Covid-19 Pop Up Cycle Lanes

My lovely market town has been carved up with these ridiculous cycle lanes which have halved the traffic capacity and clogged the place up. Every time I’ve had to endure driving by these things, there are no cyclists in them!! They’ve even had the nerve to put signs in the lanes stating they are ‘Covid-19 Pop Up Cycle Lanes’. What kind of horrific nomenclature is that?

I have no idea how police or ambulances are supposed to get through one lane of traffic. Vehicles can’t get by the poles and there is a massive central reservation made of concrete. Are the emergency services to get on their bikes to attend to crime and people in medical emergency? Do they envisage paramedics cycling on customised cycles with a trailer carrying a stretcher and drip? Firemen cycling furiously along with a hose in their panniers? Nor do I understand how taxis are supposed to drop off a disabled passenger. I expect these lanes are in Bournemouth and Worthing – places full of old people that can just about walk never mind cycle!

Now I see in the Daily Fail that the govt are spunking yet more money on this.

Nominated by: Cuntologist 

…and supported by: DCI Gene Cunt

Covid Cycle Lanes and Road Narrowing For Social Distancing.

I’d like to heartily endorse Cuntologists cunting, above and, tack onto it, if I may? He asks how an ambulance manages?

Well, a few weeks ago we got sent to a 16 day old baby, breathing difficulties. Arrive on scene and are confronted with a cyanosed baby, breathing at 72 breaths per minute, low SATS, tracheal tug and recession.

We’re on scene less than five minutes, and half that was getting into and out of the truck. Pre-alert Childrens ED and blue-light for all I’m worth. Get near the hospital and these cunting lanes are on the main fucking road leading to it.

Exactly as Cuntologist describes. We’re fucking stranded until the traffic lights change. I am nearly in tears with frustration, sat next to an empty fucking ‘cycle cunting lane’.

Previously, we had a clear run as traffic could move left and right, allowing us to go through. Not any more. The child arrived alive, no thanks to the motherfuckers on the council for authorising this shitfest. I have no idea what happened to her after.

A very valid cunting.

49 thoughts on “Covid-19 Pop Up Cycle Lanes

  1. Cyclists are free loading cunts. No different from illegals. Want to use the facilities for free. Fucking deport them.

  2. Another genius idea by the decision makers of the country,
    All for the minority who dont pay over the majority who do.
    And as Cuntologist says a eyesore to boot.
    Country run by fuckin retards, wankers fresh out of ‘uni’ an ducky types or a mixture of all three.

  3. Get used to it. This is part of the new normal.

    And the lord looked at Lycra clad cunts and saw they were good, on the 8th day he created cycle lanes and those that use them shall inherit the post industrial earth.

  4. Boris and his brain dead bint have probably sanctioned this, also fits in with population reduction plan (whites only) if ambulances can’t get through quickly enough too, welcome to the “brave new world”, run by cunts for the benefit of cunts!!!

  5. The government has decided to take the economy back to the Middle Ages and councils all over the country are doing the same with the infrastructure. Soon we’ll either have to cycle or walk everywhere and anybody who still has a job will be working locally as there will be no way to get anywhere further away.

  6. Outstanding bit of cunting. Regularly drive past these with absolutely nobody in them at all.

    Whoever came up with this idea should be put against a wall and shot, then their bodies hung outside the local council offices to serve as a reminder to the cunts inside not to be so fucking stupid in future.

  7. DCI,
    I trust you sent in a report expressing those views,not that the brain dead management would ever go against official green mantra.
    Retarded isn’t enough contempt for such short sighted fuckery.

  8. Lycra, cyclist, Unkle Terry’s oven. Biggest cunts on the road, only just above what has become the 5th emergency service that is home delivery drivers. Home delivery drivers need a cunting all of their own.

    • Home delivery of what though Rob?

      Round my way under lockdown it was quiet as the grave. Nothing on the roads but Uber eats and Deliveroo cycles and scooters.

      Remarkably, everyone still managed to be stoned off their tits all day, every day.

      Funny that.

  9. You never seen those pictures from Beijing with every slitty eyed fucker zipping around on a bicycle? That’s the future they want for us, leave the roads clear for the elites to drive around in their big limousines.
    May as well start eating bats while you’re at it.

    • The Green types still choose to ignore the biggest fattest fucking elephant in the room – population growth!

      India, China, Japan, Brazil, Mexico to name just 5, are witnessing significant population expansion – mostly from immigration. And all of these extra cunts will need more housing, more food & drink, more sanitation, more heating, more infrastructure blah blah

      And are these cunts going to be bothered with riding fucking bikes or charging around in electric cars? Not a chance: they’ll probably tell the Greens to go fuck a tree!

      But the bottom line is population. Build as many cycle lanes as you want, it will make fuck all difference with more fuckers raping the planet, especially in third-world shitholes (soon to be joined by the UK!)

      • Very very correct Techno. Biggest Elephant in the room for years. A little example when I was born the population of Nigeria was less than Britain. Around 44 million against 50 million. today it stands at 206 million. It has been oil rich for donkeys years and corruption pop growth and waste as seen the place continue to suffer in poverty. Rant off topic over..

  10. There is clearly two pandemics at the moment. Covid is one and the other is all the stupidity surrounding it….

  11. I’m with DCI on this one.

    Kensington high street traffic always flowed quite freely with minimal snarl ups and plenty of room to let the emergency services through.

    Since the intruduction of these fuckwitted cycle lanes, the traffic is at a standstill from Hammersmith to Kensington palace.

    I have suggested to RBKC council that whoever’s shit idea this was should be promoted… Out the door and relocated to Tristan de Cunha where they can’t do any more damage.

  12. When Boris and Princess Nut Nut put their green bollocks into action, there will be no petrol-driven vehicles, just electric, but not enough charging points.

    And if you can’t afford electric make do with a fucking bike!

    However, the elites will be the first to whinge when their online shopping deliveries from the likes of Amazon, Morrisons and Spasda take 3 times as long and 4 times as much!

    And if everyone turns to bikes where does the government find the shortfall in roadtax and fuel tax? Will petrol stations go out of business? Will it mean more road closures, more potholes and more fucked up road surfaces to make way for cycle lanes?

    And can you really imagine the rich celebs biking around to their latest gala rather than a fancy limo?

    Do me a favour!

    • Do these electric magic chariots charge themselves or is it generated by fossil fuel or nuclear power stations?
      Clueless cunts.

    • By 2050 this country will look like New York in I am Legend. Probably have the same level of zombie too judging by the population we have currently.

  13. Anything described as ‘pop up’ is guaranteed to be cunt, but as most things concerning the use of pushbikes on a road even the word cunt doesn’t come close. The only thing I want to see pop up with a cyclist is bouncing Betty anti personnel mine.

  14. Well cunted you two. It just shows what happens when there is knee jerk reactive legislation.

    Bloody cyclists are so bloody virtuous they think they own the road and have a right to hold traffic up. Fishing Sunak should tax the fuckers, £15 charge on every piece of Lycra sold. At least they would be making a contribution to road upkeep.

    A retired doctor acquaintance of mine, during the 1st serious lockdown was boasting of cycling 70 miles a day, basically ignoring what everyone else was trying to do. Insufficient self-awareness to put it on Facefuck.

    Also the damage it does to the prostate is considerable. A chap I knew had examined many prostates (what a way to try and make a living, I thought my time in the leather trade had been hard) told me never to get on a bike and that many professional cyclists had the prostate of an eighty year old man.

  15. All this shit fits in the the great green agenda, the drive to decarbonise is accelerating.
    Make it as difficult as possible for people to drive cars and why was all this started in lockdown, the answer is because they could get away with it. If you look at it logically when the schools were closed the amount of traffic was greatly reduced which would make cycling safer regardless of the stupid pop up cycle lanes.

    The bottom line is that if you are a fucking prole you shouldn’t have a car, keep the roads free for the rich and powerful, the rest can fucking walk or get a bike, bus or train.

    The great electric car con will be brought forward to 2030, what a load of bollocks.

    Any bets on when it will be illegal to sell petrol and diesel to anyone unless they have a trading licence. 2040, 2045


  16. Did you know that if you put all the cars that were built last year in a line, nose to tale, some cunt in a BMW would pull out and try overtake them all….

    • I have a BMW (well, my wife does and I sometimes drive it). I would greatly appreciate it if you could stick to your cycle lane so I can use my road in comfort. Thankyou.

      • Must get one myself. With its contractual requirement to ignore “Halt” and “Give Way” signage, just like pushbikes.

      • And don’t forget that we BMW drivers are so important that our cars don’t even come with indicators fitted. The rest of you plebs should jolly well know where we are going.

  17. One can only hope that the cunts who thought up this right on wankery suffer from a very bad case of kebab arse whilst waiting in a jam caused by their pathetic attempt to be down with some fuckwit ideology. With luck the fallout will send them mad as well as to the cleaners. May they stew in their own juice.

    • I have fantasised about how I could remove the bloody things, disguised and in a hoody in the dead of night, but they’re bolted into the road – the cunts! I’ve also thought about the best way to vandalise them, maybe spray painting ‘nobody is using these you cunts’. Obviously as a law abiding citizen I won’t be doing any of that and will have to write another letter which will no doubt get put on the dissidents to round up later pile.

      • Perhaps a bob cat or if necessary a grader, hire it, remove the obstructions; and to cover your tracks quote name as MNC and just pay cash…

  18. Does St Greta of Cuntbergs know how to ride a bike?

    I wonder how she’ll cope in 10 years time when every 1st world country will do away with petrol engines, including planes. I can’t see her turning up outside the United Nations building in New York to give the world’s leaders another hard time, riding a BMX all the way from Norway, or whatever Scanny country she comes from!

    • That thing in the video is amazing. Want one bad!! Not so great in the British climate, but you’d be going so fast the rain wouldn’t get near you!

      As for actual granny scooters, probably best to keep them on the roads so an HGV can take them out and thin the population a bit.

  19. What do you expect in this day and age, clearly cyclists are a minority and therefore are given a disproportionate amount love. I can’t even imagine how wide the lane would be for a black, transgender, immigrant cyclist? We’d probably buy them their fuckin bike too !

  20. local councils, who are no friends of the people, are taking full advantage of the covid crock-of-shit – not only are there expansive cycling lanes but they’ve reduced the speed limit to 20mph around my local town – who the fuck is going to do a weekly shop at the supermarket on a bike FFS???
    These cunts need to be taken out and given a really good seeing to – cunts

  21. If I see one more pushbiker wobbling along the main carriageway when our woke council has provided cycle lanes on both sides of it, I’ll…I’ll…have to cunt the cunts yet again. The popup traffic-strangling lanes haven’t appeared in my locality yet, but that’s probably because we’ve got permanently segregated roads already.

    Here is the Highway code as it applies to pushbikers. Such a pity that the cunts don’t have to know – or even have glanced at – the Code, like every other wheeled user of the roads they pay nothing towards, isn’t it?

    The vehicles of choice for defeating cyclists are artics and motorcycles. Both are more fun than cars, and they have to be the transport of the future. Adapt or die!

  22. A completely unnecessary irritant and waste of road space. I ride a bike everywhere and spend good money on machinery, lights and decent equipment.
    A bicycle is a road vehicle which is not wide and given the application of a brain can be ridden on the road without annoying and restricting motorists.
    Compulsory training before being allowed onto the road, renewed annually, no updated training certificate?, fifty quid fine which is spent locally on traffic reduction measures.
    Sweaty old guy with a tour de france boner? Fine – do it in the middle of nowhere, keep left and keep you fkin eyes open for the 8 vehicles behind you who are unimpressed by your prowess and just want the annoying lump of guts in front TO MOVE.
    Ride safe, ride considerately and understand you are allowed on the road by grace not right.
    Pop up cycle lanes?
    Nonsense, do away with the damn things.

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