Buying a House – US Style

Following the recent nomination about selling a house, it seemed like a good idea to cunt buying a house.

This is what is happening in my local housing market. Some terminology is a bit Yank-centric so I’ll explain as I go. One thing to bear in mind is the fundamental difference between the US and UK when it comes to buying a house. In the UK, the transaction is fundamentally a legal one, often handled by solicitors. In the US, it’s fundamentally a financial transaction, handled by cunts of course, just not lawyer cunts.

The underlying problem is the local housing market has become “over heated”. Meaning, the inventory is too low and the demand is too high. This has created a “seller’s market”. This used to mean prices are rising, homes sell quicker and at the listed price. However, this seller’s market is hyper aggressive and completely hostile towards buyers.

Two factors are causing this situation. First, too many people are moving to the main population/employment centres in Texas (e.g. Dallas, Austin, Houston, etc.). Some major corporations have also relocated to Texas over the last couple of years including HP, Samsung, Tesla and Oracle.

Californians are waking up to the fact California is an over taxed, hyper-expensive shit hole. They are moving to Texas in droves, bringing their liberal, woke, democrat fuckwittery with them and driving up house prices. The second factor is Realtors (Estate Agents) are being complete cunts.

This is what is going on:

1. Preapproval.
Realtors are not allowing buyers to even view properties without the buyers being preapproved. This means buyers must go through the motions of applying for and securing a mortgage for a house which has not yet been identified. Basically, all the financing has to be in place and ready to execute. In times gone by you could still do this if you wanted to, but now Realtors have made it mandatory. Gone are the days when you could speculatively look at houses to see what you like/don’t like, check out the local area, etc. That’s over. Plus you’ll probably only get one look at a house before having to make a decision about whether to buy it or not.

2. Blind Auction.
Buyers are being told to submit bids 10% to 15% above the listed selling price. The sellers and their cunt Realtors will then assess all the bids and choose which one they like. There was a time when offering the list price was practically a guarantee of getting the house, especially if other buyers were making offers less than list price. That’s over. Realtors have effectively turned the housing market into a blind auction.

3. Option Period Fee.
If your bid is accepted, buyers are being forced to pay a non-refundable fee for the privilege of keeping their option to buy the property for a specific period of time. Previously this fee did not exist. It used to be that once an offer had been accepted, the buyer and seller were committed unless the buyer withdrew for whatever reason.

This fee can be anything from a few hundred dollars to a thousand or more. If you decide not to buy the house, you forfeit this fee. Some option periods are as short as 5 days. If you want a longer option period or want to pay less for it, your bid might be less attractive to the seller, resulting in your bid being rejected. So the game here is to over bid for the house and agree to a short option period with a high option period fee, then cross your fingers.

4. Appraisal Gap.
Several things have to happen within the option period. One is getting an appraisal. This is where you pay a fee to your mortgage lender in return for which they’ll assess what they think the property is worth. That’s the basis upon which they decide or not to lend you the money. In a market where demand is constantly pushing up prices, it’s possible that the appraised value will be less than your offer.

This is called the Appraisal Gap. In order to get funding, your mortgage company makes you pay the Appraisal Gap up front in cash, otherwise they won’t loan you the money. This uses up some of your cash reserves, lowers your deposit and will quite likely adversely affect the interest rate you’ll get. All because the market is over inflated and Realtors are pulling list prices out their arses.

5. Home Inspection.
In the UK we do it properly by having a property surveyed by a Quantity Surveyor. The Yank equivalent is called a Home Inspection. These vary massively in price and quality. My overall experience of home inspections is they’re a bit like your dad wandering through a house, frowning and rubbing his chin while saying things like, “Yeah, it looks OK to me”.

The purchase of a house used to be contingent upon the results of the home inspection. If the home inspection report highlighted serious defects with the property (e.g. knackered furnace/air conditioner, dodgy electrics, non-functioning appliances, etc.) the buyer would use that to negotiate with the seller. The seller would either agree to fix certain things or discount the asking price and let the buyer deal with it. That’s over. Sellers know that if buyer A pulls out because of problems with the house, buyer B will buy it anyway without any fuss. Consequently, buyers now have no leverage.

In summary, buyers are not allowed to view prospective properties unless they have financing ready to go. They’re expected to over pay for houses whose prices are already over inflated. They’re forced to pay a fee for the option of buying a house and pay in cash any difference between their offer and the appraised value.

Their cash reserves could then be further diminished by effectively buying a property with serious problems which they’ll have to pay to be fixed. And the icing on the cake is, buyers are expected to make these financially important decisions at break neck speed based upon perhaps only a single viewing.

Bottom line is, if you agree to participate in this market you’re agreeing to be ripped off on a massive scale. Fuck that!

What’s your local housing market like these days?

Nominated by: Imitation Yank

35 thoughts on “Buying a House – US Style

    • I presume your mud hut has shot up in value because you’ve found water only a 5 mile walk away instead of the usual 20. It’s property speculators like you who have made it impossible for the young to get on the first rung of the housing ladder, you bastard.

    • You are ‘little Unboko M’wengwe’ from those fucking bastard African charity ads and I claim my free Parker Pen!

  1. I don’t think you’d want a Quantity Surveyor surveying your house. You’d want a RICS Accredited Surveyor. Our survey cost £750 in 2007 in wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on. Did he notice the wonky floor upstairs that had to be levelled? No! Did he check the *dangerous electrics* and recommend a CU upgrade and circuits split which we had to do when it was discovered by a comptent electriian? No! Did he get up on the roof and check the flat roof? No! The roof was severely damaged in a storm 2 years later but if it had been in better condition it might have survived and if we had known we might not have bought the house in the first place. When we questioned the surveyor company after this they said, “he no longer worked for the company”.

    The lawyer guy was ok but charged us a bit for the legal feels and updating the land registry.

    So in America, like here, it seems the whole process is run by cunts and charlatans. The same the whole world over.

  2. I know ‘America’ had its ‘War of Independence’ but I have always refused to recognise it.

    Indeed, many moons ago I used to correspond with a friend over there and address the envelop as ‘The Colonies’ rather than this ‘United States of America’ thing. I am not joking.

    If those in the colonies are finding house buying a difficulty, then they should revert back to their colonial flag, before one even entertains their complaints.

  3. It seems that GB & USA still share a common bond.
    Either side of the Atlantic, estate agents are pond-life scum👎

      • Yes,unfortunately…but luckily grants are available to remedy such problems…don’t have to dip into my own pocket…although I must say that the funding application for an extension to my 18 hoop croquet lawn seems to have been unfavourably received….be a different matter if was a fucking Sooty wanting a BMX track,I bet….fucking racist Snowflakes…it’s a fucking disgrace,that’s what it is.


  4. Sounds fucking complicated and therefore a total double cunt.

    Poor cousins across the pond sound like America is heading straight to the bottom at a rapid rate.

    Shame because the world right now needs a strong sensible post ww2 USA instead, just like many western powers, wokery libtard bullshit has fucked it up.

    Shotgun shack for sale, oh wait soon you’ll be able to have the shack but not the shotgun.

    • Nah, the shotgun is safe, as is the assault rifle.
      Pro lifers gained a big victory, one which is a slippery slope to un enlightenment.
      Remember, these cunts are only pro life until the poor fucker is born, then it’s fuck them.
      One of those Supreme Court cunts said he’s going after gay sex and contraception next. Sounds like he fancies a sore arse but in a safe way.
      Backwards cunts.

      • Factory reset more like. Strip away all the updates to be left with the original faulty software, Christianity 1.0.
        Mankind is going backwards.

  5. Iv always wondered why Americans, in the way of hurricanes and tornados build their houses out of matchwood. Pictures of bewildered Americans wondering about, picking through the litter of their town, for a few treasured possessions, in the richest country on earth is hilarious.Also electricity on funny wooden poles!Whats that all about.

  6. I have been reading about the migration from California to Texas. A load of libtard cunts who love the poor and oppressed until they turn up on their doorstep pushing the crime rate and taxation through the roof. Then they can’t get out of their fast enough. Typical middle class lefty types. Bung money at every problem as long as it’s not my fucking money.

  7. It might be a better choice to hide your money,burn your I.D then have a quick trip to Juarez and come back over the border as an illegal gimmegrant.

    Uncle Joe will find you somewhere to stay and some pocket money.

    Such a mess could never happen in the UK of course as we are an island and it’s much easier to enforce our borders..


  8. Christ IY, buying a house over there sounds like a fucking nightmare. I thought it was bad enough in this country when I was gazumped twenty years ago, as it happened I found another place just as good and I didn’t need a mortgage so it worked out ok. Moving house is stressful without having all these other problems forced upon you. The laws obviously needs to be tightened up but as always they somehow manage to find excuses why they can’t.

    • Hi Allan –

      It is a nightmare. So much so that we’ve decided to move state. Where we live has become very crowded and there are countless new property developments currently in progress. When all this nonsense was explained to me, I kept saying over and over, “how is this even legal?”. It is a massive scam and the attitudes of the realtors (estate agents) is disgusting.

      In the US there are fees and surcharges for everything. Buying a house is no exception. Document transfer fee, copying fee, delivery fee, assessment fee, filing fee, on and on and on. Just so the cunts involved can extract more and more money out of you.

      The rise in interest rates and rising inflation is changing things a little and that may help, but we’re moving away anyway. The decision’s been made.

      • The market I work in is a high end vacation rental market. The homes are being built at “cost plus”. What does that mean? That means the builder simply adds his 15% to whatever the cost of the build is. Since material prices are ever changing, no client knows what the final cost will be.
        How ’bout that shit?!

  9. Are we heading for another crash, house prices where I live have shot up over this year, gone from silly to stupid 😂

    • Our financial advisor thinks a property “reset” will happen sooner or later. She told me the mortgage companies are already laying off tons of people because mortgage application rates have dropped to 2008 levels. Good. Price the cunts out of the market I say.

      Realtors (estate agents) are such cunts. They like to wax lyrical about what a great investment buying your home is and how much its value will increase over time.

      I literally got the deer-in-the-headlights look a while back when I politely pointed out that only matters if you sell the property. If you’re looking for your “forever home”, it’s completely irrelevant.

      I guess some people are not hard wired to understand the fucking obvious.

  10. My sister gave me a good laugh while in the process of selling her house and buying a new one.

    Apparently estate agents won’t even let you view a property now, unless you have a sale agreed on your own property.

    I asked about first time buyers and they need to have a mortgage agreement arranged before being ‘allowed’ to view a property by the shit eating parasites we call estate agents.

    When her home was being viewed exclusively by Peacefuls, the Ring doorbell was a source of much amusement because she could eavesdrop on what the filthy vermin were thinking of offering.

    The house was up for £670k. The top bid was £691k (result). Some cheeky Joe Daki with four mini jihadis in tow had the brass bollocks to offer £611k with what sounded like a threat of ‘Tell her this! She will sell to us!’ Even after the estate agent reminded the thick cunt that there were already 5 offers over the asking price.

    • A cheeky Joe Daki – a thick cunt – but still able to amass £611k for a hoose. 🙁

      I don’t consider having a mortgage as buying a house. It’s not yours until the final payment is paid.

  11. House prices are still soaring in some places despite the cost–of-living crisis and a gradual rise in interest rates. Which is great news if you’re already on the ladder with your own home, but a bit of cunt if you’re trying to take your first steps onto it.

    Perhaps this another piece of the Great Reset. Price all the poor cunts out of the market so that they have to rely in private landlords, social housing or the nearest park bench. While at the same time making sure the rich can continue to make huge profits in the high-end part of the housing market.

    Just like with cars
    Just like with fuel and energy
    Just like with airline travel
    Just like a whole host of things that are now becoming almost unaffordable to the Silent Majority, while the rich rarely batter an eyelid!

  12. The property market in the States seems a minefield, and is now being inflated and manipulated due to gentrification by socialists who immediately leave when their socialist ideologies have destroyed their area. The extremists who infest and destroy areas then move on to decent ones (thus shoving the prices up to an unaffordable level before it all comes crashing down) and get to work doing the same thing.
    Before moving on to the next one – but never with their last bits and pieces in an old car – they move on with a good pocketful of money and a dream to be neighbours with Nancy and Barry.
    Eventually there will be nowhere for the sane and normal to retreat to.
    We are in our last days and the proles watch Netflix.

    • To sum up then, middle class socialists are like locusts.

      Move to an area. Fuck it up completely and exit with a full belly, leaving nothing but chaos and destruction in their wake for everyone else to deal with.

      Rinse and repeat.

    • California used to be all orange groves.
      Before the film industry.
      During the 1930s depression and the Oklahoma dust bowl they had thousands of “okies” turn up with their worldly goods on their backs or in a old jalopy car.
      (Hence the image of the Beverly hillbillies)

      Nowadays it’s Californians trying to escape their self-made hell on earth.

  13. I always wanted to live in one of those giant donuts or hamburgers you see in films from the 1970s sitting atop diners…..they are cool.

  14. Have been seeing “Offers over” in England and Wales for quite some time. Now, if I were buying in Scotland, I’d accept it, as it’s part of their system (but not the entirety – “fixed price” also exists), but elsewhere… fuck off, greedy cunts. Either go to a one-stop property auction to sell, and take your chances, or OIRO.
    I suppose the next thing will be dirty cunts saying they’ll pay with goats or camels. Or dung.

  15. I do remember a scam when I bought my first house in the UK back in 1991. I got my mortgage through bastard Abbey National. When going through the paperwork I noticed a line item for an indemnity insurance premium. I pointed this out to the branch manager who explained. It was to pay the premium for an insurance policy that Abbey National take out to financially protect them in the event I defaulted on my repayments. Sounds fair enough, except I was being forced to pay for it.

    I pointed out to the smug cunt that if the insurance policy was for Abbey National, then they should pay the premium for their insurance. I also pointed out this didn’t make sense on the basis I had already been assessed as credit worthy and therefore a good risk to loan money to. In other words, pay for your own fucking insurance you cunt. To which he said, if I refused to pay it I won’t get the mortgage. Lovely.

    I understand that in subsequent years, this practice was ruled illegal and was stopped. So Abbey fucking National, where’s my refund you cunting bastards? Do those cunts even exist anymore?

    Also, I’ve never understood stamp duty either. WTF?

    • It’s where you put everything into buying your new home and get stamped on for just some more tax.
      Then get taxed more when you kark it.
      What a load of shit.

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