Estate Agents [2]

Estate agents are cunts!

Now I know everybody knows this already but if you’ve had any interaction with them lately you will have no doubt found they have turned into the biggest cunts ever!

For more than a couple of decades I have been planning an early retirement in Devon or Cornwall, having been down there many times on holidays and in later years with in-laws living there it seems ideal. I started looking seriously in 2018, but then of course not long after that Batflu reared its ugly head so I put it on hold! Now because of said batflu and with the rise of people househunting in the West Country as a laughable means of escaping it, estate agents in that area can afford to be surly, uppity and arrogant, you may well even be greeted halfway through a telephone call with them by an audible huff, as if even as a serious cash buyer you are wasting their now valuabe time by daring to ask, “can I just simply buy it and pay full price?”.

It is sad to say but I believe those words spoken in earnest all those years ago have now come true but I will leave it to my fellow cunters to make their own minds up….”In 15 or 20 years the estate agent will have the whiphand over the buyer”. Yes some of us laughed, even mocked those words, but now sadly, here we are!

I long for those glorious days not so far back where an estate agent would happily let you view a property, call you sir and give you a shoe shine on the way in if it would help them make a sale! Even now they are still serfs and oiks, every last one of them!

Fuck off!

Nominated by: TheBestRevengeIsLivingWell

31 thoughts on “Estate Agents [2]

  1. Yup. Here in The States the housing market is red hot and agents are enjoying a bonanza. This makes them uppity and arrogant. TV shows that follow agents who deal with high end properties don’t help as they are all cunts and seem proud to be so. We’ll see them groveling when the housing bubble pops.

  2. I have an old school-friend ( and rugby-club member) who is an Estate Agent. Over the years he has provided me with several helpful valuations that have saved me a fair few Pounds.

    He is an unspeakable Cunt though.

    • Will Fiddler Towers ever be sold Dick? Miserable has mentioned about inheriting it when you sadly pass on, if so hopefully he will keep the portcullis and not replace it with an artisan Country cream gate.

      • How can Miserable inherit? It was me knocking around Stockport in the late 60s early 70s. As the son I never wanted he is due my vast debts.

      • The bugger was bare-faced enough (along with Jack) to admit to being a rambler this morning. The thought of The Towers being reduced to some working-class,Gay hostel is intolerable.
        The Hounds will inherit.


      • Afternoon Fiddler, CC.

        I would have thought the rambler in the gibbet would have put the fear of God into them over any ideas of trespassing.

      • I was past the gibbet at Elsdon the other day…I’m genuinely surprised that some incomer hasn’t demanded that it be removed because it’s causing them mental-stress.

  3. I think that the fucking lawyers who handle Conveyancing are even bigger cunts! Lady G and myself moved from Derbyshire to Cornwall in January and were ready to murder our purchasers’ lawyers as well as our own. Both sets of solicitors were lazy, inefficient and seemingly uninterested in doing a half decent job.

  4. These cunts do very little for their money. Take a few photos, write a non binding description and list your property on one of the major sites.

    They have always been cunts. If your a cash buyer and the estate agent is a cunt I don’t see a problem contacting the vendor directly. “I was ready to offer you the asking price but your estate agent didn’t seem very interested in selling your house for you.”

    • I do enjoy the fish lens photos that portray a 70sqft living room as a 300sqft one, with outrageous distortion on objects that really shouldn’t be oval or trapezoid.

      Then the cherry on top is the description that makes it seem like you’re purchasing on Park Lane.

      Property in this country is a joke compared to the rest of europe. Just give me the keys and knock off a zero you cunts!

    • “Contact the vendor directly” Coincidently exactly the course of action I told the last surly, nasal monotoned, estate agent cunt I was going to do (by letter) however realistically it is a he said she said scenareo and I suspect the estate agent would just claim sour grapes on my part, I know I would if our roles were reversed, lol.

      I also reminded him that estate agents are legally obliged to pass all offers on to the seller, right up until the contract is signed. As far as I am aware this is actually true. Whether they do not is anyone’s business!

      I am viewing a property the middle of next week and I have a different strategy planned. As luck would have it this property seems far more suitable anyway regarding quite a bit of land for expansion and outbuildings. If it works out all well and good and if not, I guess there’ll always be another one.

      Until I have dealings with one that isn’t, if ever, I stand by all estate agents cunts though!

    • Why the fuck wouldn’t an Estate Agent want to sell your house for you? They only make commission on the properties they sell. The advertising etc is at their own cost. Have you no idea how the business works?

      • Advertising etc is that the own cost? And how much exactly do you reckon that is…A photo in their window and some photographs on their own website, I calculate that as being the square root of next to fuck all!

        Because there is a housing boom in the West Country I think I know how the business works very well, For the most part it is done on bungs to the estate agent so someone gets the property they want at any cost. Another avenue is the estate agent becomes very lazy when the house reaches the price the seller is asking and is reluctant to waste their time giving any more viewings when the properties are coming in faster than they can sell them.

        Have you any idea how any business works when the supply is faster than the retail?

      • Jack the Ripper was my great-grandfather. Not a lot of people know that…

    • Ive always found estate agents to be helpful friendly people that respond well to my charm,
      People skills and alpha male masculinity.

      • I have always found estate agents to be duplicitous cunts who lie through their teeth and would whore out their own mother for a couple of quid commission.

        I have a wonderful memory of threatening to stick my car through one estate agent’s window unless they returned my deposit on a rented house.

        It took three months and the agent was always ‘out of the office’, ‘with a client’ or ‘on another call’.

        He became immediately available as the back of the trusty company Mondeo was heading towards his high street window of false promises and lies.

      • Correct. Estate agents will be as nice as pie if they are trying to sell something in the poorer parts of the country. If business is brisk and they can pick and choose the buyer they can act how they like!

  5. The good news is, if you are selling, there’s no need to pay greedy estate agents commission now. You can put your property on Rightmove completely free of charge. And let’s be fair, it’s Rightmove that sells houses in the UK.

    Even better news is, if you buy from a direct seller, you might get to deal with them direct and cut out the fuckwits👍

    Last time I moved the cheapest in to Rightmove was £400. I might have saved myself £1,000s in commission but I thought £400 was a bit rich when you can put a car on Auto Trader for £35. The saving grace was I sold for £20k more than the greedy estate agents valued at (and it was great fun telling them that)😁

  6. I hate to say it, but a lacklustre person with lack of personal skills and a cheap suit, who just shows someone house that are possibly matching 40% of what they are looking for qualifies as an estate agent now. “You want a house with three bedrooms? I have a two bedroom house you maybe interested in” The most gormless estate agent is the one who not only did not recognise me from 5 years before, but also thought we could bond over the fact we had the same alarm clock. Bunch of parasites. Fuck em

  7. Good nomination 👍

    Whilst enquiring about properties this year, amongst other things, I have experienced:

    -an estate agent (West Country) laughing at me because an occupation clause was in place but NOT in the listing description.
    “Do you honestly think all that land would be included for less than a couple of million, without a clause?” She sneered.

    “Do you honestly think all your potential customers have advanced physic abilities?” Was my responses as I disconnected from the conversation.

    Yes-estate agents are cunts.

  8. They’ll get their comeuppance. I remember them being like this in the 80s, then it all turned to rat-shit in the 90s and they were begging for business. We bought in the 90s and made the cunting agent reduce his fee to cover some dampproofing work. He was desperate. And don’t forget that not long ago (2008) they were all staring out of their windows waiting for instructions.

  9. What gets me at the moment is getting people to basically bid on a house. I’m old skool, if I offer money you take it or leave it. Don’t fucking string me along for hope of a better offer you cunts! In this instance ill keep looking, and if I find something better offer will be retracted. You reap what you sew. This trend I think comes from the good old us of fucking a. What a load of cunt. And the agents are cunts for allowing it.

  10. The best thing about these arrogant shits who have been buying properties in ,for example Penzance, (one of Cornwall’s street-drinkers and junkie hotspots) without even viewing them, is that in a year’s time their grotty little “fisherman’s cottage” will only be worth 2/3 of what they bought it for.
    Hahahaha you stupid fucking townie cunts!

  11. Estate agents are truly cunts. What worries me more is the amount of cunts buying houses in west cuntry.

    Stay in Londonistan bastards. It’s full here.

    Fuck off.

  12. Lazy bastards. Had so many bad experiences.

    I used to live in London before it became the middle east. In the process of finding the last place i ever rented there before setting of for greener pastures. Having no patience for estate agent shit anymore, Once went on a house viewing having set very clear criteria. Every single house he showed me was expensive derelict shit. Took me to a derelict two up two down which needed to be taken back to brickwork. £1850 a month apparantly. No lie, I Stepped in the door, looked around the living room, said ‘no, its shit’ and stepped back outside. The smug, thick little pre pubescent twat showing me round was speechless. He couldnt believe it. Couldnt believe I wouldnt look round and have my mind changes. Did the same for the next two, it was all over in about 20 minutes not the three hours he booked in. Little twat took the opinion that essentially I was a difficult and disruptive customer because i wouldn’t be blagged into relieving him of the properties that needed a grand knocking off the rental price.

    Never, ever let then treat you like a cunt, they are the cunts

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