The Future of News

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NEWS AT TEN – 25th October 2024

BONG!
674 killed and 230 injured in alleged “mental health” bombing attack in Brighton

BONG!
Innocent Man of Colour receives £500k compensation for being called a hurty name

BONG!
Early polls in Britain’s second and proper referendum for re-entering the lovely EU suggests a resounding victory for Remainers after millions of Leavers fail to vote online due to “technical problems”

BONG!
Prime Minister Analeze Dodds of the newly formed Green Liberal Labour Democratic Bandwagon Party, raises direct and indirect taxation by as much as 50% for all white working class people as part of reparations to the Afro-Caribbean, Syrian, Indian, Afghan, Wimminz and LGBTQP+ communities.

BONG!
Incel racist, fascist xenophobe, Tommy Robinson sentenced to 20 years hard labour for owning a banned DVD box-set of “Love Thy Neighbour”

BONG!
49 year old Transsexual Man becomes England’s first person to legally marry an 8 year old Transsexual schoolgirl

BONG!
The Combined British Media Foundation proudly announce the completion of “Britain’s Build Back Better, Revised History & Literature Project” of all classic literature, reference and school text books, films, plays, TV & radio programmes.

Good evening!

674 people were killed and hundreds injured by a undocumented migrant who was told he would not be allowed a 6 bedroom house and £34,750 pa in benefits for him, his wife and 11 children. As a consequence he suffered severe mental anguish and had no other choice but to “upset” as many people as possible.

We are not allowed to show his face, mention his name, age, current address, country of origin or his race. Although he was assisted by a white man named Mike Cunt, 34, married with 2 children, living in Basingstoke at Number 22A, BombandRun Avenue. Here’s a Facebook photo of him waving an England flag without permission…and another… and one of his family.

A spokesthey said “Although nearly 700 people lost their lives, the grieving relatives must understand the poor migrant suffered vicious racism, homophobia and xenophobia by city councillors, who have all now been sentenced to 40 years at White Privilege Correction Centre (formerly Belmarsh Prison). We believe the man will make a full recovery once the mooted £11million compensation has been finalised.”

In other news, a innocent person of colour has received almost £500,000 compensation for being called “black listed”. The man, who was found with £170,000 of heroin and two Uzi 9mm machine guns in his pockets, which were obviously planted by ex-members of the Police Pride Togetherness Community (formerly The Police Force), is still  traumatized……

 

 

(The future of news, coming to a TV near you very soon!)

Nominated by: Technocunt

72 thoughts on “The Future of News”

  2. That’s a great piece of writing, it’s also more prophetic than anything Nostradamus ever wrote.

    On reflection though it’s not hard to predict tomorrows news of you pay attention to today. It’s sadly predictable that wokeness is infectious and people don’t want to stand up and tell the emperor he has no clothes.

    If anything proves agenda is in charge the contract extension for Cressida Dick is it. Failing Londoners every day but enacting the identity driven politics of her paymaster perfectly.

  4. No news is good news, so they say.
    Which is fine by me because it depresses me.
    The worlds fucked and everyone telling me is woke as fuck..
    I had high hopes that GB news would be different,
    And it is, in that the sound is bad, scenery falls over, and guests invited to speak get lost due to technical trouble.
    Its fuckin dreadful.
    And woke as fuck.
    I look at the online news and try and read between the lines nowadays.
    Even the weather is rubbish now!
    It used to be some sex offender in bad knitwear,
    Now its all catalogue models saying how hot its going to be.
    Last time I enjoyed the news it was John Cravens newsround.

    • I just saw on a news article that GMP’s new Chief Constable has vowed to double arrests after years of under-investigating crimes. Your reign of terror as the Stockport Snooper and washing line theft may be coming to an end Miserable.

      • Im not rattled LL.
        Hardly fuckin Colombo after me is it?
        If hes anything like the other top brass he’ll spent most of his time at Pride or investigating hurtful words on twitter.
        I refuse to stop.
        If a man wants to borrow undergarments off washing lines and wear them as a Spiderman mask,
        What harms it doing?
        Same when I get my winky out to the Womens Institute on the moors,
        Its harmless healthy fun.

      • Something tells me he will have his work cut out covering up gangs of kiddie fiddling towelheads to worry about lewd behaviour, Mis. The right to roam and expose oneself is probably covered under the Human Rights Act anyhow.

      • It is a basic right, your spot on.
        Im reaching out for rambling associations, walkers rights groups and the flashing community to do a naked ramble in protest at the infringement of civil liberties.
        Im planning on staging the first in rural Northumbria.

        “We shall overcome
        We shall overcome
        We shall overcome one day…”

      • They can double the arrest rate as much as they fucking like.
        If I was a Fuzzie, I could arrest 20-30 a day without breaking a sweat.
        It’s convictions, custodial sentences & all their proceeds of crime seized I want to see doubled, you dumb cunt!

    • Gb news today did actually question the ‘our number one priority is to protect the nhs’. No one else does.

    • I only read mainstream so I know what I’m SUPPOSED to believe.
      I then poke about all over the place and try to make sense of the world for myself.
      I prefer to form my own opinions rather than letting someone else do it for me. Just in case some group might try to lead me down the garden path!

  5. George Chapman predicted this in 1654
    “The law is an ass”
    Makes all this possible
    Common sense can’t prevail when shit laws are in place

  6. Surely nobody listens to, watches or reads the MSM news anymore? Lies, depressing lies, inane lies. Fuck off. I get my news from this site, the bloke down the road, and RT, obvs. I find these sources are reliable and fact checked to the highest standard.

      • Smug@ the j**gment word Is a trigger word.
        Miserables guide to trigger words.

        It’s not random that word is banned. It’s err complicated… – DA

      • No problem admin.
        You cheered up now?
        Its weekend!!!
        Have a beer🍺

        Oh I intend to once I finish up this project 🙂 – DA

      • He’s/She’s/Theys had me worried too, MNC.

        I’d offer counseling DA, but I’m fucking useless at that sort of thing.

        Don’t let the cunts get you down. The world is full of ’em, self included.

      • You have committed an unspeakable crime Smugcunt. That was the reason-

        You have used his full name Winston Churchill instead of just Churchill.

        ‘The Winston Churchill Memorial Trust has renamed itself The Churchill Fellowship and removed images of the ex-PM from its website’

      • I’m only surprised they didn’t erase Churchill, and put a photo of a silver moon called Winston.

  8. The future of BBC News is here now, for the peering at on their “news” website.

    Everyday, without fail one or two stories at least appear – like this one. It just happens to be today’s waycism complaint – they could have gone with the Chinky girl tennis player, but apparently she isn’t – yet – a big enough victim:

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/58514665

    • That link… Fuck me rigid!!!

      Racism Racism Racism Racism blah blah fucking blah

      I am so seriously fucking pissed off with this shit. And bored as fuck with it all.
      “Oooh my feelings were hurt once and nobody said anyfink waaaaaaahhhhhh”

      Grow a set you cunt.

    • That tennis bird gives me the orn. The one that I believe is part dooshka part bat muncher.

      I bet her arsehole tastes better than most birds’ fannies.

      • A Romanian/Chinese born in Canada, she is as British as they come. The BBC fucking love it of course, a black one would have been better, the ‘British Serena Williams’ bollocks but she will have to do.

      • I pay good money for her sweaty knickers after she’d had a long game in sweltering conditions.

        I’d wear them as a gas mask until I passed out.

  9. I wouldn’t worry too much…as time goes by the constant presentation of the abnormal as normal will seep it’s way into your mind and you’ll stop noticing the absurdity of so many current attitudes.
    I think it’s rather like the reverse of that therapy where they shock The Gays while showing them pictures of ringpieces….The Fruities are far happier when cured…as will the general population be far happier when we stop questioning what our Betters have decided is our future.

    Bend over and enjoy it.

    • Grassed up by a colleague.
      The woke have eyes and ears everywhere.
      Inform on your workmates
      Inform on your family
      Inform on fellow pupils.
      If employed by others youve got to be careful nowadays.
      The most innocuous remark can land you in the dole queue.

    • Eventually people will be afraid to say anything for fear of being accused of wrong speak.

      Anything you say is scanned by the woke cunt gunge and there are untold millions of the cunts waiting to pounce.

      • Eventually? I’m already hearing, in response to questioning the woke onslaught, “Er, well, I don’t want to say….I always go with the majority…”

        Four legs good, two legs behhhhtter.

    • I’m truly fucked then. Every time something goes wrong at work and no one will own up to it, I’ll say ‘it must have been that Indian bloke, Sumkhunt’.

    • The police currently recruit wokies straight out of drama school.
      No surprise any comments of this sort get reported.

  11. A very fine nom Techno

    You forgot to mention the news story that George Floyd had now replaced Jesus Christ as the west’s new lord and saviour.

    Also missing is the story regarding ALL white sportsmen now being accustomed to kneeling in the name of honkey hating politics before events or face lifetime bans, imprisonment and the ruination of their families.
    This kneeling ritual now extends to such sports as Darts, Snooker and Curling, where incidentally, the governing body of the sport was recently banned for life and jailed for 15 years for quipping that they were dropping to one knee long before the death of St George Floyd.

    Fuck off

  12. Sixdog@
    Soon all be like those old criminals in America.
    All whispering out the corner of our mouths and putting our hand over our mouths when talking.😀
    Lifers in the pen!

    • They didn’t have the technology they have now. Now people have smart devices listening to them, facial recognition on the street and soon to be used in supermarkets, the social credit score is coming.

      If ever the phrase ‘sleepwalking into oblivion’ applied better than now I don’t know when.

      The road to hell is paved with good intentions is another saying that’s very apt.

      It’s depressing how detached people are from reality.

      • They have something similar in China, along the lines of being a ‘good citizen’ ie, a CCP robot, you can be marked down for excess alcohol consumption for example and be denied the right to travel. Your score can also affect others around you like work colleagues and their families. Scary shit really, like a cultural revolution for the 21st century.

      • China is the model. China was elevated to bring a world power not by Mao but by globalists who loved its cheap labour but loved its communist state more.

        I’m meant to live green and clean whilst China builds ever more coal power plants. Who’s the one being told they are destroying the planet?

        This shit has been going on for decades and now it’s the end game.

        COVID made in China but financed by the US government. If people applied critical thinking they would ask some big questions.

        I believe COVID deaths world wide are somewhere over two million. 9.6 billion people will die of cancer this year.

        Cancer deaths per 100000 in the UK was 63, in 2018 it was 266. Cancer now effects 1 of every two people on average. No billions thrown at finding out why cancer rates have grown exponentially, truth is they probably know but ain’t telling us.

        Compare the response to COVID. Does it add up?

        https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2021/09/07/what-nipah-virus-and-how-different-covid-explained/5750764001/

        Wait till this shit turns up or the virus that’s just showed up in Africa.

    • Jeezum Priest@

      I wouldn’t worry unnecessarily.
      The admins have a hard job on here.
      Not unlike Nurse Ratchet in ‘One Flew over the cuckoo’s nest’.
      Everyone says that character is a bit of a bitch,
      But image having to care for a collection of loonies, nutters, and assorted head the balls?!
      Draining and stressful.
      I sympathise with the character.
      Must be hard?
      Not unlike our own admins job.
      😀

  15. Don’t worry. The future never arrives. It’s today you have to worry about. Unfortunately, today is just as terrifying as Technocunt’s prediction.

  16. Programmed , and well organized indoctrination by instruments of Government, lapped up by the vacuous and maladjusted fuckwits of all nations.

    Good nom Technocunt, my compliments on the narrative.

  18. A very enjoyable parody of the MSM.

    Then I realised this sort of evil shit is here and getting worse.

    Gas all those cunts and fetch British Pathe News back.

    Fuck off.

  19. This reminds me of the Peter Sellers story about the washed-up luvvie, Warrington Minge, playing in rep in “Tomorrow’s New Yesterday. ”
    Brilliant punchline, I shan’t relate it here.

    Just in case the Triads are reading…

  21. If you haven’t seen Biden’s speech from yesterday you really should…..this is what’s coming our way. No stumbling or confusion here, this is a dictator drunk with power. Everything is for the “good of the people” and if you don’t like that you will be “got out of the way.” It was truly astonishing and even more frightening was the fact that he then spent 90 minutes on the phone to the leader of the CCP.
    Can’t happen here? Bollocks, it’s on its way. If you’re not jabbed you will be unemployed…..all for the “good of the people,” obviously.

  22. My god that is so reflective of the state of the country, almost impossible to distinguish from fact.

    I’ve prepared a list of personal responses for when the wanking woke come after me.

    Q. What about blm?
    A. Fuck em!

    Q. What about LGBTQ?
    A. Fuck off!

    Q. What about channel and peacefuls immigration.
    A. Fuck em!

    Q. What about all the gentle people and diversity.
    A. I’ll let the imported Taliban talk to you about that.

  23. How do we rebel against this avalanche of cookies
    We the ones that know of different times ,are not arsed
    The only ones that can save our thin skinned present, are the young of the future
    They need to revolt so we can join them
    Like a punk era of sorts
    Maybe there underground planning our escape from the borg society that seems to be gaining traction by the week.
    I wonder , or am I allowed ?

  25. Talking of the news, the BBC have always allowed comments on the big cricket stories.

    Apart from a big one today.

    In summary, the final test between England and India at Old Trafford was cancelled less than two hours before it was due to start due to a ‘covid scare’.

    Now, I’m not an anti vax wake up sheeple type, but what a load of bollocks from the Indians. The BBC wont report on it properly, or allow comments on the stories on this (you can guess why!) but here is what happened.

    A few non playing members of the Indian staff tested positive for covid a day or two before the match. No players from England or India tested positive. All players and staff from both teams are ‘double jabbed’.

    The game was allowed to go ahead, but the Indian cricket board canceled their team’s participation at the last minute. Fuck the fans. Why? Well because the (fucking shit) IPL 20/20 starts soon and they don’t want to risk their top players having covid, even though they tested negative and they have no real risk of getting ill anyway (already vaccinated).

    In essence, at the last minute the Indians made their own rules up and the ICC (like FIFA for cricket) are doing fuck all about it.

    And of course, we’ve had the BBC/Sky et all desperately trying to not look ‘racist’ and agreeing with this shit and not allowing comments. Former England captain, Michael Vaughan, went up in my estimations today, by pretty much calling the Indians cunts. Every other cunt pundit has licked India’s arse, the fucking spineless cunts.

    Meanwhile, Kevin Petersen (prick – although I like his work in trying to stop poaching in Africa) has been saying England did the same thing in South Africa a year or so ago so we should all shut up. Of course, nothing to do with him being a big name in the IPL’s coverage (pundit/commentator). Massive difference is that both teams (England and South Africa) had players that tested positive and no cunt was vaccinated, as vaccines hadn’t been rolled out at that time.

    Not the fucking same thing at all then.

    Anyway, rant over but today’s media reaction to the Indians being greedy cheating bastards says it all for me.

    Personally, if I were in charge of English cricket, I’d be saying that we’re not inviting the Indians over again for a long fucking time.

    Not a chance of that though.

  27. Recently Driffield down the road from me has a mural painted on a wall to celebrate the shopkeepers etc who were local heroes during the lockdowns.

    The nazi racists of Yorkshire forgot to add any BAME faces. A few people posted comments saying how lacking in diversity etc it was.

    I don’t think there’s very many ethnics in Driffield yet, it’s still a very English white town on the whole and that really upset some people.

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-humber-58419692

    How dare a town still believe it can have a white English culture in England?

    • “…Others asked why prominent BAME people brought up in the area, such as professional footballer-turned-boxer Curtis Woodhouse, were not included…“

      Because the mural is about local SHOPKEEPERS

  28. As a kid I used to love watching the BBC/ITN News, especially the 9 o’clock news with Richard Baker, Kenneth Kendall and Richard Whitmore on the BBC, and Reggie Bosanquet, Trevor McDonald, Gordon Honeycombe and Sandy Gall on ITN at 10.

    They all carried a certain reassuring gravitas that you could respect with their passive/aggressive authority. But when I think about it now, they’re just the puppets reading out the news that has already been compiled and carefully edited by others.

    Back then we probably believed what they said was 99% true because we had little or no other way of “fact checking”. But thinking about it:perhaps they were bullshitting us as well, giving us the news only they wanted us to hear!

    That said, I still have raging fantasies of taking a young, pert and “innocent” Anna Ford up the headlines!

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