Like most of us haven’t been away for for eighteen months so booked a week in the sun.
My return flight was early morning so no time for breakfast, bought a chicken pesto and pine nut sandwich at the airport for the flight home.
As we were taxiing down the runway the stewardess informed us that there was a passenger onboard with a severe nut allergy so please don’t open any food we had containing nuts,
Well fuck me one person can starve the rest of the passengers. I’m allergic to screaming fucking kids, large people taking two fucking seats, people in front of me reclining their seats for no reason, people walking up and down the aisle all the fucking time, but I tolerate it.
It seems the minority rule, one person doesn’t like a statue pull it down, doesn’t like a telly programme cancel it, allergic to anything it everyone else’s fault. Well fuck the cunts.
By the way sandwich was fucking lovely.
Nominated by: Elecuntrian
Surely a nut allergy only affects people when they consume nuts – not when they are within a 25 yard radius of nuts.
This is typical of job worthy air stewardesses. When I was on a flight once I was told to switch of my Kindle. I said it was on aeroplane mode and it could not possibly interfere with the aircrafts electronics. Regardless, I still had to switch it of.
Luftwaffe cunts.
16
Elecuntion-you ARE Ricky Gervais and I claim my £5 voucher for series 1 of Afterlife😀👍
7
Thank you
3
Allergy to other cunts eating peanuts? Appears to be a myth:
https://www.aaaai.org/allergist-resources/ask-the-expert/answers/old-ask-the-experts/peanut-air-travel
“The bottom line is that flying with a peanut allergy and being exposed to potential sources of peanut in the cabin is not likely to represent an increased risk to the peanut allergic flier. There is no evidence to support peanut vapor as a cause of reactions or that peanut dust itself circulates and causes reactions. There is evidence that common surfaces on an airplane may have residual peanut contamination, but there is also evidence that this can be readily cleaned with commercial agents that passengers can bring aboard themselves, and that doing such cleaning has been noted to reduce the risk of reporting an in-flight reaction.”
8
‘Peanut vapour”.
I wonder if you can smoke that ?
9
Simple solution. Allergy …..no fly. No Bus. No Train. Fucking walk yer cunt !
7
… if ya got that kinda extreme problem how’s about you just fuck off and don’t make it everyone else’s. Cunt!
10
If you go to countries that haven’t gone woke (Asia) you’ll see loads of fit air hostesses. It’s sort of one of the criteria that you look good (at least). Elsewhere, most of them are now morbidly big-boned or jobsworth flambés.
9
I’ve had to suffer this shite several times now.
Theses cunts should take the slow boat to China, cunts.
Right about the stewardesses. They are turning into fat munters these days. Not the fitties that used to make a long flight bearable. Now the size that is going to reduce everyone’s luggage allowance.
16
Many years ago. I employed someone who, over the space if 3 months, transformed from the eager, polite and hardworking interviewee, into a self entitled cunt.
He has a peanut allergy.
For Christmas, I bought him 10x multi-packs of Marathon bars. All wrapped together.
He got the message 😉
25
Every cunt these days either has an allergy or is a Vegan.
Which they love to broadcast to the world.
What a load of shit.
Ban the fuckers.
Or gas them.
20
Peanut allergists and other attention seekers should be forced to prove their fanciful claims.
A bag of KP nuts and a EPI pen should be standard kit for airlines.
Prove it you bullshitter.
If his head smells up like a pumpkin then-EPI pen.
Great in-flight entertainment too.
17
The reason they got petite air hostesses was because of the limited space inside a plane’s cabin.
In recent times, because of wokeness and a few airlines being too scared to fire staff for putting on 10 stone, we’ve got some right biffas serving the food and drink up.
I think air hostesses should be midgets, but only slim ones (if they exist-they seem to be 40% head, 50% arse and 10% everything else).
10
Korean Airlines has some hot stewardess.
7
… now that’s the airline that had the ‘peanut’ scandal … ain’t it?
2
That’s dwarves you’re thinking of. Midgets’ bodies are in proportion.
You are also Ricky Gervais and I claim my free £5 voucher for The Office boxed set.
5
Ha ha!
Let’s go for the hat trick👍
4
It’s got me thinking has this. Probably not a good thing, as you’ll see.
You see, the added bonus of having midgets as airline hosts/hostesses, is that they could push a low food and drink trolly, about upper shin height for most of us.
Then, you could have an attachment to the midget’s shoulders which forms a wooden platform over the midget’s head. It means you could walk over the top of the midget to get to the bogs/on or off the plane. How convenient is that?!
They’ve got a low centre of gravity and have enormous strength, so could handle folk walking over the top of them, don’t worry.
I’m taking this to those Dragon’s Den cunts (no copying my idea you cunts).
5
You could also have more of them serving at the same time, as people can walk over them all easily to get to the bogs etc
No more waiting 30 minutes for your ready meal. 2 minutes no problem on Air Shortarse.
Fuck off.
3
Give the person so affected a sealed hazmat suit so everyone else can carry on eating nuts. This makes sense as the airline could charge extra fo the suit, win win. Fuck me sometimes I surprise myself.
12
Air travel, peanut mardies, and midget hostesses are all problems that dont have any impact on my life.
So im quite relaxed about it.
7
Nobody dies of allergies these days. They just put “Covid 19” on the death certificate.
Sorted.
Get that jab, cunt.
11
Stick them in the hold with some vegan kibble, water and a bucket.
Though I’m asthmatic I use my puffer if needed and shall. not impose myself upon others unless they’re invading my personal space and smoking menthols, wearing cheap de-ogreant(ie lynx), have terminal wøg breath, wash infrequently or consuming something nasty like durian, haggis or surströming. Thinking about it I’d rather be in the hold with the dogs, they’re much better company than the calvalcade of mongs one finds on planes.
7
If you go to a country where food is in short supply then you will never encounter anyone with any sort of food allergy.
There will be no kids in Africa who are lactose intolerant or claiming to have a peanut allergy.
Just the same as there are no kids in Japanese schools who have ADHT…. Or whatever the fuck it’s called.
6
ADHD. Pay attention for fucks sake.
14
Subtle😀👍
4
Good points Arthur and so true.
2
So what happens if a passenger does a massive potent fart from last night’s chicken bhuna, the aroma of which circulates around the cabin.
Does the vegan passenger with the allergies sitting next to him demand the cunt to be fined or moved further down the plane? Or better still thrown out?
I don’t doubt some people do have genuine reactions/allergies, especially given the huge amount of weird and wonderful E numbers thrown into food these days. But on the flip side you’ll always get the attention seeking cunts pretending they’re allergic and are just desperate to make a fuss when they don’t get their way!
7
Yeah, so many 1st world problems they want us all to cry about. Go to some tropical rain forest and tell some bloke with his arse hanging out of his trousers to stop eating gibbons. They are cuddly and fluffy and have cute faces and mannerisms you nasty little peasant. Oh, and roasting them over an open fire….have you any idea of the carbon emissions and how you are destroying the planet you ignoramus?
The bloke will tell them to go and eat da poo poo, which they probably do anyway. Then they fly home (destroying the planet on the way but don’t worry about that) and start a Save the Gibbon campaign on soshul meeja.
Then they feel so much better about themselves.
Wankers.
12
I like them. Pilgrim’s Progress, Animal Farm. Aesop’s Fables is another one.
I like allegories to read.
2
The Garden of Eden.
4
I have an allergy to cunts, problem is there are so many it’s impossible to avoid them 😂
5
I remember a story from a couple of years ago where when two Jews got the person sitting next to them moved as they weren’t Jewish.
6
Yes, but to be fair, that was Eddie Izzard.
6
Just because I was eating a bacon butty!!
Fuck em
Anne Frankly I didn’t want to sit there.
11
That was Miles Plastic-he has never forgiven them😢
5
Maybe he was wearing full SS regalia at the time?
3
I think if I had the choice of sitting next an orthodox jew or a Mohammaden I would choose the Mohammaden.. At least with the follower of Mohammad even though it might be hatred you would have some reaction/feeling. With the orthodox jew you simply dont exist.
2
On that note I’d rather live in a street full of four bees than peacefuls.
3
I had a girlfriend who was a real cunt when it came to allergies, not more so when we went into a pub or restaurant for a meal.
She would spend ages scanning the menu, checking for this, checking for that. And then when the waitress came along to take our order she’d ask her a shedload of questions, and then insist on saying
“Can I have this, but I don’t want that. But can you add this, but not too close to that!” and “Is that ice cream lactose?” “Is it sugar free” and on and on she went.
And when the food finally arrived, she would first pick at it, inspecting the contents, and sometimes making a fuss with the hard-pressed waitress if something wasn’t quite right!
And after the meal (which I had to pay for) she’d moan about being unwell and blah blah with her boring bullshit, even though I know she was talking bollocks because on quite a few occasions visiting her home she would have semi-skimmed milk in the fridge, frozen chips in the freezer, and an empty McDonald’s cartons in her bin.
Attention-seeking drama queen who’s only real allergic reaction was paying the fucking bill!
8
I think I know that bird Techno.
Did she carry around drinking straws and hand sanitizer in her bag?
And wet wipes obviously.
5
Wet wipes are essential for “clean up”, after car or al fresco action😉
Was she a great fuck, Techno?
I can’t think of any other reason to tolerate the bitch.
🤔
8
The mental ones usually are the best fucks. But they’re not keepers.
2
Was she a decent shag?
2
Just throw any self obsessed Cunt off mid flight.
That was my Christian thought for the day.
Good morning all
6
Last holiday I took was over two years ago to Tenerife.
4 hr flight.
Some cunt also had a peanut allergy and my fucking Marathon ( not snickers you American cunts) stayed in the wrapper.
Suffice to say on trip back after saving my caramel and nut treat for that the same Cunt was on that flight.
I ate the bar
No one died
6
My friends misses has a Brazil but allergy and he loves Brazil nuts. Knowing this is scoffed some at work well away from her. Later that night returned home to give her some ‘baby batter’ as MNC calls it. She then proceeds into anaphylaxis. Not good.
4
When I was at primary school in the late eighties I used to suffer from hayfever, but it wasn’t a common ailment and it didn’t mean being rushed to hospital or being sent home.
One poor kid did get sent home after being stung by about twenty wasps that had build a nest underneath one of the pre-fab huts. his hand looked like a fucking oven mitten.
Being British schoolchildren we simply said ‘Euurghh!’ as his eyes welled with the pain.
5
Hay fever is a mental one. When I hit my early forties (not long ago really) I went to the docs because my eyes puffed up, were watery as fuck and I kept sneezing. Took some blood and then said I had hay fever.
Never had it before. And you know what, it’s only flared up a couple of times since. Weird as fuck.
Can develop it at any time apparently. Surprised me an’ all. But don’t worry, you can have flowers in your garden near my house without me whining.
If they had hay fever, these soft cunts we’ve got nowadays would be telling their neighbours to pave over their fucking gardens.
6
Little dictators of the skies these cunts. I’m allergic to bullshit. When exposed I break out in tourrettes syndrome.
4
Fuck em all attention seeking cunts
Knew someone who made it known on every occasion that they got massive reactions if they ate nuts or was within 3 miles of one
Made some cakes with powered nuts in the recipe she ate them like a good un absolutely no reaction when told the week after she come out with a load of bullshit that the nuts had probably been sterilised before being packed that’s why she had no reaction to them,but it was funny that it wasn’t mentionedagain her nut allergy
Carry on eating nuts and anything else they say that they are allergic to
Fuck em all
4