Going to the cinema

Going to the cinema is a cunt.

I see cinemas are to reopen soon. Stick it up your cunt. I have no interest in driving 12 miles, trying to find a parking space, spending £12 on a ticket and £6 on drink and snacks, sat on a sticky, fold up seat, then watching half an hour of cunt adverts and trailers followed by a live action cartoon full of yapping Americans saying ‘My bad!’ And ‘dont go dyin’ on me!’

Then there’s the gormless cunts who turn up and shuffle about finding their seats when the film has started as well as theose on their phones. Then there’s the wage-slave staff who leave the lights up when the feature begins.
None of this has anything to do with woke bollocks; it’s always been shite.

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime

69 thoughts on “Going to the cinema

  1. I remember, many years ago, well before the interwebs, going to a specialist cinema in Amsterdam. Those seats were distinctly sticky I recall.

  2. Satan will be ice skating to work before I ever go to the cinema again! I have a 55″ LG Oled TV with Dolby Atmos that I watch in the comfort of my own home without the inconvenience of ‘other people’!

    Fuck off!

    • Recent advancements in home TV technology have allowed this to happen. Hallelujah, I say. This has certainly made the option of staying in and watching a film much more like being at the pictures, minus the shite.

      Last time I went to the pictures was in 2005. Some wanker was on his phone a couple of rows in front of us – I told him in no uncertain terms to p*ss off out of the cinema if he was going to continue his call.

      I am currently refurbing our lounge – back to bare brick, ceiling down, floor up, new ceiling, sockets, switches, plaster, floor insulation and screed. I have already designed the area where the big fuck-off 75″ OLED unit will hang. Lovely fucking jubbly.

      • Christening it with a “speciality” film, that I understand are freely available from the internet?

        Never seen one myself, most of the dirty bastards on here are addicted, by the time of their posts🤔

      • Absolutely fair play, Paul.

        My last time was probably around 2005 too. My girlfriend and I went for the early bird before 11 AM at the multiplex, because you hardly get any fucker in there to irritate me! I am pretty sure the film was Sin City.

        In we went to a huge empty auditorium. Sat about a third away from the screen, film starts, about five minutes in we hear the swing doors open and a woman appears. Where does she sit? Yes you know it! In the row behind us, dead centre between us, in a completely empty auditorium! After about ten minutes of feeling she was breathing down my neck I turned around and looked at her and said to my girlfriend “you’ve got to be fucking joking”. Five minutes later the woman left, didn’t change seats, left!

        That was the romance between me and the big screen over! As you say the technology now is tremendous. When the screen on this telly goes black, it goes absolutely black, the whole room is darker than Satan’s intentions. Fantastic.

      • Great project Paul. When it’s complete, will you be inviting the neighbors around for the opening?
        ( those of the hedge loving fraternity)

  3. Good nom. I saw some total wank on Netflix the other night. Someone pointed out later how, if I had been paying attention I would have noticed how there were never more than two people together in an indoor scene and that social distancing was being observed. throughout. Film making in the time of Covid. What total and utter cuntery. Fuck off.

  4. So Susan Michie of Sage has let the cat out the bag .Wants face masks and social distancing and for us to permanently change our behaviour for Covid the NHS and the environment.

    • Locked room and hand grenade for all of The SAGE and Onion party.The are a bunch of dictators.Useless Useless.Useless.No use to no one.

    • When you’re that fucking ugly and no one likes you, you make sure everyone else feels the same.

      What a fucking daft commie cunt that no one fucking voted for.

    • What a surprise.

      Vaxxed and still masked.

      These cunts pushing this are complete cunts with some pretty dystopian views.

      Glad I don’t partake in any of it.

      • I pity the dumb cunts who fell for the ‘being ALLOWED to go on holideeeees’ lies. Any cunt with a brain knew the decision lies with the country/ destination government on whether they would accept Brits. Was also a guarantee the liar would wince on the deal and stiff you for a £1750 quarantine stay on return. How many other es must that cunt tell before everyone wakey wakeys?

      • I don’t particularly like the lazy cliche ‘sheep’ but seeing these dopey muzzled holidaymaker cunts herded in the Portuguese airport the other day, I can’t think of a more appropriate word to describe them.
        No, I don’t feel sorry for any of you, you thick desperate cunts.
        If you think a vaccination document and a mask is going to guarantee you any privelige in 2021, then I’m afraid you’ve been done like a kipper.

      • Silly tart – mad as a wagon load of bumholes.

        There is still no conclusive proof that face masks work effectively to prevent the spread of Covid. OK, it may prevent a sneezing person blasting less viruses around them. But this woman is clearly not one for rigorous thought.

        A professor? A professor of cuntitude.

  5. The cinema experience used to be decent. Over the last 10 years it has become a borefest with wank woke films, overpriced everything and the dregs of society as clientele.

    Now post ‘rona who wants to sit with a nappy on your face for two hours or more. What they going to do with people chowing down popcorn..tell them to mask up between mouthfuls? They can poke it.

    • Odeon were rip off cunts before Corona. Why anyone would ensure the same B.C shit with added restrictions & discomfort I do not know. I’d rather stay home and watch reruns of Chips on forces TV channel where I have just discovered the cunts were at it even back then. I notice they portray the spick cunt as the cool guy and whitety cop guy is a square nerdy uncool cunt. Now I realized we why all the kids liked one way more than the other. Mission creep.

  6. “Captainess Wokeheroine takes on evil racist climate polluting gammon whitey – starring Idris Alba, Anne Da Boleyn” etc.
    When will the makers of this utter shite realise that they are alienating 90% of the people who pay their bills?
    Hollywoke can go bankrupt as far as I am concerned.

    • It will be the accountants who are the first to realise that Hollywoke is steering in the wrong direction; they probably already have but convincing the bosses will take time.

  7. Too many woke-pleasing reboots. Fuck all that

    Give me Pearl & Dean, the trolley dolly with the ice cream tubs and Kia-ora, and a quick fondle/finger of the g/f in the backseat in the cheap seats

    Not forgetting those really cheapo ads including some dodgy Indian restaurant “just around the corner from this cinema”

    Marvellous

      • That clip is waaaaaaaaycist. It needs more diversiteeeee applied to it. Pearls are white, and therefore waaaaaaaaycist.

    • My first wife was one of those cinema trolley dollies.
      When we got married, she walked backwards down the aisle flashing a torch.

      • I remember that Big Mal. They would walk backwards as you say. I think that would be at the intermission. At the beginning they were at the front, at each side of of the screen.
        When we used to sneak in we were always trying to avoid their eye. Each of us at holding back so that we weren’t caught. Thinking back I feel sure they would have known but didn’t say anything.

      • Brings back memories – half a dozen of us school kids would chip in for the cost of one ticket and then the volunteer would open the fire door to let the rest of us in. No alarm systems in those days.

      • Those little vanilla ice cream tubs with the little wooden spoons and Minute Maids.

        Ahhhhhh.

  8. Most films nowadays are shite or woke. Anything I think maybe any good it’s thepiratebay for me.
    Last one I watched was ‘The father’. Enjoyed it too having gone through dementia effects with the mother in law.

    As a kid and going to the flicks on a Saturday to watch the shitkickers my mate always sat at the back with one of the older kids and came out the cinema with 5 woodbines.
    That wouldn’t happen today, all the cigarettes have tips on!

  9. Apologies for going off nom but The Reclaim Party and Laurence Fox are holding a free speech public meeting in Batley and Spen – free tickets are available by applying online (just Google Reclaim Party) for anyone local and interested.
    Off now before Admin tell me off! 😀🏃‍♂️

    • Batley & Speak need saving big time. They’ve suffered under the last two squatters who masqueraded as MPs as the constituency went down the pan

  10. If I had a quid for every time I heard someone complaining about the price of cinema food I’d almost have enough for a small popcorn….

  11. Cinemas are for the kiddies.

    Live gigs and theatre are worth making the effort for.
    I used to try and get to a decent concert every week on my 20’s & 30’s.
    Sigh😢

    • Not been in years .
      Used to go every week when the kids were little.
      It was a big treat as a kid .
      But now im not interested in any of the films, dont like sitting with ‘ethnics’ or worse,
      The filthy fuckers serving me popcorn.
      Its cramped, too hot, noisy as fuck, and just doesn’t appeal.
      Best film I ever saw at the pictures was jungle Book when I was a nipper.
      Hard to get that excited now.

      • Same for gigs.
        Unless its in a small venue or pub im not interested.
        That M.E.N arena is shite.
        Soulless.
        And hate placcy pintpots.
        Never go again.

  12. I last went to the flicks about twenty years ago, can’t remember what it was.
    All moronic comic book type stuff now, or woke shite.

  13. Cinemas will cease to exist (for the most part) within a few years.

    £10 to watch 30-40 minutes of ads followed by another anti-white male ‘superhero’ film. They’ll also turn the heating right up so you’ll be wanting a cold drink. “That’ll be £5 please. Peckish? How about this popcorn which cost us 10p? You can have it for £7.”

    Even then, to you’ll have to get up to let other people into and out of the row of seats. Some cunt will be talking on the phone or not putting it on mute. A kid behind will be kicking the back of your chair. A bloke about 7 foot tall will then sit right in front of you.

    And the film will be another pile of woke childish bollocks.

    Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

    IPTV, torrents, big telly, get to fuck.

  14. Star Wars as a kid was excellent in the pictures.
    The last time I went it was full of efnics,thick cunts on their phones and some silly twat who kept kicking my seat.
    I had to learn him right.
    Filthy shitholes.

    • I remember that – Summer 1977 school summer holiday – a queue snaking right around the old Odeon building in Southend. Pissed down with rain that day if I remember. I think it was around the same time as Elvis croaked.

      • I still have my commemorative coin but the mug was mullered years back. I also still have the school class photo from the day.

  15. They were good in the days before streaming and when films too at least 9 months to go to rental and even longer for TV. Pointless now.

    • Took over 5 years for Star Wars and Close Encounters of the third kind to go from cinema to TV.

      Now? A few months and a new film is on Sky/torrents etc.

      Pointless like you say.

  16. Why is it that when you go to the cinema and ask for a Coke and Popcorn you get a fucking gallon of coke and enough popcorn to feed Mugumbi and his African family for a year ?
    Modern cinema is shite anyway .
    And Mark Kermode is a Fucking shite encrusted bog brush.

    • You are a tad harsh on Mr Kernode, Fenton.

      He has just tweeted about a film that has recently been released called The Nobody and has suggested it is the best film out at the moment. It does look pretty good; will need to see if I can get a copy from somewhere.

    • I remember when you could smoke at the foot. On a cold clear afternoon at half time the stadium would fiĺl up with blue smoke

      • I don’t smoke but I like the smell of cigarette smoke outside, particularly on a cold day, as it always reminds me of standing on the terraces back in the ’90’s.

  17. Last time I went to the cinima it was to take my youngest to see the latest Batman and some cunt brought a fucking baby that screamed the place down for 2 hours.
    Time before a couple who would shut the fuck up, then you have the cunt that loudly slurps his drink or constantly crumple his crisp packet… I fucking hate the cinima…..

  18. Haven’t been to the pictures since they banned smoking. Back then it was one screen with a bint coming round during the interval serving choc ices.

  19. Last film I went to see was ‘Sorry We Missed You’ by Ken Loach.

    Me and the Mrs had practically the place to ourselves.
    Some will think that that isn’t really a surprise because Loach is a socialist cunt.
    We both thoroughly enjoyed it though.
    Kes and Raining Stones are absolute classics.

    Having said that, I agree generally with most of the sentiment regarding the absolutely retarded wokery that is busy devouring the hand that feeds it.

  20. The pictures has never been the same since they stopped playing the National Anthem at the end of the film.

    There was no sneaking out before it finished either.
    Any attempt to do so would result in sneering by your elders.

    When did the pictures become such a rip-off i wonder? I can remember when me and my brother used to get in for 2/6d, and still had change to spare.

    What is with these cunts who insist on calling it ‘The Movies’? Cunts.

  21. Gave up with the pictures in the early 2000s, I got tired of paying through the nose to sit in a crowd of fuckwits who’d rather talk to each other than watch the bloody film.

    I would only ever consider setting foot in a cinema again if either of these conditions are met

    1. It’s run by the people behind the Talking Pictures tv channel.

    2. It’s run by the people behind the Rarelust movies website.

  22. Golden years were the 70s. Cinema opposite the pub. Pubs shut in the afternoon then. Straight out aforementioned pub, films, back in pub. Clouds of smoke rises through the film, belching, farting, snoring. Kids of today……

  23. I became fed up with the Cinema back in the early 2000’s. Apart from the fact that films worth watching were becoming increasingly rare, the overall experience was just too uncomfortable and annoying: not enough leg room, uncomfortable seats making your arse-cheeks ache, people nattering away during the film, the annoying fucking surround-sound-like rustling of crisp and sweet packets, the stench of popcorn and general body odours, some fucker in front with their head blocking part of the screen, another behind kicking the back of your seat, someone to your right resting their arm on the arm rest and encroaching on your personal space. Can’t get up and go for a piss without missing some of the film and having to disturb some other fucker(s) so you can get past them to get there; being disturbed by some other fucker who’s trying to go for a piss;

    At home you can watch an old classic on a large-screen, with a state of the art cinema-like-surround-sound-system, at your leisure, in peace and quiet and while enjoying a few whiskeys. It’s no contest and is why I’ve only been to the cinema a couple of times in well over a decade.

    Yes, the Cinema is indeed a massive cunt.

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