Open Prisons

Open Prisons

Can somebody please explain to me the point of these useless fuckers?

It’s emerged that a convicted sex offender who was jailed for ‘life’ (I thought life sentences meant that the only time you got out of prison was feet first in a wooden box) in 2000 for violent sex assaults has just absconded after being moved to one. This particular cunt, Paul Robson, has been refused parole five times and is considered a “menace to women”.

Not only that, but the stupid cunts had previously released the twat on licence from proper prison when three weeks later he attempted another rape by tying his victim up, put a pillow case over her head and indecently assaulted her while holding a knife to her throat.

Lincolnshire plod said: “Robson is a dangerous sex offender and while he presents a particular danger to women and young children, I believe he can cause real harm to anyone he comes across.” Good job he was in an Open Prison then.

For fuck’s sake, you couldn’t make this shit up.

Nominated by Cupid Stunt the First

65 thoughts on “Open Prisons

  1. And refused parole 5 times. I heard he just cycled out. You really couldn’t make this shit up. He looks like a candidate for the gallows to me.

  2. Ford open nick is a working farm.

    The inmates work in the fields and green houses surrounding it, mostly unsupervised, so not much gets done.

    It is impossible to escape from an open prison.
    If you leave and don’t come back then the term is abscond and if captured you would be sent to a closed prison.

    After serving 2 months in the open prison you are allowed ‘Town Visits’ which allow you to be out on the piss (or whatever else you want to do) for 6 hours every 2 weeks.

    Open prisons are there for people who have committed non violent crimes, but they are also used as a halfway house for all prisoners nearing the end of their sentences to rehabilitate.

    Ford prison also have a factory for making crash test dummies.
    On the left as you walk through the ever open gates, just before the dining area and library.

    So I am told.

    • That doesn’t happen Morello.

      Being in an open prison is a real privilege compared to the closed and secure ones.
      Nobody wants to be returned to closed conditions so open prisons are not violent places.

      So I have heard.

  3. They covered this on my local news.
    Apparently half the prisoners at this open prison, near Boston, are sex offenders.


    • They don’t even call them prisoners there CC, its ‘residents’, presumably not to hurt their feelings and stigmatise them. The cunts.

  4. Fortunately he’s been found and returned to a secure unit, but whoever recommended this move, and authorised it obviously is not a Mensa candidate, which raises the question of why do they still have a job?

    • But what happens when he ‘identifies’ as a woman and demands to be sent to a women’s prison?

      • Hopefully, he’ll be sent to Styall, where even the guards scare the rottweilers, and they’re softies compared to the inmates.
        Not that I’d know from experience, it’s just pub gossip.

  5. I followed this shit in the news being as I live around the Wolds. Just as you say can’t make this shit up. Do not approach very dangerous etc yet in an open Prison.. Just another example of the lunatics running the asylum. Bet the cunt is freed in a year or two. He’ll probably be rehoused next to a women’s refuge with such idiots in charge.

  6. Its almost impossible to be sent to prison. You have to have dozens of previous to even have a chance of getting there, unless you have fucked up your tax return or failed to pay your telly tax. When you get there its all controlled by muslims who know all the names and addresses of the the “guards”. What a shower of corrupt shit.

  7. The existence of open prisons puzzles me, too.
    Naively, I thought there would at least be perimeter guards, or GPS ankle bracelets and locked doors after 6pm.
    I also thought only people who fiddled their VAT, or similar, could serve any part of their sentence at one.
    People who commit violent crimes have no place in one, and life should mean life as far as this highly dangerous wanker is concerned.

  8. Sex offender? Rope.
    Violent offender? Rope.
    Murderer? Rope.
    Litterbug? Pick up litter then rope.
    Dangerous driving? Rope.
    Poisoner? Rope
    Drug dealer? Rope .
    Protesting in streets? Gas chamber.

    Simple really.

  9. At least some open prisons should be turned into hospitals because of their magical healing properties – Ford is one of them. Who remembers prisoner, er sorry, patient Ernest Saunders. He had Alzheimers when first admitted many years ago, but, after the recuperative air, aided by trips home at weekends in his private plane, which took off from Ford’s car park, within a year he was cured. I doubt even Lourdes could claim such a magical healing, as, as far as I know, the stricken Ernie is still alive and well.

    • It was so long ago Maxwell hadnt even committed “suicide” by falling off his boat.

    • He’s the only person known to be cured of Alzheimer’s.
      It was a miracle 🤣
      Evening, Boggs.

      • As I recall another of the Guiness 4, Jack Lyons, got let out early because he was suffering from an inoperable cancer – which would have been sad, had he not lived on for another decade or so.

    • I might have Ernie in my next Dead Pool, 85, according to Wiki.

      Ernie ran the Guinness family’s brewing company for them. He was invited to a big Guinness family wedding and found him and his Mrs on the a table with other staff members, including the butler, gamekeepers and chambermaids. A loyal servant who took the rap for what I imagine to be a very snotty family.

  10. I’d do away with prisons.

    Hear me out, I’ve not gone all BLM.

    I’d have sentencing the same, but a bit harsher.

    Burglary? 5 years first offense.
    Murder? Whole life term etc…

    …but they are placed into a secure medical testing facility.

    Instead of testing on innocent animals, use better scientific methods much faster by testing on criminals.

    Your nob fell off and your tongue dissolved?

    Should’ve thought about that before you stole that can of Lucozade from the Co-op.

    • Or send them to Ukraine. I saw they are to let out prisoners with combat experience to fight Russia. They seem to taking a big risk weighing up some criminals sense of patriotic duty with the potential to fuck off and run.

    • Along those lines Cunty, testing ammunition and ordinance on prisoners would be good. Better than ballistic gel. If they live they can go free.

  11. I’m all for them.
    Escape should be encouraged,some healthy fresh air.

    Naturally special forces should be in attendance for a game of Recapture the Absconding Cunt.

    Then further rehabilitation by shooting them in the head.

  12. I thought it was susposed to be for petty crimes to see if they’d go out in the local community and Rob people and businesses possessions. However it seems that they like to put rapists in them now for a day jolly. The whole world is an open prison. Innocent until proven guilty. We live in a free democracy until people break the law.

    Good one guv, stick the rapists in am open Prison. I’m sure he was a remainer who admitted him.

  13. We should get one of the many barren islands and make it an open prison for sex offenders. They would have no internet but apart from that be self sufficient.

    Build their own dwellings, farm their own food and run their own shops. No benefits, you don’t work you don’t eat or have shelter.

    They would be self supporting and never be near a woman or child again.

    Violent offenders can be isolated on an island nearby, anyone landing on the shore would be a sex offender from nests door and I’m sure they would get a warm welcome.

    Fraudsters, embezzling cunts and conmen would be treated the way they are now with the worst offenders ending up in parliament.

    • I’ve suggested redundant North Sea platforms for this specific purpose.
      It was rejected as cruel and inhuman.
      Good enough for the lads who worked on them, though.

      • That, Ron, was another suggestion of mine.
        Again, dismissed as cruel etc.
        Just fuck off, now.

      • Alternatively, open some North Korean-style gulags for anybody with a punishment over a year.

    • Cheaper to castrate and tattoo “sex monster” on their foreheads.

      Sorry Sixdog im not into your idea of a pee do island.

      Knowing my luck id go for a days seafishing capsize,
      And wash ashore as a castaway.☹️

      • Just an idea MNC. We could have different islands for different undesirables.

        Prince Andrew could be king of Epstein island.

      • Like Skull Island in King Kong.
        Natives tie a young blonde girl to two stone pillars,
        They dance chant and beat drums.
        The foliage starts to shake.
        Then bursting from the undergrowth….Andrew .

        In the end it was beauty killed the beast..

  14. America does prison best.
    The UKs bad at it.
    All rizla papers and Ronnie Barker.

    Yanks have
    Old sparky
    Singing chaingangs
    Prison rodeos
    Deaf row
    Shakin that bush boss!
    Playing mouth organs sadly

    Bloody brilliant.👍
    We need a Old Sparky,
    National lottery fund?

    • I think we should adopt the chain gangs.
      They could fill the fucking potholes in.
      Last winter? They’ve been there for 5 years, you cunts!
      Ducks and geese mistake them for ponds!
      Wankers, what the fuck do I pay council tax for?
      I’ll have ’em. I twisted my ankle today, on dog walk, so I’ll sue the cunts!

      • Deaf Row.

        Guard “well, the time has come”


        ” I said the time has come”

        About quarter past ten

        “No, its time to meet your maker, make your peace with God.


        Its old sparky for you!”

        Two sugars please.

    • You didn’t seriously think they were run by the guards, did you?
      All 12 of them, 4 per shift.
      That’s if Gary doesn’t phone in sick, again!

      • Mind you, the prisoners run the Kitchens to a T. The food is excellent. Michelin Star Chefs have served time. And indeed, were trained in HMP! Gino A.dcampo did 2 years for Robbery, and was an ace cook long before he found fame.

  15. Upon that little tent of blue. Which prisoners call the sky, And at every drifting cloud that went. With sails of silver by. .

    Pōofter or not OW had talent

  16. Solution:

    Lookout towers around the flanks, accommodating marksmen with AK47s.

    Job done.

  17. Before considering moving one of these aforementioned cunts to an open prison I suggest the following. Allow them unsupervised visits to the decision maker’s children or grandchildren in their bedrooms. That will ensure the cunts stay locked up in proper nick. Save the open prisoners for fraudsters, motoring offenders and TV licence dodgers.

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