Vabbing – Splash it all over!

(We hope you enjoy your breakfast while reading this! – Love, The Admin Team)

I’d like to nominate “ vabbing”.

Yes folks, the act of smearing your face with clunge juice in order to attract a man.

I can honestly say, that I’m no fan of wimminz wearing perfume, I prefer them just to smell natural and clean, and one could argue that the fragrance of the clopper is natural too.

But here’s the rub 😉. What if you’re about to go out, done your hair and nails etc, and just before you head out, remember you haven’t vabbed, so decide to give yourself a quick smear from the fruits of the beaver on your way out, not realising you’ve just started your monthly.

What next? Fruity gentlemen sticking their fingers up their jacksie and putting on a little foundation.

Is there any need for this? Why not just wear a pair of soiled panties round your neck, or discreetly spike a chaps pint pot with clunge gunge, or even better, just go out and chat blokes up.

Indie News Link

Nominated by: Cuntington Smythe

Also noticing the whiff is Dickie Dribbler:

Just when you thought you’d heard it all.

Daily Fail Link.

Are you a woman and looking for a little bit of hot, passionate lurrve action? Then try vabbing. Just stick your fingers in your organ of matrimonial necessity (cruder terminology is available on request) then smear the resulting secretions on your pulse points, behind the ears or, if you’re really gagging for it, why not rub it all over.

If the lunatics on TikToc are to be believed the pheromones in your juices will help you pull. What you’ll pull is open to debate. Perhaps penguins, herons, otters, seals, the Spanish trawler fleet, who knows but, unless he suffers from Anosmia (smell blindness), it’s not likely to be a man.

Who thinks of this cr@p.

Speaking as a single man I wonder if kn0b cheese has the same pulling power on women? I’m not volunteering to try it to find out lest one of the ladies with an Adams apple like a basketball gets the wrong idea.

Anyone willing to risk it?

68 thoughts on “Vabbing – Splash it all over!

  1. Fuck me sideways and stick a pineapple up my arse!! I’ve never heard of this shit probably because I don’t associate with mental defectives. What do the trannies do then, or are we not allowed to say that in case we cause offence? Well as the wokies pretend that the trannies have got fannies they may as well pretend they’ve got fanny juice to go with it. Anyone wanna buy my piss? It’s very trendy, trust me.

  2. I’ve got a few crusty wank socks I might use to rub my face with instead of aftershave prior to going out on the town.

    You never know you might see Christmas TV ads from Hugo Boss and their latest range of minge juice with a hint of “on-the-blob” flakes .

    And for men there’s mature wank socks with a trace of piss.

    And all for £65 a bottle.

    • I’m a big fan of this.
      The idea really turns me on.

      We’re animals at the end of the day, the sweet smell of pussy hanging in the air will draw you like a fuckin Bisto kid.

      No use to me, I’ve a missus, but if I was single I’d jump aboard!

      Oil my beard with knob cheese an sit back and watch the ladies fight to warm my bed.

  3. It’s alright until the fat horrible toothless moonshining tattoed council estate Asda shopping legging wearing types try this.
    Gallons of fanny batter smeared all over their fat and ugly faces and the smell of rancid tuna mayonnaise left behind on the bus after they waddle off to Wilko’s.
    I hope this is a fad that passes, for the sake of my smell buds.

  4. Is this the next step to fit in with our Muslim overlords when they take over in thirty years..they all smell of shit and b/o.
    We can smell of clunge juice and cock cheese.i may market this to airwick..

  5. Olfactory attraction.
    Dogs in heat.

    I once farted and within minutes Michael Barrymore and Prince Edward showed up.

  6. I think we need a definitive statement from Minge Juice Bottler, on this aromatic topic.
    I wonder if using jizz, rather than Brylcream, would draw in the ladies ?
    Let me know how you get on. 👍
    Good morning. 😀

  7. Good grief.

    What next?

    Gays wearing a hat filled with shit?

    (Hence the term “Brown Hatter” perhaps? – Day Admin)

    • I’m a big fan of the vagina but it can cause a lot of drama in the longer term.

      And expense.

      Never mind the extreme sport of wearing fanny grease on blackpool prom fighting off seagulls the size of light aircraft.

    • Hi UT not shit in hat but a very masculine fragrance called Eua de Colon. Top notes of pissy gussets, pine urinal blocks and arse crack fetter. Middle notes of dick cheese helmet dale and brimular . Bottom notes of explosive anal expulsion blended with cottage floor mop.

  8. No wonder there are so many poofters in the country if the wimminz are getting that desperate. They should form an orderly queue outside the bedroom of that Dark Key footballer on trial this week. He’d get round to them all in time.

  9. Brut missed a trick here. ‘The great smell of minge’ fronted by Serena Williams, say.

    (Prepare for Diane Abbott to do a commercial for L’Oreal and smiling to the camera while splashing her own fetid juices over her mug, “Because you’re worth it!” – Day Admin)

  10. Invite her in for coffee

    “Darling would you like a scrapping of nob cheese with that “

  11. Nice…next time I get within grabbing range of Gemma Arterton, I’ll stick my hand down her pants,have a right good rummage, and finally sniff my fingers before telling her “You smell simply divine tonight,my Dear…what is that delightful perfume?….Eau De Minge,peut etre?” ( I am ,of course, fluent in the Language of Love). She’ll be frothing at the gash ( and perfuming,presumably) in no time.

    I’ve got nowt against this idea…my own rather musky odour has been compared to a 3 week dead badger that drowned in a septic-tank,so a little waft of fanny-juice is unlikely to put me off my stroke.

    (Are you all still enjoying your brekkie? Certainly gives a new meaning to “Up at the crack of Dawn” – Day Admin)

    • Three week dead badger is a delicaciy in Albania, so you best be on the lookout now 4000 of the bastards have floated over here.

      • A plod acquaintance of mine once told me that the previous day he’d lifted a pikey immo just outside Folkestone eating a dead badger.

  12. I am told that the same effect can be had by the female of the species smearing a packet of scampi fries all over their pulse points.

    Beef and onion crisps does the same for the gays.

    • Sorry, two ‘yous’ in there. I’m getting so worked up at the prospect that my stammer’s returned.

  13. I have a cheaper and easier alternative, just get some anchovies and 3 day old kippers and smear them all over your face, it’s all the same smell

  14. Here’s to the cut that never heals
    The more you stroke it the softer it feels
    You can scrub it with bleach you can scrub it with soda but you can never get rid of that Billingsgate odour.

  15. This has to have been started as a windup, to see how many idiots can be fooled into doing it.
    A bit like Scientology. A religion created by a science fiction writer.

  16. Surely if a girl is that desperate for a shag, then all she has to do is say ‘fancy a fuck’ I appreciate if the roles were reversed, then I would probably be charged with harassment, but the other way around? Bring it on….saves all the ‘leg work’ of buying her drinks, taking her out for dinner, meeting parents etc.

    • This is my thinking. Attractive women don’t need it and ugly women won’t be any more attractive by doing this.

    • I’ve always thought they could just wear a badge saying they were up for it.

  17. Sometimes me and the Ex-wife used to have a shag before we went out for a night out, when I was ready, she’d get me to spunk all over her big tits and then she’d rub it into her tits, get dressed and we’d go out. She said she liked to have my “spunky smell” wafting up her nose all night. Filthy cow.

    • I did that with my ex-wife.
      Unfortunately for her, my spunk is made out of ultra-concentrated sulphuric acid like a Xenomorph’s blood and she melted, like that baddie at the end of Robocop.

    • As you’re from Grantham, I’m guessing Margaret Thatcher…
      Allegedly, she had a fine pair of “globes”…

  18. Apparently Napoleon used to insist that Josephine did not wash her sausage pocket whilst he was away on his battles.

    He was away a lot and often for a long time so her growler must have chucked up something chronic.

    But he was French, so that probably doesn’t count.

  19. To quote the Président during his saucy adventures in the Château de Silling in ‘120 Days of Sodom’:
    “I’d like her cunt to smell like a beach filled with dead fish”.

  20. I’m pretty sure pheromones are released by the skin anyway and do not have an odour in themselves, so the need for vag juice is superfluous. More likely to put me off and remark on the pub/bar/reataurant having a fish counter, and perhaps getting fresh stock in.

  21. Get Angela Rayner in on the act as a boost to Britain’s export drive – “SHE knows, he’ll LOVE, the tingle-tongue taste of Rayners Cunt Juice. I can picture her n a production line with Jordan and that old slapper previously married to Prince Andrew, and a special feed from Yvette Sugartits Cooper when she is doing her reverse cowgirl. These comments will excite the passions of Dame Kweer – Under the village chestnut tree, old Kweer Charmer sat, amusing himself, by abusing himself, and catching the drips in his hat.

  22. This reminds me of a visit to Shinners of Sutton (later Allders), think Grace Bros., with my fiancee in mid-80s. On the ground floor, in perfume section, a young female of the species leapt out from behind a counter, looking rather the worse for wear, with a real black eye, presumably from a cat fight at the Rosehill Tavern the previous pm.
    “Smells like a number two, and you rub it all over yourself! ‘
    If it smelt like a number two, personally I’ d rather flush it.
    I believe the Rosehill Tavern has been demolished, but when I was at school near there (just behind St. Helier Hospital, where John Major should’ve been drowned at birth), there were bullet marks from Kray twins shoot-out…

    • When I was a kid we used to play football on rosehill playing fields, brings a tear to my eye!

  23. I am fealing decidedly queasy. The descriptions are all to reminiscent of the fragrant Angela Rayner.

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