Cliff Richard [4]

We’ve been forced to ensure this muppet’s aural torture for decades now, and he’s just announced he’s spaffing out yet another catalogue of dirges as a Christmas album.

For goodness sake, please, no really, please, just piss off. You were a third rate Elvis for a couple of years in the 60’s, amongst other things??? and whether you are boring the piss out of us at Wimbledon or pretending to be a sex-symbol in your eighties, you have failed to realise that the only people that will buy your pap are dried-up septegenarions and assorted friends of Dorothy.

On the subject of Dorothy, I would like to make it clear that in no way is Sir Cliff even on speaking term with Dorothy, let alone a friend of hers, oh no siree, absolutely not, how very dare you. He has just lived with an ex-priest (ahem) for 40 years because he gets a bit lonely sometimes.

Do us a favour Cliff, fuck off, and when you get there, fuck off again, obnoxious, sanctimonious, toothy twat.

Sly News Link.

Nominated by: Termujin

With a second verse from Cuntstable Cuntbubble:

He has used Sue Barker as his beard for 40 fucking years based on a couple of celibate ‘dates’. She is pissed of with it and has finally cracked.

Shit singist and definite shirtlifter, but in a pious way.

I am just old enough to remember his shit fucking Elvis impressions. A sort of limp wristed Billy Idol.

The cunt.

Daily Fail Link.

76 thoughts on “Cliff Richard [4]

  1. He missed his true vocation. He should have been a bus driver running summer holiday tours in Europe.

  2. Years ago I read an interview with him in which he was bemoaning the lack of respect shown to him by certain sections of the music press, fans etc.

    “I invented rock n roll for goodness sake”.

    Ok Cliff, so what do you think Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Buddy Holly et al were doing while you were engaged in this noble undertaking?? Wanker…..

    A cunt, a fake and a bellend. Always has been, always will be

    • He tends to attack around Christmas time.
      He sang about ‘mistletoe & wine’,
      Well I happen to know mistletoe is poisonous.

      Yet another religious headtheball trying to drug his devotees.

      A tennis loving Jim Jones.

  3. I strongly suspect that he’s having sex with the Archbishop of Canterbury.
    The dirty beggars.
    Good morning.

  4. Dick should be acting his age dressed in old codgers clobber, doddering round Iceland looking for bargains. Then he might be respected.

    • Yes, “Vitamin S” is meant to be very good for the skin. Mind you, his neck has looked like a dinosaur’s scrotum for years now.

  5. Fuck-all wrong with Cliff. Cunt was treated appallingly by the media and comes across as a decent chap. Wife’s granddad knew him, said he was great, with no airs or graces.

    Don’t agree? I’ll see you behind the bike sheds. Somewhere in Worcestershire.

  6. Sir Cliff.

    🎶 The Young Ones (erm. how young we talking Cliff?)

    🎶 We’re all going on a Bummer Holiday (Cliff hopes)

    🎶 Tits and Fanny… that I don’t poke anymore. (perhaps to Sue Barker since he’s been living with a priest)

  7. Hmmmm not sure about this cunting. Yes his music was mindless pop but harmless tuneful rubbish and he seems fairly benign especially compared to the offensively repellent ‘celebrities’ of today with less than zero talent. Although in retrospect the 1960s was the start of the rot and decline of soceity i cant help but being charmed by the innocence of it all looking back in these dark, violent days. Other plus points are: he is visible Christian in an increasingly secular and anti-Christian country. And he successfully sued the BBC (although his payout was from our money of course). Nah, Cliffs alright.

  8. He sings for all of us, at any given opportunity because everybody loves Cliff , its written in the the Bible, old testament i believe.
    Doesn’t matter the venue or setting whether its a concert hall, television interview, tennis match, or even funerals, old Cliff (sorry young Cliff) will feel compelled to perform.
    He sang at Cilla”s funeral “its so funny how we don’t talk anymore”
    and everybody thought about Cliff on that sad day.

    • It’d of been great if a voice said

      “Awww aye surprise surprise chuck!!”

      From the coffin.

  9. Sanctimonious religious knob end totally bereft of any talent whatsoever (apart from quaffing Priest jizz. Allegedly.).

  10. I’m giving him special protection from being a cunt after being subjected to Trial By BBC.

    I just wish he’d appeared on the roof of his mansion in Oliver Reed mode with a shotgun and opened fire on their ethical sourced carrot powered helicopter.

    The fucking disgusting cunts.

  11. If only Mr. Webb had played his cards right he might have ended up in Anthony Blair’s cabinet, after he lent him his Bermuda holiday home for his holibobs. Sadly the bitch fight over the houseboys and make-up mirror put an end to that, but even now, if he is so desperate to “earn” more money to be put in the coffin with him, he could try for a job in Kweer Charmer’s shadow cabinet of poofters – he would find lot’s of his own sort there – Ben Bradshaw, Wes Screeching, Chris Bryant (they could get down on their knees together in prayer). Peter Kyle or Russell-Moyle if he fancies a bit of rough trade. Everyone is happy and gay in Starmerland.

    Here is some real R & R from a master – agreed the bloke in glasses who starts dancing as the music starts looks a bit “artistic” and would probably have been at home at a Cliff Richard concert, but you wouldn’t have found the three plump girls shaking that ass round Cliffs cottage upright:

  12. Without the Shadows this cunt was nothing, Hank Marvin is probably one of the world’s greatest guitarists, but keeps a low profile and is said to be a very down to earth chap, take note Cliff, stop drawing attention to yourself, the BBC are also cunts for the aerial voyeurism they performed a few years ago, so I will cut him some slack for now!

    • Early Shadows stuff – up to ‘The Rise And Fall of Flingel Bunt’ – is ace!

      Cliff, on the other hand, is totally naff, although I must confess that as a nine year old I bought ‘Summer Holiday’ single with my pocket money and went to see the film, which I thought was great at the time…

      Fortunately The Beatles came to my rescue a few weeks later with the release of ‘Please Please Me’ which I first heard blaring from a jukebox in Ipswich Airport of all places. It was a revelation of Damascene proportions.

  13. Cliff Richard is the living embodiment of Cunt.
    Shallow, vacuous, sanctimonious, holier than thou fuck.
    Mediocrity in action.
    National treasure? National embarrassment more like.
    And what’s with all the faux humble praying hands shit? He’s supposed to be some sort of infantile Christian, isn’t he? Not a plastic toytown Hindu, ffs.

  14. I don’t think that he is a left footer.

    There are poofters, straight people and everything in between so it follows that there must be some people that have no sexuality at all.

    I think that he is one of those.
    A virgin.
    Probably never had a wank either.

    Maybe that’s why he is still alive.
    The cunt.

  15. Not sure I totally agree with the cunting on this one…….personally as much as I dislike his misic, I would much rather listen to that, then all the other rap, r&b, grind, bass and all that other imported blick shit

  16. Don’t like his music, and he does seem a bit of an oddball. BBC treated him disgracefully though and fair play to him for taking them to the cleaners. Not a cunt?

    • You’d think people would have sympathy for a man who’s had a sore bottom for forty years. No wonder he gets irritated.

  17. Never liked change in pop music. It was Cliff and the Shadows or fuck all else. Similar to when Brian’s Jones was mur …. died, the Stones were finished. They even brought in someone uglier than Kieth Richards looks like now ! The Four Tops, four fucking hundred more like. But I still liked The Fall. Funny that, isn’t it.

      • I’m not a fan of The Fall, but I tried reading Mr Smith’s autobiography and it sounds like being in The Fall was fucking terrifying, it was like being in the court of an alcoholic Haile Selassie! Amazing that Mr E. made it to 60.

        “They’re weird aren’t they, Prince fans?”
        – Mark E. Smith

        Has he met Fall fans?! LOL! Prince greatly admired Mark, though.

  18. Wired for Sound scares of the trick or Treaters at Halloween, especially when i appear at the door with shades, oversized earphones and licking my lips saying ‘Hey kids, you wanna learn about the message of our lord Jesus Christ *spop* hmhmmm A wooa wooa wo wo wo wo!’

  19. With his Dinosaur scrotum neck, it would be a coincidence if his scrotum was smoother than a baby’s arse.

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