Woke Nursery Rhymes

Just when you thought the mad world couldn’t get any madder, some woke cunt comes along and decides to rewrite traditional nursery rhymes apparently so they could be kinder to animals. All courtesy of animal rights group PETA.

To quote PETA “And in the same way old songs and fairy tales have been given much-needed makeovers to replace racist, sexist, and otherwise insensitive language, we should make sure nursery rhymes are relevant for kids today and don’t encourage speciesism, cruelty to animals, or fear of them.”

Let’s examine that

Baa Baa black sheep wants to keep all his wool. ‘Baa Baa black sheep have you any wool. No sir no sir that’s not cool’. Point one : wool doesn’t even rhyme with cool.
Point two: if you don’t sheer the shhep, the poor cunt is fucked by the weight of it.

And little Miss Muffett’s spider isn’t an animal. It’s an arachnid so fucking get it right you uneducated arseholes.

And this little piggy is Vegan, ignoring that pigs are vegetarians in any case.

Pink Floyd summed it up beautifully when they wrote “leave our kids alone”

Daily Mail News Link

Nominated by: Pedantic Cunt

54 thoughts on “Woke Nursery Rhymes

  1. Sorry to be pedantic but an arachnid is an animal and pigs are omnivores.

    No surprise that nursery rhymes are being bowdlerised. Expect trannies to appear in them soon. As role models.

  2. Hickory dickery dock,
    I was born without a cock.
    But I’m so fucking woke
    I think I’m a bloke
    Now I look like a freak in a frock!

  3. See a trannie
    Run a mile
    Kill a wokie
    Have a smile

    See a poof
    He wants your bum
    Run straight home
    And tell your Mum

    If your Mum is now a man
    Kill yourself as quick as you can

  4. “Baa, baa black sheep, have you any wool?
    No sir, no sir, that’s not cool”

    Is this some kind of coded message?
    Not all PoC are drug dealers, because it’s not “cool”?
    I think that’s a bit wayycist!

  5. Little Tommy Tucker
    Sings for his supper
    What shall we feed him?
    Inclusive bread and butter

    • Surely that should have been “their supper” not his, and “feed they”, not him.
      Also the Blind Mice rhyme, are they implying that blind people are usually cantankerous twats?
      That’s really hurty.
      Haven’t thought this through, have they?
      Daft pillocks!

      • I must recompose my changing of the rhyme 🤔
        Black bread and butter they in and they out 😂

  6. Hickory dickory dock
    The tranny was sucking a cock
    It’s hair got tangled
    The cunt got strangled
    And swallowed the damn lot


  7. Woke cunts should all be sent to live in Africa, Chicago or Lahore to be amongst their pets.

    Everybody’s happy.

  8. Fur or feather..it matters not a jot
    I’ve shot the fucking lot.

  9. Three visually impaired mice, three visually impaired mice,
    See how they run, see how they run,
    They all ran after the Afro-Caribbean vet,
    They told her “thank you” for for saving their sight,
    Did you ever see someone acting so nice,
    As three visually impaired mice.

  10. Do kids learn nursery rhymes these days anyway? I thought they were far too busy learning about arsefucking, trannyism and all that non binary cack.
    Do Peacefuls have nursery ryhmes?
    Just asking.

  11. We’re truly in the grip of some kind of mental illness in the western world, with this cuntish nonsense, and I’ve not even mentioned “o’l bug eyes” trying to pedal “lab meat”!

    “What is the secret of Soylent Green”!!!

  12. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
    Humpty Dumpty sat next to Paul
    Paul, the king’s horses
    And all the king’s men
    Gave Humpty a bumming
    Again and again

  13. Three dark keys
    Three dark keys
    See how they loot
    See how they loot
    They chased after a yank
    Who was out with his wife
    He pulled out his gun
    As they pulled out a knife
    Kyle Rittenhouse laughed as he
    Snuffed our their life

    There was an old Peaceful
    Who lived in a shoe
    She had so many children
    She didn’t know what to do
    After meeting her imam
    For benefits advice
    She now lives in a mansion
    Oh isn’t that nice!

    Mary had a little lamb
    It’s fleece was white as snow
    Everywhere that Mary went
    The cunt was sure to go
    She went to sunny Leicester
    To see a girly pal
    Poor Lamby’s now a curry
    Quite spicy and halal


  14. In a far distant past while I was serving in the RN anybody who lived within travelling distance from the ship in dock could live at home and were subsequently RA =rationed ashore.
    They would still try to eat onboard despite getting extra pay for food at home. So we would always recite… Little miss Muffet
    Sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey
    Along came a spider sat down beside her
    She said fuck off you’re RA.

  15. Kat and Jill went up the hill
    To find their friend’s gay daughter
    To fist her brown
    Take her on the town
    And use the strap on they bought her

  16. Old Mother Hubbard
    Went to the cupboard
    To get poor Rover a bone
    When she bent over
    In jumped old Rover
    And gave her a bone of his own.

    • Ah yes Andrew Dice Clay naughty nursery rhyms!

      Little Boy blew…
      He needed the money!

  17. Abdul had a little gun
    The gun was black as soot
    Abdul forgot the safety catch
    And shot himself in the foot

    Never forget your instructions
    Which come from up on high
    Point it at the Infidel man
    And shoot him in the eye

    • Will it come with it’s own accessories too?

      I would imagine they’ll be releasing a Tranny Barbie sex slave pit with victims’ for added realism, seeing as all trannies are serial killers? ‘Silence of the Lambs’ was on the money.

      Or a noose and bag of valium for the inevitable suicide attempts, when Barbie finally realises she’s just a mutilated bloke in a frock, with a fake minge that stinks of shite?

  18. Mary had a little lamb.
    Her father shot it dead.
    Now it goes to school with her,
    Between two chunks of bread

    • Mary had a little pig
      She couldn’t stop it gruntin.
      She took it down the garden path,
      And kicked it’s fuckin cunt in.

      • Mary had a little cock,
        He found it rather scary,
        He used our NICS to lop it off,
        Now she a fuckin fairy.

  19. The Grand Old Duke of York
    Kiddies he liked to pork
    Sick of being called a skiver
    He’s become a Muslim taxi-driver.

    • The Grand Old Duke of Pork
      He gave 10 million quid
      To someone he’d never met
      For something he never did.

      There was an old man of Dundee
      Who molested an ape in a tree
      The result was most horrid
      All arse and no forehead
      Three balls and a purple goatee

      “On meeting Alex Salmond”, by Rabbit Burns, May 2022.

  20. Mohammad, Mohammad have you many wives
    Yes sir, yes sir one of them is nine

    Got her in my taxi at the age of six
    Took her to my lock up somewhere in the sticks.

  21. It was “Ip, dip, dogs shit, & one potatoe, two potatoe etc, etc. All primary school playground stuff. But my favorite by a long way was that one with catch a nig’er by his toe in it! & even more so now. Not sure how the modified version sounds today though.

    • I grew up with Enid Blyton, & Beatrix Potter. Never did me any harm! & I won’t hear a bad word said about either of them!

      • Julian, Dick and Anne, George and Timmy the dog.
        Aunt fanny.
        Uncle Quentin.

        Now updated by the diversity and inclusion mob:

        julie with a Dick, Anne, currently transitioning and George who identifies as a Dog.
        Mother-sista Shaniqua
        Oncle Muhammad.


  22. Baa baa black cunt
    Have you got the pox?
    Yes I’m on the down low riding all the homeboy’s cocks.

  23. There having an orgy at Buckingham Palace
    Cristopher Robin went down on Alice
    Alice is gobbling one of the guards
    To get his organ good and hard
    Said Alice.

  24. For me, if you look at everyone who has attempted to rewrite history they have always turned out to be a rather self obsessed tool; the burning of the books, just by example – didn’t end too well.

    These wokafarians will all end up with spaff on their faces. Most likely delivered by a 6′ 3″ woman named EggNog Dan who has just won the Olympic 100m swimming gold medal on a bicycle made for two……. meat and veg.

  25. The Grand old scouse cunt Klopp
    He had 10’000 fans
    Who travelled up to PSG
    No tickets in their hand

    And when they tried to break in
    The tear gas came racing down
    Those froggy cops don’t take no shit
    You fucking scouser clowns

    • Your dreams are in the skip
      The scousers on their knee
      No silverware for bin-dip cunt
      Cause they got no penalties

  26. A local bookshop here is always jumping on whatever trendy bandwagon is passing by.
    Currently one side of its display window is given over to gay and lesbian books, the other is full of books for small kids, all about race, gender, identity and pronouns.
    In July it’ll be more gay books for ‘pride month’, then in October it’ll be books for black history month, but nothing about the African involvement in the slave trade (then and now), genocides under Idi Amin, Bokassa, Rwanda, Sudan etc…

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