Lockdown Dogs and their Owners

Ok, not all of them. But there’s a high proportion of cunts in this category. When the lockdown got going, people bought dogs en masse, either as company or as a reason to exercise outdoors. I estimate that during the years 2020 to 2022 the population of dogs trebled or quadrupled in my small – mostly-commuter – town.

By far the majority of the newcomers were silly little breeds chosen for their cuteness rather than any other desirable canine trait. Little furballs with big eyes, a plague of springer spaniels (possibly the stupidest canine on the planet), bizarre monstrosities with bat ears and breathing difficulties. And a miniature schnauzer, which yaps continuously – I do mean continuously – loudly and penetratingly, at C above top C for the duration of its daily walk round the houses. Schnauzers do this, apparently. Grin and bear it, neighbours.

Ok, whatever turns you on. Dodgy Irish breeders of cockadoodles (is this right?), fill your boots. Likewise the purveyors of shitebags, harnesses, extending leads, toys, food, insurance and extortionate veterinary services. They may not have been factored into the initial decision to buy the dog. But they mount up. With the result that a dog may not be just for Christmas, but it sure as hell can be just for Covid:

Sky News

Cunts, ladies, gentlemen and persons of indeterminate gender or none. Just cunts.

Nominated by: Komodo

64 thoughts on “Lockdown Dogs and their Owners

  1. I can’t understand why self entitled cunts take dogs into shops. They treat them as if they are kids. Thick as shit cunts, maybe I don’t dog hair, piss and slobber on things I’m trying to buy. Dogs are wonderful things, I miss mine terribly, but I never treated him like he was a child. Forcing him on others who may not want him around. I feel the trend for dogs being taken into all sorts of places, is indicative of a fucking arrogant, thick, entitled society. These people are in for a world of pain when the designer pooch needs to be put to sleep, for some inbred fault!

  2. As long term dog owners, Lady C and myself detest meeting these cunts out in the forest. And now the shelters are full of unwanted dogs – just a symptom of the “me” society. Who would have thunk you daft cunts would need to go back to the office. Make me fucking made they do.

  3. Cardiff had a problem with dodgy Pie keis and Tikki takkies stealing peoples dogs, people walking their dogs were literally getting attacked/mugged for their dogs whilst out on walks, now and then the victim was an ex kickboxing,bare knuckle boxing champ with a land shark .
    Needless to say the tea leaves didnt have it all their own way and i always enjoy a thieving scrote getting his head kicked in whilst doing something despicable, they deserve it and long may it continue.
    Thankfully that problem appears to died a death, but now the dogs homes are full of unwanted dogs, where stupid ,selfish cunts have had to go back to work, or didnt factor in the cost, so just drop them off at the dogs home…..

  4. Dogs are great,just so long as you don’t treat them like a human child.

    The number of cunts who baby them and force their attention on unwitting passersby,as if showing off a child in a new pair of shoes,boils my piss.

    Look after it,feed it well and give it a warm bed but for fucks sake don’t have it sat on your knee in a cafe whilst I’m trying to demolish a full English on the table next to you.

    Dozy cunts.

  5. Whatever happened to the “No dogs allowed, except guide dogs” notice that every shop, regardless of what they sold, used to display on the door, as well as any eatery, whatever size it may have been?

    • Years ago, I was shopping for curtains in Peter Jones. I had taken my Irish Setter in with me to see if I could find a colour to tone with his coat. We are standing in the queue to pay for the curtains when he stuck his nose straight up the dress of a rather attractive American lady for a sniff test. She turned to me and asked me “if I was as fresh as my dog?” That led to lunch and a very nice afternoon.

      • My faithful hound is a right fanny magnet and does me proud every time we meet some stunning flange.

        Apart from one time when some bird riding a bike stopped and asked for directions.
        The hairy hooligan’s snout went straight up her box with a big shnoof and a sigh.

        She thought he was adorable, fondled him all over and let him lick the sweat off her face.

        I was fucking mortified, but insanely jealous at the same time.

  6. The dogs that turned on “like a pack of wolves,” & maulded to death that 28 year old dog walker woman from Caterham, including an 11 stone leonberger, were not on the dangerous dogs list. Goes to prove in the right circumstances, a spook of some sort can ruin your day. Eight dogs being walked by one person though?

    • I’ve had dogs for over 40 years. I would never walk more than two at a time. I wouldn’t trust myself to be able to control three.
      Expecting to control eight is ridiculous.

      • I took my 2 on the beach this morning, one decrepit and old and the other 8 and still lively. Just keeping an eye on them to pick up their mess was a job in itself. I ended up clearing up someone else’s dog mess.

    • I know that precise spot – View Point – well. They built a load of little boxes nearby, since my time, so that’s probably why there’s a market for dangerously ignorant dog walkers there. I would be ashamed to have a dog if I couldn’t walk it myself – and indeed control it.

  7. Anyfucker who gets a dog on a whim is a cunt. Anyfucker paying through the nose for a designer fucking doodle, otherwise known as a mongrel, is a cunt. Anyfucker buying a pedigree dog of the type that are bred to die young in pain – mostly flat faced breeds, is a cunt. Anyfucker who thinks he’s fucking hard with his dog is a cunt, possibly from Worcestershire.

    • My dog is a proper dog with four legs and a tail. ( black lab, Dalmatian mutt)
      She’s the only living entity that never judges me or moans about anything and thinks I’m the best thing in the world.
      Walks down the woods etc are like two mates going adventuring. I’ll have her back until she takes her last breath and any fucker that tries to take or hurt her can expect me to go medieval on them.

      • My previous springer was called diesel and once when me and him were on an adventure he was set upon by a fucking rottweiler so i set about him with my nordic pole, his owner went nuts so i said if you dont fuck off with that cunt dog you will get the same treatment. Come between me and my current springer at your peril

      • I hate to generalise, but rotties are bastards. They can cross the line between play and attack without warning. That of course is why some people keep them.

      • As a previous Rottweiler owner I can confirm that you need to have an instinct as to what they are going to do in any situation. Half a second before they know what they’re going to do.

        The only time I could let him off the lead was around Muslims.

  8. Unfortunately, dogs, not unlike Chelsea tractors and inflatable lips, are nothing more than a latest “must have” accessory for the shallowest members of society.

    A recent client of mine (the Chelsea tractor fake eyelashes and lips type) who’s house I visited, had some kind of half Chinese breed and half British Bulldog cross (that’s what she reckoned it was) which was clearly a genetic fuck up.
    Told me she’d paid over 3 grand for it as a pup and had spent a further 4 grand on vet bills since due to various health issues.

    Silly cow.

  9. Have what you want, but don’t expect me to like the fucking thing as much as you. Fucking bellend, in a cafe, letting the fucker jump up and put its paws on my fucking table, trying to grab my breakfast, as per the scenarios, above. Got all indignant when I elbowed the fucking thing on the snout, the cheeky cunt. Offered him the same treatment unless he controlled the fucking thing.

    Absolutely unnacceptable.

    • Why on earth would anyone not think that taking a dog into a cafe is not a no-no?

      I wouldn’t have eaten in there soon as I saw it, even if it behaved.

      • There’s a worrying increase in cafes that are advertising they are “dog friendly”.
        Well, that’s lovely. I’m dog friendly, I have a dog, but I wouldn’t dream of taking into a place serving food, nor would I eat in one.

  10. As the owner of several springer spaniels over 40 years Komodo, I take great exception to you describing them as ‘possibly the stupidest canine on the planet’.
    The sheer joy, pleasure, companionship and exercise they bring is unsurpassed.
    One of mine would disappear into a field of oil seed rape only to reappear hours later dayglow yellow with both ears glued to the top of its head.
    Yeah, you’re right, possibly the stupidest canine in the world.

    Dogs are social animals. Anyone who gets a dog and can’t or won’t give it the social interaction it needs is an utter cunt.

    • That really made me laugh (a rare event), Geordie. Thank you!

      I briefly had a springer, and unwisely let it off the lead in a bay full of seagulls. It went round the bay three times, putting up the seagulls, which settled only to be put up on the mutt’s next circuit. 3/4 hour later it fetched up on the far side of the river it had already crossed twice, whimpering to be rescued.

      My comment was heavily influenced by this, of course.

  11. Let’s be realistic here, there is a great many parents and I use that word lightly,that don’t really give a shit about their children. Apart for the monetary aspect.

    So a dog…. meh.

  12. Springer spaniels are not the stupidest thing on the planet, people are. My springer is also my wingman and i can have a better conversation with him than i can people. Dogs are the best tis the owners that can be cunts.

    • When I’m out and about I feel sorry for some of the dogs I see. The people they’re forced to share their lives with are such cunts and shouldn’t be allowed to have pets.

      • I said “canine”, not “thing”. But agreed – dogs can’t help being cunts, when they are; people can.

  13. I’m glad I’m not the only one who had to suffer these horrible, selfish, (usually millennial) cunts. I had the misfortune of having neighbours for 18 months, who thankfully moved out a few months ago. You know the sort, ignorant, self-centred, millennial yuppie types.

    They owned a yappy little dog (Norwich/Norfolk Terrier) which they would put out in the back yard anywhere between 20 minutes or 2-3 hours (after having forgotten that they put it out) and oh my God, I soon found out that my double-glazing was not sound-proofed. For such a small dog, it could belt out some decibels.

    The first time I knocked on their door was at about 9:30pm on a work night while trying to sleep for my early shift in the AM, I informed them of the dog barking in the back yard, to which the response from the dippy cow was “Oh I forgot he was out there…. thank you!”…….. THANK YOU; not “sorry for the inconvenience, but THANK YOU.

    It all came to a head when I got into an argument with the stupid bitch (her fella was a nice guy but a complete cuck) and told her that if she didn’t do something about the dog, I’d start the escalation procedure with the council/RSPCA/police. She doubled down and said “I’m not getting rid of my dog, I put it out the back because I have young children in the house”. Like I said, self-centred cunt.

    Even though my warnings to them fell seemingly on deaf ears, they moved out a couple of months after my threat of action (and it was just a threat). Her fella told me they were moving out because the place was too big for them and too unaffordable but I’m quite confident that I had a hand in their decision to relocate.

    Selfish, short-sighted, cruel, neglectful cunts to the Nth degree.

    • That’s the point isn’t it TiTS? The real problem is the owners not the dogs. We have known several cases where the owner’s go out and their dog barks continually until they return. In every case the owners when told flatly don’t believe it. My sister had an experience where a couple of East Europeans moved into the house across the road and brought with them a huge fucking mutt which they shut out at night and it barked non-stop with a deep booming note which almost rattled the windows. She phoned the local authority at 3:00 am and credit to them, they sent a guy out to speak to these scrotes and the noise stopped immediately. Don’t know if they were deaf or fucking stupid.

      We always had a dog when I was young but we couldn’t keep one now. In an enclosed space they put my asthmatic wife on her back in minutes. We have three cats; no noise and little interaction required, only food, water and a litter tray and they treat us as the staff.

      • @arfurbrain Correct Mate. I was technically only responding to half of the sentiment of this nomination; not so much the whole. I have no issue with dogs themselves; just shitty fucking dog-owners.

  14. Hound that comes everywhere with me came from some people who had been “working” him….when I got him he had a ripped face,broken toe etc. I have spent more on him than I would ever spend on any human….and I don’t begrudge a fucking Penny of it.

    • Most dogs gets better treatment from the vet than we do from the NHS. Which is how it should be. Most humans are cunts.

      • Thing is, the NHS has no incentive to treat us well.
        It’s guaranteed our money, whether we use it or not.
        For most cunts going private is not an option.
        Vets only get paid when we use their services.
        So they’re incentivised to treat our animals well.
        If they don’t they know we’ll fuck off somewhere else.

    • We have only ever rescued “working dogs”-usually Patties or Labs.

      “Oh to be worthy of my dog!”

      Most aren’t ☹️

  15. I’ve got a dog.
    Well behaved, but aloof.

    It’s not interested in you or your fuckin kids,
    Like me it wants to go where it’s going without mither.

    Nice of you to just walk up and try and touch it’s head without asking.
    Maybe you should of asked first if it’s ok to stroke it?

    I would of told you No.
    Like me the dogs not keen on some random cocksucker just marching up and sticking their hand in our faces.

    Keep your hands to yourself .

    Just keep walking
    We both think your a cunt.

    • It’s the Cunts who let their fucking dogs come running up to Hound that piss me off….he’s usually OK with them but if one turns aggressive,Hound goes fucking mental. I keep him on a leading rein when we’re walking places where other people might be about but I’ve had some fucking strong words ( and more) to say to some who come out with the ” Oh,don’t worry,my dog’s friendly”….it may well be,but mine fucking well isn’t and he’s quite capable to causing serious harm…..one Cunt told me that I should have him muzzled…I told him he should have recall of his fucking rat-dogs and threatened to punch his fucking lights out.

      • Mines on a harness Dick,
        And never off lead.

        That and the fact it’s like a fuckin bear would give anyone with common sense a inkling not to let their gormless dog run over.

        I’ve started carrying a stick on long walks.
        Well, more a shillelagh,
        I don’t want any avoidable vet fees for my dog or theirs.

        The next one that bounds out the woods off lead and fancies a fight is going to have the Guinness book of records award for most serious migraine.

      • I don’t have a dog now, so when I meet dog walkers in the course of my constitutional I often need to reassure them that I don’t bite.

      • Yeah Cuntymort,
        And a very big one at that!
        Loves family, well behaved, but not keen on strangers touching her.

        I’ve lost track of how many people have waltzed up and gone to touch her head without asking saying

        “Awww it looks like a bear!
        Is it a husky?, aaaahh!!!!”

        I never assume a dog wants me mauling it.

  16. Does and their owners are cunts.

    The increase in our area is ridiculous and now some people I know who had 9 months off with furlough and got a dog and had to go back to work are moaning they have to pay dog walkers.

    On top of that the amount of shit on the floor that my two girls nearly slip on when they go to school is disgusting. I am thinking of walking them to school with a 12 gauge and if I see a dog squat put the barrell right up its ass and shoot.

    Dirty shit machines.

    • CM, you want to put the barrel up the owners ass!
      I pick up after my dog.
      I take a bottle of water and kitchen towel, as well as plastic gloves, in case he’s a bit runny. I leave nothing behind.
      It’s people who let them shit and don’t clear up and especially those who just chuck the dog out to go wherever it fucking wants without them that I despise.

    • Round my way they pick it up and plastic bag it.

      The bag then gets hurled into a hedge where it’s caught by a branch and hangs swaying in the breeze for months and months.

      Utter cuntitude.

  17. Dogs are cunts! Apart from dogs that have a job like sniffer dogs etc. All the others are a fucking waste of atoms especially the useless fucking ‘handbag’ dogs that dozy slappers carry around. Keep the working dogs and oven the rest along with owners that refer to their pet as their ‘fur baby’. Fucking adled twats! There, I’ve said it!

    • And the owners that let em run uncontrollably or on those 80ft leads that offer zero control.

      As for the ‘hard men’ that waddle alongside a mastiff or pit bull type. Well.

      Nowt against hounds, but you gotta train them.

      In fact I’d put the owners on leads and let the dogs run.

  18. I miss my dog, he was great for 10 years. Now though I won’t get another, to many twats own them these days. I can no longer look after a hound properly and fuck me dry before I pay someone else to walk one.

  19. A dog is a lifetime commitment, like having children. They are not a fashion statement or a toy to be discarded when the owner gets bored of it. They’re family.

    I’m seeing a lot of dozy bints in the local park who have no idea about picking up Fido’s steaming fudge and an equal number of plummy instacunts who had no idea that ‘All dogs must be kept on a lead past this sign. £100 fine’, applies to them.

    Likewise the same stupid selfish cunts who leave their bagged up dog toffee next to a tree.
    There are designated dog poo bins in this part of town and you’re never further than 200m away from a litter bin if you really must.

    Utterly unspeakable cunts.

    • I’ve always had a dog,
      Mostly German shepherd, sometimes two at a time.

      They’ve always been a part of the family,
      Your right about that.

      Dogs can teach us a lot,
      Unswerving loyalty,
      Devotion to family

      My dogs not welcome somewhere?
      I don’t fuckin go there.

      There’s nobody I like as much as my dog.

      And that looking shocked when it farts is hilarious 😁

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