Shaving

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Shaving.. What a cunt!

Fortunately I’m a slow grower. Takes at least a couple of days before whiskers start to dominate my mug. And come the third day I have to shave the lot off because not only do I look like a scruffy cunt,but those whiskers irritate the hell out of me.

That said, I’m glad I’m not the werewolf kind of cunt who shaves at 8 in the morning, only for it all to come back by 5pm. What a cunt that must be having to wet or dry shave of a morning/evening, every day for the rest of your life.

Wimminz bang on about all their problems, especially come middle age and the onset of menopause. But they have absolutely no idea what its like to have to shave every bleedin’ day- the sheer monotony of going through the same process every morning (or in my case every 2nd or 3rd day); slopping on the soap or shaving foam and then getting the razor out and gently whizzing it around one’s face in the vain hope of not getting any nicks that will only show up when you least expect it!

And woe betide if you throw on some aftershave right afterwards – stings like fuck!

I don’t know how many ISAC cunters here who haven’t seen a shaving brush or razor in years, although I think MNC stands out. How he copes with a beard I really don’t know, but he has my utter respect for living with a faceful of long straggly hair under his nose day and night.

Apart from that, shaving is a cunt!

Nominated by : Technocunt

50 thoughts on “Shaving”

  1. I do hope all cells in Scottish women’s prisons have electric shaver points.
    Mad Krankie’s legacy to Scotland.

    • Good Morning

      I think it was in the South Park episode with Meghan and Harry that at one point she lifted her arm and there was a great big hairy armpit. Best laugh in a funny episode.

      I don’t feel clean unless I have had a wet shave in the morning. Just part of the 3 S’s.

  3. Shaving 🪒 is indeed a Cunt and for some unknown reason now my pubes have gone grey even more so. It’s like trying to trim hundred year old hedge. Twigs that refuse to cut or break the fucking trimmers.

    Indeed it’s a Cunt as Davy sang it’s cold and it stings.

  4. If you are absolutely sure that you will never want hair in a particular place ever again.
    You will never follow a trend for a beard, moustache or sideburns, then invest a few hundred in a home laser hair remover.

    After a few applications nothing will grow again.

    It’s not painful and it’s permanent.

    Make sure that the system you are buying is suitable for the face.

    Lend it to your wife so she can have a perfectly trimmed fanny. No ingrowing hairs, no stubble.

    It will work on your bollocks as well…. So I am told.

    • I hated shaving.

      Looking like a freshly peeled new potato ,
      Not something I enjoyed.

      And as for women,
      Well I like a big hairy fanny!
      Not into women being bald downstairs,
      I’m not Gary Glitter!!

      Still shave my head.
      But that’s it,
      Happy days!!👍

      No barbers chair anymore,
      Asked about holiday plans, football, did I see I’m a celebrity get me out of here,
      None of that shite.

    • With perfectly lasered, bald bollocks your wife will look forward to you tea-bagging her.

      She will be delighted.
      No more moaning about what a disgusting, depraved cunt you are.

      So I’m told.

    • My last attempt at using an electric hair removal device was one of those epilators; a torture device if ever there was one. Tech has moved on since epilators so I’m after one of the Phillips IPL machines. It costs a few hundred quid so I make do with el cheapo disposable razors but really I should get the pricey zapper.

      And yes imho ‘laminated’ is way better than feeling like you’re carting around a half ton of lawn clippings. Each to their own though.

  5. Grow a beard. I grew mine look older when I was a student teacher – 22 but looking about 17. Got told off for being in the staff room.

    30+ years later and I look like Father Christmas’ seedy brother – think Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa.

  6. Techno-living on the west coast of Cumbria, you must see some fucking horrific looking oking wimminz:

    -fat biffa’s
    -facial hair
    -built like dockers
    -foul mouthed

    Why shave? The local men will mistake you for their sister and try and ride you-safer to go full MNC in that part of the world😱

  7. Reminded me of the time a mate who ran a boozer dahn sarf, was raising money for a local charity. His bar manager was a complete cunt, full of himself.
    I went in one night and he had shaved half his hair off for charity.
    When my mate can’t down to see me, in a loud voice, so the whole pub could hear, I said:

    “Well done Ian-very public spirited of you-shaving your TWAT for charity!”
    👍

  8. Didn’t grow a beard until my fifties, and it was only out of curiosity.
    Hated it. Shaving sucks, but it’s better than the alternative.
    Great cunting.

    • You’ve probably not got the cheekbones for it GJ!

      I of course, look even more handsome than I did shaved.
      And I was stunning then.

      And I’d advise against doing things out of curiosity.
      Many a cat has died due to this,
      And that’s how Michael Barrymores marriage broke up.😁

      • Morning Mis. I’m at that fucking age where the body says fuck if with holding back on the hair growth. Ears and nose require attention, and when I give myself a haircut (N°5) I give the eyebrows a trim too.
        And the pubes, for fucks sake! 😄

      • For some reason GJ my body has decided my earlobes are prone to the cold and decided to insulate them with a pelt of thick brown fur?

        I’m pretty sure I can live with cold earlobes,
        But my body is incredibly worried about it?

  9. The only thing I’ve ever liked shaving, is a ladies undercarriage, prior to sexual gymnastics.
    I had a beard, decades ago, itched like fuck.
    So now I just endure the shaving, every couple of days.
    One thing I don’t understand, is these cunts who subscribe to a monthly supply of shaving tackle.
    Razors in the post, by recurring direct debit ?
    The world’s gone fucking mad.
    Good morning.

    • @Jack. I’ve a full beard, and can’t remember the last time I shaved. It’s lovely and soft, no itch, I use beard oil see. The ladies love tickling me under the chin. My balls are like two Victoria plums though, and yes, the ladies love tickling my man milk capsules.

  11. Shaving is tedious and costs money. One has a luxuriant grey beard and as it’s slow at work
    I’m temping in the warehouse. I don’t mind very much being called Santa when I deliver rubber gloves, acid and teabags I also do river crossings and fish sandwiches.

  12. I’m lucky. Being an effeminate, fat, blond my hair is fine and slow growing so, when I was younger, I could get away with shaving once a week, even when working in a smart office. Which was great because I loathe doing it. Nowadays I shave when I can be bothered, perhaps every 10 days or so.

  13. I sport a neatly-cropped greying beard which the ladies find irresistable. In fact
    they often mistake me for George Clooney. Well, provided they’re pissed.

  14. I don’t mind shaving becuase after 4 days I look like a fucking yeti.

    Been shaving for years as at the age of 12 started growing a tash, looked like a right old fucking spiv, like something out of Bugsy Malone so that went straight away.

  15. Chinese and other chinky breeds,
    Your Thais, Malays, mongoloids etc can’t grow facial hair.
    Maybe a wispy fu Manchu type thing?

    But they shave once a month.

    Not much testosterone see?

    Same with your red Indians.
    Chin like a 10yr old.
    All their efforts go into long girly hair.

    Shame innit?

    Now your negro, he can grow a beard,
    And your Aborigine.
    Indians can .
    And parki Stanley’s.

    In fact your Stanley sometimes has eyebrows that qualified as beards!
    And it’s not unusual to see Stanley school girls of 12yrs old sporting mutton chop sideburns that’d make Noddy Holder jealous,
    And a Freddy Mercury tash.

    Isn’t diversity great?!!

  16. Always use this fact when refuting “wimminz problems”.
    A few (sometimes) troublesome days each month from aged 15 – 50ish, then that’s it. I have to scrape the stuff every day of every month, for the rest of my fucking life. Fuck off with your monthly “inconvenience”.
    Wear a beard – if it suits your face, but too many pricks just look like scruffy cnuts, simply because they reckon it’s in fashion.
    Take that prick Osman – looks like he’s got a fucking dead squirrel round his neck!

  17. I’m one of those lucky ageing cunts who’s still got a head of hair.
    I always thought it God’s great joke on mankind that so many blokes grow hair like a fucking yeti, everywhere but the one place they actually want it, on the head.

    Techo’s nailed it; shaving is a right cunt. I’m surprised that it’s taken this long to get cunted.

    Morning all.

    • Morning Ron and everyone.

      Same here, 72 next birthday and hair shows no sign of thinning let alone disappearing completely. I have a theory that it’s down to the soft water we were drinking growing up. Do you know if old Scottish men keep their hair? That would be confirmation.
      Also I don’t want a beard, I don’t like shaving and my facial hair grows like the fucking weeds in the spring. These things are sent to try us.

      • I’ve better news. I’m six years on from you and not a dickybird of news concerning hair loss. In saying that, the birds can nest in it if they want to. Shaving doesn’t bother me. Electric razor twice a week is easy after years of it, toughening up the skin.

  18. Wet shaving with a razor is a fucking pain now. The dialysis line is right near the right side of my neck. I also use an electric, but that’s a pain in the arse as well.

    • I’ll agree that women shaving their pubic hair should be cunted. Ninety-nine percent of bald fannies look gruesome and I’ll be a lot happier when this trend dies out. Trimmed yes, shaved no.

  19. Shaving used to be a right cunt when I used wet razors (spent half the week with a dive mask on me face and a ‘tache will totally fuck with the sealing) Don’t dive any more so now I use one of those barbers electric clippers. No4 for the dog, No3 fer me barnet and a No1 for the face. My chops may well be cunty but they are implausibly handsome and only improved by a bit o’ manly stubbble.
    The cheapo single blade disposables rip your face to bollocks and leave it feeling like you’ve been sunburnt, you’d think those things with the ‘lubrication strips’ would be the obvious solution but it takes another 5 minutes rinsing that fucking adherent jizz off yer face. Honestly, it’s like you’ve been paid a midnight visit by Krav Darth and the Bumholian Tug o’ War team and as we know, those fuckers don’t even own a rope!

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