Gareth Wild – A Skoda Cunt

Life on the (Gareth) Wild Side.

Is there anything more boring or pointless than this cunt’s “achievement”?

He has taken 6 years to park in every space of his local supermarket car park. Over 200. In his Skoda. Now 20 years ago the fact that he drove this make of car would have been enough to condemn him as a cunt. (Admission: I once owned a Red Rapid Coupe which was a stylish little car. A poor man’s Porsche. Or Porch to quote one of the old Skoda jokes. The cabriolet version being a skip)

I mean honestly. He could have done it on a quiet afternoon but no he took 6 years. What sort of lack of imagination do you need to perform such a task and think it in any way interesting?

He must be a libdem voter. Goes to Margate every year for his holidays. Watches every episode of Emmerdale. Wears marigold gloves to do the washing up. Washes his wheely bin every week. Listens to Radio 2. Thinks Graham Norton and Rylan Clark are terribly amusing.


Nominated by: Lord Helpuss

67 thoughts on “Gareth Wild – A Skoda Cunt

  1. I admire his perseverance and impressive organisation. Shame it’s not harnessed to some useful end, like extensively cataloguing every cunt in the UK, cross referenced by their defining cuntish characteristics, graded, cross referenced to a map and listed by year of birth. That would be a monumental work of scholarship in cunt studies, although I fear it would run into a few hundred volumes.

    I think he’s just a harmless British eccentric. What would the UK be without a few of those?

    • If you’ve ever read ‘Viz’, he does indeed look like Terry Fuckwit.

      What is it with these fucking cunts ? Not long ago there was some ponce who’d had a coffee in ever branch of Costa Lotta, or some such wank. These fuckers have been priced out of stamp collecting by Royal Mail, so I guess they had to find something to do.

      If I was a hitman, I’d give their wives a business card… & a discount..

  2. Fucking hell! This sack of shit needs a hobby. How about collecting Harry and Meghan wedding tea towels? That should take up six years easy. I hope Mr Saddo here doesn’t accidentally tune in to “Strictly Cunts Dancing.” The poor sap might get over excited and have a heart attack. What would we do without this fuckwit’s contribution to the font of human knowledge?

  3. Hipster beard. Check.
    Hipster haircut. Check.
    Hipster chunky jumper. check.
    Hipster woollen greatcoat, probably from charity shop. Check.
    Probably bores his like minded hipster friends dead with his talk of car parks whist all they want to discuss is craft beer.
    Cunt. Check.

    Graham Norton and his replacement Wryland are indeed utter cunts.

  4. Everyone needs a hobby, but this one seems especially pointless. I think I’d stick to dogging, except the arthritis makes it impossible.

  5. Hitler invaded Czechoslovakia for the Skoda works. If it’s good enough for him, Skoda’s good enough for me.

    • I agree my fellow Lordi re. Like I said in the nom I owned one back in the day when kids laughed at them. I remember my then next door neighbour proudly showing off his new BL Maestro with its stupid talking computer gimmick and thinking he was superior. Skodas were always good value charactful cars if a little rough round the edges and certainly the best from the eastern block. Today of course they are VW clones.

    • no he did not, Czechoslovakia did not exist until after the second world war!
      he invaded the czech republic!

  6. I like him…I have done something similar but in my case it is trying to park over as many “Mother and Children” bays as I can…a surprising amount if you’re in a big 4×4 and have a horse-box behind.

    Let the tarts and their offspring walk…the exercise’ll help the female get some snap back in her nether regions for her man (unless he’s a Dark-Key and has fucked off,of course) and also get some of the blubber off her obese,mewling brats…..I bet the fuckers have no problem walking the distance to the child-benefit office so a little stroll across a fucking car-park shouldn’t be a problem.

    • Im not sure what Gareths accomplished, dont think id even notice which bays id parked in?
      The other week I parked at a Aldi, my van takes up a few bays,
      And was a gap in the vehicles just right!
      As I went to pull in, a little car flew right into the middle!
      I angrily beeped the rude cunt and as they got out it was a chinky woman.
      I told her patiently that it was the only spot on the car park I could fit whereas she could park elsewhere, and to fuckin shift her car.
      Not content with spreading a coronavirus plague they want our parking spots.
      Gareth would of been loved it.

      • You should have kicked her in her sideways cunt and claimed that she was trying to eat your dog.


      • Morning Dick👍
        It seemed rude but think it was just thoughtlessness?
        Ive noticed our insect overlords are terrible drivers!
        Are they eligible for a disability badge due to impairedl vision what with having eyes like pissflaps?

      • The Ching-Chong piloting that tank in Tiananmen Square was certainly a poor driver… imagine being thrown off yer target by a couple of side-steps !…I’d have flattened that fucking Student no bother if I was behind the controls.

      • You have been listening to the “Love Hour on Sunday”.

        Tune in at the same time next week when Dick & Mis visit Bradford’s mosque-with bacon sandwiches and beer.

        And now the weather: it’s shit…..

    • “I like him…I have done something similar but in my case it is trying to park over as many “Mother and Children” bays as I can.”

      Yes, Dick but you’re supposed to wait until the bloody bay is empty!

  7. If he had done it in a Churchill main battle tank I would have found it somewhat amusing.

  8. Am surprised the sainsburys Nazis allowed him anywhere near their turf given that he wasn’t a BAME!

  9. Another interesting hobby (though a smelly one) would be to collect AnalEase’s piss stained bloomers – but you’d better be quick if it appeals – it looks as if the Dame is just on the verge of sacking her – he has discovered – too late – the “Anne Boleyn” look doesn’t cut the mustard today.

    • Angela Rayner’s been given the heave-ho.

      Would you consider mapping and cataloguing her trail of used condoms and discraded pregnancy tests as an alternative to AnalEase’s bloomers? It would be a valuable contribution to cunt studies. Certainly more useful than Gareth’s work on the Sainsbury’s car park.

      • Morning Ruff👍
        Labour chief strategist and visionary Diane Abbot on Sophie Ridge at moment
        Asked about Hartlepool and a kicking in the polls,
        Diane said ” in some ways its dissapointing”….😀😀
        Oh and I think she had her wig on back to front.

      • Is that what it was? I thought we indoors has Planet Of The Apes on!

        “Ape NOT sack Ape!”

      • Great idea – we all need to find different things. If anyone goes for Angie and AnalEase, as a third option, how about Jess Phillip’s jockstraps?.

        Regarding the Rayner sacking to be fair – it wasn’t her that coordinated these elections, it was stated on the BBC yesterday that Peter Mandelson had “advised” the leadership . The old queen who can crawl under a snakes belly with a top hat on – I wonder when desperate Labour will realise that boring old fart is a vote loser?. Brown bought him back in 2010, gave him a title and felt sure it was a winner – it wasn’t. Now Dame Keir. Perhaps they will at last realise the truth of that old song Nobody Loves A Fairy When She’s Forty (they want their bit of magic from a younger bit of stuff).

        I think there is nothing more sickening than to hear Blair, Starmer and Mandy going on about “rich greedy Tories” when you know how that trio will crawl to anything with money and a title.

      • Morning Miserable. 👍

        Is she wearing two left shoes? It’s recording so I’ll check it out later.

      • Wig on back to front, two left shoes, swigging a can of alcohol on the bus. What a mess Flabott is.

        (Admit it, you’d love to eat her out! – DA)

      • No DA. I have my standards. Not very high admittedly. But I wouldn’t sink as low as that. Anyway, I suddenly feel queasy

      • On Wednesday, Starmer was saying he would consider himself personally responsible for any labour defeat. So what does he do? Sack Rayner. So much for personal responsibility. Flabott has been speaking to the media on how the Labour Party should return to the hard left policies of the Corbyn era, saying they were popular with voters. So popular in fact that they gave them their worst defeat in living memory.
        She’s a keeper as they say…..

  10. My Lordship helpuss he is guilty of being a boring cunt with a beard (yuk). But the fucking idiot cunts that presented this as news are bigger, far far bigger cunts.

    • As a fellow bearded boring cunt I resent that comment!

  11. Wonder what other interesting achievements Gareth has?
    We may see this as trivial but Gareth stood in the carpark arms aloft like Rocky on the Philadelphia steps eye of the tiger blaring from his shitty Skoda radio.
    Wonder if he’ll bring a book out?

    • Perhaps he drove his motor around a full circuit of the M25 before parking at his local supermarket.

      Silly hipster cunt.

  12. There was a cunt in the past that took a video from his car whilst driving the entire M25.
    No dialogue, just the video which was hours long.
    Not content with the cuntishness achieved he then took another video of himself driving the same M25 in the opposite direction.
    Mr Wild needs to up his game.
    Perhaps if he parked in every bay at Heathrow Airport he too may elevate himself from a mere cunt to the super title of ‘dry lunch cunt’.

  13. I note he used 3 cars, which seems to me to lessen the achievement somewhat. Additionally, one of the cars was a Ford Puma. I used to have one of those, so now I’m deeply concerned that I may be a hipster. One of the beardless ones.

  14. Shit like this is always laughable.

    Its like, do you know theres a world tiddlywinks champion somewhere out there?

    I genuinely dont think that there could possibly be another person out there who gives a fuck that he parked a skoda.

    Shame I cant post the alan partridge shrug gif on here

  15. On the subject of carparks I’ve never been able to understand why, 50+ years after putting men on the moon, parking machines state No Change Given.

    That cunt would have been better served sorting that issue out.
    I have to use the exact coinage from the kids moneybox each time.

    • Dont get me started. When I lived in Hillingdon the council had managed to install smart card readers on every machine for resident discounts but absolutely zero pay by card or phone facility. Fucking absurd

      • You have my sympathy mate. Over the past twenty years the cunts in power in London have spared no effort to make life miserable for anyone who has the temerity to drive in London. Apart from the perverse parking restrictions I’m reminded of when Mad Ken ran 60 feet long “bendy-buses” in places like Islington High Street. The congestion it caused beggared belief.

  16. What a fucking knob and even bigger knobs are the cunts who think it’s worth reporting.


    • Come on, it is infinitely more interesting than Scottish independence……

      • I’d second that. How many referendums do they want anyway? Maybe they just want to keep repeating, over and over again, until they get the end result they want. AKA EU tactics.

        Meanwhile, here’s some Skoda jokes:

        1. How do you double the price of a skoda?
        Fill up the tank

        2. Why do skodas have heated rear windscreens?
        To keep your hands warm while you’re pushing it.

        3. Have you got a wing mirror for a skoda?
        Okay, seems like a fair swap.

        4. What do you call a skoda driver who say’s he has a speeding ticket ?
        A Dreamer

        5. How do you double the value of a skoda?
        Chuck a penny in it.

        6. What do you call a Skoda with a sun roof ?
        A skip

        7. Ive just bought the new 16 valve Skoda …….4 in the engine, 12 in the radio! (If you understand this and you’re under 40 then you need to get out more)

        8. What do you call a Skoda at the the top of a hill ?
        A miracle.

        9. How do you overtake a Skoda ?

        12. What is the difference between a school and a Skoda?
        Schools breaks up and a Skoda breaks down

        13. Why is a skoda and a baby similar?
        Neither go anywhere without a rattle

        14. Why did the skoda cross the road?
        It was supposed to be going along it but the steering failed

        15. What do you call a Skoda with a really long radio aerial?
        A bumper car

        16. What colour shall i get my skoda in?
        It doesn’t matter, it’ll go brown through rust after a week.

        17. How do you make a policeman laugh?
        Tell him your skoda just got nicked

        18. I bought the top spec skoda, this one came with an engine.

        19. Tom: ‘I was gonna buy a passat but I bought a mondeo instead’
        Harry: ‘I was gonna buy a skoda but i bought a pushbike instead’

        20. How do you make a skoda more sporty?
        Wear adidas trainers while driving it.

      • Yes, well…

        You have to be of a certain age even to comprehend the concept of a Skoda joke. My stepson has a Citigo and was blissfully unaware that Skodas were ever the object of derision. I think it started to change with the launch of the Favorit in 1990 and the scorn faded further with each successive model.

        As always, it was a device to make blokes with very ordinary cars feel superior.

      • Lord Helpuss, I think you’ll find that Audi/Volkswagen fixed Skoda (within a remarkably short time) following the take-over.

      • They did argue you are right.

        I was just making the point that Skodas were never bad enough to deserve the stick they got from 2nd rate comedians and lazy motoring journalists. They were an easy target but incredibly good in the ice and snow with the rear engine/rear drive layout.

        I now drive a Jaaag but I’m not a badge snob. I’m just a rakish rogue of the road. Like a lift ladies?

  17. Tbh. this is just typical of the new benchmark for fame and achievement these days.

    No doubt he’ll be invited to Britain’s Got Talent, for a similar achievement of relatively harmless but equally pointless hobby that will drive social media into meltdown,

    • It reminds me of Ricky Gervais in afterlife when he visits the kid who can play with a recorder in each nostril for the local paper

  18. Watching some of the idiots trying to park at my local supermarket, I’m not surprised it took him six years if he is of the same standard. Some of the imbeciles I’ve seen must have gone through at least 3 cars themselves as they end up writing the fuckers off.
    Helpful hint…Try driving a car who’s size matches your driving abilities. You cunts!

    • I wonder how many toy pedal cars that would put on the road? They probably don’t need a licence either, which is just as well as I reckon a good half of the drivers in Leicester don’t have one anyway.

      • Moggie, you should try the East End at school-chucking-out time during the week. Most of the drivers with the sun tans are barely able to move the vehicle along the road. I’d give them full marks for persistence though.

  19. Looks like every other hipster bearded cunt, and seems as interesting too.

  20. If he’d been playing this game in Cornwall he’d be a very poor man by now.

  21. More details please. Did he reverse park or have the car facing to the front or back of the spaces? For fuck’s sake what a total minging cunt!

    • My first car was a Nissan Sunny Coupé. It was white. I just thought you’d want to know that.

      • They were a good motor Allan. I had one and it had levers on the central armrest which opened the rear windows manually. Cool. I upgraded to a 200SX turbo. Boy that could shift.

  22. Obviously a victim of the “elf”.

    Soon to be Labour Party advisor on transport.

    • Yeah, imagine the bragging rights in the pubs now they are reopening. The ladies will be lining up to strike his beard.

  23. I find myself to be a magnet to this kind of person, I am surprised to learn of his achievement from the internet and not first hand.
    I recently met a cunt who is undertaking a similar project “How many disabled bays can you occupy with one car” and I look forward to their revelations.
    They seemed to think that the more disabled stickers they have on their car gave them bragging rights on more spaces.

  24. What do you call an open-top Skoda?
    A Skip.

    Many apologies if I’ve repeated something from earlier in the thread. I am having a late-middle aged cunt day.

  25. I have parked in every space on my driveway.

    I suppose that celebration of this feat makes me a cunt.


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