Grant “No Parking” Shapps

Inbreed tory toff Grant is bringing in measures to fine any vehicles parking on a kerb with a fine of £70.

He wants the pavements clear for pedestrians, baby buggies, mobility scooters, and has a thing about ‘cycle lanes’ the chinless little cunt loves them!

Now I regularly park on pavements not because im a cunt (am a bit!?). But because on some roads and lanes in Derbyshire & Cheshire if I didn’t I’d block the whole road off!

Now this greedy little tory toad sees it as a quick earner but for people like me, all I’ll do is tell my customers I cant do the job unless they pay the parking fine,

So wont effect me but will effect others, including elderly people who have home delivery from supermarkets etc.

How about instead of taxing the people who voted you into power you fix the fuckin roads and tax cyclists in the form of licenses and road safety tests and insurance?

Grant, you ginger posh twat hope a HGV ploughs through your rentboys bungalow you tory twat!?

Nominated by: Miserable Northern Cunt 

(TBH, when I first saw his name I thought it was some cheap German beer! – DA)

79 thoughts on “Grant “No Parking” Shapps

  1. Grant Shapps, what can you say about him?

    I assume he spunked large sums of money up the wall on consultants, so why has the blindly obvious not been pointed out to him?

    If all vehicles are forced to park completely on the street you can forget getting a fire engine or ambulance down them when heading for an emergency, not often going to be a problem thinks Grant? Well the same applies to rubbish trucks fuck face.

    No worries says grant, I’ll just restrict on street parking to one side of such streets. Where are all the vehicles that can no longer park in that street going to go Grant, not to the surrounding identical streets you cunt.

    Grant thinks everyone lives in large detached houses with driveways the size of a Tesco car park obviously. The government having learned nothing from the smart motorways debacle now brings chaos and I’d think parking rage the streets of our cities and suburbs so Jeremy Corbin and Mrs Patel and her 14 children can enjoy the cycle lanes and foot paths unbothered by reality.

    This government is a shit show, labour must of pulled out all the stops to avoid being elected last time round.

    • Not especially. It was more a case of too many people mistaking Boris Johnson for the Messiah.

      • I admit I was conned RTC. He is totally out of his depth and a fucking Liberal like the rest of his wanky family. I am politically homeless and fear I will never vote again.

      • At least spoil your ballot paper WCC.

        Our forbears suffered and died for our right to vote. Write a short message on your ballot paper telling the cunts how you feel.

        Spoiled papers are counted and their number announced at the result. And I can tell you for a fact the politicians read them…

      • PS: You never know – by the time of the next election we might have a half decent Conservative leader to vote for.

        Stranger things have happened in the last 4 years. My guess is that Johnson will be gone before the next year is out.

      • I wouldn’t bank on there being anymore elections after the latest diktat from hancock and the introduction of Covid Marshalls from next monday …. who and what the fuck is a covid marshall – maybe a boat man from immigration row????

    • Get Brexit Done!

      That’s was all that was required to beat Labour, Boris may have a shit show but Labour would have a shit show on steroids. 😂

  2. Good news Miserable, Grant Shatts also has cabinet responsibility for the ‘Northern Powerhouse’. If its anything like HS2, your grandchildren’s grandchildren should be reaping the economic benefits sometime next century.

    • Nah. By the time HS2 is built we’ll all be teleporting everywhere Star Trek style.

      Meanwhile, Boris must have his eye wateringly expensive white elephants, and who is Grant Shatts to deny him?

      Evening LL.

      • Evening Creampuff.

        He does doesn’t he? Remember the ‘Boris Island Airport’ fantasy? The rinky dinks have probably built several dozen Heathrow sized airports since then.

      • Evening compatriots

        I quite liked the Isle of Grain airport idea but it would’ve created waves for those bearded refugee children in dinghies.

    • Hes in charge of the ‘Northern powerhouse’?
      May as well put the black cap on for that then.
      Hes never left London the little ducky fucker!

  3. Bloody hell MNC, that’s a right white van mans rant 😂

    Sadly the country was never designed for so many delivery vans, I have sympathy for those delivery drivers who have to pull up in a street that’s not wide enough to swing a cat (sorry Moggie).
    It’s not a new thing but I guess with chinky flu the numbers of home deliveries must have doubled or even tripled, as long as drivers are sensible and leave enough room for Karen and her pram it fine.

    I agree that there should be some sort of licence and insurance for cyclists, and fucking up roads to accommodate non existent cyclists is ridiculous.

    Shapps is a cunt!

    • Was a bit eh Sicky?
      But it pissed me off its just a quick cash grab by these fuckers, no thought gone into it,
      Why would I park on a pavement unless I had to?
      Because im using common sense not to block the road-/cause tailbacks.
      But commonsense is alien to these Westminster lizards.

      • There should be a minister for common sense, it would have to be a bloke (obvious), white (obvious), straight (obvious) and definitely not Woke! 😂

  4. Hmm, not certain I concur with this nomination, Sir Les of the Miserables. Nonetheless, I understand the argument:

    How is Pavelska going to dump the drugs off quickly if he can’t nudge onto the kerb? Where’s Batûsh the turkish barber going to park his brand new Mercedes? How’s Ooga MTembu supposed to despatch a barely-grilled mushy pizza off so sharply? How will Dimitri from JustEat deliver the fried pig’s bollocks so swiftly? Is Naseem really expected to buy a ticket for his taxi when he can park on the yellow lines outside the kids’ dance studio?

    How will we fully become a festering, virulent East European/Afreecan/Asian shit-shop if we apply rules?

    • And there is also Mrs Three-Car Family in a street of terrace houses, each with two cars to park. Where to put the 12-foot high, 30-foot long prestige SUV? Right across the fucking pavement, that’s where, so pedestrians have to use the road. Cunt.

      • Indeed. Unless a blind person can squeeze past those SUV cock compensations, they have to negotiate the street.

      • I find the best way to apply those arrow-straight coachlines (a la Rolls Royce) is by liberal application of the Yale “Key of Justice”. Works best on dark paintwork, right down to the pale undercoat. Cheap, simple, and very, very satisfying.

  5. Granty boy won’t be paying it will he?
    Is there a Government department somewhere that sits down and plans how to rip people off, stop them doing their job and fuck up completely any chance of national economic progress? (Why yes there is – but it’s every fkin department!).
    Licensing, training BEFORE riding, roadside safety tests on bikes and insurance are a topping idea, it will reduce the numbers of the fkers I have to fly by as they wheeze and wobble all over the road.
    My Nephew is a HGV driver and the only two things that annoy him about his job is the insane amount of stuff he has to do just to get behind the wheel, and idiot cyclists who don’t seem to realise that 44 Tonnes cannot stop on a sixpence and if you can’t see the driver they can’t see you.
    And cyclists are a lot more squishy than lorries.
    And while I’m on a rant – cyclists – get some bleeding lights on after dark! (Mine are by a company called Lezyne, cost a fortune but they are insanely powerful – see and be seen!).
    Shappsy needs a slappsy!

    • And, pushbikers, TRY not to point your “insanely powerful” and flashing strobe front lights STRAIGHT into my fucking eyes on the other side of the road. If I let my lights do that on a motor vehicle I’d get done.

      • That is a very good point K – all I need to do is lean the bike against a wall with the lights on and walk 50 feet in front of it to see if it is below the eyeline or not, a very easy test to make sure nobody gets dazzled, all it takes is 30 seconds and a bit of consideration – every cyclist should do it.
        And get Sir Fiddler to enforce it with his favourite blunderbuss! 😁👍

  6. Yet another swipe at the easy prey. How come they can’t bring in some laws to reject illegals, deport illegals, deport the rape gangs, deport the illegal cunts who commit murder and knife crime. No that’s would upset the pc twats, so we’ll just persecute the fuckin motorist again, they’re a nice easy target and they won’t complain.

    • And this takes Police Officers away from the necessary work of duffing up and arresting 80 year old military veterans and train passengers without masks!

  7. This fucking Government are a *fucking shower of shite*

    Firstly you have Fat Boris – “Get Brexit Done”. I’m surprised the muttering, fat fucker managed to aim his winky into his toothy lady friend. About as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.

    Then we have Priti Patel, who is boasting that she will introduce “tough new laws” to control XR and BLM protestors. Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, woof, woof, hairy fucking arseholes. You can’t eeven stop the dinghy brigade crossing the Channel, so you will have fuck all chance of even remotely getting close to restoring law and order against the unwashed.

    Now you have chinless arse-feta Grunt Crapps. If there was ever a more clueless, chinless, gormless fucking arsehole who will piss off the people who voted his feckless arse into power.

    I really fucking despair.

  8. I see the whingy header pick is from that bastion of fairness, the Huff post. Has he demonised the disabled? I bet to fuck he hasn’t, because the three worthless cunts opposite me still have their free cars, one each, lovely blue badge on display so they can park wherever they like. Always back and fore, plenty of shopping, food and luxuries, or sitting on the front door smoking weed. I wish one of those gutless cunts in government would start asking questions. Perhaps there would be more parking spaces if we didn’t give everyone a free car for the slightest reason. I mean, where are all the newcomers going to park?
    Shapps is a cunt by default, he is an MP after all, and that goes with the territory.

  9. Cycle fucking lanes! There is one along one of the busiest roads in the area here. Went to get a new circular saw blade, not to dismembered the wife, and there is a queue of traffic behind a fucking cyclist. The cunt was too fucking pig headed to use the lane. And there is a hedge between the road and the lane. Total a utter cunts.

  10. The Commons bar must have shut to give him the time to dream up such magnificence.
    Windy bullshitting spineless CUNT.
    Perfect for the present shitheap of a government.

  11. Didn’t this wanker have several aliases prior to entering parliament? Michael Green was one of them – apparently working on a get rich quick scheme.

    Cunt tried to sue someone who exposed his Walter Mitty life only for evidence to surface which made him cough up. What a twat.

    This cunt is dodgy as fuck. Boris is a considerably larger cunt for having him in his cabinet.

    • News just in***

      Bedtime Boris delivering new restrictions for covid, meeting of only 6 people unless for work or…theatre😁😁
      Buckled to Andrew lloyd webber? Hehe
      Hes having media training his voice has taken a slightly more Margaret Thatcher sound in its delivery.
      Hes Margaret Thatch head.

  12. I just read in The Times that Shappy took delivery of a Tesla model 3 last September so he must have a driveway with a charging point.

    Apparently he lives in Welwyn but it appears he spends more time living in cloud cuckoo land, Has he never seen a street of row houses without driveways where cars park on very narrow roads?

    From the same mould as Chris Grayling.

  13. Horrendous traffic congestion on my journey to work today after a lorry carrying snooker equipment overturned exiting a major roundabout.
    Queues everywhere….

  14. It’ll be funny to watch all these pedestrians, that are now complaining about cars on pavements, start complaining that their nearest bus stop is now 2 miles away because buses can longer follow their old route because cars are parked on the roads.

    • Yeah, push your baby buggy 7miles into town, you and baby Chardonnay wont be getting the bus!
      Pull my van over?
      Let the bus through?
      Love to but its breaking the law.
      I’ll be gone in a few hours luv.

      • We already had our bus route changed, a couple of years ago, because people in one area, although parked mostly on the pavement, were parked opposite each other making it too narrow for the bus so they stopped going that way. Cue the moaning.

  15. I always like to leave the pavement clear in the hope that Edward Norton catches some Cunts trying to steal his pick-up.

      • Good evening Mr F…how goes it?
        Considering all the mental shit going on in liberal cities in America, can you imagine how badly it’ll kick off after the presidential election, regardless of the result?!
        It’s a fucking powder keg and no mistake.

      • Evening,Mr.Cunt-Engine.
        Trump or Biden…I certainly don’t envy the Septics whichever one of the Cunts win.

    • Powerful scene, with well matched sound effects. Those two goofy, ugly cunts from yesterdays noms, looked like they had received pavement dentistry🙈

  16. As you’re doubtless aware, Les, in West Didsbury this discussion has long since been elevated to a higher niveau.

    The offending vehicle was certainly there¹ in July, when I last visited Miss Vee. Spookily, I’m due to pop up to Didders tomorrow for my first few days of B&WC-esque debauchery (and rather more besides, under the circs) with her since July either tomorrow or Friday.

    ¹on the corner of Old Lansdowne Rd and Lapwing Ln, round the corner from the Met and Simon “B&WC” Rimmer’s² shitty little venture Greens (or is it The Lime Tree?).
    ² Rimmer himself is overdue a heavyweight cunting, if only for the fiercely irksome fatuous idiosyncrasy he has of stooping over his crappy creations as he nappés over his pathetic sauces “oh – so – cheffily”. What a fucking cunt he is!

    PS I’ve just thought of an excellent & convenient use for that APC

    • CS, do you use a random word generator?
      The above is kind of like Um Böng0 talk in so far as some of it is recognisable as English, whereas the rest would appear to be contrived mental bollocks!
      Reasonably interesting though, trying in vain to decipher whatever the fuck you’re on about!

      • Maybe he’s dictating the goverment’s chınk flu policies?
        They both make about as much sense.

      • Thomas the Cunt Engine

        Basically, there’s been a tank parked up in a Manchester suberb called West Didsbury (see the linked Manchester Evening News article). This was highly relevant to MNC’s nom

        Also:My girlfriend lives near the tank in Didsbury, but I don’t

        Akso: I have not visited her since July, but shall be doing so over the coming weekend.

        Also: When my girlfriend and I get together, we usually have a lot of sex

        Also: Simon Rimmer is a TV chef. He has a well known restaurant near the tank. I cannot clearly remember if it is called Greens or The Lime Tree.

        Also: I do not like Simon Rimmer because he is a poser.

        Finally: I had an idea to fire up the tank parked near his restaurant to cause mischief

        Is that clear enough, TTE, or shall I translate it into Mandarin for your convenience?


      • So you can talk normally then?
        It clearly isn’t necessary for you to talk in that preposterous, pretentious manner.

      • Must admit, having reviewed my initial comment about the West Didsbury tank, it didn’t seem too preposterous or pretentious.

        As my preposterous and pretentious posts go, that one was pretty clear, tame, and informative.

        Have you tried a steadier? Along the lines of Sweden’s recreational drug of choice, diazepam?

        Want a fight? No thanks!

        Looks like this could continue to escalate, so let’s just stop it now. Be nice or fuck off. – admin

      • Fuck me, talk about pretentious.

        What’s wrong with….

        My girlfriend lives in West Didsbury, there’s a tank parked up that’s causing an obstruction, according to some, as such it’s I felt it was pertinent to the nom
        to mention it.

        I’m going to see her tomorrow. We’ll have some fun and games as I’ve not seen her for a while (to be honest no one really gives a fuck)

        Not that this is relevant but just around the corner is an eatery owned by some cunt called Simon Rimmer, he’s a cunt and needs a cunting.

        Fuck. Me.

        What a boring cunt you are, perhaps that’s why you flower your tiresome prose.

        No one cares.

      • Or, for the sake of the good Kapitän, “can I put it more clearly” (it’s adverbial, you see)

      • Your commencement of a sentence with a conjunction disappoints me, Orangebööm.

        그리고, ‘Clearly’ is not an adverbial.


    • Evening CS,
      Know Didsbury fairly well, pass through it all the time.
      Used to do the occasional pubcrawl there in the 90s.
      Enjoy your Jamaican debauchery!!👍

      • I fear the good Capⁿ should lay off the Ovaltine. “Clearly” is an adverb, “clear” is an adjective. So
        I put it clearly”
        is correct whereas
        “I put it clear”
        is incorrect. This is because here, “clearly” is adverbial¹ to the verb “put”.
        Extending this:
        “Can I put it more clearly…” and not:
        “Can I put it clearer…”
        as I incorrectly wrote initially.

        ¹ Year 9 English, Parts of Speech Lesson#3 notwithstanding, Capⁿ… what’s with the “‘… an adverbial”? It is just “adverbial” , not “an adverbial”. It is simply an adverb in an adverbial sentence, but not“an adverbial”.

        Disappointed? I’d be rather more worried I was losing it, if I were you!

  17. never had time for Grant “assless” Chaps. Just provides more and more bullets for the IAC community to fire back him

  18. Or, for the pedantry of the good Kapitän, “can I put it more clearly” (it’s adverbial, you see)

  19. As Bastiat said, ”When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men in a society, over the course of time they create for themselves a legal system that authorises it and a moral code that glorifies it.”

    Also, ”Sometimes the law defends plunder and participates in it. Sometimes the law places the whole apparatus of judges, police, prisons and gendarmes at the service of the plunderers, and treats the victim – when he defends himself – as a criminal.”

  20. They’ve got to scrape together revenue any which way they can after six months of fucking the country up the shit chute.

  21. John Maynard Keynes was asked if he was Labour or Tory. He replied that he had not given it much thought but on balance he leant towards Labour because Labour tolerated stupidity whereas the Tories appeared to encourage it. Mr S is the proof.

  22. Well cunted MNC, never liked this smug looking cunt. What a cunt name as well.
    The cunt.

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