Slapheads ‘R’ Us (3)

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Thinning hair. (Posh for going bald – Day Admin)

I’m at Elders, and she’s lowering my ears.
“Blimey, she says. It’s like trimming a rabbit. So fine and fluffy.”
“so, am I going bald?”
“Oh no, errm, I’ve had to trim your neck a bit higher.”
“because I’m going bald”
“No, no. The texture of your hair has changed and…. I’m not going to cut the top quite as short as usual”
“because I’m going bald”

Happy days. I already look like a constipated turtle, weigh about 8 stone, couldn’t win an arse kicking contest in a room of one legged men, and now I’m going bald. Could life get any better?

Patient Info

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

165 thoughts on “Slapheads ‘R’ Us (3)”

  2. I once worked with a bloke who called his short back and slap ‘The solar panel for a sex machine’.

    He was a cunt.

  3. I despise other slapheads especially if doing well for themselves or held up as sex symbols.

    In the 70s it was classed quite rightly as a disability.
    A embarrassing, disfigurement,

    Little kids would shout abuse!

    You’d be mocked in pubs.

    Shunned by society.

    No, I stand apart in my baldness. Own it.
    Like Ming the merciless.

    • That Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, other bald fuckers with shed hair all over the shoulders of their tuxedos,
      Like people can’t see theyre frauds?

      “HE’S BALD!!”
      I yell.

      But people still fawn and clap them.

      Like him as well,
      Burt Reynolds.

      Clearly Down Syndrome.
      Put a tash and a cowboy hat on= sex symbol.

    • Nought wrong with a shaven skull, Mis.

      My daughters will tell you that.

      I have mine cropped to a 3, 2 in Summer. Might be going zero next cut.
      It’s not so much the loss of hair, it’s how cold my nut is.
      I’m really wearing a hat indoors, my head is cold.

      • Wear a balaclava JP.
        But only indoors.

        All sorts of misunderstandings happen if you wear it outdoors..

      • I’ve taken to shaving it all offf say goodbye to shampoo hair drying keeping it down in the wind. I leave a stripe unshaven over the top to take the piss until the next visit by a big boss.

        Some kids down the street laughed and called me The Last Airbender

        I looked it up later and if I’d known at the time they would have got a good smacking

  4. What about the Trumpster? There’s something going on there but I can’t figure it out. It’s some kind of comb over but I can’t see quite how it works. No doubt he pays some Teezy Weezy type cunt a big wedge to pull it off. Whoever he is , he’s a fucking genius.

  6. What about the wimminz? In my yoof Gail Porter was all over the lad mags, a genuine stunner and was always hanging off the cock of some 90’s musician and then she started suffering from alopecia and slowly turned into Ian Hislop. Real shame.

  7. Ex- Manchester City Chairman, Peter Swales, had a notoriously bad Irish Jig. Then his successor, Francis Lee also had a very obvious syrup.

    Maybe Pep Cuntiola should get one? On second thoughts, maybe not. City have committed enough fraud already….🤔

    • Good old Norman…..never misses an opportunity to have a pop at his enemies…….Citeh and the Scousers!
      That Cilla Black was a right slag wasn’t she Norman?

      • A total cunt, by most accounts, Freddie.

        A neighbour of mine worked at Manchester and Heathrow, and he told me Cilla was one of the biggest cunts to ever pass through the airports. She was also shite. The only person who could sing flat and sharp at the same time.

  8. Hehehe 😄👍
    Good to see you Jack.

    Thought you’d gone as well!

    Hope your keeping well pal?

  9. Hello, MNC. I’m in excellent shape, thank’s for asking. 👍
    You ok ?
    We made it through another year, eh ?
    And now there’s another one to get stuck into. 😀
    I see that my ‘ State Of The Board ‘ address has been pulled. ☹️
    Hard times, LOL 😂
    Probably drowned it in a bucket 😀
    Take it easy 👍

  10. I’ve never had a problem with knob-heads.
    If you have lost most of your hair, whether due to medication or hormones, then it seems that shaving off what’s left seems a reasonable thing to do.
    What I don’t understand is shaving off a perfectly good head of hair.
    And even worse, shaving your head and then growing a fucking beard! What’s that all about?
    Just means that whereas I have to decide where to trim my sideburns down to, they have to decide where to trim them up to !!!! Seems fucking weird to me. Any explanations?

    • Simply self-image I imagine. They check themselves out in a mirror and think they look good (even if they look like a cnut to everyone else – especially the ones who think the bald head and bushy beard makes them appear well ‘ard when the reality is they just seem well g@y).
      It’s no different in my eyes to a woman dyeing her hair or sporting a particular cut/style e.g. bob cut, plaits, ponytail etc.
      If they feel happy with the look they choose for themselves then frankly it’s a case of b@lls to what anyone else thinks.

  11. Once saw a porno where the male star jizzed all over a bald woman’s swede! Funny as fuck. She looked like a cue ball covered in ice cream!

  12. Don’t shave the hair round your noggin. Let it grow like the Japanese and bring it over from the back into a topknot. Dress like a retired samurai for the remainder of your life. Make yourself look more authentic by having your eyes cosmetically designed to look like Toshiro Mifune. Slice a few heads off in your spare time with your samurai sword if you feel like.

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