Keith Richards [3]

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I´ve never liked the Rolling Stones particularly Keith Richards and Mick Jagger. One of the reasons was because I never understood how two Englishmen – one lower middle class and the other upper middle class – could spend their whole lives fantasizing that they were Blind Willie McTell slaves from the southern United States singing the blues after a hard day picking cotton and being whipped by the overseers.

My life-long antipathy was confirmed when I switched on a Netflix programme called “Keith Richards Under the Influence”. It starts with a quote of such banality – “Life´s a funny thing you know” – that even Prince Charles would have sneered at it. Keith is obviously so spaced out that all he seems to do is chuckle at his own remarks.

At one point he “sings”, “I love my sugar but I love my honey too. I´m a greedy motherfucker and I don´t know what to do.”

Ever heard of retirement Keith?

Nominated by: Mr Polly

144 thoughts on “Keith Richards [3]”

    • When I was 15 I used to think what do pop/rock stars hang up the boots once they hit thirty?

      obviously too old and ugly to appear in public let alone on stage

      too physically decrepit to stand up or competently play an instrument let alone sing?

      The voice chords would be well fucked by then.

      How wrong I was

  3. That header photo, what a ghastly sight!

    Ha! It reminded me a bit of Mark Knopfler, what with the headband. Hence the Money For Nothing song reference. Me thinks Knopfler has aged way better though. – NA.

    • He certainly has, wish I looked as good, instead of a face like the inside of an old leather handbag!

    • Admin: Mark Knopfler is 10x the guitarist that Keith “I likes em young” Richards is.
      That’s a motherfuckin’ fact👍

      • Listen to his first solo album and you might change your mind.

        Trying to compare Knopler and Richard’s is like comparing Verdi to Beethoven. Both good but totally different

  4. I do like the Rolling Stones, and have a lot of their music, but how they got so popular for so long has little to do with this second rate guitarist. I’d say more of a collective band effort.
    Compare him with any of his contemporaries, and Keith is so far down the list he provides the doormat for the likes of Jeff beck, Peter Green, Paul Kossoff, etc, etc.

  5. Stones were brilliant in the 60’s. Everything else mediocre to boring. Brown Suger and Honky Tonk Women, fucking total bollocks.

    • Can we chuck Rod Stewart under there as well after the last two shit songs he has released. Utter bollocks. I don’t know how the radio stations have the audacity to play this crap.

  7. He may not be the best guitarist in the world, but only one person can be at any one time.

    He is a part of a super group.
    They are complete profesionals who can put on a performance that is a real once in a lifetime event.
    They put all of modern day groups to shame, and still can even in their late seventies.

    Yes, after six decades of being one of the best rock groups in the world they have made some mistakes and produced some crap. But overall none of them deserve a counting.

    Of course they will all snuff it soon, but written on each of their headstones should be, “A Rolling Stone, He Fucking Lived It”

    All reasonable points, apart from none of them deserve a cunting. They do. Following the ‘outrage’ over the lyrics to Brown Sugar (recorded in 1969), they were in a prime position to tell the wokerati to fuck off. But they folded like a cheap suit and thus, are cunts. Link to the cunting – NA.

    • Best guitarist can only ever be a matter of opinion and taste. I love a load of players, from Larry Carlton to Paul Gilbert. All masters in their chosen style. What would you judge it on? Musical ability, songwriting, record sales? It can only be a popularity contest at best
      One guitarist who seems to fit many bills is Guthrie Govan. What a player!

      • Agreed GJ it all comes down to preference.

        Jason Becker was brilliant before he got ALS. Some of the music he composed when he was only a teenager.

        Jeff Healey another fantastic player. Had his own unique, unorthodox style and went blind before he was a year old. Incredibly underrated as a guitar player.
        Here he is playing with SRV https://youtu.be/2HmLFyvFxTc?t=9

        Sometimes I want to hear flash, sometimes I want someone to play with guts and emotion, sometimes I just want someone who plays something easy to listen to.

    • The Stones in their prime (1960s to mid 70s, particularly with Mick Taylor on lead) were FUCKING BRILLIANT.

      • I once stood in for Taylor when he was with the Bluesbreaker. One of the highlights of my life playing however briefly with John Mayall.

        Mick was ‘indisposed’

        He was as I understand it never actually a member of the Stones but was hired in to complete the band on a tour.

        To evaluate Taylor best listen to Mayalls Blues from Laurel Canyon album

      • Not sure Chas. I think Taylor was accorded full band member status but the towering egos of The Glimmer Twins wouldn’t allow him to achieve his full potential creatively. Keef didn’t like the fact that technically Taylor was his superior and could do stuff he could never dream of.

        He also once said that he couldn’t keep up with the band’s “lifestyle” and if he’d stayed it would have killed him.

        Keef is no virtuoso in the accepted sense but is a unique player who invented his own style and does what he does extremely well.

        People who say he’s crap obviously don’t play themselves….

  9. These days he looks like something out of Lord of the Rings.
    He and Mick’s ‘wild child’ reputation took a terminal nosedive years ago for me, when the Beeb still broadcast test cricket live.
    Between overs, the camera panned around the crowd at Lord’s, and there in the members’ enclosure like a couple of genuine old geezers, were Keef and Mick. Crock and fucking roll.

    • Afternoon Ron. Yes, he looks like Dobby the Elf, the wrinkly old Allosaurus scrotum.

      Compare photos of when Keith Richard was young to how he looks now. The old cunt in the photo above could well be an imposter, such is the dissimilarity between the young and old Richards.

      • Afternoon Paul.

        You can well imagine the young Keef fighting off the talent, a real rock ‘n roll bad boy.
        He’d bloody well have to open his wallet wide now.

  10. Richards has done nothing of relevance or note for over 40 years. Would have been best for all concerned if he and the other Stones had carked in 1978 after releasing Some Girls, their last half decent album. Fatally crashing in their private jet on the way to Monaco would have been ideal.

    • I agree Ruff.
      I liked some of their albums in the 60’s but their would be only one or two good songs, the rest were just covers.
      I think Sticky Fingers was there last decent album
      Roger Daltry recently called them a pub band . He wasn’t wrong about that.

  11. I read this cunts Autobiography.
    A pile of juvenile shite. He constantly brags about how he was permanently high and calls girls chicks or his old lady.
    Oh, and he is a fucking lousy guitarist .
    I read Brian Jones book afterwards ( Sympathy for the Devil ) excellent read.
    Jagger and Richards really did treat him like shit.
    Another great book i’m reading is Steve Marriott’s Autobiography ( All or nothing ) highly recommend it.

    • Steve Marriot was a fucking Legend Bricktop-er’ indoors is a huge fan of the Small Faces & Humble Pie.
      I prefer pretty faces and hairy-pie😉

    • My favourite guitarists
      1. Jan Akkerman
      2. Peter Green
      3Al Di Meloa
      4. David Gilmour
      5. John Mclaughlin

      Keith Richards doesn’t come close and he looks like he’s been dead for a month.

      • Jan Akkerman?
        Was he in the band Focus?

        I saw them live at the Sundown, Edmonton more than 40 years ago.

        They got so many encores that I missed the last bus home.

      • Aye. I’m not easily gobsmacked, but that blew me away when I saw it.

        As someone who has learned to play the guitar (not too well either), I can tell you it takes years to get anywhere.

        But no matter how much I practice, I could never do that. Not even close.

        The fucking ridiculous cunt.

      • Akkerman`s guitar playing in the glorious days of the `70s in Focus gave *GOD* a hard-on.

      • “All guitarists are shite compared to this mad cunt. Tommy Emmanuel.”

        My oppo plays a Maton in very similar condition… who am I kidding, it’s beat to shit. Bought it in Australia 20yrs ago, was pricey but they really are a killer acoustic, even running shagged out strings it’s bright, punchy with a ton of sustain and a total harmonics factory. 😍 He will NOT sell it to me! 😭

      • Cuntychops: Have you tried those PRS Acoustics. For under £800 they are fucking brilliant. Stunning sound and beautiful to play, the neck profile being similar to the PRS electric range.
        Fishmann pick-ups and easy electrics and a really good hard-case, included👍

        PS: Go for the Ziricote wood👍

      • My favourite guitarists

        Jimi Hendrix
        Dave Gilmour
        Paul Kossoff
        John McLaughlin
        Frank Zappa
        Jan Akkerman
        Richie Blackmore
        John Weinzierl
        Peter Tolson
        James Williamson
        Eric Clapton (with Mayall & Cream)
        Edgar Froese
        Michael Karoli
        Daniel Fichelscher
        Chris Karrer
        Carlos Santana

        Bound to have missed a couple…

      • A few late additions:

        Rory Gallagher (cheers TTCUtS)
        Johnny Marr
        Randy California
        Luther Grosvenor
        Ted Nugent
        Donald (Buck Dharma) Roeser
        Leigh Stephens
        Joe Walsh

      • Gilmour? Really? Overrated in my view.

        Best guitarists – a personal opinion –
        Hendrix
        Clapton
        Segovia
        Gibbons
        Stills

        In no particular order

      • Goes without saying, Chas, that you’re at the top of all our lists!

        But wait… we have a late arrival… coming in on a big eyed laser bean from Venus, it’s

        Zoot Horn Rollo

        Speaking of whom, has anyone noticed there are no ladies present? I wonder why. Maybe it’s because their hands are too small…

        🎶 When Big Joan comes out
        Her hands are too small
        Her head’s like a ball
        I’ll sit up with you big Joan
        I’m too fat to go out in the daytime
        I’ll stay up all night
        If you promise not to talk about your hands bein’ too small
        Hoy, hoy, is she a boy? 🎶

    • Django Rhienhart, superb jazz guitarist. Died the year I was born but my Dad was a jazz fan, so I grew up to him, Bruebeck, et Al.

      • Largely agree with RTC’s list of guitar greats. I would add:

        Robin Trower
        Rory Gallagher
        Peter Frampton

        I love the Stones but have always skipped over the duff tracks ie where Keith Richards does the vocals.

  13. They did some rather jaunty music.
    Must be pacing themselves because that was nearly 50yrs ago, the fuckin rich old skellingtons.

    Keith seems to think his Heroin addiction is charming and funny because he didn’t need to rob old ladies like other smackrats.
    I think hes awful.
    As someone in their 80s he should act his age,
    Enjoy nodding off, werthers original, and tartan blankets.
    Not strutting about in skinny jeans like some wizened rentboy.
    Ive seen mummies dug up in Egypt that look better.

    • This is what happens when musicians don’t die in plane crashes or bath tubs from heroin overdoses.

      You winning Mis?

      • Afternoon LL, I am winning mate thanks!
        God favours the gorgeous etc 😁
        You a big rock music fan LL?

        I love music but hate the musicians, mostly always fuckin idiots aren’t they?
        Keef I dislike because he pretends to be American, maaaan.
        And a junkie.
        My favourite Stones moment is Altamont,
        When it all gets a bit real for them!!

      • You could hear his voice shaking lol

        I’d have fucking legged it me. Fuck that right off. He looked like he was going to rape and then eat the Rolling Stones and then the entire audience.

        And then anyone who reminded him of someone in the audience.

        What a fucking nutter lol.

      • I am Miserable, Guns N’ Roses, Skid Row and Aussie band Powderfinger plus a load more some well known others less so.

        If I was Keef or any of the old fossils, I would have retired to the Caribbean decades ago to wither like pune in a hammock.

  16. Non of my grandkids have ever heard of Gracie Fields, George Formby, the Beatles, the Stones or Madonna.

      • As if proof was needed Smug, that Madonna is becoming irrelevant amongst todays yoof despite her sad and desperate attempts to stay in vogue. I wonder if she will feature on Ron’s ‘ Challenging Wank’ nom if he got around to writing it up.

        (Yes, Ron. Hurry up with your “Challenging Wank” nom. We will certainly look forward to reading some feedback from the usual suspects – Day Admin)

      • Well, George Formby`s Little Stick Of Blackpool Rock always made my quimmyfoof effervesce like Vesuvius. I should cocoa, and no mistake.

      • Apparently, Georges wife used to physically abuse him.
        Mind, given that he was very fucking annoying, even when he was cleaning windows, I’d have given the cunt a pasting, too.

      • Greta Thunberg is releasing a cover version:

        “You should see vot I can see
        When I’m licking windows”

        “How daaaaare you!”

        (Someone should do a “Greta’s 10 Greatest Cover versions” nomination, just for laughs because I despise the little brat – Day Admin)

      • MNC@ – Don’t forget that George Formby won the TT and did the cheating Krauts over at the same time!
        Back on nom – Keith Richards – low talent smack rat got lucky, but I imagine Bill Wymans fingers were around “thirteen years stickier” – just ask Mandy Smith..

  17. What a memorable Rock n Roll moment it would have been for the members of this group to tell the woke cunts to fuck right off and eat shit. They would have had more fans than ever at that moment and been a spark that could have started a a blaze of rebellion against the religion of Woke. They listened to their fa@@ot publicists and decides to play it “safe” the soft cunts.

  19. Hendrix
    Ritchie Blackmore
    Toni Iommi
    Alex Lifeson
    Jeff Beck
    Eddie Van Halen

    Are my favourite axemen. Couldn’t give two fucks about Richards though.

    • Alex lifeson? Totally techno, a fucking legend, criminaly underrated, seen the great man many times, obviously with Neil and geddy..

  20. Cool that admin found a picture of Keith when he was young.

    And I airbrushed it too, otherwise he’d have looked awful – NA.

  21. Hendrix loved Cream didn’t he?
    Remember him covering ‘sunshine of your love’.

    Theres loads of highly talented guitarists in rock hard to pick a favourite!
    But thats just part of the whole.
    Having a great guitarist doesn’t equate to having a great band.
    Joe Satriani and those guitar virtuosos?
    I find them a bit boring?
    I like bands that can make you go mad with just 3 chords.
    I like this!
    https://youtu.be/TKYALsp-sIg

    • Admin@
      Genuinely don’t know why that was moderated?!!

      (Probably your turn to be picked on by WordFence. All sorted though – Day Admin)

    • How Dare You!!!

      Joe Satriani is like Bach with an electric guitar.
      The fucking daddy👍

      *The Rolling Stones know so too-that’s why they use him when they tour👍

      • Joe Satriani is a favourite of mine. As is Alex Lifeson, Gary Moore, Nuno Bettencourt.
        Iommi for the riffs, Page for the melodies.
        Van Halen for changing guitar forever.

      • Evening CG, 👍
        Not taking away anything from Satriani, Steve Vai etc
        Technically very capable and skillful.
        But thats not what I want from a band!
        I want to feel wild,
        Set the world on fire 🔥
        Like this
        https://youtu.be/3mbvWn1EY6g
        ♠️♠️🤘

  24. Must be an age/era thing. My top 10 guitarists include these guys, not necessarily virtuoso technical players perhaps, but more for having their own sound and style and the ability to create atmosphere and feel:

    1. Geordie (Killing Joke)
    2. Keith Levine (Public Image)
    3. Richard Oakes (Suede)
    4. Stuart Adamson (Big Country)
    5. Steve Rothery (Marillion)
    6. Alex Lifeson (Rush)
    7. Kim Thayil (Soundgarden)
    8. Chad Taylor (Live)
    9. Peter Buck (R.E.M.)
    10. Steve Jones (Sex Pistols)

    • Do you prefer Richard Oaks to Bernard Butler?
      He got that Suede gig when he was 17.

      Great list by the way
      Always liked PIL’s “Rise”👍

      • Hi CG – Actually I do prefer Oakes over Butler. Nothing wrong with Butler. His partnership with Anderson set Suede on their way. I didn’t pay much attention to Suede until Head Music. I loved that. Next thing I know, they’ve jacked it in. A few years ago a friend of mine gave me a copy of Bloodsports which sat on my hard drive for probably a year or more without me bothering with it. One day I decided to give it a go and was blown away. I immediately bought Night Thoughts and was even more blown away. By then I was primed for the release of The Blue Hour which is such an incredible album.

        For me, the last 3 albums are practically perfect. The playing, the arrangements, the production and Bret Anderson’s voice just hit you with a crushing sadness and melancholy. For that reason, Oakes gets my vote. I’ve since gone back and collected their entire back catalog. The early early stuff is just fine. I think Sci Fi Lullabies is brilliant, but nothing comes close to the last 3 albums.

        A new album is being written/recorded now and I’m very nervous. I hope it can be the fourth incredible Suede album in a row.

        I read Bret Anderson’s first book a few months back (Coal Black Mornings). Was amazed he grew up not far from me in Haywards Health – a town I knew quite well back in the day. Looking forward to reading his second book. It’s on my Christmas list so hopefully Santa has been paying attention and done the business. Cheers – IY.

      • My missus is a big Suede fan.
        I saw them before they were famous, suspected they would be the next big thing-and they were
        She has all their albums-I will have to listen to the latest ones now 👍

    • IY@
      It always makes me laugh when journos sày the pistols couldn’t play their instruments.
      That was just Sid.
      Steve Jones is always in demand and highly regarded by bands.

      • Hey Mis – I’ve read quite a bit about the Pistols (and PIL) over the years and have come to realise how much image shaped the public’s perception of what Lydon and the Pistols did. I supposed that helped sell records, kept them on the front pages and convinced A&M/EMI they were worth massive advances. Hahaha.

        Fact is, they all could play and play well. Steve Jones had a distinctive sound too and coupled with the inimitable Lydon, made a force to be reckoned with. At least for a short while. A few singles and one album, but a legacy stretching decades. Amazing! Per-ritty Va-cunt!

      • The Pistols.

        What a racket Mis. Good evening nevertheless.

        I never got that punk malarkey.

        I’d rather have a string quartet.

        I’m very civilised me.

        A man of refinement.

      • Evening Dick👍

        I loved the Sex pistols,
        And the whole punk thing.
        That Do it for yourself,
        Laugh at the pompous, back to basics thing.
        The Stranglers
        Xray spex
        The Damned
        Buzzcocks
        Siouxie and the Banshees.
        It influenced a youngster like me!
        Made me realise im as good as anybody else,
        Dont bow to no-one
        Be cheeky to authority
        Dont know your place.😁

        I thought the world of Johnny Rotten!
        It shaped me into the upstanding, well adjusted,
        Model citizen and all round role model I am now.
        😁

      • Poly Styrene.

        Another challenging wank.

        I liked The Stranglers. Sounded a bit different,- less punky I suppose?

        Similarly, I had my rebellious phase in the late 60’s, very early 70’s with stuff like Floyd and other psychedelic bands like Gong.

        I liked Fairport Convention too, with Sandy Denny on vocals. They attracted the middle class hippies.

        Gilmour made Floyd a better band,
        but something died when Syd left.
        The new Floyd wasn’t quite the same.

      • I know and like both Gong and Fairport convention Dick.
        Someone on here,
        Maybe Guzzi Guy?
        Is a big Sandy Denny fan.
        Beautiful voice,talented and a tragic figure,
        ‘Meet on the ledge’ played in the van occasionally.
        I preferred getting stoned to Gong than Floyd as a youth

      • Camembert electrique was a brilliant album.

        I’ve Been Stoned Before was my favourite track. Malherbe’s sax playing was brilliantly laboured.

        Denny’s voice was something else.
        Simon Nichol is a terrible vocalist, but as a founding member of Fairport, he sees fit to murder any of Denny’s material by attempting to sing it.
        Why he doesn’t hand the vocals over to Chris Leslie who can sing, is beyond me?

        Anyway, it’s night, night from the Pot Head Pixie.

        Been down the boozer earlier for some Robbo’s Old Tom.

        What the fuck has happened to Unicorn? Never trusted that stuff since they changed the name.
        Like drinking old dishwater.

        Not everything that comes out of Stockport is good Mis.

  25. Totally off track I know, but the driver of the car in Wisconsin was black criminal. Will the idiot footballers be taking a knee for this murdering cunt at the weekend? Will be swept under the carpet. How about taking a knee for the innocent people who have been killed? Thought not, they just don’t fit the narrative.

  26. Richards is better at playing guitar than he is at acting.
    The only reason he got the gig in that ‘ Cunts of the Caribbean ‘ film was that they’d blown the wardrobe and makeup budget on that narcissistic wanker, Depp.
    Richards was able to just turn up as he was and go straight on set.
    The scruffy cunt.
    Him and Jagger will always be Cosmic Supernova Cunts, for what they did to Brian Jones.
    Hendrix reigns supreme.
    Allen Collins and Gary Rossington were fucking good too.
    Rory Gallagher
    Zal Cleminson
    Les Harvey …. went too soon.
    Norman Barratt …. Check out Gravy Train
    Blackmore
    Page
    Iommi …. just imagine if all his fingers were intact, the most underrated of axemen.
    And many more.
    Woke up this mornin’ …… most of my heroes were dead.
    Get To Fuck.

  29. The Rolling Crohns.

    Keef’s stoma bag flies off and covers fans in shit.

    Full story see page 11.

  30. After 14 albums and over two hundred original compositions on all the major streaming sites, I have to say my all time favourite guitarists would have to be Chas Crane.

    So sad not to see him mentioned but then I am a little biased

    Never mind. I shall make up for my disappointment by banking my latest royalty cheque…………..!

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