Pavement Parkers

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Here you go, a nice inoffensive non-racial, non-sexual, non-Ukraine, big standard vanilla cunting.

Pavement parkers are outright cunts, for whom I would make the tariff for the offence instant death. Every day, I walk the hounds along a road at the back of the High Road and invariably have to walk in the road due to cunts parked on the pavement. The fact that I am having to walk rather than drive is due to the fact the Merc has had another fucking hissy fit and gone wrong again (suspension this time). Mercedes will get their own special cunting in due course.

What really gets my goat is the half-arsed attempt to park part-way on the pavement and part-way on the road. FFS, why inconvenience both drivers and pedestrians? Apparently, the council can do nothing about pavement parking – the rules in London mean pavement parking is illegal, but not in the sticks. So, the silly cunts can give you a ticket if you are on a yellow line, but not if you are parked full on the pavement. Even worse are the fucking women (always women) who park on the pavement with hazard lights on and go and get a coffee. We also had a lovely bot of grass with daffs and crocuses – what happens? Yep, fucking vans, 4x4s and those cunting pick up trucks (with names like Warrior, Small Dick, Barbrian and the like) park all over it and it’s now a mudbath.

I know it is hard to park, but these cunts have no fuckign consideration for anyone but themselves.

Nominated by Lord Cuntingford

49 thoughts on “Pavement Parkers”

  1. If people didn’t park on the pavements round here we’d have no buses, the roads aren’t wide enough for parking both sides. As it is they had to change the route because the twat on one estate parked both sides and buses had no chance. Then the ignorant twats complained that there were no buses.

  2. Good cunting M’Lud.

    The only thing worse than pavement parkers are a pair of pavement parkers who managed to park dead opposite one another on a busy road.

    This leading to massive queues as only one vehicle from each way can pass at any time.

    Selfish CUNTS!

    • That’s why they had to change the bus route, it simply couldn’t get through the gap.

  3. They do it in London as well. The bloke that lives two doors away from me, a half-caste, who is blacker than black with his friends, has a trophy wife – a tart of about 28 who spends most days in the sun tanning lounge, then when she gets her young brat out of nursery school, comes back with the built in ghetto blaster and her voice which sounds like Lorraine Chase (anyone remember her?) parks her fucking RED Land Rover totally on the pavement – and there it stays till next day when her vacuous social life starts again. A PCSO once spoke to her about it, and all he got was a mouthful of abuse for his pains. Even if she were fined, she would get the fine paid by her 40 something boyfriend who dotes on her. Nothing wofrse than a scally and a chav living together.

    Parking on the pavement is the true mark of the chav. There ought to be a special “Chav island” built where they were all forced to live together and get pissed off by their mutual bad and antisocial behaviour.

    • I remember Lorraine Chase. Some dumb as fuck sleb regular on ITV panel shows in the 80s who always wore her hair in a spectacular Croydon face-lift. Why she was a sleb I have no idea.

      Dint know what became of her but I like to imagine she pulled the Croydon Face-lift too tight one day, flipped inside out and popped up in a parallel universe.

    • I have to say this is one thing about Blighty I do not miss. Seldom have any issue parking here in the yoo-ess-ayy.

      Outside of big cities your typical residential street is wider than Heathrow’s runways.

      But indeed, pavement parkers are cunts. Still, with net zero looming nobody will be able to afford a car so you’ll all have to run the gauntlet of the stabby classes on the bus. I think it’s all part of the plan.

      • Of course, Yanks call the road “pavement” and pavements “side walks”.

        It’s common to not have “side walks” at all in Yankville. Just lawn, kerb stone, road. Loads of street parking round my way. All the local Yanks have double garages of course, but the thick bastards think its just a storage space for all their crap.

        I, of course, arrange my double garage space such that I can fit a Honda CR-V, my ‘double hard bastard’ Golf GTI (manual transmission of course), 3 bicycles, a Spin bike, floor standing shelving, mower, strimmer, leaf blower (battery powered so it’s whisper quiet), workout bench, couple of ladders, rubbish bin, etc.. And it’s not cramped. Funny that.

        We do get extreme weather here from time to time. A month or more ago we had golf ball size hail. It was at night though so I didn’t get to enjoy watching the cunt neighbours’s cars getting pounded. Serves the bastards right. Cunts.

      • BH – what’s the one thing above anything else you miss most about the UK?

        Mine would be going for a nice, quiet pint.

        Speaking of the UK, I was in a training session yesterday where some tool from Peru was banging on about making charts in Excel. His sample data listed some countries. Top of the list was “UK”. I politely pointed out the UK is not a country. Whoosh!!! That was the sound of that concept going clear above his head. And I thought Yanks were shit at geography.

      • Morning IY. You’re right about septic garages. They’re crammed full of junk but that’s only the overspill for the cavernous basement.

        I have a double garage and I have literally lived in houses with less floor area back in Blighty. This abundance of space makes septics hopeless at managing space as you say. My garage is similarly neat and efficient with storage hooks, racks etc. I can imagine in Texas with such an abundance of space septics are even worse at managing it than up here in the NE.

        As for what I miss, I think it’s a toss-up between a nice quiet pint with mates or a proper full English breakfast.

        But we do have some good microbrewerys that make very good beers and a fair approximation of a proper pub so I’d have to go with the full English because you just can’t get that.

  4. As I write this, there’s a wimminz up the road from me with a driveway, but she will insist on parking astride it’s entrance fully on the pavement. Does she do this because she’s lazy? can’t drive properly? thick? ignorant? Yes, all of those. And coincidentally, it’s a Mercedes! Years ago, our local cuntcil offered a £1000 payment to those living on a bus route, to contribute towards the cost of a driveway in order to get their cars off the pavements. Although this covered nigh on half the cost at the time, no fucker was interested. Now these same residents are screaming for speed humps to be installed because they reckon the road is unsafe. Cunts!

  5. I sometimes park on the curb.
    No alternative!

    Some roads are that narrow if I didn’t id cause a 10mile traffic jam.

    I don’t do it as to inconvenience mums with prams, the elderly, cripples etc
    Just that if I didnt itd cause mayhem.

    These town planners fresh from “uni’ dont factor in delivery vehicles needing to park.

    As I told some curtain twitching nosey old çunt

    “Where am I supposed to park?
    On the fuckin roof?”

    • Mnc@ – Morning Mnc – completely correct – I do not have time to arse about when I am delivering/collecting and sometimes using the pavement briefly is the only to keep traffic flowing, but fuckwits who just dump their motors on the pavement for no good reason need to be given a darned good thrashing! (One particular prick I thankfully no longer know used to just abandon his car in the middle of the road, lock it up and go for a wander around town because he was too mean to pay 40P for parking).
      And a special mention to the Karen cunt who decided to deliberately walk behind my car as I was reversing then try and give me an earful (serious mistake love – you tried it with the wrong guy, my polite explanation that it is unwise to step into the road behind a vehicle which is clearly reversing and expecting it to stop fell on rather deaf ears methinks, but I wasn’t too mean to her as she had a huge pair of tits 😀) and the brain dead dindu cunt who decided to walk straight across the front of my motor as I was about to pull out of a junction earlier today – what fucking planet are these 🤡 on?

      • Hiya Foxy👍

        If you want to really wind them up get a white stick.
        When they start remonstrating with you get out and pretend your blind, hehehe😉

      • I just casually open the boot and let them glimpse the plastic sheet covering, shovel and zip ties I carry around.

    • My sympathies are with Mis and Vern and all the other folks who are trying to earn a living moving around the stuff on which we all depend. Mrs Brain is an accountant and has a customer who runs a courier business. He pays £30,000 per annum in fines on a fleet of 600 vans. He cannot reduce this without closing down the business. Most places he delivers to or collects from in London and the home counties make no concession at all for essential deliveries. This is not poor planning, this is in fact quite deliberate planning by the local authorities. Westminster for example, make £70,000,000 per annum from parking fines. The rates only raise about one-third more than this. When tackled about this legalised extortion a few years ago, Westminster put a man up on television who claimed that the council would be pleased if they issued no fines because that would mean everyone was obeying the rules. He is a lying cunt. It is a scam as surely as are speed cameras on rural dual carriageways.

  6. Too many cars because there are too many people. Get rid of the immos, end of problem.
    End of a lot of other problems too.

    • The motorist is king. This is where I put my environmentalist hat on. Or my mentalist cap if you like. A bit. When I see the whole road choca-block with cars.
      There’s a retired couple down the road with 3 cars. Two of them massive SUVs.
      A real sense of entitlement…as if they owned the road.
      I know the cyclists are sanctimonious sometimes but at least their ‘transport’ doesn’t take up so much room.

      • “A real sense of entitlement…as if they owned the road.”…….probably Finklestein-Goldberg types,Miles…I’d go and drape bacon rashers off their window-wipers.

      • Yes like that Mr Fiddler. Always going about in them.

        The wife in one SUV, him in the other. I dont know who the other one is for.

        I never see them walk anywhere.

        However, don’t think they are (excuse the pun in this context) ‘Red Sea Pedestrians’.

  7. I don’t like this sort of caper.

    It needs curing with a brick through the windscreen.

  8. I just put my hazard lights on and stop wherever I like….it’s allowed if you drive a Hilux.

  9. Good nom and one to certainly boil the piss in one’s bladder.

    Plenty of examples of this cuntishness on daily display around here.

    Seems there are more Chelsea tractor SUV’s driven by thick, vacuous materialistic cunts on the road these days than there are modest 3 door hatchbacks.
    Go back 15 years and all you’d hear is how much of an “only in America” problem these huge unnecessary, self indulgent, gas guzzling monstrosities were. Fast forward and in true Brit style – empty headed cunts over here decide to follow suit.

    Maybe the escalating cost of fuel pricing most cunts off the road and the driverless battery powered dystopia that’s headed our way might actually have its benefits after all.

    Good Morning

    • Good Morning Herman,

      Fucking SUV’s get on my tits. Apparently all the fuel that has been saved by people buying battery cars (more fool them) has been negated by people buying SUVs.
      Ban them on school runs and you would get rid of the child obesity problem by making the little fuckers walk, or better still run, to school.

      • Good morning Wanksock.

        Somebody once sang a song along the lines that they believed the children are our future, to teach them well and let them lead the way.

        We are fucked then.

  10. Cunts park everywhere nowadays, i never thought i would say this but there is a distinct lack of traffic wardens these days and this is the result, i used to hate them but this just proves how needed they are in Cardiff, nothing stops a cunt like a fine.
    Also thats what Mercs do, shit the bed at every given chance they get, most unreliable cars out there nowadays, thats why i love em….

    • In the UK there is the usual fucking idiotic laws (you know – it’s an ass).
      It is not unlawful to park on the pavement (except in London, but I believe this is changing 31 May 2022), but it is unlawful to drive on the pavement (Rule 145)
      How the fuck can you end up parking on the pavement if you have not previously broken the law by driving on it?????
      The extension of this law across the whole country will probably have little effect – because it just won’t be enforced (who the fuck is going to do this anyway?)
      As with many motoring laws in this country, they are generally ignored because there is little consequence for breaking them. £70 for parking on the pavement (in London)? Fuck off. That’s what them fuckers spend on a night in the pub!
      Make it hurt, really hurt. I am generally a law abiding motorist and will not park on yellow lines. But if the situation arises where I am desperate for some reason or another and know that I am not going to be long, I will chance a yellow line. Why? because firstly the chances of me getting caught are slim. Secondly, if I am caught then I ain’t going to be that worried about a £70 fine. If the fine was £700, then there is no way I am going to chance getting caught – no matter what the desperate reason.
      But even then there is the question of enforcement? it’s a joke. In a well known chav district of town we have what used to be nice grass verges, they are now mud baths. There are notices declaring the unlawfulness of parking on the grass verge, warning of a £500 fine. The chavs even park directly underneath the fucking signs !!!!!!!!!

    • Sorry mate, ‘was writing my comment leisurely before yours popped up.

  12. The dodecagon of justice (Oz 50¢ piece) let’s these cunts know what cunts they are. I’m well shat off with cunts in land yachts parking on the footpath, my driveway and front yard waiting for their brats from the nearby Papist grooming factory, or worse the driving age brats themselves whom also dump their rubbish along the street. I hope the Scottish clown wipes his knob on their cheeseburger, pun intended.

  14. Occasionally I’ll have to drive over flowerbeds to park on village greens,
    Especially if theres no ambulance bays to park up.

    They need to make more parking for important delivery vehicles like mine.

    I block the cemetery gates at st Agnes church all I get is moaning!
    ‘its my wedding day’
    ‘grannys funeral’

    Selfish bastards.

  15. How do blind people or wheelchair crîps manage? Can’t go on the road as you’ll be beeped by an angry motorist and can’t go on the pavement as there are too many cars, too many holes, and too much dogshit.

  18. Looks like the Just Stop Oil clowns and Extinction Rebellion cunts have been blocking oil facilities again this morning.

    • HJ@ – It is only a matter of time before these cunts get a serious kicking.
      And I would not blame anyone for doing it.

      • The clock is ticking Vern.

        Once the point is reached where enough of the population can barely afford to eat or keep warm then we’ll see how relevant these eco lunatics and their first world problems are.
        I’d include the anti white race baiting woke cunts and the agenda they push in that as well.

        Fuck them all.

    • Only 6 arrested! No deterrant. Donate them for scientific research – Cunts!

  19. Never mind all that – find the Family of the fkin huge pheasant who walloped the front of my panzer yesterday and present them with a bill – cost me 30 quid for a new number plate!
    Probably a fucking vegan – Sir Fiddler needs to arrange a hunting trip to Yorkshire – far too much bleeding wildlife about!

  20. I pay £48 a year to Sheffield Council for a parking permit and it’s a 50/50 chance if I can get parked on there daily. Non parking permit vans (one of the twats is Polish) parking on the pavement in front of my window. The van is that big it looks like a fucking Sherman Tank is outside. Then there is the BMW brigade on my road who never park up to the next car and take two spaces up as if there parking in front of Tommy Shelby’s mansion in Peaky Blinders. Thick as shit and selfish. Never a good combination.

    • Not that I’d ever encourage such a thing, but it’d be a real shame if some cunt slashed his tyres and keyed the fuck out of his vehicle? I’ve even heard of foul ingrates smearing shite on their door handles.

      Some might even tell the local King of pie keys that the owner of this vehicle wants all gypoes gassing.

      Disgraceful.

    • £48 per year? When I lived in Londonistan, long ago, I was paying £25 per quarter in Westminster. Fuck knows what it must be now, plus the ULEZ charge imposed by that cunt Khan.

  21. Our road is not wide enough for cars either side, and the public transport, despite being in a city, is so crap you need a car.
    Blame the city planners and assorted arseholes in the council

  22. Greetings your Lordship
    If I may be so bold as to say I totally agree with you Squire.
    I live in Royal Leamington Spa, an elegant old Regency town with lovely wide roads and pavements. As a result these pavement parking cunts take full advantage of this and have no need to park half on the road and half on the the path these cheeky cunts park the whole car on the pavement!! and there enough room to walk pass these cars using the pavement but not much. Pavements are for pedestrians and roads are for cars. So Ahem, stop doing it, you inconsiderate pavement car parking cunts and find a pay and display council car park to park your vehicle properly, I know you have pay so do the right thing and put your hand in your pocket you tightfisted cunts!!

  23. I’m digressing here, but this nom reminded me of something that happened a few weeks ago. I was out getting some exercise when I saw a bloke approaching on the same side of the road. There was a car parked half on the pavement and there wasn’t enough room for both of us, so I stood to one side behind the car. He got level with me, stopped, glared at me and snarled “What!?” I hadn’t even been looking at him. I said “I was just waiting for you to pass.” Anyone else would have said thank you or just carried on. He probably thought he could have a go because he was about forty years younger. The fucking cretin. It reminded me how much I hate people. As if I needed reminding.

    • A, the decline in manners is a national disgrace. Manners make the man, no manners make a cunt, Happy to be socially isolated by choice therefore having less interaction with the ill mannered fuckwits

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