Office Workers and Loud Cunts and their Phones

Have been spending the last few days working at a customer-site sorting out some of their IT infrastructure, most of which needs some serious upgrading.

Anyway, during my time there I could not help but notice that a lot of the staff were pissing about on their phones and tablets rather than focusing on what they’re paid to be doing (it’s a credit ratings agency of about 70 employees).

Because their datacentre has glass panelling, I can see right into their main office of about 30 people and most of them were fucking about on their phones, standing around by colleague’s desks taking selfies and constantly staring at their phones.

There is no adjoining offices for the bosses, but if they saw what I was seeing they would be giving their entire team a right royal bollocking (unless they themselves were tap, tap, tapping away on their own devices)

This isn’t the first time I’ve been to customer sites and seen similar activity. It wouldn’t be quite so bad if it was during a tea/lunch break, but quite a few people are quite brazen about it.

Such low productivity seems to be de rigueur these days and is it any wonder a lot of cunts still want to work from home!

Therefore, when you’re trying to contact customer services by phone, this is what they’re probably doing while your 76th in the fucking queue.

Nominated by: Technocunt

And speaking of cunts on phones, here’s another from Captain Magnanimous

People who talk into their mobiles on loud speaker are cunts, aren’t they.

Furthermore, if you hold the phone at an angle to speak into the bottom to seem like you’re important, you achieve bonus cunt points.

If you do this, you probably have a man-bun. You might even have a circle beard. You definitely vape. You could also be one of those crass mothers in a dressing-gown dropping the brat off at school. Alternatively, you might be a mortgage broker attempting to seem important. You definitely wear Crocs.

They probably brush their teeth before eating breakfast.

These people are crass idiots. Why do I not only have to hear your mundane, inarticulate opinion, but also your equally banal, fuckwit mate’s response? If only the airbag would open whilst you did this driving and scatter your wretched teeth around the car.

You look like a cunt shouting into a piece of toast.

48 thoughts on “Office Workers and Loud Cunts and their Phones

  1. the woman in the grey trousers has a nice arse, I would give her a good tonguing 👅, morning all

  2. People who can’t use a phone properly are indeed cunts. What the fuck do cunts who rate credit actually do I can’t work out ?? Thought there would be a program on line for such things. Maybe there is and they have fuck all to do ?

    Ps agree with you sid. No Cunt would notice they are all on their phones

  3. I see many a person on their phones when they should be working, several have been Police Officers.
    This addiction to social media and technology will bring this country to its knees.

    • Cunts on phones/cafes holding business calls………I got so pissed off with some bloke on the table next to me talking to a customer about a deal or something similar, that whilst he was still on the call, I stood up and said to him ‘look mate….ok if next time I want some breakfast I come and have it in your fucking office while you’re trying to work?’

      …and another thing that grips my shit…….customers who come into my place mid was though a call and insist on starting a conversation with me, whilst still on their phone call. Thank is fucking rude and disrespectful…….last time it happened and I started talking and then this tart started also talking into her phone, I stopped talking and served someone else behind her…..she got really shitty. I told her that she obviously hadn’t finished what she was doing before she came in, so when she’s finished come back and talk to me. She would like it if I were dealing with her, then fucked off half way through the converstation to talk to someone else.

    • I use my ‘phone whilst at work, the JRCALC app for one, and, I know that the police use their ‘phones, work ‘phone, I believe, as a notebook with job details on them.

  4. It’s not just loud cunts. Why do so many fuckers walk about with a phone in their ear all the time? Are they so important that they must always be in contact? Are they full time hostage negotiators?

    • Am I the only one thinking of Dom Jolly ?

      Stands up in the theatre, massive phone on shoulder.. “HELLO… WHAT ?…. I’M IN TH…. NO…IT’S RUBBISH !

  5. I once saw some young tart who was down an aisle at Tesco (meant to be working, was in Tesco uniform next to a cage of stick that she clearly wasn’t putting on shelves). I saw her name on her badge and went and found the store manager I’d seen about five minutes earlier on the shop floor and told him she’d been on it ten minutes solid (I was in a foul mood, not sure why, most likely heard something on the radio spoken with an LME accent). He looked decidedly unimpressed and went to the aisle number I said she was down. I never saw the result, but I forever hope he gave her a massive bollocking.

    • So you hung around a young girl for ten minutes (weird) and then tried to get her into trouble when it was none of your business.
      What a manly fellow you must be.

      • She may have been black.

        We therefore don’t know if grassing her up was justified or not.

      • Yes, that’s perfectly acceptable. However, the fact that the manager went to speak with her and possible bollocking would indicate she was white, identifies as female and probably good at her job. Anything else and the manger wouldn’t dare!

      • Barred from Waitrose for ‘Hanging around the aisles’. Maybe he’s ‘Bart Conrad – Store Detective’ of Viz fame?

      • I made up the ten minutes, I’m not wasting my time for that! The fact she was on her phone when being paid to work justified the embellishment.

      • You ARE Bart Conrad – Store Detective and I claim my crisp fiver.

        “Two-eleven in progress in the biscuit aisle. Broad blowing her nose on company time rather than stacking shelves. Send back-up ‘cos I don’t want to go to Proctology again”.

      • Maybe he’s The Worcestershire Warrior’ looking for an easy target that won’t back down?

  6. All these idle cunts could be employed part time.

    If they were supervised for perhaps 3 hours a day to actually do some fucking work then they would probably be putting in twice the graft that they do unsupervised.

    Alternatively, make everyone self employed and pay them on productivity and results.

  7. I have to stick my hand up to 2 counts. I clean my teeth before and after breakfast and also have the phone on speaker but up to my ear because I cannot hear the fucking thing otherwise.

  8. I notice there’s a Sootie in the Photo
    Is ISAC now being Inclusive?

    I don’t think I could work in a Office I would Flip the desks over every ten minutes or start throwing objects at the Lazy Cunts

    There’s also an office Slob that has their bin full of decaying food

    Who is Very Fat

    • They are not fat LS, they are big-boned.

      And jolly. except they’re not, they’re dying inside.

      Hormones innit. Eaten too many of them 😁

  9. Most office staff are cunts and think that they’re above everyone. Snotty cunts. If oudknt work in such a boring place. The atmosphere is usually creepy too. There’s something just off about those places.

    When I’m browsing those dating apps (not in work) and rejecting all of the vile fat monstrosities I tend to reject any women who work in%n office based roles too. Anything from a manager to customer service, I’m not interested in bone idle and chair dwelling entities who have never worked a day in their life.

    Get a proper job!

    As for men working in an office among the women. Poofs!

  10. Remember the little bluetooth headset ear pieces………….? People looked right cunts with those in…but they all thought they looked important.

    Nowadays you only see sad weird fuckers with them….I still say to the missus ‘ohhhh….he must be really important’ when we see one.

    • I was in Stockport the other evening waiting to get a train home to the blissful serenity of The Peaks. I’d had a right bastard day, largely because I I was also on day two of a very violent hangover.

      Oh, yeah, I’m also self-employed and my laptop decided to shit itself that same afternoon. Without it I’m rendered useless.

      Cue a trudge to Stockport and £1.5 later for a new one. Anyway, I digress.

      You know when you’re feeling properly vindictive? I was sat waiting on the train platform with the spouse, and there’s one of these chrome and glass office buildings opposite.

      It was about 18:00, and we spied one of these Corporate Cunts standing in front of a big telly, slides, arse licking audience in front of him.

      In the spouse’s ear, I launch into “look at the very important little man with this little clicky button doing his clicky little slides for his little corporate job where he makes money for someone else. Cunt.”

      I’m normally not so spiteful, but given the circumstances. A former friend of mine also launched into me about why being self-employed sucks. He didn’t like it when I told him that it allows me to sometimes go to the pub at 2pm on a Friday and retain a sense of quality of life.

      Stuck up prick.

  11. I’ve been in the occasional bar or restaurant that strictly forbids mobile phones, popular too.
    Can’t speak for workplaces as I’ve been retired that fucking long there weren’t any.

  12. I’m retired, but taken advice from what I’ve experienced over the years, to wear earphones attached to fuck all. That way no one will bothers me. If they do I’ll pretend to be listening to a loud fuck all or white noise.

  13. I used to work in an office like this, all open planned. I was fortunate enough to make my way through some of the lovely girls who worked there and there was one who we would go out with and she would get smashed up and tell me how bad her marriage was and how much I needed to pork her.

    She had amazing breasts, like literally bursting out but her nose was a bit big. When going out for lunch she would wait by the lift and get in with me and jumped me a couple of times with heavy petting – I still think about those titties now pushing up against me.

    Needless to say I gave in one day and she got some rod and boy was it good.

    She left a week later 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  14. I have in my IT kitbag a lovely little device that can “track and trace” WIFI or 4G connectivity traffic routing from a device such as a laptop, tablet or phone.

    I used it on the customer site in my nom and it returned results of 19 users in the main office, 11 of whom’s traffic was active on the usual social media sites, 2 were on gambling/bookies sites and one was streaming stuff from YouTube.

    The other 5 were on sites conducive to their related work duties.

    This was done between the hours of 9:30am and 10:30am on a Monday morning 2 weeks ago.

    I then did a similar test on the same day but between the hours of 2:30pm and 3pm and the results were more or less the same with 13 users on social media, 1 person on gambling site, 3 on other non-work-related sites and 2 on work related sites.

    what an absolute piss-take!

  15. There’s a noisy bint who lives near me who walks her dog around the estate every evening.

    Every time I have the misfortune of being within a mile radius of her, I can hear her on her mobile phone loudspeaker, knee deep in very loud and banal conversation with some other twat.

    Without fail an all, every time.
    I’ve never actually seen her just enjoying the stroll or just being quiet for that matter.

    Her voice is so loud that it reverberates its way into the next county just for added annoyance.

    Fuck knows who the victim is on the other end of the phone call but this lass is one annoying, predictable, big gobbed twat who needs the phone inserted sideways up her fat arse.

    And no – I definitely wouldn’t.

  16. In a previous job, one of the major banes of my existence was trying to keep the stupid Pavlovian cunts off their mobile phones in the workshops, especially whilst they were operating the equipment ‘…oh, a facebook message notifuckingcation, let me just forget all about this long heavy oak beam that is already halfway through the band resaw and I’ll just go answer it…’

    In a spirit reminiscent of such muppetry

  17. We all got by without them when Genghis Khan was invading so we can get by for 4-8 hours without them.

  18. Was out with the Mrs yesterday at the local supermarket. And outside the entrance there was a dark personage, playing rap and grime dog dirt on his phone at a ridiculously loud volume. Not only that, a P@k! was in his car at the pick-up point for well over an hour (can’t the lazy bastard use the car park like everyone else), with his fucking awful music and babbling crap blaring out. Never used to get that while Christmas shopping, eh? The joys of ‘enrichment’…🙄

  19. Sadly my brother seems to have adopted the talking into toast angle.. i’ve sen a few other youngish blokes doing this when out and about. They look like arseholes, especially walking around an M&S foodhall shouting.

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