Bottled Water

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Bottled Water
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bottled_water

Whilst shopping in Asda today (unfortunately we don’t have a Fortnums round here) I accidentally took a wrong turn up the soft drinks aisle. Obviously I normally avoid consuming anything liquid that’s devoid of alcohol. Anyway, my attention was piqued by shelves groaning under the weight of hundreds of multipacks of haitch two fucking oh. I could not believe the prices being charged for something that falls out of the sky. So, for example, 4 x 330ml Evian at £3, for fucks sake!
Who in their right mind spends 75p on a third of a litre of water when you can get the same amount out of the tap for a fraction of a penny? And tap water won’t be contaminated with benzene like Perrier was in 1990.
The bottlers and retailers are literally taking the piss water. And every knobhead who buys it has the intellectual complexity of a maggot.

Nominated by Geordie Twatt

94 thoughts on “Bottled Water”

  2. Not only that but your green tofu knitting environmentalist will tell you they are a environmental problem,
    Littering beaches.

    And theyll get you killed by sharks.
    No shit!
    Saw a experiment about shark attacks,
    If you squeeze and crinkle a placcy bottle to a shark it sounds like the splintering of fish bones,
    Lures them in.

    Pointlessly interesting eh?

  4. This shit is the single biggest scam on the planet. Fuck fake viagra, fuck the TV licence, this is worse. Its bad enough that we pay for water anyway, but this bottled shit is stupid. Filtered through volcanic rock, my arse! I’m going to start bottling evaporated piss, mixed with honey mint and lemon, and selling it as a health drink! Get yours today, only 10 quid for a 6-pack of 550ml bottles.

    • Does that price include shipping and handling? If so, I’ll take a pallet full. Could sell that at 5 times the price here without breaking a sweat. Just tell the silly cunts that it has amazing health properties and some celeb swears by it and it will fly off the shelf!

      • I’d get some muscly twat like Ryan Reynolds or some skinny bitch like Charlize Theron to advertise it. I think international shipping would be tacked onto the price, and the sodding EU can pay double for fucking us about with Brexit.

  6. I’ve noticed that peacefulls especially skinnies buy bulk amounts of bottled water. Are they afraid that tap water will turn your eyes blue and give you freckles? Have they figured out the colonials sacrifice pigs and Catholic babies to Yasur at Serpentine dam or the local god Wagaarl possesses the water from the desalination plants.
    Not using scheme water explains why the rank fuckers don’t wash but instead over use cheap and ineffective deodourant.

    • They buy it it bulk (brands only) and then sell the bottles at individual prices.

      You’ll also see them with trolleys full of branded cola and energy drinks.

  7. Price of that common solvent can cost £4+/litre at the petrol stations. That’s more than twice the price of a litre of anything else you can buy there. At airports it will costs even more, & the cunts won’t now let you take your own, because of terrorwizm. They have water machines in some countries where you bring your own bottle, but for some reason, I don’t see that happening here.

  8. Bottled water: spiked by the Russians with the woke virus, drunk by lefties and twats with more money than sense.

      • Bin here every day, more recently on the ‘Coronaviral Shit’ page, probably time I took a break… Good to see you back Diablo.

      • I can’t speak for your access but I can only get onto this site using WiFi.
        When I looked into it the original settings used by your provider is the cause restricting access. There is a way around it but a lot of fucking about.

      • If you’re on Android, either install a VPN client, or install Opera and get it to use VPN for private browsing.

        The fucking phone companies have the site pegged as ‘adult content’ and want your credit card info to prove you’re over 18 before they’ll disable the filter.

        As the cunts also block a number of the VPN services as well in this filter, you might be better off trying Opera first.

        If it’s an iPhone you’re using, can’t help, last one of them I had was an iPhone 3, the battery exploding put me right off the buggers…

      • Que?

        If you have any queries I suggest you click on CONTACT US, immediately below The Wall of Cunts.

    • Bottled water companies are, in reality plastic pollution manufacturers.
      How stupid do you have to be to fall for the bollocks.
      A while back in a ‘health food store’ (Canada) with all kinds of happy ‘earth friendly’ slogans splashed about the place I noticed they were selling Fiji water for fucks sake. Shipping water from Fiji to the country with about a quarter of the world’s fresh water seems like the height of dumbfuckery.
      For fun, I approached the customer service desk and asked if someone could explain the benefit to the planet from moving oxygen dihydride all that way in small plastic bottles.
      Seems nobody was available to help, but I did get the e-mail address of someone good at ignoring correspondence from awkward buggers like me.

  9. Where I live, tap water is of a pretty decent standard. Where a gal lives in a neighbouring county, It’s rank shite.
    So I bought a distiller, no more oestrogen, no more fluoride, no more foul yet permissible taste.
    Bottled water for trips out though, £1.15 for 5 litres in Tesco.

    • But if that’s still too expensive for your wallet,clutched in those odiferous claws then you’re a filthy fucking pleb, get away from my car.

      • My mother drank distilled water for years and discovered that it was leeching minerals from her bones. It has none as it is pure H2O and so it pulls them in from wherever it can. She had to switch to filtered water and now her bone density is getting better. The best water is from a deep well if you can get it.

      • I take mineral supplements as a matter of course and for me anyway it’s preferable to recycled piss and contraceptives.

    • I remember being in Liverpool in about 2001 and I tried to water in the hotel as my mouth was dry and fuck me! What was that? It tasted and felt… bubbly… tasteless, yet metallic. And washing soap off your body in the shower with English water is sometimes impossible! Dafuq?! Hard waters, unlike soft Scottish waters. Weird.

    • What sort of distiller did you go for?

      I ask, as the cunts have ‘improved’ the quality of our water supply and as it now has a nasty ‘saltish’ taste, so I’ve been looking at buying one to ‘deimprove’ it…

      mind you, as it’s me, I’ve been eyeing up beasties capable of doing 5 gallons and which come with a good reflux column…fine for me to use, but not the family.

  10. It’s another of these silly ideas that come from America…the “cool” people see the cast of ‘Friends” or some such shite clutching a water bottle and follow the example…much the same as the Cunts who slurp their Starbucks coffee while shopping in Poundland with their benefit-sponging brats

    I’m on a private water supply which the Environment Agency condemned as unfit for human consumption years ago…..told me that I had to get a filter system fitted…..I’ve never bothered and seem to be doing remarkable well on this “contaminated” water.

    Must say though that I tasted the water out of a tap when I was in Manchester a while ago and it was fucking vile….if I had to drink that piss,I too would probably buy bottled.

    • Morning Dick👍

      Storm Malik bring you plenty of work?
      Landlord of the pub we go on a Sunday got hit by a falling tree branch and is in hospital.
      Its brought down loads of trees in our nearby woods.

      • Storm Malik is what they ought to call the invasion of carpet riders coming across the channel.
        Or maybe Storm Um Bongo.

      • I would have been royally pissed off if I’d been crushed by an oak Tree named after a Stanley.
        The fucking filthy storm stealing cunts.

      • Aye,there’s certainly plenty of work.

        One good laugh I got was at a woman who owns a modest private Estate…I’ve done work for her in the past and she’s a Cunt for paying the bill. I had her on the phone about some hardwoods down over her drive…told her that I’d send someone when she Baccsed the money that she still owed from the last job into my account….”Oh,yes…just an oversight etc.”and she did indeed make the payment immediately…she’s still waiting for us to go though…fuck her..leave the old Cunt for a couple of weeks,I reckon…her phone messages are getting quite desperate… LOL

        Morning,Mis.
        Morning,All

      • It says in the article that “sexual relationships between humans and chimpanzees are quite common in the region” fucking hell!

      • I’ve sometimes said of a woman I didn’t fancy that I would rather abuse our old tom cat. I was joking, honest! I shall give up that wisecrack.

    • Reminds me of those adverts… Little butmunsh has to walk 3 miles for this dirty water. Every day 800 children die from it. Really? So how is this girl STILL FUCKING ALIVE to keep getting the shit?

  14. Fucks me right off, empty plastic bottles everywhere on the side of the road, especially HGVino, (lorry drivers piss in a plastic bottle).
    I’m lucky to have a spring round the corner, always perfectly clear, tastes really good. I fill up a 30 litre drum with a tap on, or fill up my water bottle when out in my van.
    There’s absolutely no reason to buy it in the Uk, no choice in backward countries though.

    • I always have a little smile to myself when I see Chinese looking young women (don’t know why it always seems to be them) hauling a litre bottle of the stuff around the town and sipping from it.
      Fucking hell, why not drink a glass of water before you leave the house and one when you get back if you’re that worried about becoming ‘dehydrated’?
      Mental.

  15. The tap water in Notts is fucking undrinkable tastes like a 70s Benidorm swimming pool. I like a nice glass of water when I’m off the piss. Tesco cheapo still costs £2.30 for 8 litres.

  16. I like bottled water and you can taste the difference.

    It also does not rot your liver and kill your brain cells.

    • Carlsberg created Special Brew for Winston Churchill, how mental is that? He already had a lifetime supply of Champagne sent to him from a French winery! No wonder he has hammered as PM from 1950-55.

  18. I never liked tap water. Everyone says “It’s clean, safe, and cheap!”. Yeah, and it tastes fucking stale and lifeless. It’s literally just your recycled sterilized piss sold back to you.

    I buy and prefer drinking fizzy water to tap water. Get me some scottish highlands, a bit of charity to the dank heroin economy.

    Chlorinated sand filtered tap piss is not water.

    • That’s how I hydrate, Chunky – Highland Spring. With various concentrate fruit juices. I get cans of San Pellegrino too, lemon, orange, blood orange. Those are fantastic, but still have a lot of sugar in them. But once you taste one, then a Coca Cola, you don’t go back. Coca Cola used to be awesome, in the 80s, 90s, but they have totally fucked with that drink in recent years, it tastes like…? And it goes flat much quicker than it used to. A 2 litre bottle would be super fizzy a week after opening it, but now, I have seen it go flat after two days. Coca Cola are Satanic, they’ve murdered employees in Mexico who wanted better working conditions.

  19. Remember water is recycled numerous times in some areas-if someone is receiving cancer treatment, is a junkie or is on certain medical treatments, traces WILL be present in your tap water 😉

    My wholesaler sells 12x branded 1.5 litre bottles for £3.20. Cheaper than a pint of beer for a weeks supply😉
    Tastes beautiful. Unlike my tap water.

    For hot drinks-a filter jug for tap water.

  20. Remember water is recycled numerous times in some areas-if someone is receiving cancer treatment, is a junkie or is on certain medical treatments, traces WILL be present in your tap water 😉

    My wholesaler sells 12x branded 1.5 litre bottles for £3.20. Cheaper than a pint of beer for a weeks supply😉
    Tastes beautiful. Unlike my tap water.

    For hot drinks-a filter jug for tap water.

    • Fuck drinking tap water these days, it ain’t what it used to be. Scottish water is amazing, but as you say, the residues of pharmaceuticals and fuck knows what else is in their in parts per million. Spring water makes more sense and as you say, buy in bulk and it’s cheap.

  21. Evian comes a spring near Lake Geneva (Smoke on the Water!) Switzerland. San Pellegrino comes from Italy. It is a bit mental to import WATER 800+ miles to hydrate the bodies of Brits. Highland Spring is great, from Perth, so us Scots drink it. I was thinking about cunting soft drinks as most of them are just vile these days, all the Coca Cola brands, Dr Pepper is everywhere these, crates of the diarrhoea in every store for some reason. Who drinks that shit? It has to be the least refreshing beverage ever concocted. Dr Shipman, more like.

    Water is the most precious substance on Earth. No one knows where it came from. The “theories” are so absurd, but the great mystery is why it has the properties it has, nothing else is like, there is no second place. Oil was the “black gold” from 1846 onward and it was one of the main drivers for war with Germany later in the century. But now it has been established that water is the real gold of the Earth and companies like Nestle want to own ALL the water on Earth, the CEO of Nestle literally said that a few years ago, this dude is a psycho! Not sure if he is still the CEO, they probably have $atan himself there now. That company is fucking evil, never touch their products.

    Chose any lifestyle you wish, but make sure to drink LOTS of water every day. But when you look at what happened in Flint, Michigan, USA a few years ago, when the water was contaminated with lead when the diverted water from a polluted river to the populace and people got really sick, kids got sick, permanently and all the government did was… well, they did nothing, then gave “compensation” to the victims, but no one swung for it. The media to forever to cover it properly, too. Imagine that happened in England? It would be a scandal of scandals.

  22. One property we lived in, on The Lakes, our water was stream fed.
    The filtration was chain link, then chicken wire, then finer mesh, holding tank, then tap.
    Not much better than Mtebe’s bison piss.

    You knew a sheep had fallen in and drowned, up the fell somewhere, when the “flavour” changed.
    That was for an “enclave” of three houses-the other two drank Perrier water.
    We were the poor family and had to drink rotten sheep guts, fresh water shrimps and fucking caesium (Thank you Chernobyl).
    🧐

  23. Underground aquifers supply the water in my area.
    If I want bottled water I stick a bottle under the tap, and the water I have already paid for comes out.
    There used to be the disciples of Woka Cola handing out bottles of “smart water” in Leeds railway station.
    “Does this make you more intelligent”? I politely asked the mental bitch who was screaming its alleged benefits at breakneck speed.
    “Definitely” She said.
    “Well it hasn’t made you intelligent enough to realise that only an utter cunt pays for a bottle of something that comes out of a tap has it love”? (to howls of laughter from the now gathering crowd).
    I got the feeling she didn’t like me..

  24. I’m not sure bottled water “is a cunt” although there’s certainly a lot of codswallop involved.

    Nothing wrong with a six-pack from ASDA, but like Japanese whiskies matured in near-Earth orbit, plenty of bottled water is clearly aimed at parting wealthy bellends from the contents of their wallets. I’ve no problem with that, either.

    Quite literally codswallop: the term probably derives from Hiram Codd, the inventor of a bottle for fizzy drinks.
    Since we’re doing Wikipedia links – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codd-neck_bottle

  25. I drink a lot of water in the day and it’s all from the tap. I’m lucky that the tap water in my area is first rate, and growing up, I had no idea that the quality varies from region to region. I’ve never had to descale a kettle in my life, but spending time on southern England showed me the difference. Rancid undrinkable piss only fit for flushing the bog. You’d have two choices, filter it, which never really works, or bottled water.

    • Well said. I live in the South East but moved to Southampton for college and work for a few years. Fucking weird taint to it. Explains a lot of the locals being so odd. That, and inbreeding in the Milbrook area.

      • Funny enough, it was Southampton where I had my first taste of shit water, as a girlfriend was there in university and I used to go there regularly.
        I’d never seen scum floating on a fresh cup of tea before!

  26. Reality check: you really don’t need to drink much water in this climate. Bottled water is a con, marketed to health-obsessed wokies with bicycles. You’ll get most of your water needs from carbohydrates and vegetables – top up with anything alcohol free.

  27. Who can ever forgot when Coca-Cola was caught selling bottled tap water called DASANI. In the USA they loved it so much DASANI became a top seller which just goes to show the power of brands and the gullibility of man. (well Americans).

  28. Used to buy the fizzy stuff when living in Switzerland, as I’m a faddy bastard who loathes still water. However, the weather could get so bloody hot over there.
    Also, and very importantly, it is NOT priced as a luxury item abroad. Here, it is just another bloody rip-off.

  29. Try drinking the stuff that comes out of taps around Southampton, then you’ll realise not all tap water is potable. Being a Geordie you have lovely Northumbrian water from the hills, as do a lot of Northerners and Scotchmen.

    • The best water ive ever drunk is straight from the stream in the Peak District.
      How water should be.
      Dog likes it too.

      • Drakensburg in South Ifrica and River Kali in India.
        Nice.
        Bit far to go though, I’ll squeeze a toad here and there instead.

  30. The water from Yorkshire taps is great, as is Scotlands water.
    But I had to go to Birmingham on a training day, and it was awful, smelled vaguely of drains, yuck!

    • I don’t doubt your word JP, but there must have been something amiss there. If you were actually inside the Birmingham boundary the mains water is from the Elan valley and is broadly the same stuff that GJ praises. Having left Brum for Bucks in 1999 the water is one of the very few things that I think was better up there.

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