      And their artisan chocolatiers….

      Fuckin rubbish.
      Tastes like dogshite.
      Bunch of bumboys.

      That’s their only export too!
      Not known for anything else.

      • Same for Ferrero Roche.
        Dry leaves in chocolate.

        I gozzed it out at the ambassador’s ball.

      • And they put mayonnaise on chips..

        But they do make some bloody good beers.

      • We were out the other day at a place they served something called ‘poutine’; a fancy name for chips topped with curds and gravy.

        Fuck that!

      • Ferrero Rocher ARE the Ambassador’s testicle.
        My mother once had one with crunchy mouse filling…

    • That would be the bogeyman chancellor one Gordon Brown cunt. Uncle fire up the oven please and could you stick that cunt Blair in there as well? Gas mark immolation for 20 minutes should do it.

    • And that ‘American Classic Yellow Mustard’ they use couldn’t pull the fucking skin off a rice pudding.

      Get some Colman’s in, you weak cunts.

    • Spot on Cunty that dark choc one is delicious. The other day the wife bought me some Moser Roth dark chocolate with hazelnut pieces in it; superb.

  21. I can’t cunt creme eggs. This 18 stone didn’t happen by its self.

    So for that reason……..ahm oot!

  22. I have to say, Ron – no offence – I am appalled by Mrs. Knee’s pallette!.

    The spouse has some disgusting habits – cheese and onion crisps followed by a Bounty Bar, and she’s kinky for the walnut whips – bit Creme eggs after a fish supper.? Truly gut-wrenching.

    • It’s her Scottish upbringing WC. Up there a Mars Bar supper is regarded as refined dining.

      In truth she doesn’t eat a lot of choc, but necks a fair amount of wine and liqueurs and eats pretty much what she wants. Yet she’s still only
      about eight stone.

      There must be some truth in that old chestnut about weight and body metabolism.

      • The sainted missus obviously follows the jocko diet. Eat as much as you like washed down with Iron Bru and vodka then puke up on the pavement. Get all the clan colours as well.

  23. Never been a fan of the shite even before takeover and relocation of the Cadbury brand by Yank syrup-pushers.

    Remember that advert, ‘how do you eat yours?’

    I don’t mate.

  25. Cadbury chocolate used to be lovely.
    Now, it tastes like wallpaper paste, claggy and not at all nice.

    Lindt chocolate is OK, as is Thornton, but Lily O’Brien salted caramel buttons are fabulous.

  26. You know that’s it’s good chocolate if you only get the urge for a small square or two of it.

    The sugar and shite in Cadbury chocolate is addictive and has you eating an entire bar.

    With all of the fat and unhealthy results.

    Unfortunately people get ‘the taste’ for Cadbury chocolate, just as the Yanks love their Hershey.

    But some proper chocolate with a cocoa content of 70% or more.
    Adults should not be eating Cadbury and certainly not be addicted to the shite.
    The don’t need the sugar and their taste should have matured to liking a more bitter chocolate.

    Cadbury is for children, and in moderation.

    It really is rubbish.

    • Used to be nice though, Artful.
      Their Old Jamaica was great.

      That Kraut chocolate, Ritter Sport is magic. The cornflakes one is the business.

  27. Went out with a girl several years ago, who really loved creme eggs…….it was a lot of rude fun.

    • There seems to be quite a bit of this about.

      Which may explain the surprising popularity of this particular confectionery.

      • If you are going to shove a chocolate treat into your sweetheart’s sausage pocket and then eat it out then a gentleman should not compromise.

        Nothing less than Vosges Haut Chocolat.

        Show some sophistication.

  29. I used to like the little Smarties eggs. Smash them and the all the smarties came out of it.
    Creme Eggs were alright in the 70s, but they went shit many years ago. Mind you, Cadbury’s chocolate now exists in all but name. Took over by American corporate raiders and the recipe of a one great British classic was forever fucked over. Now Dairy Milk is manufactured in fucking Poland with inferior ingredients.

    And as for that Creme Eggs adverts featuring them gobbling turd burglars? There should have been arrests. Kids watching that is nothing short of a disgrace.

    • My parents used to buy us Caramac eggs as we were a big family and those were the cheapest ones. I tried to eat a small bar of it recently for nostalgic reasons, tasted like it came from the Devil’s arse.

    • Old Jamaica was my mum’s special treat.

      As kids we’d beg like dogs for a piece!!
      Was gorgeous.

    • Banjo!

      I used to like them. Disappeared quick, didn’t they? Better than the Twix, I thought.

      • Evening CB-my money earned working, was spent on fags, brandy and guitar strings.
        I always preferred the taste of a woman, to chocolate 👍

      • I was about 7 when I liked Banjos.

        Was a few years off working and chasing the clunge.

      • There was a lovely old bloke called Sam who ran our local newsagents. When I was a lad I used to do odd jobs for him and he offered me payment in either cash or stock. I filled my boots with chocolate, Ben Shaws, and Mayfair magazine.

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