Sharia Law

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s political correspondent Ron Knee reporting. As part of our in-depth analysis of the situation in Afghanistan, we’re going to examine the implications of the imposition of Sharia law in that country. We’re joined, live from Kabul, by Abdul Abdul al-Abdul, Commander of the Faithful and the Taliban’s Chief of Religious Affairs, to assist our analysis”.

“May the putrid droppings of a diseased camel befoul your well, infidel”.

“I’m pleased to speak to you too. Now Commander, perhaps you could begin by briefly explaining what Sharia law actually is”.

“Indeed. Sharia is our legal system, the fundamental religious code which governs all areas of life, including all obligations, routines, and beliefs”.

“Now, could you give an example of how this works in practice? How would it be applied towards homosexuals, for instance?”.

“Bummy boys (snarling and gnashing of teeth) will be immediately dragged before the appropriate religious authority, where, be assured, their case will be treated with scrupulous fairness and impartialiality. Naturally they will be found guilty, promptly gagged and bound, and thrown from a high building. Other deviants, such as nancy boys who dress in girly clothes, and females who like to lick the unmentionable parts of other women, will be treatmented similarly”.

“Crikey. Are all trangressors to be treated as harshly?”.

“Goodness me no. Those found guilty of lesser offences, such as drinking alcohol, coveting a neighbour’s wife or donkey, or listening to the music of sissy boy Justin Bieber will receive mercy, and will merely have a hand severed”.

“That’s most considerate. Now let me come to an issue that’s vexing many people here in…”.

“Yes yes, I know what you will say. You are concerned about the treatment of women and girls. Let me assure that they will be treated with utmost respect under Sharia, as long as they accept their status as chattels of their husbands. It is their duty to stay indoors at all times unless accompanied by a male guardian, in which case they must don the burqa. Naturally they are not permitted to learn reading and writing, must speak only when spoken to, and submit themselves to the bodily urges of their husbands whenever called upon to do so”.

“I’m sure that women will rush to have the honour of becoming a jihadi bride”.

“But of course. It is the natural order of things. I am shortly to be enjoying my own nuptuals to a most alluring creature. The dowery was large; ten goats and sheep, and a Kalashnikov, but she is worth it. A little old at thirteen perhaps, but then I have always admired the more mature female. But enough of this. Alas I must now depart to oversee the burning of a cinema and the destruction of a children’s playpark. Farewell Kaffar, and may a rabid dog piss on your leg”.

“Erm, thank you for that most enlightening conversation. I’m sure that our followers will be reassured to learn that there will be justice and freedom for all in the ‘new’ Afghanistan. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Nominated by – Ron Knee

38 thoughts on “Sharia Law

  1. Sharia law
    LA law
    Murphy’s law
    Dennis law
    Always some cunt forcing their interpretation of the law.
    ‘I am the law” said Judge Dredd.
    Turned out to be that thespian with a speech impediment,
    Sylvester Stallone.
    Long arm of the law,
    Discrimination against the thalidomide community and t.rexs.
    I paid no attention to any of it.
    So hardly going to pay attention to a bunch of fuckin nightie wearing stanleys from Rochdale am I?
    No cunt will.
    We won’t have sharia law in this country because it won’t work and would be the act that broke out British resolve and good graces.
    The cunts keep pushing theyll find out.

  2. At least there aren’t any issues over hate crime 😂

    Women in a Sharia court can never win, the character of the witness is judged by the length of the beard, can’t see the woman’s beard in a Burqa 🤨

    • I once removed the undergarments of a sexy little Italian wimminz, to be confronted by a beard that ZZ Top would be proud to sport 😳

      Mamma-Mia she was hirsute down there!
      Still did, though😉

      • You’re right, they have spectacular bushes (at least they did in maaaah day) and what’s more, maintain them beautifully as well.

  3. It’s OK, we’ll have thousands of Afghan interpreters here to teach us how to obey the way of life they seem desperate to escape.
    Where’s my cyanide capsules…

    • Let’s teach them some tradtional songs.

      Allah save our gracious queen, 🎵
      Long live sharia queen
      Allah save our queen.

      • She’ll be out on her ear, Cap’n, stuck in a room behind closed curtains and told to speak only when spoken to.

      • She will be, Ron. Afterwards, either Ayatollah Khanmeini Sadiq will he installed or Princess Charlotte will be sold off to the Saudi royals as an incubator for the next generation.

    • There seems to be an abundance of “ interpreters”. Wait until thousands of “ interpreters” turn up at Dover demanding free entry. My guess is there will be more Abedi’s and Khasi ‘s of Kalabar than “ interpreters” . What a load of bollox.

      • It is a load of bollocks. One of these ‘interpreters’ made it to the U.K. even though he was on a no fly list. In fairness, they asked him if he would behave and he agreed, so that was that, one house, car and money coming up.
        That Nandy woman was giving her two pence worth on radio four earlier, and she was banging on about those ‘left behind’, making it sound like we had deserted a load of people we had taken there. No, it’s their fucking home, and the Talliban aren’t going to pay a King’s ransom for them to swan around playing Abdul big bollocks.
        Naturally there are people there who don’t want to live in some seventh century backward religious theme park, but we’ve spent billions, twenty years and many lives trying to help these people, but there wasn’t enough fight in enough people to send the Talliban packing.
        Oh, and Nandy also said that now America has turned its back on nation building we should look to Europe for military partners. EU army? Let’s rejoin, we can get slaughtered in the Yemen together…..

    • GJ, death by cyanide is alleged to be unbelievably painful. Better to drift away on an overdose of sleeping tablets. I’m reliably told these can be purchased on the Internet, not that I would condone such things.

      • If you can get food-grade/pure nitrogen, see various elf n safety vids on Youtube. A few survivors said they remember NOTHING, apart from coming round in hospital. A total silent killer.

  4. Sharia law is fundamentally oppressive, anti-free speech, homophobic, racist and sexist.

    Funny how the Wokies aren’t onto it like a ton of bricks.

      • They’ve had some bad press recently, but the ‘new’ Taliban aren’t nearly as bad as the old Taliban. I’ve heard they’re considering altering their black and white flag to include a prominent rainbow stripe. Sharia law could work well in this country. I say give it a try, we can always vote them out of office if it doesn’t work.

      • Sharia has been practised in certain parts of the U.K. for years.
        Even one of the Arch arseholes of Canterbury thought that U.K. law should adopt some Sharia so the peacefuls don’t feel left out. 2050 it will be the fucking law.

  5. Now that the Yankees have gone, they’ve already started fighting amongst themselves.
    The arsehole sniffing at Friday prayers cunts.
    One of Al Qaeda’s top men has already arrived back from our trusty ally, Pakistan.
    The cunts should have been sent back to the Stone Age twenty years ago.
    Fuck off. Abdul.

  6. I’m sure the Afghan scroungers turning up here will be very grateful for the free houses, free health care, free education and free money that will be lavished upon them. But 6 months of watching the BBC will soon show them that they are entitled to so much more.

    • What’s the betting, Fred, that it won’t be all that long before we start to hear reports of drug-running, thieving, sexual assault and so on from cunts who’ve pitched up here as ‘refugees’?. Allah help us if ISIS and their ilk are also sneaking in terrorists.

      • Much more likely that we’ll be hearing about how their children are bullied at school, they suffer raaaay-sism from the mythical “far right” and libtards are crowd funding free people carriers so they can take the whole family to the mosque and avoid the racism on public transport.
        Candle manufacturers are already stepping up production to cope with the inevitable.

  7. That header pic?
    Is it the new Frys Turkish delight ® advert ,Admin?
    Well its worked.
    I want one now.
    A lot of women are better off masked up,
    Like putting a napkin over a dog turd.
    The good bits of Sharia law is

    1)theiving cunt having their hands cut off.
    2) get to throw rocks at Katie Price in the town centre
    3) can eat dates whenever rather than just Christmas
    4) camels are cheaper to run than a car.
    Although suppose I’ll have to stop selling my cartoons to Charlie Hebdo?

    • Did you seriously expect to get paid for that doodle of an elephant trunk hanging out of your flies with the trouser pockets pulled inside out titled “SELF PORTRAIT”?

      Those other cartoons you sent back in June covered in dried on gravy and bits of Yorkshire pudding with the heading “SUNDAY HIKES UP KINDER WITH THE DOG” aren’t really our sort thing either.


      • Oh.
        I thought they were great .
        What about the one of me in my undercrackers getting Di Abbott in a headlock?
        Titled ‘urban Tarzan’.
        Must want that!!

      • I remember it well. The artwork was better and at least that one didn’t smell of stale Robinsons mild or the gents toilets in Merseyway shopping precinct. Again though it just didn’t seem the right topic for us.

        We had assumed the cartoon was a very obese blacked up Michael Heseltine having a brawl with a paraffin lamp from Offerton, and was meant to be exploring a theme of class conflict.

        Next time if you want paying for shit like that, at least put in some effort with speech balloons to make things clearer. Stuff like –
        “but Andwoo, Andwoo, pwease welease me wight now…you’re hurting my wists… we all get a bit dwunk on mojitos once in a while”

      • Dont worry about sparing my feelings or sugaring the medicine Hebdo.
        So that’s it.
        Not got the talent.
        Not going to have a regular strip to match Andy Capp or the perishers.
        Well suppose my old grandad was right,
        “Drawing? Drawings for puffs!”
        So, my hopes are dashed,
        Another dream shattered.
        Just binned my crayons & pencils.
        No point is there?
        With diplomacy like that id of thought those gun toting ragheads that burst in would of been charmed off their feet Hebdo?
        How did you greet them?
        “Oi sinbad! Nobody ordered a curry?

  8. Whilst travelling back from seeing my daughter last week I happened to listen to farming today. A good part of the programme was given over to an interview with a Moslem farmer who was previously an academic. The female interviewer was fulsome in her praise of how this chap produced halal lamb and chicken on his Oxfordshire premises. I couldn’t help but wonder if the woman had ever witnessed the barbaric process. To me, it is another example of how far undesirables have managed to get their feet under the table in this once civilised nation.

    • A reply to myself. Why didn’t the interviewer ask ‘Do your neighbours in their expensive houses ever complain about the screams of animals being tortured to death?’.

      • An academic, Muslim farmer? His cuntiness box-ticking is almost off the charts. All we need is for him to be fat and Irish and we can shout, ‘Bingo’.

  9. Anything in our country that is in any way associated with this pitiful shite should be expunged at once.
    By force as required.

    Alas our country is run by feeble degenerates.

    Fuck Off.

  10. The Yanks spent 20 years and billions of dollars trying to civilise these savages and the whole fucking thing collapsed in a week. Lessons will be learned……like fuck they will.

  11. A thousand years of English common law created all our freedoms. This was given up to the EU with the bollox of “human rights”. Sharia law already exists in this country. The corruption started in 1974. Were fucked, all thanks to the most incompetent and corrupt politicians in our history.

  12. It did make me giggle yesterday when I saw that clip of the Talliban gate crashing that TV studio, and the news reader had to present the news flanked by a load of heavily armed, buck toothed, dead eyed products of incest. The look on those cunts was priceless, I was expecting them to start grunting ‘what are we going to do now’ while shuffling off to stage left, like they did on Spike Milligans’ Q series.

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