Jack Johnson (2) – David Beckham Wannabe

(Johnson is on the right just in case you couldn’t spot the difference – Day Admin)

Driving Mr. David.

Does this bellend, despite umpteen surgical and cosmetic procedures, look anything like David Beckham?

It’s a change from the overly tattooed, split-tongued, horned head/noseless/cropped eared cunts I like to share with you, but my God, he must have hamsters whirling the wheel in the cavity where his brain would normally be. What an utter fucking cunt.

(Thanks to Viz)

Derby Telegraph

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

49 thoughts on “Jack Johnson (2) – David Beckham Wannabe

  1. I have to ask but has he ever seen a picture of Beckham?

    Personally he looks more like his namesake and he’s been dead 75 years.

  2. I can never understand why “men” (I use the term loosely in this case, you understand) want to look like their heroes. This one looks about as convincing as Izzard’s false tits pretending he is a woman, but he doesn’t look anywhere near as bad as that little faggot who wants to look like Ken or Barbie.

    Just wait till Kweer starts his surgery to look like Anthony Blair – a disaster waiting to happen i nevery sense of the term.

  3. Good morning

    This twat doesn’t need a plastic surgeon he needs a decent psychiatrist .

    • 20 pence of black electrical tape could of achieved the same result, artful.

    • I dare any ISAC ter to suggest that vision of loveliness gives them the horn. He looks even worse than the spouse when she has just completed a trio box of Walnut Whips.

    • Can’t think of a worse way of promoting your business.
      Tin of black gloss and a bicycle pump.

    • I knew it would be a mistake getting up an hour earlier and switching on IsaC.
      Fuck, that sight isn’t going to help the hangover.

  4. Needs a burka,slim fast anx the Kimg Jong Un anti aircraft battery treatment.

    Is it a homosexual?

  5. So Jack tried to take his own life did he? Keep trying motherfucker, even a useless sack of shit like you is going to get lucky sooner or later.
    Just do it and stop fucking whinging like a cunt ok?

  6. He didn’t need the surgery to confirm he’s a cunt, the use of social media photo filters confirm his seat at that table.

    Why doesn’t he just identify as Beckham, no one will be able to tell him different.

    He spent 20k of benefits on cosmetic surgery? Twenty thousand of our money. Then the best bit…..he’s diagnosed with a mental disorder because he wants to look like someone he’s not. If he’d wanted to look like Mrs Becks he’d be cheered and applauded.

    He looks more like Uber cunt Sam Smith anyway.


    • Good point you make there Sixdog, had he tried to imitate a woman rather than a man. Last night on television I caught the tail end of a report from Australia where a man who was picked up by the police wearing a bikini and carrying a whip in public was taken for psychiatric assessment. I wondered what would happen here in the same circumstance.

    • What’s he on about?
      He looks like Beckham
      Like I look like Richard Pryor!

      Waste of £20k.

      Although if it helps Jack you look a bit like Matt Lucas and Kim il Jung?

      Your best bet is hope that Beckham becomes a fat cunt,
      But with Posh Spice cooking the rations it’s not likely.

  7. He may look nothing like Beckham but at least he’s not married to the stick insect and has four thick kids with stupid fucking names used to a life of luxury. So it’s not all bad.

  8. The daft cunt could have saved himself a lot of bother and our money by simply being obsessed by James Corden.


    • These types are always 5minutes away from trying to kill themselves.

      Always trying
      Never succeeding.

      Matron! I need some attention!

  9. Hehehe 😄
    Just read the link

    ” I don’t blame David Beckham
    It’s not his fault”….

    How kind.

    I once reversed the van in to a wall causing damage.
    But I didn’t blame Steve McQueen.
    It wasn’t his fault.

    • When I was a lad, I wanted to be James Bond and shag the arse off Britt Ekland, Jane Seymour, Barbara Bach and so on.

      But I didn’t, and I didn’t blame Roger Moore. It wasn’t his fault.

  10. I’m bemused how somebody can spend £20k trying to look like Beckham, and end up looking more like Sam Smith.

    He should sue to get his money back, the daft cunt.

    Morning all.

  11. It looks like he’s had a cheap job lot done and might have a sneaky resemblance once all the swellings gone down.

  12. Looks like a tranny Katie Price.

    Imagine trying to make her fanny? Would need to reclaim the Piccadilly Line.

    • I wonder who had the bigger set of lips-Saint George of de heavenly chiggun or Katie “Publicity shy” Price’s well used twat?

  13. Bloke wants to look like David Beckham?

    He’s a mental.

    Bloke wants to cut his junk off and look like Marilyn Monroe?

    Stunning and brave.

  14. Where Jack went wrong, he went to see his idol in the new children’s film “Humpty Dumpty” playing the lead, but he didn’t know the dumb ex footballer was only doing the fat cunts voice-over.

  15. .What a fucking freak.The fucker looks like that creepy talking egg cunt from those Kinda Surprise adverts from the 80s.

    Kill it with blazing raging flaming 🔥🔥🔥🔥

  16. I’ve just bought a Humpty Dumpty present for my little niece from Aldi.
    It’s the real deal, it comes with Aldi kings horses and Aldi kings men….

  17. On the subject of fiberglass and plastic filled ‘celebrity’ trash….

    Carol Vorderman moaning at Jeremy Clarkson? Whorederman, that champagne socialist with the morals of an alley cat?

    Yeah….. That cunt.

    Get in the bin, slag. The whiff of kippers is getting intolerable.

  18. Another celebrity cunt in the news today. Daniel Radcliffe expecting his first kid.
    Oh, how lovely. This spoilt never worked can’t act virtue signaling cunt will ‘educate’ his offspring about how wonderful trannies are. And how anyone who says they aren’t is Hitler or JK Rowling.

    • Danny Radcliffe is another modern dad who won’t be able to cradle or lift his kids, even at 2 weeks old.

  19. I used to believe that everybody is good at something, but this Jack Johnson cunt can’t even kill himself properly. His biological father should have shot his load onto bog paper and flushed it down the loo instead of inflicting this waste of space on the world. This arsehole has a vote just like you, he eats as much food as you and he could be occupying a hospital bed when you need one. What use is this fucker to anyone? The Daleks had the right idea. Exterminate!

  20. Cunts on benefits wants to look like. David beckham well you look more like Malcom’lfucking mug ridge
    You sad bastard get a life and get a job and stop mastibating

  21. Send it to the Welsh slate quarries, and give it workboots and a shovel, delete it’s social media accounts, disable wi-fi devcies and let us never hear of it again.

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