(Nope: the header pic is NOT Diane Abbott on her day off! This is your actual pygmy hippo – Day Admin)
I have a reasonable recollection of a documentary I watched a couple of years ago. I will admit to watching it through to the end as the presenter was quite a cute Australian/Asian girl.
The crux of her film was the tracking down of the rare, possibly endangered, pygmy hippo, I assumed it was under threat and only her intervention would save it.
The programme involved her and her crew traveling over from Australia and spending weeks at a time in the ivory coast. It took place over two years and involved setting up the obligatory camera traps strapped to trees and assembling a rudimentary, humane, animal trap which had to be inspected by a local wildlife expert prior to it being used to ensure it was not going to injure or cause stress to the highly sensitive pygmy hippo.
Over the course of two years she managed to capture, on film, four images of pygmy hippos, two of which were very possibly the same animal.
Not having seen a follow up documentary I can only hope and pray that these three are still alive and even thriving. Or maybe they’re dead. I don’t feel I need to go over all the reasons that all this is fucking nonsense, much like tracking a family of turtles around the south Pacific on board a spy-grade yacht or spending weeks trying to catch a glimpse of a rare bird/insect/reptile and don’t get me started on the fucking panda and the fucking snow leopard.
Leave them alone you interfering lazy cunts and go and do something useful like put the kettle on.
Oh, and Attenborough, watching a group of animals gang up on, chase down, rip apart and devour is neither educational nor entertaining. It’s not the reality of anyone’s life other than those involved.
Nominated by: Keith Hall
Attenborough…. the idiot’s Dr Bellamy.
12
I rather like nature shows as long as they don’t push the climate change, and evolution bullshit. So that means I never watch them any more I guess.
14
Nowt wrong with getting some air to your spuds.
Im proud to be a naturist and will continue to get my cock out in any company.
9
No doubt you used to subscribe to H&E Magazine, MNC ? The esteemed organ of your naturist hobby. Along with National Geographic, Nature and New Cunts.
4
To be sincere MCMM every magazine from ‘Take a break” to ‘True detective’ gets my motor running.
I often cut out the pictures from Chat magazine and cut a slit in mouth of say, Judith Charmers,
And pop my winky in the hole.
Its like dating real celebrities!!
Newsagent hits the fuckin roof.
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The other name for pgymy hippo is a moomin.
Theyre actually a form of fish.
6
There I was firing up the grill with some smokey BBQ sauce and now what? Tin foil with a slice of lemon? Put me right off.
3
Descendant of Whales
It was a question on who wants to be a millionaire
1
Whales are actually part of the slug family.
So a mollusc.
3
Ah your thinking of the Welsh that’s Wales
2
Yes the welsh are classed as molluscs too.
7
Whelks too
0
Looking forward to the MNC Guide to Natural History, and associated book tour with Dickie Dawkins on stage, marveling at your insights.
‘yes, yes, i’d never thought of them as molluscs’.
1
I currently have an infestation of Glis Glis in my loft, which I am trapping and exterminating. David Attenborough and the BBC are welcome to camp in my loft and film them, for a small fee.
4
Edible Doormice.
Roman delicacy 😳
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Edible Doormice.
Roman delicacy 😳
2
I saw a bit of that ‘Spy in the Wild’ TV programme, they have different animatronic creatures that spy and record close up behaviour of monkeys, beavers or whatever. I liked it when the animals twig the interloper and attack the robot, some elephant seal, a massive cunt, annihilated this shitty papier-mache looking attempt from Blue Peter special needs Department after he thought it was looking at a female he was sniffing around.
12
Elephant seals sound remarkably human. Similar scenes can be observed on Camden High Street every evening. Perhaps Attenborough should take his camera there.
7
I cunted that one LL. I’m sure admin can find it, as I found it, but couldn’t share it, as I’m a proper cunt with stuff like that.
4
My favorite animal is the Blonde Beaver followed closely by the Bearded Clam.
9
My favourite animal is the honey badger.
Despite having a name like a American porn actress,
Its hard as fuck!
Grumpy, moody, little cunt thatd disembowel someone for looking at its pint.
Like that lisp of Mike Tyson,
Its deceptive.
7
Didn’t some motorbike racer randomly give himself the nickname “honey badger “?
2
I knew it wasn’t the Flabbott, it’s too small, and lacks the customary swarm of bluebottle around its Sunday face.
5
Yes he looks to clean to be a Flabbot
5
It’s better looking than Flabbot, as well.
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The other give away is that there are no cans of Gin and Tonic around it.
3
Wildlife programs really get on my nerves.
I hate that music they insist on playing to accompany the narrative.
All dramatic one minute, then pan pipes the next.
It’s a documentary not a film you cunts.
14
It’s gets worse as the years pass. Frozen Planet was the last one I bothered with. The ridiculously overblown music. They’re trying to recreate those narrative-driven Disney documentaries from the fifties (including manipulating animals to do what they want). and coming up with unscientific conclusions about animal behaviour.
About as ‘natural’ as Pat Roach playing Buttons in panto.
1
My memory of wildlife programs is that I spent my time being traumatized watching them as a kid.
Lions chasing gazelles, ripping the baby one apart and having blood all over their faces. Then, a lion kills another lion’s cubs and then rapes their mum. All at tea time. I was only seven, for fuck’s sake, but at least I learned about how wild animals lived.
Now, it’s all airy fairy, most ‘hunts’ they show, end with the potential lunch escaping.
And of course, it takes about 12 seconds for the narrator (usually that annoying old overrated gobshite, Dave Attencunt), to say ‘The (insert animal name here) habitat is threatened by climate change’ and turn it into a munch down on Greta’s smelly fanny for 45 minutes.
Fuck off.
And why does Attencunt always get the credit? He does fuck all but read a bit of a script and add ‘wah wah climate change Greta Thundercunt’ shite? The cameramen and researchers, the ones who make the fucking shows, never get a fucking mention.
Fuck the Attencunts. All of them, and the BBC for giving them all careers for life on our dosh. Why? What’s so fucking special?
14
I prefer Simon King in his jeep. He never seems to mention climate change and doesn’t require a fucking orchestra.
2
Wildlife programs get on my tits. Lazy, unimaginative television. It’s been done to death but it’s relatively cheap as the stars of the show, the animals themselves, don’t demand a fee. And the likes of Attenbore calling themselves naturalist’s gets my fucking goat. Now I’ll admit he’s seen more of the natural world than me, but he’s just a television presenter at the end of the day. Murray Walker spent a large chunk of his life around F1, but it didn’t make him a top driver or mechanic, and he never claimed to be. Bill Oddie was another blagger. My old man, who was an avid bird watcher, reckons he was fucking clueless, and he wasn’t the only one. Basically an industry full of Jay Blades like chancers. Fuck em!
9
The ‘Spy in the Wild’ programmes are a load of bollocks.
They disguise a robot camera to look like an animal or a rock and that camera is supposed to film the wildlife.
But there is some cunt there filming the disguised camera.
So why doesn’t he just ditch the robot camera and film the animals instead?
5
Ive always loved natural history shows.
As a kid it was the only sex and bloody violence I could lay my hands on.
But preferred Bellamy with his proper beard and endearing speech impediment to Attenborough.
Attenborough was just to posh.
Id prefer more northern narrators and accents in these shows.
John Noakes (RIP) would of been perfect, Shaun Bean would be ok,
Jimmy Nail better.
To fuckin posh sometimes,
Distracts from the screams of something being eaten alive.
11
I respect Attenborough, however most of his programmes now include lengthy lectures on climate change which spoils it. Maybe he will die in the field and be chased down by a sex starved Galapagos giant tortoise and bummed to death.
12
I don’t think he actually goes in the field LL.
Bet hes never seen a real animal in his fuckin life.
Accept the gerbils in the dormitories at public school.
He just narrates from a leather armchair.
Now, Steve Earwig he was a proper naturalist.
Despite having Down syndrome he overcame his problems to molest snakes, dangle his children as bait for crocodiles,
And died post coitos while tampering with a stingray.
This khaki short wearing icon set the bar.
Lets see Packham & co match that.
11
I don’t. He’s a twat for going along with complete lies (re: the walruses falling off that cliff) and making conclusions that are not supported by evidence (the whale calf dying because of plastic in the milk).
2
I could *cope* with Caroline Langrishe narrating any sex scenes…
3
Maybe once but jeez she’s older than my big sister
1
Chris Packham is a complete spakka.
Irritating lisp, and an apology of a man.
Would like to see a magpie peck his eyes out on Springwatch.
9
Chris Packham did his best to kibosh the HS2 so surely he has uncunted himself in anyone’s book.
8
And a deranged Greta cultist as well.
2
I’d dynamite the fucking lot of them.
6
Re – animal botherers.
I got talking to an Irish bloke about the subject of bestiality.
I said to him, “For instance, would you fuck one of those sheep in that field over there, for say, two hundred quid..?”
He said, “I would, but there would be three conditions. Firstly, no kissing and secondly, nobody must ever find out.”
I said, “That’s fine, what’s the third..?”
He said, “It’ll probably take me until the weekend to get the two hundred quid together”….
11
Dick Emery , used to do a character called Phil O thick
I used to enjoy it JR🤫😂
6
I got talking to a Greek bloke named Con at Salonika.
He showed me a vast olive grove, a bay full of boats, and a estate of houses.
He said he’d planted all the olives, built all the boats and designed all the houses.
“However”, said Con, “do they call me ‘Con the tree planter’? Ohh no
“Do they call me ‘Con the boat builder’? Ohhh noooo
“Do they call me ‘Con the architect?’ Ohh nooooooo….
“…but I fucked just ONE goat.
2
I remember the BBC (Biased Bullshitting Cunts?) showcasing a behind the scenes programme on the music as featured in one of their nature documentaries.
And being the good old BBC, who did they proudly bring in to play the requisite piano section? A classical virtuoso you would assume right? Nope…..this is the BBC as I said so they brought in Dave(!) Yes, that’s Dave the Grime ‘artist’. Woke cunts.
6
If you want nature in the raw you should look up the Komodo Dragon on YouTube. This is an ugly, nasty killing machine that will eat anything with a pulse. There are loads of vids showing them eating their prey alive while they scream in agony. Cute and cuddly they are not.
My favourite is the one where two of the cunts corner a pregnant deer, rip it’s belly open and swallow the foetus. There are lots like that.
Highly recommended, but not for soyboys, gays or trannies.
5
So good to be appreciated.
2
I’ve not see them eating the foetus but i did see footage of one catching and eating a small monkey. To see and hear the monkey dying in its jaws was unsettling.
1
Not exactly vegan then!
0
Sick of reading people wanking themselves off over Attenborough, the posh hypocrite. Any chance of him fucking off soon?
5
David “only professional people should be allowed to vote” Attenborough.
Dead Pool beckons, the waffling old cunt…
6
Elitist buffoon. What’s his profession; ageing deluded, windbag?
2
Didn’t know he’d said that. Can see that he would. Can’t find a link to it. Anyway, what a cunt.
1
Harsh to compare Abbot with a Pygmy Hippo. The Hippo is a delightful little creature and can probably count higher than Diane.
3