Cadbury’s Creme Eggs

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Cadbury’s Creme Eggs are absolutely revolting. I can attest to this, having just taken a bite out of one for the first and (I hasten to add) last time in my life.

The wife and I had just finished a superb fish supper each, as she calls it, and had settled back with a cuppa. ‘Do you want a creme egg?’ says she. ‘No thanks’ says I, ‘I hate them’. ‘But you’ve never tried one, so how can you know?’ she comes back.

Now I’ll admit that there’s logic in this, although in response, I’ll state that my decision is based on the mere look of the things. Anyway, for some reason I can’t really fathom, this time I said ‘oh go on then, throw one over’.

I really wish that I hadn’t. One bite was enough. Cadbury’s chocolate normally isn’t bad, but the choc shell on this egg didn’t taste like Cadbury’s; it tasted like a sort of grainy plastic as it melted. As for the inside… a sickly, icky goo, with the texture of toothpaste mixed with too much sugar. Much too much sugar.

‘Yccccch!’ was my immediate response, as I fled to spit this abomination out. ‘I take it you’re not impressed then’ says the missus upon my return.

Impressed? Fuck me, do people actually pay for this shit?

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Nominated By: Ron Knee

126 thoughts on “Cadbury’s Creme Eggs”

  2. I’m getting my gate painted Cadbury Creme. I have such impeccable taste don’t you know?

  3. Completely off topic but our rates bill has arrived.

    £2,742.76!

    £2,742.76!

    What the fuck are these people on?! I wish I could get some!

  4. Ah yes, the lovely Poly. One day I’ll have to tell you the story of how I tried chatting her up in a pub in north London. I didn’t know who she was, actually she was nobody then, and , of course, I didn’t get off with her but it’s a good story.

    • Fucking hell man, her teeth didn’t put you off ? Didn’t she go all Jehovas or summink ?

      • Far from it……the brace turned me on mate. Horses for courses, you know what I mean?

      • If you say so Fred, a precursor to today’s facial hardware but with a better reason.
        Animal magnetism ?

  5. Well you’ve all put me off chocolate for good.

    I hope you’re pleased with yourselves.

    If it’s not Cadbury’s (a British institution) being bought by the ‘muricans and turned into grainy, cloying shite. It’s talking about people sticking chocolate fingers up fruity people’s bumholes.

    One of the few pleasures I have at the minute and you’ve shat all over it. Metaphorically I mean not in the Amber Heard sense.

    On another note I seem to remember something about Kirsty Gallacher and some sort of kinky sex game involving chocolate fingers.🤔

    I’ll think about that later 😃

  7. Its true Cadburys worked with the NHS to eradicate people who suffered from tapeworms. It was they who suggested when things got insufferable, was to place a boiled egg up ones arse, followed by a chocolate cream egg and do that each day for six days. On the seventh day, patients were told to take a boiled egg only to their surgery where the doctor would insert it. After a short pause, the tapeworm popped its head out and said “where’s my chocolate egg” ? In which at that moment, the doctor immediately grabbed hold of the greedy worm and shouted “Got you, you little bastard” !!!

  8. In my day Needlers Mint Chocolate (mint flavoured choc not some sort of icky creme bar) and Peters Dark Chocolate (proper German high percentage cocoa solids stuff) were the brands of choice. Alas now long gone.

  9. Easters a comin’ and so lots of kids and fatties with gut ache and tooth decay from eating shite bring it on😀

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