Sharks go woke

A leading Australian researcher wants to rename shark attacks to ‘shark encounters’ to stop the negative stereotype.

Presumably the horrible stereotype of being mauled/killed by a shark. If they later want to get injury lawyers to sue people who injure sharks might I suggest the name ‘No fin, no fee’?

Shark Microaggression

Nominated by: LazyBiscuits

61 thoughts on “Sharks go woke

  1. Getting stabbed will be a negative encounter then? Rape will become an unwanted sexual encounter? This comes from the same woke mindset as undocumented citizen.

    Stand against it or live with it.

  2. What comes next, the Ramblers’ Association reporting ‘a negative Fiddler encounter ‘ ?
    Personally, I look forward to .

  3. There are many different sharks, all different sizes, an encounter with one that had a small mouth wouldn’t be of concern, a big shark with no teeth wouldn’t be of concern ffs, something two metres or more with a big mouth full of teeth isn’t a ‘negative encounter’ it’s a fucking pant shitting, I am fucking dead encounter 😂

  4. Just getting the bally and tie wraps ready – it’s Saturday night and I’m going out for an “encounter” with some local gals! 😀
    “What, me officer? Nope, get to t’ Deep in Hull – the felon you search for is swimming shiftily around in there and scoffing the evidential knickers”!
    It will be a hell of a job kneeling for SLM with that nose heavy body and those feeble looking fins though – perhaps they need some instruction from Gareth Southskate?
    Gone too far, off now 🏃‍♂️

    • Gareth fucking cunt Southgate as he is known to his ‘friends’ has stuck his oar into the mess.
      Millions of undecided UK inhabitants have been awaiting this
      empirical advice.
      Doctors, not sure.
      Epidemiologists, let me think!
      NHS nah.
      Sage, hold me back
      Politicians, nope.
      Gareth fucking Southgate.
      Where do I sign. Ffs I couldn’t give a rat’s arse who has it and who doesn’t but wheeling that spunkbubble out.

      Sorry to raise the 💉 again but Southgate ffs

  5. Swimming with dolphins you get a euphoric sense of joy and peace.

    Swimming with sharks would be a different matter.

  6. No doubt being eaten by a shark will be renamed a “positive shark feeding experience.

    Jaws will have to be renamed “Gums” lest people get the wrong impression. In fact, it will have to be remade but this time with the Pathetic Sharks from Viz.

  7. What about the big fat blek landwhale Dianne Abbott? Is she going to be renamed? I dont think you could give the fat cunt any other adjective

    • I still think encounter is a bit negative.
      Consultation is better.
      As in ”chief Brody found the remains of your kid inside the digestive tract of a great white.
      Shed had a consultation at Amityville beach”.
      See?
      Much nicer.

    • No need to apologise, I thought it was an excellent pun myself. But then i’m a bit of a cunt so don’t listen to me.

  8. Ever see a sharks eyes?
    Black.
    Like dolls eyes.
    Get so you think its not alive,
    Until they roll over white…

    Farewell and adieu all you fine Spanish ladies,
    Farewell an adieu all ye ladies of Spain……

    • Were you in the Senior Service¹, MNC? My father was RN on a repair ship during most of WW2. As a direct result, he swore by “Naval Gel”, a de-rusting product commercially available in the 1970s based on a thickened solution of phosphoric acid, although as a boy (at that time) I thought Jenolite was better.

      My brother was also RN, on a County Class destroyer 40 years later, but never quite reached the Sea Shanty/Spanish Ladies stage you clearly did MNC; had the good fortune to be in Civvie Street just before the Falklands conflict.

      ¹ cf Players Medium Navy Cut, which used to be a decent High Street tobacconist alternative to Benson & Hedges yellow box Virginia (25s) or the smoother, but curiously higher-tar Red Tin (20s).
      Senior Service, like Capstan Full Strength were always a dry, oily and slightly bitter cigarette.
      All put into the shade by soft-pack, bright red Xiao Xiong Mao from Yunnan, China.

      • Fraid not CS.
        Just a big fan of cinematic gold ‘JAWS’ and one of the greatest characters in film, Quint the shark hunter.
        Played by Robert Shaw.
        And based on the mannerisms and life of a real shark hunter,
        Frank Mundus.
        Who later went on to be a advocate for the protection of the Great White Shark after witnessing the woeful damage taking out a apex predator in a ecosystem creates.
        I like sharks, they play a vital role in the health of the oceans.
        Although im not keen on pakistanis.

      • Ah, I see. Once again, I fail(ed) to spot the obvious: ’twas merely a reference to the 1975 (motion) picture, rather than a deeper analysis of personal nautical experiences. I really do need to consult my occultist more assiduously.

        I must concede that my own experience of sharks is limited to battery-powered domestic cleaning appliances. They’re not very good. As I once expatiated at some considerable length on isac, you’re better off with a Sebo X4 or Felix.

      • If it helps I use Matey® bubblebath and like Birdeye fishfingers.
        Feel bad now, like ive disillusioned you,
        You thinking im a jolly Jack tar tying reef knots and smelling of Old Spice®.
        Although I danced the hornpipe once ?
        And crewed a rowing boat on Roman Lakes in Marple.
        Vessel sunk all hands lost.

        Rum,sodomy and the lash me hearties!!!

      • CS@ County class destroyers were modern warships at that time, my friend was on Hampshire late 70’s.
        Smaller ships for me. Never heard of the gel but given the weird stuff that went on, not surprising. We used to use blackcurrant essence to get as they say bronzie bronzie.
        Cigarettes and baccy were free. Cigs being blueliners and baccy called pussers tickler. Tickling on the throat
        Pusser a corruption of ships purser ie. anything naval pusser..

    • MNC@ – I told Hooper his hands were too soft but he took no notice!
      The book by Peter Benchley is superb 👍

  9. I was walking along the shoreline when I noticed a bloke getting into some kind of difficulty in the water about thirty yards from the beach.
    He then started yelling, “Shark! help!, shark!, help!.”
    I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn’t gonna help him….

  10. So if I kill a 40 year old person am I just performing an abortion in the 123rd trimester?
    As if repackaging with less graphic language changes reality?

  11. This kind of anthropomorphic wokie nonsense will only encourage idiots to see wild animals as cute and cuddly and “just like us weally, no weally they are.” That will result in more of them getting their stupid cunt heads ripped off.
    I’m all for it.
    Carry on Professor.

  12. I like sharks. Great Whites are an apex predator but they are also prey to Orcas.

    The film 47 meters down was not enjoyable…other than Mandy Moore being in it.

  13. My favorite shark was Hook jaw (Action comic 1970s)
    He wasn’t one bit racist for a shark
    He didn’t give a fuck what colour you were ,but if you fell into his water it didn’t end well.
    He was a cunning shark though as he masterminded the demise of any cunt cunt who tried to kill him, legend was that Hook jaw

    • I remember Hookjaw Mecuntry.
      Proper shark he was,
      Not one of these modern woke,
      Trans sharks you see nowadays.
      Vegan sharks.
      Also remember Mytek the mighty,
      A 100ft robot King Kong gorilla.
      Problem was he was solar powered!
      Alright in west Africa, but fucked on a cloudy day or if on holiday in Blackpool.

      • MNC , sounds like the Myteks wouldn’t be up to much once in this part of the planet
        They’d be far more efficient back in the land that gives them light to charge there weary batteries.

        How’s ever , Hookjaw was a proper shark he took no prisoners
        If you were in a dingy it was lunchtime
        He had heart on the odd occasion, because he sensed no threat
        But when threatened he knew what to do
        He didn’t feel the need to tell you ,he was a Great Shark
        He’d just do what needed doing
        He needs to be reintroduced all around the coastlines

      • Saw a documentary about how Great White shark gather off the coast of New Zealand possibly to mate, they wasn’t sure,
        Just that some of the biggest white sharks gather there at certain times of year.
        Sharkstock.
        This marine biologist,
        Hippy cunt, dreadlocks & barefeet said hed invented a one man submarine to film them.
        It looked like a Aldi shopping trolley with a small motor!
        Asked if it was safe he said he didn’t know as itd never been tested!!
        He got in and set off and straight away 2 large male great whites attacks his submarine,
        Smashing it up and stranded him on the seabed circling him.
        He waited till they got bored and triggered a ejector thing that sent him back to the surface,
        Acted calm as fuck!!?
        Bravest and stupidest thing I ever saw.

      • 😂😂He was probably a mad cunt that got away with it
        I’m glad though that he he didn’t make a big deal of it
        He sounds kind of genuine thrill seeker and not the candy floss type
        I’m sure he shat himself during the experience but cool enough in my book for being brave enough as you said MNC

      • there was one of those cable channels had a series about abalone divers off south Australia, some of those mad bastards used these shopping trolleys.

        One episode they stopped following one of the divers the were following the week before. Why? because in the past few days he got eaten by a great white shark.

  14. I don’t understand how people get done by sharks.
    Surely you’d get back to the boat a bit sharpish as soon as you heard that music….

  15. In other news……….. murder is reclassified as an invasive, aggressive, non-consentual secession of internal bodily functions.

  16. From the shark’s point of view it’s a positive encounter if you are the cunt that becomes dinner.

  17. I’m sat in me deckchair, having me breakfast looking out over the sea. Me and the Hound have been for a walk and there isn’t a shark in sight.
    Jack The Cunter.
    Special maritime reporter.
    Anglesey.
    Good morning.

    • Morning Jack,
      Welsh sharks will be in chapel on a Sunday morning, strict Methodists.
      ‘shark the herald angels sing’…
      Love Angelsey, great place.
      Enjoy!👍

      • Morning, MNC.
        We’ve had a good weekend, thanks.
        Every church is full of sharks !

  18. You could call sharks grinning water pixies or cuddly ocean teddies, you can call a shark attack on a Human an underwater inter species interaction with a negative out come for one of the party’s involved that is not related to gender, physical appearance sexuality race or colour or their inability to take a knee as they no longer have a knee to take. Call a shark attack whatever you like in most cases the attack involves huge fucking razor sharp finely serrated edge teeth, hundreds of pounds of hungry animal and a damm good chance of buying the farm cos your lower body has been eaten.
    Just changing the name? Fuck off, being dragged out the water with a leg missing blood all over the show is always going to be negative . I like Sharks and I leave them well alone.🦈🦈

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