Eating hot dogs shorten your life

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Eating hotdogs shorten your life

Yes, a bunch of “experts” from the University of Michigan with nothing better to do with their time, have published a journal declaring among other things that eating a hotdog can shorten your life by “36 minutes” per dog.

In essence what they’re saying is that eating bad food is err… bad for your health, and that we should all eat healthy food!

Well fuck me, I never knew that!

But when you read further into the details, they’re pushing/suggesting/insinuating we should all go veggie/vegan for a healthier life and to save the planet etc etc.

And it still doesn’t explain how truly fat cunts are still alive into their 40s, 50s and 60s if they’ve spent most of their lives pigging out of junk food. Surely they should have died years ago based on their health calculator!?

Next time you have a Full English, you could be looking at anything up to 500 minutes shaved off your lifespan!

(I wonder how many minutes are shaved off your life for a good old solid wank?)

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Nominated by: Technocunt

60 thoughts on “Eating hot dogs shorten your life”

  3. This is what happens when you admit thick cunts into universities and just let them get on with it.

    They have no idea what research entails.

    Instead, they start off with a statement ‘being a vegan is healthier and you will therefore live longer’.
    Then they work backwards from there making sure that everything fits in with the original idea.

    Junk science.
    There was a time when a student would have been thrown out of university for writing shite like this.
    Now their research is published.

  4. Statistics shorten your life.
    You can overdose if you eat more than 3hotdogs within 48hrs.
    Fuck right off.
    It says eating bananas extends your life by 13.5 seconds?
    Bullshit.
    St George Floyd invented the banana butty and look where it got him.

    • And can hotdogs still be used as a sex toy if so toxic?
      Michael Barrymore allegedly has 4 ‘ye olde oak’ hotdogs in his rectal passage at the start of the swimming season,
      Shouldn’t someone warn him?

  5. Fucking load of old bollocks. How the fuck can peanut butter and jam increase your life span, it’s nothing but sugar surely? I wonder if there are any manufacturers of said comestibles anywhere near Michigan who may have paid for this “research”? I wonder if some cunts at the University of Frankfurt might come up with a different result?
    Scientists…….bunch of cunts who are all bought and paid for.

  6. Let me guess these fuckers sell peanut and jelly sandwiches, peanut butter healthy, have you seen that shit being made, it can’t be good for you, jam or jelly, isn’t that 90 percent sugar, bread (usually white) also bad for you and god help you if you put butter on this.
    No thanks I will have a bowl of steam please, if the PB&J sandwich wasn’t at the top of that list it may have been half believable, but no they have gone and fucked it, I would rather eat and drink what I like and live a shorter happier life, any way all my grandparents who grew up on dripping sandwiches, dodgy meat, powdered eggs and milk all lived until their mid 90,s including rashons and a war so sorry not buying it, same as I’m not buying PB&J sandwiches….
    The people who make up this shit really are cunts…

  7. “Eating hot-dogs can shorten your life by 36 minutes”…shorten the Pigs life by considerably more,I’m guessing.

    I’m going for the “Geronimo” full-English fry-up this morning.

    • Yeah, let’s have a good cry about poor little Geronimo. A pity no cunt (no cunt in the media) cares about our goat shagging friends and their vicious halal practices. I’m off to Alan’s Snackbar.

  8. Totally off topic,
    That GBnews is fuckin rubbish.
    Woke as fuck.
    If I wanted the point of view from Islington and Brighton I may as well watch Sly news,
    Least the scenery doesn’t fall down and the sound works.
    Utter shite.

  9. Judging by the diets and physiques of some of the cunts waddling about in sunny Rochdale I’d imagine the majority of them died over 400 years ago.

    What a load of shit.
    Again.

  11. Of course, the yanks are at the forefront of the fight against junk food, obesity and meat consumption. It’s like the Muslim states listening to advice on how not to be anti semitic from Dr Goebbels. Like most of these “academic” papers, they’re barely fit to line the bottom of a bird cage.

    • Joe Biden acting hard on the news.
      Oooh your hard Joe!
      Defending his withdrawal .
      From Afghanistan not a 6yr olds hair.
      Thinks hes fuckin John Wayne or something?
      Daft cunt.

    • Yeah but maybe every hotdog is offset by a peanut butter and jam sarnie. A bit like Fat Reg having a couple of trees planted every time he fucks off somewhere in his private jet.

      • What if one was to put a sausage inside the peanut butter and jam sandwich? Would the unhealthy-ness of it all be somehow cancelled out, making it 100% healthy?

        A bit like putting a fry up on a ryvita?

  13. All of these doom & gloom “research” reports probably take a few more hours off your life due to the sheer bullshit held therein.

    Too much meat, milk, sugar, bread, alcohol, pop, desserts
    Too much time sitting in front of a TV or computer
    Too much time in bed
    Too much time driving and not cycling/walking

    And all because you might die an early death. But I don’t see the government announcing lockdowns for any of these in order to “protect the NHS”

    But no doubt Princess NutJob will insist Boris slaps a “health” tax on all those things that are bad for us, so that we can all go vegan, live longert and save the planet (unless some Taliban terrorist group blows you up first!)

    • No reports of the strokes and heart attacks suffered by joggers, gym-bros lifting weights while standing on medicine balls, middle-class freaks in London flats on their Pelotons, sucking in carbon monoxide from the heating system their landlord hasn’t bothered fixing.

  14. If somebody is stupid enough to eat sodium nitrate, potassium lactate, sodium erythorbate, chicken trimmings, thickening agents, and raw skeletal muscle, give the fat fuckers more of them.

    These are thr sort of thick cunts who need an instruction manual to use a ladder.

  15. Elvis Presley famously loved a PBJ butty and he had banana on it!
    So why isnt the king still with us?
    According to the bollocks above he should have another 40yrs alive?
    Rather than a bloated purple faced corpse sat in the shithouse in 1977.

  16. What they forgot to add was that reading each article saying this or that food will kill you raises ones blood temperature and shortens ones life by a week.

    • Indeed, I saw that farticle on the Express website. Two minutes of my life I won’t be getting back.
      Every week a different story about red wine.

      I am most at risk of a fatal apoplectic fit.
      Bastardveminscum.

  17. Laughing will next on their list – everytime you laugh you knock 12 minutes from your life.

    Then it will be talking. Or more specifically talking about things that go against the narrative. 20 minutes knocked off.

    Then it will be, if you voted Brexit, 10 years will be knocked off

    If you’re white, working class and pay taxes, another 5 years knocked off

    Live in a big city? 10 years off

    Fancy the arse off nude photos of AnalEaze, Phillips, Abbott or Butler? – jump off a fucking cliff and be done!

    There. That’s my “scientific report” submitted. Can I get paid now?

  18. I often wonder who pays for research like this.

    Some nut job gets paid to come to the conclusion that hot dogs shorten a life.

    In a few months time someone else will get paid to come to the conclusion that hot dogs do not shorten a life.

    And then the ‘science’ becomes just a debate.

    If the person who decided that hot dogs were bad for you and had proven scientific evidence to back that up, then why should someone else be paid to do the exact same research which has a different outcome?

    And if the different outcome is more plausible than the first, then does the original ‘scientist’ have to give back their funding?

  19. You have to be a total cunt to take any notice of this type of shit. What kind of freak eats peanut butter and jelly……

  20. I dont eat hotdogs because they are made of shit that pet food companies wont accept.
    I am an old cunt so these brilliant researchers may be on to something.

  21. 42% of Americans are obese. Around 30% of British are obese. Fuck me, the hot dogs are to blame! Simple, ban hot dogs and chiggun (oh, I forgot, chiggun is already off because of Brexit!!) and no more obesity…

    What utter wank. The Danes love their hot dogs and are as fit as fuck. Lovely, wrapped in bacon and smothered with that mustard. Public Health Nazis can fuck off with their ‘keeping everyone safe, bollocks. Whatever happened to being over 18 and responsible for your own shit? Cunts.

    Good morning, everyone.

  23. Eat enough peanut butter and live forever!

    12 peanut butter sandwiches a day gives 6 hours, 42 hours a week, not far off 100 days per year, keep it up for 50 years, that’s 5000 extra days of life 😂

    Always check the ingredients, peanuts can cause allergic reactions 😉

  24. Moreover, what if you develop alleges eating “healthy” food, that could shorten your life, or make your life difficult? Should those people go straight back to an unhealthy diet where there are few allergies?

    The best maxim that trumps all bullshit scientific reports is, “everything in moderation”

    And in any case who fancies living into their 90s and spending all day in a care home, rambling on and on about the good old days, dribbling porridge down your chin, pissing in your pants while watching daytime TV !

    • Techno, I think if I were 90 years old and making a mess of myself, I probably wouldn’t care either way.

  25. I had a hot dog once, at the cinema when I was a kid.

    Never again!

    35 minutes off my life? I can live with that. In fact I welcome it.

  26. These so called studies/research are for comedy value only. Who takes notice of shite like this.
    Some cunt once spent years discovering that you get 17% wetter if you run in the rain rather than walking.
    I’m currently researching trampolining.
    It has its ups and downs.

  27. I think eating everything in the redzone should be encouraged to keep the population levels down.

  29. Eating pussy increases your life:one session of cunnilingus makes wifey happy.
    Happy wife-happy life.

    Shagging her 5+ times a week will make you immortal 👍

    You have not been charged for this important public health information 😀

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