The Red Arrows

They’re seen as a British institution,
Fly over for the Queens birthday and special events,
Always advertised top billing on posters for events…

They’re boring as fuck aren’t they?

Fast moving jets that have release coloured smoke.
Zzzzz☹️ (Greta won’t be happy. “How Dare They!” – Day Admin)

It holds my attention for about 3 seconds.
Even as a kid I’d struggle to stay awake watching this aerial dullness.

If they want to make it more interesting have blind pilots,
Or pilots who’ve never flown before.
Maybe drop bombs filled with toffees?

Dunno, but its a waste of time and effort in my book,
Just replace them with a wet t-shirt contest.

Nominated by: Miserable northern cunt

 

116 thoughts on “The Red Arrows

  1. Militaristic and polluting the planet…….and look at that fascist flag on the tail !! No I can’t see the wokies putting up with this for much longer.
    Paint them pink with a rainbow tail and have the pilots go trannie and you might get away with it.
    The Gay Arrows!……oh the pride.

    • The plane in front could be painted white and tow a huge inflatable arse, the repainted black one behind could have its nose cone replaced with a massive dildo, and they could then try some aeronautical bumfoolery. That might bring it up to date? The BBC would buy the rights, I’m sure.

    • Must agree – great skill through many hours of hard work.
      Admired around the world. My Mum still says ‘quick – the Red arrows are on the TV’
      Something we have had for many years and continue to have.
      Rare in these times.
      RED ARROWS ARE GREAT

  2. The Red Arrows are great. Maybe they are a bit passé now but what they do takes great skill. And as Freddie points out, we are lucky in todays climate we don’t have the Rainbow Arrows or the Chiggin George Memorial Air Acrobatics Team.

    • Naw.
      As a kid I was dragged to see them a couple of times.
      Dont think I even looked up.

      Ive been to all sorts of shows, WW2 vehicles, steamrollers, even tractors at cheshire show.
      None bored me quite as much as the Red Arrows😃

      • Oh it wasnt by choice MMCM!

        No, in fact the only aerial stunt that ever caught my attention for longer than 60seconds was 9/11.

      • I’m ashamed to say that the first thing I did after learning to use Flight Simulator 9, was to take off from Boston and fly straight into the twin towers at full throttle.

        I believe pretty much everyone did the same thing though. I didn’t go as far as putting my pajamas on, tying a tea towel around my head, growing a big beard and shouting about ‘Alan’ as the tower filled the screen, but there you go.

      • Mnc@ – Morning Mnc/all – I saw the Red Arrows at the RAF (when it was) Church Fenton air show – I used to go every year it was on with nut – I got the amazing skill but (with no discourtesy intended towards the RAF) they just bored me.
        The Vulcan was mind blowing – it went close above at very low speed and the fkin world shook – I would not like to be on the wrong end of that utterly awe inspiring monster.
        The Spitfire and Hurricane were superb, and what was even funnier was hearing some old chap at the side of me shouting “They sorted them bastard Germans out” and everyone falling about laughing! 😀
        BTW – watch the skies – there may be a “retaliatory strike” from DCI!

      • “BTW – watch the skies – there may be a “retaliatory strike” from DCI!”

        😅😅 My flying suit still fits, you know!

      • You aint seen a show until you’ve witnessed a vulcan. Fucking billy big bollocks plane thagt is

      • Ah the superb Vulcan bomber.

        Perhaps only the RAF would have the guts to fly it the length of the Atlantic to the Falklands and bomb those dirty Argie cunts.

        Fucking bravo.

    • The Vulcan is a favourite of mine as well. One flew over a garden I was working in during summer about 15 years ago. It blocked the sunlight over the entire garden and house.

  3. I like it best when they smash into each other at 800 mph.

    Proper entertainment.

  4. Sorry for being a cunt and going off-topic for a second or two.

    Just another major virus/malware warning currently doing the rounds, but this time for Android users.

    Seems that a number of apparently harmless day-to-day apps (wallpaper, screensavers, music player apps, photo editors etc) have been reprogramed to push malware onto users’ devices which will trigger annoying pop-up ads based on user profile preferences. This could be attractive enough for the end user to sign up to expensive premium services.

    The malware within the app can only be triggered if the user gives certain permissions during the installation process. Some of these permissions go way beyond the parameters of what the app is meant to do, but the hacker will hope that a lot of users just won’t care and will give universal permission in order for the app to be installed.

    In addition the malware will place a heavy drain on battery life, as well as slowing your device down to a crawl in certain circumstances depending on the resident version of Android.

    These apps are/were mostly available through Google’s own supposedly super-secure Play Store and have been downloaded to millions of devices globally.

    As per usual be careful what you install, check the permissions, have a good AV/AM installed etc.

    The link below gives a full list of those apps and also contains side-bar links to other major malware attacks on Android devices that are well worth checking out.

    https://www.techradar.com/uk/news/millions-of-android-devices-infected-with-wallet-draining-malware

    • That would be very embarrassing for me as my pop up ads would mainly be tailored around big bootys and anal sex.

      • You are giving me, the creative director for Boggs pornographic Filmed Productions (Amsterdam) Ltd, another idea for one of our productions – “Strip Search” with Diane Abbott and David Lammy. A Naughty girl (Diane) is caught on board an airline with a stash of drugs and Detective Constable Lammy takes her aside in the airlines lavatory…….one thing leads to another and something big comes up. Air hostess Lisa Nandy can’t resist joining in the “action”.. This is one you won’t want to miss (“The spit-roasting scene was unforgettable” – The Guardian), (“The suffocation scenes were disturbing ” The Daily Mail)

  5. Replace all the honky pilots with darkies if they fly like they drive, could be some real entertainment..

  6. The planes look dated now. Bit of a one trick pony show. Similar to the bloke who can parallel park a mini with the handbrake. 😴 Much rather see the Spitfire, Hurricane and Lancaster overhead. It would be more entertaining if they let Harvey Price fly one.

    • Harvey gets to fly the C-17 Globemaster.

      It’s the only plane in RAF service that will get off the fucking ground.

  7. A 70’s relic still in existence?

    I used to watch them in awe 40 odd years back…but..

    We have an invasion taking place right now and we need every aircraft we can deploy!

    Formation dinghy/Border Farce/French Navy bombing is now desperately needed.

    With red white and blue smoke if you want.

    Rule Brittania.

    • I saw him once,
      Outside a pub in cheshire where they show the steamrollers.
      Pint in hand, oily overalls, holding court to a small group of earnest enthusiasts.

      Still better than the red Arrows😁

      • The most terrifying thing I have seen on TV is Dibnah climbing some huge chimney on tatty ladders tied together with string. He would frequently stop for a pint or a sandwich, one leg dangling over the abyss. Balls of steel.

      • Yeah he was brilliant wasnt he?

        His approach to Health&safety was lax,to say the least.

        Remember Blaster Bates?
        He blew up chimneys like Fred.
        Remember him blowing up the water cooling tower in stockport!
        I resented it .

      • Do you remember that chap who illegally climbed some massive chimney in the North. He ended hanging upside down from the top with a rope around his ankles for hours and hours. Unfortunately dead when the rescue team finally reached him. That gave me nightmares.

      • Not long after that incident I remember driving past that chimney, looking up and thinking “poor fucker, I bet if Fred had been around in his heyday, he’d have got him down from there within half an hour and probably took him for a pint afterwards”

      • Blaster Bates was a great story teller. Hilarious anecdotes of his blasting days. The shower of shit over Cheshire etc. Brilliant.

      • Shropshire! He showered shit over Shropshire, also a master of alliteration 👍

      • That’s what I was thinking Herman. Fred would have rescued him and then convivially instilled some Northern common sense into him, perhaps even taking him on as an apprentice. Dibnah was one of the last great Englishmen.

  8. I agree,Mis..always think that they’re a bit like a case of premature-ejaculation…the anticipation in the build-up followed by 2 seconds of excited gasps followed by cries of “Is that it then?”

    • Morning Dick,

      As a kid id stand yawning in a crowd of excited adults ,
      My gran would ask later what I enjoyed most,

      “Going home”

      Same with that film Top Gun.
      Not actually watched it but looks a load of shite?

      Two yank puffs in sunglasses in planes?

      Ill pass.😁

  9. I’d like them to perform in those old fashioned aircraft like they had in Buzby Berkley musicals, then they got have Lisa Nandy and Emily Thornberry twerking on the wings, and for the finale Lisa doing a tassel dance to “Flying Down To Rio” – that would get them moving. – followed by Lisa pushing the Thornberry woman off the plane – without a parachute.

  10. Morning chaps…does anyone remember that splendid 80’s joke about the Irish Red Arrows?
    Paddy and Seamus realise they’re coming right at each other and get on the radio.
    “Paddy, ye daft eejit, you’re heading roight fer me”
    “Oi know, Seamus, let’s take evasive action, you go left and Oi’ll go roight!”

  11. I love aviation but I’m no fan of air shows.

    There always seems to be a big crash at these things. Spectators getting incinerated etc.

    Stunts are fine on a BMX or skateboard. Bit of a bruise when it goes wrong.

    Get it wrong in a plane that’s upside down and doing 500mph..well, a bit of savlon won’t cut it when they recover parts of you in three separate counties.

    Can’t fuck about up there. Saw one documentary where this Russian pilot flying his fleet’s first batch of Airbus aircraft, decided to let his kids take over the flight for a bit. The plane flew itself more or less, you see.

    Within minutes,, every cunt was brown bread after completing the fastest nosedive into the sea since time began.

    • The Shoreham Airshow crash was a little too close to home for me. I’ve used that road many times over the years.

    • Capable of Mach 1.2 in a dive apparently. Something not done though. Boring cunts they all are, including the ginger top gun in the pic!

      • Problem is political I think Lord C. I’m sure the RAF would be delighted to demonstrate a low level pass at 700+ knots with the heaters on. Trouble is Greta’s acolytes would have a hissy fit and they are the people to whom the politicians pander.

  12. Hold on a mo. How has this passed the woke RAF censors? They are all white blokes. I went to the flicks last night and there was an advert for the RAF and they were all negreses an, apparently, they can do everything – even flying F35s while talking bollocks.

    • Yes that advert is somewhat arse, was of the opinion that it was recruiting for the Nigerian Air Force or something. For fucks sake is there no end to this bollocks. Thought, why not members of the peaceful fraternity, the old pillar box uniform no hindrance to isis

  13. The Red Arrows are very much an anachronism these days and won’t please the Zoomer generation at all.

    Much gnashing of teeth and tippy-tappy-typing on their social media pages about the “dangers to the environment” and blah-de-blah.

    The BBC and Guardian will also chip in and insist this “appalling display of wanton rape and destruction of our precious environment is put to an end!”

    Inevitably they will add a sentence or two to suggest it is racist and harks back to Empire.

    To me it no different to a bunch of joyriders booting their shabby old XR2s and GTIs down a local racetrack (M5 Junction 4 to 4a), weaving in and out of lanes, tailgating doddery old cunts, doing handbrake turns and doughnuts galore.

    Greta will be having fits no doubt and will demand them to be grounded while she flies off to the States in her private jet (because she’s different)

  14. I went to the Fairford air tattoo 2 weeks ago and the Red Arrows were displaying with the South Korean Black Eagles and it was great.
    But not as great as seeing (and hearing) the Lancaster and the Spitfire, wishing they could be let loose on the cross-Channel dinghy cunts.

    • TtCE@ – Morning Thomas, the Spit is a bit limited in terms of ammo – now a Mosquito would be highly acceptable! (Ideally accompanied by some sharks with lasers, or bad tempered sea bass if the sharks are on holiday!)
      I will celebrate my first day as Great Dictator by having the Channel carpet bombed! 😀👍☠

  15. Used to see them regularly on training runs etc. They were based near me. Always a pleasure.
    I have arranged for them to strafe New Mills.

  16. It would be worth watching if they were formation flying across the white cliffs fully armed ready to blast the dinghy cunts out of the water.

    How many made it to Blighty today chaps, ‘none wing commander’ tally-ho.

  17. Excellent nomination Miserable. 👍

    Weren’t a couple of them given the bullet earlier this year? Summat to do with “alcohol” and “inappropriate behaviour”, I seem to recall. 😂

    They were supposed to fly over my house on the Queen’s birthday. They never did, I was stood out in the street looking up at the sky for fucking hours!

    Fuck the Red Arrows and their families.

    • ‘Fuck the Red Arrows and their families’
      lol
      I’m sure they had nothing to do with it.

    • The Nîggĕrs?

      My great-grandparents had a dog called Nîggĕr. I have his gravestone at the bottom of our garden.

  18. Anybody seen the B52 crash when he’s circling the runway and hits a power cable? Apparently he was warned numerous times about dangerous flying. Also remember the German air show when the plane crashed into the crowd. Nightmare stuff.
    The best fighter plane sequence is the napalm drop in Apocalypse Now. When Kilgore is pointing to them flying past then the bombs are dropped and the jungle lights up. I get a boner every time I watch that.

  19. Instead of releasing trails of smoke, I wish they would release napalm, but only over areas with a high concentration of mouse limbs and gimmigrants.
    That would be great entertainment, watching the filthy bastards melt.
    I saw the Vulcan at RNAS Culdrose a few years back, the hairs stood up on the back of my neck.

  20. For old farts with a long memory, The Black Arrows. Far Superior. Better Planes ( Hawker Hunters ) Used to watch them when they were flying up at Leuchers Air show.

  21. One of my happier dreams is the Red Arrows flying English Electric Lightnings, that would shake a few window frames and clear a few sinus in the process. I really had a thing for the Lightning, fantastic aircraft had to be very well looked after and treated with great respect, needed a bloody good pilot to.
    That noise shivery.

  22. I for one would give the Red Arrows hero status if the straffed Brighton town hall on take it up the bum weekend 🏳️‍🌈

  23. Pathetic post. Fuck off you miserable boring bastard.

    (I hope that was said in jest! = Day Admin)

  24. The Yank equivalent are The Blue Angels. Whenever they’re mentioned on TV I always say, “Yeah whatever, The Red Arrows could kick your arses”.

    Now, what about a duel? Fully armed, no rules. An aerial battle between Red and Blue to see who wins.

    I’d pay to watch that. The Yanks might have an unfair advantage though seeing as they’re used to firing on friendlies.

    • …and fly the F/A 18 Hornet.

      I thought the Thunderbirds were the USAF team and the Blue Angles the US Navy team?

      I think they would also have an advantage flying the F-16. the poor old Hawk is outclassed by both.

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