Quackery Adverts

A nomination for adverts for quackery that keep popping up on YouTube.
‘Drink hot water before bed to lose 3 stone’
‘Chew this mineral before bed to revitalise gums’.
‘Tinnitus is not caused by what medical science says causes it. Put this small bird next to you ear before bed…’

I’ve noticed an increase in these adverts as scepticism over the safety of vaccines has increased online and the medical establishment is in a bit of disarray over lockdown – ‘excess’ – deaths.
Quacks? Opportunist?
I know the NHS will struggle again this winter but for fucks sake don’t replace them with this shower of woo.

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime

YouTube Link

Helpful link provided by: Dark key cunt

63 thoughts on “Quackery Adverts

  1. I like the one that says eat this and empty your bowels every morning.
    Drink some good ale and have a ruby and empty your bowels is what I say.

  2. A lot of the tabloids now carry what I believe are called “advertorials” on their website – quite often about bowels, usually accompanied by a picture of some suggestive looking bananas or beetroot, often in cose proximity on one of those “these three foods prevent cancer” (the next day the same three foods will CAUSE it.

    It also like the JML adverts – those long two minute adverts with American matrons recommending a mobility scooter, so large that Lady Nugee could give Diane Abbott a crossbar – all with that hectoring peevsh voiceover artist – the one who sund like the slightly weedier brother of the late Patrick Allen.

    Horrible. “This offer is NOT available in the shops” – probably because the item is so crappy noboy would even buy it in Poundland.

  3. I particularly object to “Have you tried this new and proven method of removing more earwax than Ever Before” (with accompanying image of massive blob of ear snot)
    while I’m trying to eat by breakfast of a morning

    • I’ve found the most effective device is the lid from a bic pen. Any one handy will do, my boss would kill me if she found out.

      • my son in law reliably informed me that a bic pen lid has a hole in the tip so when you shove it up your arse and fart it sounds like a dog whistle

  4. I have already booked my place on Gwyneth Paltrow’s goop cruise.
    9 days of cabbage farts and sniffing pussy candles.
    What could go wrong!!

  5. Ginseng can boost your aura.

    Kelp tablets have been shown to help beat tennis elbow.

    Listening to Andean panpipes can lower your cholesterol.

    AIDs help you keep a nice figure.

      • I gave up smoking about 8 years ago.

        For the first 5 or 6 months the slightest thing would send me into fits of rage.

        “What do you mean, you’re out of pickled onion Monster Munch you fucking cretin?! Well if you don’t use this shelf I might as well smash it up then, right you cunt?”

        Apparently, according to the local police constable, that’s ‘no way to speak to a 65 year-old shop female shop assistant.’

    • I gave up drinking when covid lockdown kicked in after a lifetime of drinking quite a lot (bottle and a bit out of another of red every night and three or four cans of 5%+ beforehand (but still a worthwhile, functioning member of society) and yes I have saved a lot of money, but boy am I a grumpy, boring fucker who never goes out now! Even my wife says ” fuck sake I preferred it when you was drinking and going out!”

  6. You won’t see it advertised but there’s a lot of this quack medicine among our foreign friends who have been imported as cheap labour. Witch doctoring, voodoo, spiritual healing, all that superstitious shit.
    Don’t mention it though because that’s raaaaaaaaaaaay-sist.

    • If they believe in an all-powerful god, why do you they need hospitals? Let the profit Moohamit and mighty Allaaaghh cure them. Save space for native taxpayers. Better still, they can fuck off back to Shitistaan and die there.

    • i’m all for it, keeps them away from the NHS and the thought of piles of them rotting in some garden sheds in shithole Birmingham really makes me smile

  7. I saw this snake oil salesman on youtube a few years back that swore he had a cure for Tinitus, as i suffer with this affliction i thought i would watch this bloke (American of course ) He said that you must hold a bible against your ear three times a day but it must be old testament not new.
    Now why do youtube ban people who question the Jab because of miss information but allow a complete loony like this cunt ?

      • Sorry tinitus, I suffer as well, usually worse first thing in the morning, as the day goes on I sort of block it out but not consciously.

    • i thought i’d developed tinitus then realised my new neighbours had hung a fucking wind chime in their garden, when they went shopping it mysteriously vanished…they never asked if i’d seen anyone 🙂

  8. ADVERT BREAK:

    Have you tried Boggs Breast Booster?. Rub this medically approved unction into your nipples, which should be erect and like acorns, ladies, and you will find that within DAYS your knockers will feel larger and rounder. Within TWO WEEKS you will be satisfying your man by up to 75% EXTRA when you give him a soapy tit wank. You, too, will be able to ditch that unsightly bra, and stride around in that topless dress you have been hiding at the back of your wardrobe for years!. Stripteasers have found that their BOUNCE improves 100% and the tassle dance goes FASTER an more SMOOTHLY. Rub this cream in every night just before going to bed NAKED, which contains EXTRA REFINED jizz and next morning see the EXTRA wobble as you brush your teeth. This product is available only from Boggs Pharmaceuticals, 23, Station Road, Indonesia for the BARGAIN, NEVER TO BE REPEATED INTRODUCTORY PRICEof only £85 a tube (POSTAGE FREE)

    I want to advertie the product myself, and I have sent off letters requesting a female guinea pig. Needless to say, I am still waiting for a reply from lovely Lisa nany, but now she’s back from Liverpool – who knows?. I am ready to drop everything if she says yes.

  9. YouTube are cunts and a great deal of alleged “serious” content is complete shit.

    Their “community guidelines” and such are left wing woke dogma.

    I wonder if they ban Witch Doctors and other Africunt stone age drivel?

    Oh well fuck em…I’m off to put some lettuce in my underpants to stop the abolition of the 45p tax rate.

    • BBC are censoring cunts as well. I rarely get involved posting on the BBC F1 comments HYS, because quite frankly it’s frequented by juveniles who just argue who is the better driver. Anyhow, I quite enjoyed the GP yesterday (for a change, as they are normally a boring fuck fest) and some guy posted ‘another boring race, they should improve it to make me continue to watch’

      I commented ‘so, what do you suggest?’

      …my comment was then reported as ‘offensive and abusive- AND the BBC removed it….what the fuck????

  10. The increase your knob to the size of a Pringles tube make me laugh. They place the tube a foot behind your cock to even things up for the photo shoot. Some blokes would have to put the tube over their hampton to satisfy the misses.

  11. Not perhaps a quack advert, but why the flying fuck do the Blob paraphernalia sellers need to feature at every opportunity on the tv a representation of claret in their products.
    We know what they are for and how they work, they managed to flog the products quite well before with less graphic ads.
    Next it will be pictures of gaping shit covered arseholes for Pile treatment.
    Less is more for fucks sake.

    • I’ve noticed this, Civvy. Used to be blue dye, but now it’s just got to be made more graphic so the hard of thinking understand the purpose of the product.
      Be real piss on Tena Ladies next.
      Talk about lack of good taste.

  12. I’m convinced my spunk is the covid vaccine we’ve all been waiting for. I’ve written to the chief medical officer. Apparently, if I ‘send any more unwanted correspondence, it’ll be passed on to the police.’ And that I should seek ‘mental health advice from my GP.’

    Well, I’ve never caught it and neither has the Mrs. Every cunt else we know has. Tell my why that is, eggheads?

    Must be due to my spunk, right?

    Expect YouTube adverts soon too. I’ll wank in a tube and flog it for £500 a pop.

    For the more potent version I’ll jizz in fannies only. Must be sexy females only 18-35 (and Holly Willoughby she’s about 40 I think, but if she asks nicely I’ll spaff in her minge). £200 ladies.

    Get in line and stop pushing Scarlett Johansson, that bird off the Sky Mobile adverts. You’ll all get a turn.

      • I’d shove his gopher up his arse but he’d probably enjoy it.

        No wonder he fucked off and left Ed the Duck to face the music.

    • Be careful with that Willoughby bint, she might, just might, be asking “for a friend”… You don’t want your serum vitae protecting Schofield from tonsillitis. Or arsegrapes.

  13. Or the ads that say ‘top 10 xxx’ with a picture that lures you in. And then each one of these tips is a page full of more ads and a button to take you to the next page. None of them have what you were looking for, and the original picture doesn’t even feature.

  14. When period ads show blue blood, that have wimmin rushing to their doctor, worried that its red. They are soon calmed when proscribed to eat plenty of blueberry jam butties.

  15. “clinically proven”….when and where did these sophisticated medical trials take place.?In what prestigious scientific journals were these published?
    As far as I’m concerned, any cosmetic/shampoo that contains the words “serum”, “bio”, “coenzymes” , “collagen”
    “nourishes” is bullshit and can fuck off.

  16. What about things that are never advertised, such as worrying about bowel cancer. The over 60 to 75 age group are sent a kit to test their shit. It is hilarious what they have you doing. Once you lay a cable, use a wooden fork from the chippy and take a sample from both ends, then place each one in the advent calendar windows card provided. Do that on three separate occasions and send it back in the special silver contained envelope. Never thought I’d be literally sending shit through the post. I pity the poor testers at the other end. They probably can amuse themselves by guessing what we’ve been eating and any other such ideas they can get up to, to overcome the boredom.

    • Sorry I misread ‘I pity the poor testers at the other end’ ; I thought it said ‘tasters’! Just eating a curry too.

      • You never know, they have some pervert licking them clean to save on the environment and send them out again.

      • It’s much simpler these days, Cunty.
        It’s just one sample.
        Not those horrible cardboard things that disintegrated under pressure, or ought like that.
        Still, scrapping shit of toilet paper first thing would make anyone baulk, unless they were the parent of a newborn.

  17. As I select products I purchase based on the degree of twatishness contained in such advertisements, certain companies will never get my business.

    • Exactly so Jeezum! I have a mental list of products/companies I avoid because their adverts are fucking infuriating. The list is growing steadily.

      • I have a list which isn’t really growing because if I’m watching something recorded I ff through them and if I’m watching something live I simply mentally switch off. Either way they don’t register with me.

  18. I know it’s not related, so please forgive me, but I had to put this up.

    I have a new name for Kwasi, and it covers a lot of bases (particularly with this mornings news on his 45p U-turn).

    Wait for it…

    Kwasi Kwartan-U-rang.

    I apologise in advance…

      • they exist until 6 months then the village witch doctors chop them up with a machette and they all sit round a fire made from monkey shit and eat the little fuckers cos they are demons and they can’t breath don’t cha know

  19. I hate to alarm you all, but I’ve just seen a news clip announcing the three, yes three, new Christmas ads have just been released.
    No further details as yet, put hopefully someone will get them back in captivity shortly!
    Save us, oh Lord!

    • bet its nigbooos singing we saw santa fuckin up yo mama with fentanyl and snow is wayyyyycist and so dis dem white turkeys…never forget they can’t breath

  20. Nothing offends me. All sport is watched with sound off. All films and dramas have cast checked and ads are eliminated. The only bugbear is “boat races” on the field of play.

  21. Keto Gummies is the latest fuckwittery, a bag of sweets & you loose half your body weight in a month…ive ordered a goodly supply on amazon and had then sent to every Biafran village

  22. Loads of them are about an hour long and make you feel nauseous even after 20s intro.

    Perhaps we should troll that Susan Wokywacki Uber bitch and tell her how her ads are triggering us and affecting our mental health. I bet if I started a Twatter account for this purpose it would gain traction.

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