Desperate Celebs Go Dating

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Hi, I would like to nominate Channel E4 Slebs Go Cunting.

The compound word needy-cunfest is much underrated and under-used.

Needy-cunfest, add it to word and use it liberally.

I think during these already extraordinarily cunty times Channel 4 and its wankstain infested bastard cunt-child-channel E4 inflicting a bunch of Z-list Sleb Cunts trying to re-launch their careers or soak up some fees to allow them to live their attention-seeking vacuous lives, and fill the budget for sub-dermal fillers, botox and all that other shit, these grotty fucking turds use to give the impression of having character (the alternative to developing character) is an affront to the British public given all the fucking heinous bollocks we have had to deal will over the last two years.

Just watching these fucking parasites pop up in trailers, makes me wonder where the fuck are we headed as a nation? For Fucks Fucking sake, after the shit we’ve been through, is the best we can come up with?

They are all a bunch of cunts, and while I wish them no physical harm I would quite like for them to take a vow of silence and undertake a retreat … as far away as fucking possible … forever. The cunts. That is all.

PS: I have included a link, but only because it’s requested. Don’t click on it, you are likely to have an aneurism if you have even a shred of common sense.

PPS: Missed you guys … I’ve been busy.

Ch4 News Link

Nominated by: GGRF

 

75 thoughts on “Desperate Celebs Go Dating”

  1. What is so sad about these talentless Z listers is that they have a total absence f self-awareness or pride. One of the spouses favourites, from her favourite soap, Emmerdale Farm, recently left the show in a hurry to take part in “I’m A Non-Entity, Get Me Out Of Here”.

    He won.

    He waited for the offers to come in.

    they didn’t, and just the other day he announced his “latest project” to the great excitement of the spouse.

    He has started his own You Tube channel.

  2. Celebrity (noun)…
    1/ a famous person, especially in entertainment or sport;
    2/ the state of being well known.

    I can honestly say that I do not know who any of the people in the header picture are.

    Fuck them.

    • Nor me, I couldn’t give a shit about ‘celebrities’ as they are mostly only so in their own mind. In my day people like Richard Burton or Elizabeth Taylor types were celebrities, not cunts like fucking Gemma Collins.

      • I saw that fucking whale collins round our way last week. She’s fucking obscene and should be rendered down for tallow.

      • Kevin Keegan, James Hunt and Joe Frazier were all on ‘Superstars’ back in the day.

        Can you imagine Cristiano Ronaldo, Lewis Hamilton and Floyd Mayweather doing it today?

        Back in the day, ‘A list’ stars would jump at the chance of promoting themselves on the telly. Now, the internet means you end up with ‘who the fuck is that’ alongside ‘never heard of the cunt’ on these ‘celebrity’ shows.

    • One of my Sparks was telling us about a job he did in Gemma Collins’ shop in Brentwood.

      When bill paying time came around, the fat dollop asked if he would provide a 100% discount because she is famous, innit.

      “Never heard of you” was his response, to which Orca Collins shrieked at one of here mates ‘Ere! Shazza, this bloke sez eez never ‘eard of me. Nah ah ah ah ah’!

      The gentleman electrician likened it to dealing with the Fat slags out of Viz.

      • Odin@ – But did he wire up the 16 deep fat fryers, 4 sunbeds and the “Cock o Matic” electric dildo machines before making his escape?

  3. Celebrated for what?
    Having more lip and arse fillers than Kevlar Katie?
    Having a man bun and using more grooming products than any woman, ever?
    How many of them will be twinketoes?
    Do I give fuck?
    No, I never watch any of the so called reality / celebrity programmes.
    They are dumbed down pap to ” entertain” the lowest intelligence.

  4. I don’t think it’s a wise move having the rapist on the left of the photo on a show like this.
    The genetically modified blonde piece will be sobbing uncontrollably, and need a medical examination when he’s finished with her.

  7. Bottoms of barrels have been well and truly scraped.

    We’re only a short way away from the storyline behind Arnie’s “Running Man” film where bad guys are hunted down and viciously murdered by enforcement gladiators – and this is a TV show set in 2019. In fact the summary of this film from IMDB is quite eerie.

    Quote:-
    “In the year 2019, the world economy has collapsed. The great freedoms of the United States are no longer, as the once great nation has sealed off its borders and become a militarized police state, censoring all film, art, literature, and communications.

    Even so, a small resistance force led by two revolutionaries manages to fight the oppression. With full control over the media, the government attempts to quell the nation’s yearning for freedom by broadcasting a number of game shows on which convicted criminals fight for their lives. The most popular and sadistic of these programs is “The Running Man,” hosted by Damon Killian.”

    Swap out Police for Woke, and “closed borders” for “open border”, and bingo!

    • Some of Arnie’s best “one-liners” in that film👍

      American gladiators (Galdiator in UK with Jet et al), was based on this film.

      • Bill Hicks (paraphrased) I want American Gladiators on 24 hours a day, chopping the shit out of each other with chain saws. That and his coke advert I would pay to watch.

  9. I’d watch if they had real Celebrities like Harvey Weinstein,Rose West and Kevin Spacey roofying the reality/youtube/soap stars before sexually assaulting them and burying them under the patio at 25 Cromwell Street…Celebrity Ghost Hunt could then do a follow-up where we could “sense” the spirit of Fred West chasing the celebrities’ ghosts, Benny Hill-style, around his dungeon while bellowing ” Come ‘ere,moi luvlie, Uncle Fred wants to rattle yer bones”

    I wonder if Alan Yentob would consider fronting it?

    • Celebrity death dating would be refreshing.
      Robert Wagner
      Michael Barrymore
      OJ Simpson
      And other famous alledged murderers date empty headed C listers and as the corpses mount up you have to guess who it was!

      • Celebrity Chicken.

        Z lists cunts compete for a 10 year EastEnders contract and a £50 Argos voucher.

        They must drive in high powered cars head first at over 120 mph towards their opponent who is doing the same.

        Who will chicken out?

        Hopefully nobody.

        Or Harvey’s House.

        Ten celebs are locked in a house with Harvey Price. They must take it in turns to lock the fridge and guard it.

        Who will survive Harvey’s rampage to win the slot on Celebrity Big Brother?

        Although I do like the idea of serial killer island. Celebs are dropped onto a deserted island. Deserted apart from 20 of the world’s worst serial killers. The last one surviving wins.

        Or ‘Ultimate British Bulldog’

        Celebs have to run from one end of North Sentinel Island (look it up) to the other to win a spot presenting ‘The One Show’.

    • AHahaHaa

      Fucking hell DF you’ve surpassed yourself! Some wee came out then. Probably more than I expected, but these are the joys of middle age.

    • Dff@ – And presented by “intellectual heavyweight” Yvette Fielding and dead spiritualist Derek Acorah – “Ey girl – is thar ectewplasm on yer face”? 😀
      Yentob mentioned something about the remunerative shekels package..

  10. I wonder how long it will be, after it starts airing, that we’ll have the first ” exclusive” interview with
    Celeb contestant ( insert name here) in The Sun?
    Headline – Tearful Celeb ( name) reveals:
    I was bullied at school for being fat and spotty.
    I was raped by…
    I was diagnosed with ADHD and find it hard to err, err err….
    Chose one of the above, or select from the create your own menu.

  11. They’re only relevant for as long as the moronic masses give them attention.
    Which is going to continue for a very long time.
    The Western world is fucked.

    • I suppose the braindead will always watch that shite, oldies like me chucked the TV years ago, too many mongs & sooties on it

  12. I’d like to see a Russian Roulette type game show for these cunts – it could be held in Ukraine and the weapons get higher in calibre as the program goes on.
    CUNTS!!

  13. Cold War 2.0 will focus people’s minds.
    Can’t come soon enough.
    Send these cunts to the front.
    Good morning.

    • I’d live to see that. “Oh sergeant, that bad russian man called me a poof.” You can just imagine it!

  15. The Purge should start with the fuckwits that think these shows up. Who in their right mind actually says oooh good there’s another one of those cretinous programmes on tonight that serves absofuckinlutely no purpose whatsoever … gotta see that! JHC!
    I’m sure the fuckin’ romans started all this but at least they had the decency to slaughter the contestants during and after the show. Surly cunts them romans they knew a thing or two proper entertainment and getting stuff done.

      • Aw, I bought my old dad the entire set on videos (he doesnt do dvd) Never has a man been so excited at a Chrimbo pressie, he watches nothing else.

    • OMG YES, fail to eat this entire bag of shit with a spoon you have to jump off Beach head…I’d get a TV again to watch that

  18. My wife watches all the soap shit on telly, every single fucking rancid episode ! All soaps are about the scum of the earth with monstrous crimes and conflicts.
    And all before the watershed.

    Now, added to her list will be this shitfest as an adjunct to her Dancing on Ice addiction.

    Im doomed !

  20. You’d be forgiven for thinking these people are the norm now. They are all over the tv. How can we be proud of being British if this is what we are showing off to the world?
    Oven oven oven.
    As a previous poster said, a definite cull required for the arseholes who dream up these turd fest shows.

  21. How can we not be fucked as a country when the same people who lap up this shit are also allowed to vote?

    • Yeah, but unless the polling station is at McDonalds or Gregg’s the cunt’s would be too lazy to show up.

    • To be honest after watching the “fixing” videos of the Scottish independent vote its clear that all voting is government rigged.

  22. The world is now going headlong towards extinction and i reckon thats a good thing really, i look at the crop of cunts nowadays and think to myself the end is nye.
    We have these attention seeking z list slebs, fuckwit leeches, i mean influencers on you tube, all somehow making a living off free stuff and subscribers, Katey Price and assorted other plebs who i could quite happily march 2 by 2 into uncle Terrys oven.
    These fuckers are to stupid to live, their kids will be worse, common sense is already considered a super power, the only question now is when do humans die out….its in the post, if we celebrating this utter fuckmuppery from these useless cunts……

    • These sleb fucks are emulated by young simpletons throughout the country.

      If you aspire to look like Katie Price or Goofy football twat Ronaldo, you lack vision.
      Youve no self esteem or imagination.

      If you want to be a sleb clone aim at the top!
      Be a indenti kit copy of a A lister.

      Grow a tash and look like Burt Reynolds!
      Blow off your head and look like Kurt Cobain!*
      *(Doubles as JFK!!)
      Stick your face in a chip pan and look like Mickey Jackson!

      Or if you have a peanut allergy eat a Marathon for that bloated duck face look of Leslie Ash.

      Its only your imagination holding you back.

      For more authenticity maybe act the cunt and contract syphilis?

    • I wonder what Beethoven would’ve thought. Allegedly not just the greatest composer of his time, but the greatest man.
      And now some CUNT wants to dig him up for DNA, to “prove” he’s a dark quay…

    • Poor Katie was arrested on Friday for breaking a restraining order after abusing a fellow slapper in a school playground.
      Apparently she has sent her an abusive letter calling her, among other things, a “gutter slag.” Fucking hell, she should know!
      Any publicity is good publicity in Katie’s world.

      • Is there no end to her fuckwittery?
        She thinks because she dodged pokey on a technicality, she’s bulletproof, but one day Kevlar Katie will get hers.

      • Im expecting within a year to see
        ‘troubled star Katie price dead’
        Headlines.
        Shes off her fuckin nut.
        Only a matter of time.

        Watch the media do a 360 on how tragic, just wanted to be loved, hardworking, single mum Kate was loved by the nation…

      • They should send Katie to the Ukraine. While she’s keeping the Ivans busy with her minge and mouth Harvey can sneak in behind and smash up all their tanks. Hello Ruski cunts.

      • but its illegal to say hurty things now,… bloke i heard of locally was just tazed and arrested for calling his ex-wife a “fucking slag” she phoned the police and replayed the phone call…cops dragged him out of his house for “hate crime”…drove him to the next country then dropped the charges and kicked him out in the middle of the night to walk home with no phone….no wonder universities are banning books like 1984 the left love this kind of fucking fascism

      • still shouldn’t be a crime to say “hurty things” the slag that complained should have her tit implants confiscated as punishment for being a tale tale tit

      • can you imagine the Katshitians at 90 with their baboon plastic arses dragging around behind zimmer frames, great granny kim with her rock solid botox face and concrete tits

  24. The BBC are touting their latest reality TV, its on tonight (late) Romanian sex slaves, it’s a bit late, like the P*ki grooming gangs it’s been going on for years.

  25. I think they should have a show where these useless cunts literally have to fight for their lives as in Running Man, starring Aahhhhnald! Or maybe contestants could face the lethal challenges designed by John ‘I want to play a game’ Kramer in the Jigsaw house?

    • Logans Run, get to 30 and shoot them down, tell them they’re going to a celeb island…excellent

    • If the “other” one is a “gutter slag”, then KP must be a sewage farm bottom-feeder.

  27. I’m disappointed none of you have bothered to put names to the “celebrities” in the header picture. Curiosity having got the better of me means I’ll have to do it. Having wasted 1/2 an hour of my life on research I think the answers are (from left to right):-
    Levi Davis – Bisexual former Premiership RU winger with Bath (now playing for Worthing Raiders in National Leage 2 South) and 2019 X Factor: “Celebrity” contestant.
    Chloe Ferry – “Star” of TV cr@p such as Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents, Geordie Shore and series 19 of “Celebrity” Big Brother in 2017.
    Pete Wicks – “Star” of The Only Way Is Essex
    The last one I’m not 100% sure of but I think her name is Shaughna Phillips, “star” of series 6 in Jan/Feb 2020 of Love Island.
    If these nonentities are celebrities then I’m the King of Siam.

  28. The haunted fish tank needs a clean – clogged up with mascara and the detritus from the failure of the human species.
    But I think the idea of sending Katy Price and Harvey to Ukraine is a winner – KP could “entertain” groups of up to 20 soldiers a time and when they are in the STI clinicski being treated Harvey could be let loose on the commie tanks – “MONGO SMASH” he will be shouting as he throws the heavy armour around, then back to Katies for a spot of lunch – “ARVEY! Get off Mummys tits”! 😀

  29. What is this programme for?
    Who,apart from the brain-dead viewers cares about the talentless participants?

    • Cuntator@ – It is designed to keep really, really, really stupid people from wandering around in the road checking InstaTok..

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