I can’t believe it! It’s here, it’s really here at last!
Yes, after what seems like an eternity of waiting, the 21st century’s answer to ‘Evita’ has finally exploded onto our screens…
… and hurled shit in every direction.
Lloyd Webber and Rice might have been able to make something out of the ‘Queen of Hearts’ story in musical terms; it does, after all, have a number of parallels to that of Eva Peron.
But here we have embarrassingly lacklustre tunes and hilariously bad lyrics from David Bryan and Joe DiPietro; no, me neither, but here’s a little sample of their Cole Porter-like genius with words. Get this;
*(paparazzi chase Di through streets) ‘better than Guiness, better than a wank, take some pics, it’s money in the bank!’
*(Di croons to baby Harry) ‘my ginger-haired son, you’ll always be second to none’
Fuck my hat, I’d like to believe that this is meant to be in ironic bad taste, but I see no evidence to suggest that the insight, wit or clever intent is there for that. What might yet prove to be ironic however is that being so gloriously naff, this shithouse effort could actually acquire a cult following and become a real life ‘Springtime for Hitler’. Stranger things have happened.
For myself, all I can say is, where are the Gershwins and Frank Loesser when you need them?
Nominated by: Ron Knee