Vera (TV Series)

I wonder how many of you cunters knew that half the population of the North East is tinted. Well switch on to Vera, and that’s how it seems. Although the murderer is always white. How strange.

Oh no, they’re making yet another series of this festering pile of pigshit. Christ, where do I start? Well how about the boring story lines and risible attempts at a Geordie accent by most of the actors, which invariably sound somewhere between Welsh, Bulgarian and Parking Stanley. Then there’s the subdued lighting and low pitched background noise to give a sense of ‘Newcastle noir’ foreboding. Except it doesn’t, it’s just fucking annoying.

And who do we have playing the hard nosed Detective Chief Inspector Vera Stanhope? Why, shortarsed Teletubby OAP Brenda Blethyn of course, who calls everyone ‘love’ when the correct Geordie term of endearment is ‘pet’. And her back up team of plain clothes coppers? A Scotsman past retirement age and a collection of 20 something kiddies. Even one in a wheelchair for fucks sake. Does this fit the typical detective demographic? No, it’s ITV fulfilling it’s diversity targets.

So here comes series 12, which I expect will go diversity mad. Brenda’s 76 now, so surely they’ll pension her off to be the next Miss Marple. To give it some female glamour let’s replace her with Dame Eddie Izzard in best frock and lippy. Back up team? Well those roles are a must for Ade Adepitan, Warwick Davis and Ellie Simmonds, who will all make highly credible police detectives. Where to film it? How about on the Newcastle quayside, at the coast or in the remote wilds of Northumberland, just for a change, eh?

I’m sorry to say that Mrs Twatt watches this shite, so that will be more business for the Whippet Inn from yours truly when it comes on. What a pile of cunt.

Hello Magazine

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

47 thoughts on “Vera (TV Series)

  1. All TV shows and adverts are this way now.
    A constant bombardment of wokery.
    We complain yes but we continue watching.
    If everyone united in boycotting this bullshit it would change but we won’t. All we do is complain.

  2. I wasn’t able to find any subtitles and consequently couldn’t understand what these people were saying. Are they Norwegian or Scotch? Half the time they sound like they’re singing in a childish voice. Either speak in ptoper English or use subtitles you inbred peasants.

    • Yeah! Inconsiderate TV channels that don’t do Subtitles. It means I don’t get to watch most of the utter shite on show.. I do have hearing difficulties but have superior intellect, so bal..c.s to ’em all. I am very modest and retiring too.

  3. “Crocodile Shooooooeeeessss…”

    My missus’ Aunt (whom we are staying with until our house is finished) indulges in this shite. Geordie Twatt is correct – her accent is as authentic as Dick Van Dyke’s in Mary Poppins or or Keanu Reeves’ in Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

    The old Doris drives everywhere in a decrepit, bouncy old Land Rover that strangely never seems to break down. It bet the cracked and flattened vinyl driver’s seat cushion is impregnated with the odour of geriatric boffs from our favourite Geordie female detective.

    Haddaway an’ shite, man.

  4. Standard fayre for all telly, nowadays. I’m waiting for a re-make of ‘Reach For The Sky’, with Idris ‘Shit In A Field’ Elba as Douglas Bader.

    Had some drunk trollop call me a ‘Bloodclart pussyhole’, the other day after I gave her a bit of painful stimuli to ‘bring her out’ of a pseudo-siezure. Slag was whiter than I am. Feds arrested her!

    • Yeah, like that wheelchair job in Silent Witness……used to creep the fuck out of me when it suddenly appeared out of the gloom.
      Looked like a cross between Davros and something out of John Carpenter’s The Thing.

  5. Itโ€™s nothing on the latest shitfest from the BBC, itโ€™s mini series called Crossfire.

    I thought it might be worth a look because it features a couple of gun happy cunts on a shooting spree in an island Spanish hotel, some action and tension.

    Well what a fucking treat, it features 3 families on holiday together, white man and white woman, but she has a dark skinned daughter from a previous marriage, a P*ki family and white man with black wifeโ€ฆ. All boxes ticked and ticked again several times ๐Ÿ˜‚

    Last episode tonight, P*ki bloke has already bit the dust

    • That’s why I refuse to watch anything new, apart from documentories and sport. Real sport, not wimmins.

    • My missus got me to find this on catch-up, so I eyeballed some of it.
      You’re right, what a heap of fucking shite. It was like Eastenders on steroids – my missus used to watch that as well, ’til it got really fucking woke.

  6. Series on the television?

    Absolutely not,utter fucking drivel.

    A nice drop of YouTube,possibly some Netflix (the cunts) and certainly any film I fancy watching (for nowt).

    With scotch.

    • The problem with so much of the shit on Netflix is that it is full of imaginary monsters or super comic heroes/wankers. What ever happened to just a plain, good, storyline with a twist or two?

  7. Vera, paint drying by the sea.
    A chief inspector who does all the interviews. In a mac with a floppy hat. Usually on a beach eating chips. Gritty and real.
    Twinned with Shetland. Paint drying by the sea again. Seems to be a lot of effniks in Shetland too. Whooda thought it? Would expect knife crime to be more prevalent.
    Horseshit with cod accents.

    • Aye, and Shetland has a deployment of 8 Officers, 2 specials and is currently advertising to recruit. I checked this up on the Forces website. Of interest. An armed standoff on the island was dealt with by reinforcements from the mainland.

  8. Where the fuck did Demspey and Makepeace go? It was shit but at least my 9 year old self could have a walk over Glynis Barber.

    Not so much Brenda

  9. Did like Vera when she brought them down a peg or two, but I’m having to kick it into touch like all other series that’s gone completely chessboard crazy. I recently mentioned there won’t be any black murderers until casting come to their senses. They are being made a laughing stock as much as the actors. We are made more aware of it being fiction, with reality being the complete opposite. Where’s the thrill in us guessing who done it. Bring back an all white cast is the answer.

      • By all means Cassandra you may use the phrase that popped into my head at the precise moment I typed it in. Nearly lowered the tone with draughtboard, only going for the brainier version at the last moment.

  10. Is this a crime show featuring Vera duckworth solving crimes on the cobbles of coronation Street..

  11. Apparently Vera is a big Cheese in the Largest Police Force in the UK, stretching from the Scottish Border to Humberside. I did notice however the her HQ is based at Wallsend in the Offices of the former Swan Hunter. (Marine Div perhaps )
    Load of bollocks

  12. Brenda Blethyn was fookin ace in Little Voice but this is absolutely freaking SHEEIIITTEEE…!!

    “The bastard wants me Sadie!!!!”

      • One of my favourite films mate. Michael Caine’s rendition of “It’s Over” by Roy Orbison at the end, one of the best bits of British cinema ever. I’d have liked to see Boris do a version like that on the day he got the push haha!

  13. I tend to avoid any shit emitting channels that play advertisements. I don’t watch the TV at all. I watch bbciplayer as there are no adverts. Just finished watching ladhood. All white actors come to think of it which is a bit strange for the BBCunts.
    Anyway no advertisements filled with so say family orientated black men with white women. Quite a rare sight in the real world. Apart from that it’s either jewtube using adblocker wo I don’t have to watch two dykes (one fat one of course) eating together. I’m sure some of you have seen that one. Nor do I have to watch some snake headed ugly darkie with its3mouth full up with “toofpaste” making unintelligible and inhumane noises. – – -Shudders

  14. I’ve seen a few episodes of this and agree it’s bloody awful.
    However, there is far worse out there.
    Mrs Gripper watches an American show called Station 19,a fire service spin off of that other steaming turd, Grey’s Anatomy.
    This show is like a Fucking LGBTQ / BLM soap opera.
    Very little in the way of firefighting, it concentrates almost entirely on same sex relationships. The entire fucking crew in the firehouse seem to be sodomising or fisting each other.
    And when they aren’t, the rest of the air time is spent hammering home the message of the fucking wokies and openly slagging off the whitey.
    Truly fucking sickening, and I can’t be in the room when it’s on because of the apoplexy and rage it causes.
    Give it a viewing and tell me if you agree.
    If you have a weak heart, watch it at one’s peril.

  15. I saw one of the early episodes and found myself wondering why a large northern police force employed a super annuated bag lady. Struck me as taking diversity a bit far. They couldn’t be that desperate for recruits surely? It was patently shite never mind the chessboard mob. Never watched it since. Rather bemused as to who the audience might be.

    • Vera is the one who always asks the most important question first upon visiting a crime scene of a murdered women
      “Did she have a boyfriend”
      Case solved
      She’s brilliant

  16. Brenda Blenheim , or whatever the fuck she’s called.

    Absolutely fucking dreadful acting…

    Pile of …๐Ÿ’ฉ

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