Volkswagen

I’m a big fan of the NSDAP Motor Corporation. In fact, the Golf – or “Rabbit” if you’re American – is one of my favourite cars of all time, and I’m looking to buy a Mk.7 version of this eponymous hatchback as my next set of wheels.

The thing I’ve always liked about Volkswagen is their “practical solutions to day-to-day” problems approach. If you have a big family and, travel a lot, or are a tradesman, get a Transporter. New driver and need cheap, day-to-day that won’t cost the earth or maintain or run? Get a Beetle, or in later years, an Up! If, like me, you fancy a practical hot hatch but don’t want a Mercedes A45 because of the Louise Ni$$gleton factor, you buy a Golf GTI. Family man? Passat.

It’s easy.

So, I’ve recently been browsing and test driving a few of Wolfsburg’s finest and I drove an ID.3 and ID.4, the all-electric offerings. Now, I have no problem with the EV and one day, I can see one fitting nicely within our family unit during the next decade or so.

But these electric VWs? They’re badly made, poorly thought out inside, and the blobby design makes the long-term ‘roid on my arsehole look like a Cartier watch. VWs are supposed to be a bit dull, but ultimately serve a purpose. My point being with the ID.3 and ID.4 is why?

Yes, electrification is coming thick and fast to the car world. But to electrify their entire range as a knee-jerk reaction because they got fiddling the emissions numbers with the Dieselgate scandal and entirely remove what made a car company great and good in the first place can fuck off.

On the other hand, I might sack off the whole Golf GTI idea and get a SAAB 900 Turbo out of protest.

Nominated by: CuntisCuntis

93 thoughts on “Volkswagen

  1. E cars a a virtue signalling damo squib.
    They do fuck all expect instill smugness in their drivers.
    If a law was passed prohibiting anything other than solar or wind power to charge them up you’d soon see how sales go then.
    Hypocrite,moronic sheep.

  2. The govt have brought forward legislation to ban 50-125cc motorcycles from 2035 to 2030. These little bikes can be capable of c200 mpg and can last years with minimum maintenance. Ideal for the bloke commuting on a very tight budget. Well fuck him, let’s ban them in the name of Net Zero however, a 1000cc sports bike is fine for 5 more years. They want us all to go back 150 years when we all were born, lived and died within a few miles and couldn’t travel. Cunts, I fucking hate the govt with a passion. Plus almost 4000 potential rapists arrived by dinghy in July. My head is exploding with rage. Fuck electric cars, they just are not environmentally friendly and any cunt that says they are is deluded.

    • Small bikes actually probably emit much less CO2 than electric cars, when you take into account the CO2 released manufacturing and using them is dwarfed by the massive CO2 emissions in China and the Third World manufacturing electric cars. Plus, as you rightly say, they are affordable if you aren’t a rich, middle class, virtue signaller .

      Re the Government look at what 12 years of CONservative rule has given us:

      BRINO where we take more rules and immigration than if we had remained a full EU member;

      £trillions of taxpayers money committed to Net Zero a cause that would make an absolute mockery of a cost v benefit analysis;

      Plans to make car/motorcycle ownership for the working classes an impossibility;

      The most expensive fuel on the planet;

      Plans to force households to scrap efficient gas boilers and replace them at immense cost with inefficient and grossly impractical heat pumps;

      Plans to make it illegal to sell a house with less than an “EPC C certificate” (which, if enacted, will prevent some 40% of house sales);

      Rampant inflation;

      The highest tax burden in living memory;

      A strategy with Russia that will help to ensure failure of energy supplies and exacerbated immigration pressure;

      Blatant disregard for any semblance of moral or dignified behaviour in high office;

      A “woke culture” that prioritises above everything else;

      Politicisation of the police force;

      Too many other negative things to list here for fear of wearing out the screen on my phone.

      Sri Lanka have had their “ditch the politicunts” moment – when will we have ours?!

      • Mikdys@ When?
        At the next GE if we get our heads out of our arses, have a bit of guts and vote for independents.
        The “politicians” will keep turning the screw until it is revolution or slavery, we do not need or want them and I want them surgically removed from the gravy train.
        And any independents voted in will operate under common law and employment law – NOT hide behind Parliamentary fucking privilege to keep them out of prison.

      • Vernon Fox @

        If an Independent puts themselves forward at the next GE standing against all the nonsense of the incumbents I shall be delighted to vote for them. Unlikely their will be anyone suitable on the ballot though and, in which case, I shall simply spoil it.

        I think the best we can hope for is a massive number of spoilt ballots and a totally split vote otherwise making it neigh on impossible for a coalition to operate. A government that can’t actually pass any laws or change anything will be a good thing. Like traffic lights in a big town, when they cease to operate, the traffic flows.

        Imagine the next PM is foolish enough to arrange a GE fir early next year following, what I’m convinced will be a “Winter of discontent”. The political disconnect will be seismic. Stranger things could happen, after all, they are complete fuckwits with their heads up their own arses.

      • I’m just waiting for the time when the Green cunts turn their eyes towards vintage bikes and cars. It will happen one day.
        Presumably posh brands like Ferrari etc will be exempt from punitive legislation…

    • I’d vote for the right independent, the problem is we are a nation of sheep. Labour or Tory. Unless you’re a haggis or leek eater.

      • With our rigged two (one?) party system no independent candidate has a snowballs chance in hell of getting anywhere near the levers of power. UKIP might have got vaguely within sniffing distance a few years back, but nothing like that will be permitted next time around.
        Sadly…

      • Fararge shit his pants and ran off when he thought he might end up with some real responsibility.

    • If it’s true they’re banning low cc motorbikes and scooters, that’s a sure sign that this is all about getting the plebs off the roads.

      Greta is a fucking cunt!

      • Now will that just mean no more new ones on sale, or will the powers that be order compulsory scrappage of already owned and registered bikes?
        I wonder…

  3. What really fuck me off with cars adverts since the introduction of EV’s (or maybe it’s the short attantions span and/or lack of practical knowledge of todays fucking young cunts that drive- or can’t) is that car ads are solely focused of what gimmicky ‘toys’ one car has over another- the more flashing fucking lights to the terminally stupid cunts the better. It may handle like a crock of shit, or the boot only has room for a pack of condoms or the suspension is made from chewing gum, but that’s not important anymore to new drivers now…….it’s whether youu xbox on wheels has got apple play or some other shit.

    Sorry……it was all abouts. looks, practicality, handling, reliability, quality etc when I started in the motor trade. Now it’s all cunting bollock.

    • Sorry about my spaccy spelling….I was getting really wound up writing that. I am not normally a cunt who cannot spell.

    • Agree 100% with your sentiments there Chuff, but there is hope I think. Both of our daughters replaced their cars this year. Both bought proper petrol engined vehicles, diesels, hybrids and EVs were not seriously considered. Also they bought cars of a fairly low trim level for the purpose of avoiding abortions like ipad screens and electric parking brakes, the fact they were cheaper therefore was just an added bonus.
      My last company car had all these distracting toys fitted, ESC, adaptive cruise control, hill start “assist” etc., you name it. I had to read the fucking hand book to find out how to switch it all off. Yet one day I was left stranded in the West End following a puncture because the car had no spare wheel, just one of those toy bottle of glue/pump affairs.

      • Agree with your sentiments sir. I purchased a nearly new Mokka for the wife to run around in (it’s what she asked for) and then realised there is a can of jizz in the boot supposed to fix punctures….problem is with these modern low profile tyres with narrow tyre walls, they don’t puncture within the tread and slowly deflate, they fucking split down the side and go down immediately with a huge gash down the side. No amount of fucking foam is going to cure that. I did a bit of research and found a suitable vauxhall steel wheel for use as a spare and managed to purchase all the retaining tyre well bits and pieces, and proper spare wheel tool kit for it from vauxhall, as they actually DO expect people to buy a proper wheel.

        CUNTS.

  4. Electric cars are not ‘green’ in any way. Not only do they run on ‘non green’ energy – mostly power stations fuelled by liquid gas shipped from the UAE but also their manufacture requires all sorts of rare earth minerals mined by slave labour in collosal, earth-raping quarries jn distant, environmentally wonderful countries such as Congo and China. Virtue signalling indeed. Virtual signalling cunts.

  5. Volkswagen? A Nazis car! When they put satnav in one for the first time it automatically went to Poland, on a serious note I have don’t laugh a Skoda kamiq, it’s the same car as a VW troc but 10 grand less, it has all the equipment the VW has being from the Volkswagen group of manufacture, for those who mock skoda it’s not the same as they used to be it cost me 30k and as someone in the motor trade it’s a great car, if you told me 20 years ago I would buy a Skoda I would have called you a cunt, however VW is still a kraut country car manufacturer,

  6. Wait until your charger fails and you try and get the garage to replace it. Two technicians for a medium sized city

    • Latest thing is the ‘do as they likeys’ are nicking the copper charging cables…even when on charge.

      …another thing. Mate of mine is a rep for a ‘green’ company and has an all EV company car….gets home most evenings with about 10% charge left. Can’t go out in the evening coz it takes until the morning for it to fully charge up as he’s off on a long drive for work again the following day.

      He’s now had to buy ANOTHER car..just so he can go out after work…..now that is a cunting way to operate, but real if you own an EV.

      • Two points come to mind Chuff.
        Tell the company you want to know where to leave the electric spazmobile at night so that you don’t have private use and therefore do not pay tax on it.
        Alternatively use the car of an evening within it’s range, next day, half-way to your first call, phone your boss to tell him that the car has stopped. Try to arrange this outside a Starbucks or some such so you can take a piss or get a coffee while you sit around waiting for rescue.
        Third option maybe; dump the spazmobile in a layby, set fire to it and report it stolen.

  7. Hound no.1 and I nearly shit ourselves when we were stood in the carpark at a National Trust site looking at a tree when one of those Noddymobiles crept up behind us piloted by a geriatric Mr.Magoo and his cobwebby old Bag…no point shouting at the old Dears…I doubt they were even too sure where they were…probably pulled up next to the stone lion heads and asked for a ” McWhopper and a fillet o’ fish for my wife”.

    Fit something to those glorified sewing-machines to warn people that a vehicle containing virtue-signalling Cunts or confused old Farts wasting their children’s inheritance is on the way.

    • DF-F@ – Afternoon Sir Fiddler – perhaps the Laurel and Hardy theme tune permanently on the stereo?
      But on the positive side, the cyclists won’t hear them coming..

      • Fucking pushbikers are just as bad…always creeping up on us from behind when we’re out in the forestry…they should have a fucking little bell like I did when I had a pushbike as a child….although,being fair… over-exposure to the noise of chainsaws possibly hasn’t helped either my or Hound’s hearing

  8. Got a T5, that little Blair wannabe cunt (burnham), wants to charge me £10.00 fucking quid every time I visit my elderly mother in a Manc care home..

    Clean air zone my ARSE..!!!!

    • I use a 20yr old Mk2 V70 petrol & will keep it going until it does. Best of all, it’s ULEZ compliant. Still won’t go there or to any shops in it. Fuck the lot. If Khunt expands the ULEZ, I will never pay & any cunt trying to clamp or take my car, won’t see another daybreak. Mass disobedience, make the whole thing unenforceable.

  9. ALL car manufacturers are cunts – from Aston Martin and Ferrari who “allow” people to buy their overrated bags of thrown together shite to the “mass manufacturers” who rip off customers every way they can.
    The British had the chance to acquire VW after WW2 but turned it down – was a distant relative of special needs Truss the Trade Secretary back then? 🤦‍♂️🤡
    The retailers make more than 100% profit, so a car which is 30 grand on the forecourt has been sold to the retailer by VW for 12000 and VW STILL make a huge profit even at that price.
    Want a decent used motor for peanuts? Buy German or Jap – they both stole our ideas and improved them.
    I will NOT be ordered to buy a fifty grand hairdryer which only lasts 8 years and cannot have the toxic rare earth metals the batteries are made from recycled, and I am sure the 8 year old kids who work in third world hell holes mining with their bare hands really appreciate dying at 30 due to the huge amounts of poisonous material absorbed through the skin.
    And I am FUCKED if I am being lectured and fed a lie by cunts who spend half their life on private jets and other half on yachts and in mansions.
    Hey, econazis – sell everything you have, throw away everything derived from oil or manufactured from plastic, stop using the internet (the worlds largest CO2 polluter), move into a one room shack where you have a well, a windmill and a solar panel and eat plants and grubs for the rest of your fucking life.
    No?
    Thought fucking not.
    Want free green energy forever?
    Water power and hydrogen power.
    Ask yourselves why they are not doing this.

      • Have an archived copy…

        https://archive.ph/ZiNd4

        Anyone who thinks electric cars are ‘green’ should be forced to work these mines…

        On a tangental side note, the oh-so-green EU’s coal imports are up by over 400% from last year….and they’re getting it from Colombia…

      • “It’s behind a paywall”.

        I’ll let you into a little secret:

        how to get past paywall pop ups for any news site e.g. telegraph and read the news articles for free.

        First of all open a new browser tab and go to https://archive.ph/

        Then open another tab, go to, lets say, the telegraph website and click on any news article.

        Copy the full page URL.

        Go back to https://archive.ph/ and paste the copied page URL into the ‘my URL is alive and I want to archive its content’ box.

        That’s all there is to it.

      • Kids mine coal in Columbia, at least my Grandad was 14 in 1928 when he went down the black hole and looked after the pit ponies until he was 16.

    • Aston Martin have now produced an SUV.
      The ultimate sign of a manufacturer that just can’t be arsed anymore…

      • Yep, like that fucking ugly lump Porsche make the vile Cayenne. A car designed by cunts to appeal to the type of cunt who has no taste and even less class.

    • @Vern.

      If we had bought VW after the war we would have completely buggered it up and sold it back to the Squareheads for about £2.50 by about 1978 so don’t worry.

  10. If range (or mileage) for an EV is the most important thing (well, it would be to me if I had one) why the fuck do manufacturers add MORE fucking electric shit to electric cars than what the petrol ones had?

    Full width front lights, back lights, fuck off great touch screens. Buttons for this buttons for that. Electric stuff that petrol cars have had manual versions for that work perfectly well……..if they didn’t add as much electric shit to an EV, then the range may increase.

    Do away with electric tailgate closing, all the extra twinkly lights to the front and back, mood lights inside, stick wind up windows in it and manual mirrors etc….you might find an extra 20 miles ‘in the tank’ by doing away with the unnecessary electric trinkets is more important to some cunt stranded in the pissing rain by the side of the M25 than the fact he has apple play on a laptop sized dashboard.

    Cunts

    • the thing that really makes me laugh is electric SUVs. What’s the point – a fucking great behemoth that needs a fuckign great battery pack to lug it around. surely all EVs should be small? Or is it that more range requires more batteries? Bloke round the corner to me just bought an Audi leccy suv. Very poorly made compared to their petrol versions – I think all the money goes into batteries. Anyway, he was blathering about it’s range and size of battery – until I pointed out that even with his 60A “fast” charger he will still have to wait for almost 18hours or so to charge it up. “but I only charge it to 80%” he says – so, I asked him what he point of the big battery was then? There’s nowt so deaf as won’t listen.

      • When the batteries go dud after seven years (if he’s lucky) at least you can point and laugh at him…

      • I waiting for the first death from frostbite for some cunt who’s got lost climbing ben nevis in the snow, and the fucking electric land rovers run out of fucking charge before they get to them. Or is they do make it, they all fucking freeze coz they cant charge the cunt up to come back.

      • I worked on all 6 sets at Drax it really is a sight to behold, even had clean single toilets on the mill floors if you knew where to find them, very useful on a Monday morning after a heavy weekend.

    • A point I’ve made often. How the fuck can it be “carbon neutral” or ecologically sound, strip felling thousands of acres of American forests. We are being slowly fucked by the WEF cunts & the Greta worshippers. Better break out and service my paraffin heater and stove and stockpile 20 gallons of fuel.

    • I loved my 9-5 aero estate. I had an order in for the new one until GM fucked them over. Saab 9-5 was number 1, followed by 3.0V6 Camry estate. I got nicked doing almost 105mpg average speed in it.

  11. In my experience all good things come to an end. If you found something you enjoy or works well for you, enjoy it while it lasts because it won’t.
    I’m cynical? Maybe. I’ve learned that what works well gets fucked up at some point. Governments are the best at this.

  12. I know a couple who had a Nissan Leaf. They drove from Windsor to Bognor, 70 miles, about the absolute limit of its range. Anyhow, they’d done their homework and worked out that Bognor had a few charging points. Unfortunately, Sussex council had a disagreement with the charging point providers, so none of the fuckers were working. After waiting hours, the AA arrived with a diesel generator to charge it. That’s hardly a hassle free, green way of travelling is it?
    Leccy cars will go the same way as the Sinclair C5. Only, their day in the sun will last longer.
    Hydrogen fuel cell will be the only way to go eventually. If you want useable power, you have to burn something, it’s that fucking simple.

    • Diesel generator to charge an electric car “saving the planet”!

      You really couldn’t make this shit up. Will I wake up from the nightmare in a minute to the 1980s and the normality of low tax, help to buy (houses) and the UK defending its sovereignty with gusto. Must wake up now…must wake up now…must wake up now……….

    • Synthetic fuel is the way to go. Currently still in early development, but f1 have said they will go over to it in a year or so. Only by product is water from the exhaust…similar to hydrogen. Only drawback at the moment is cost…about ten quid a litre. But totally eco friendly, no emissions and can be used without any modifications in all existing petrol cars..classic and modern. I’m hoping it becomes more available and developed before 2030 to fuck over this electric bollocks

  13. Kindly Uncle klaus and his WEF bum chums have just declared that private car ownership is wasteful and outdated, and must be brought to an end.
    For the plebs, of course…

    • Mind you, it’ll be fucking funny when industry in general has to shut down because the workers don’t have any way to get to bloody work.

    • Aye, they want to shut down all of the biggest industries it seems: oil industry, automobile industry, meat industry. Good luck with that. This is what happens when you sit around all your life in an ivory tower and see humanity as a seething mass of activity that makes a mess, but so what? That’s life, no civilisation was ever perfect and they end by cataclysm anyway, it seems.

      It will be fun to watch these so-called, “elites” try to enslave us, though. It already looks like a loss for these clowns. Their strategies are awful. The food scarcity thing is scary. That’s why it’s a good idea to have long-life foods like rice, pasta in your house. Stuff you eat anyway. Relying on the supermarkets in a society in crisis is nuts. In WW2 it was tough, today it would be pandemonium, violent.

      Who knows what will happen. We can only be pushed so far.

  14. Get that SAAB900 Turbo. Great car. SAAB were a wonderfully idiosyncratic car manufacturer with some great designs. Such a shame they were destroyed by GM and are no longer with us.

    I detest electric cars. They give you no oral feedback – no rip-roaring sound of the type produced by a V8 at full throttle. They have a range of 30 miles before you have to pull over and recharge for 48 hours. Fucking milk-floats. I can perhaps see myself getting an EV in the future as a practical, every day dull Euro-box (assuming the technology and range improves), if I have to. But it won’t be a VW – Nazi bastards. And I’ll only get it to save wearing out my Ferrari and Morgan.

  15. I have a hybrid. When I replaced my car the new model had become hybrid. Didnt think much about it.
    It weighs 20 odd kg more than the old model. Does 2 mpg less than the old model. I was a cunt for buying it and the so called advantage of an electric motor is bollocks.
    Net fuckall.

  16. What also fucking stinks is that all the “mainstream “ motoring magazines, and the motoring sections of newspapers seem to be reviewing ,(actually promoting) these overrated electric toys.
    No wonder gullible people buy into this shit.
    Talking of shit will that fucking Archie’s chavvy pig of a mother pack it in ?!This bitch has cost the NHS thousands (cost of ICU bed £ 1700-£2000 per night) Who’s paying her legal fees ?
    Probably us !

    • Ive never had a volkwagen.
      For fuckin hippies arent they?

      Just Mercs and Fords.

      As for leccy cars I test drove one at the fair and was involved in a collision!!😮

      And there was a gyppo hanging off the rear end.
      Never again thanks.

      • No but he took her for a physical examination behind the waltzers beforehand.
        Although I never had to have one?
        Half a hour I had to wait listening to showaddywaddy over an over…

      • @MNC

        The fair in my town back in the day played mainly ska classics like Liquidator and The Return Of Django.

        Fucking ace!

  17. Emissions fiddling Nazí box-head cunts. I wouldn’t buy anything made by these fuckers. Probably made by aload of very thin Yíddish people in stripey pyjammas in some secret underground lair near Muních.

  18. Funny how the VW e-up, along with its sister models the Skoda Citigo-e iV and SEAT Mii electric, have now been discontinued. Why is that? You’d think a small electric car for city types and old ladies that only go to church and the shops once a week would be a winner – but no! Volkswagen’s have always had shit electrics in them. My dad’s uncle had one in the 70s and it was returned to VW and he was given an exchange because they couldn’t fix it. Funny that.

    Ford (‘You can have any colour you like, as long as it’s not Jewish’) haven’t made an electric Fiesta yet. WHY? Is it because they can’t make enough batteries to fit them?

  19. EV cars really are rubbish
    Firstly company car drivers only want them cos they pay less company car tax but leave them at the yard and use normal cars as they are scared the things run out when driving a distance
    There are a load of dead Citroens in Paris which were used by locals then scrapped as they were too dear to repair but can’t be scrapped so left in fields
    They are limited for top speed 95 at the most so useless
    Don’t think dealers make money on new cars
    Most new cars on motability schemes which the dealers get 400 quid less the prep and clean
    These are used by angry people who treat the cars and the dealership staff like shit
    They buy ev cars and can’t charge them as they’ve no charging points
    You couldn’t make it up
    The motor trade like most of the uk is now proper fucked

    • Friend of mine has owned an Audi hybrid for a couple of years. He says it’s fine going to work or the shops and back but for longer journeys charging is such a time consuming hassle he simply puts petrol in it. Following a service at the Audi dealer the battery will no longer fully charge. Dealer doesn’t know why and Audi do not respond. I have been told by people who work for different dealers/manufacturers that it is quite common to have hybrids returned at two years old from companies and find charging cables still in their original packaging in the boot.

    • Didn’t they do one called a FuckUp!
      ??
      A. few years back they were done for testing exhaust emissions on primates. Dear Gott, have they not enough data from 1930s research?
      How many Jews can you get in a VW?…

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