Experts! The “Experts” who are presently advising our thick moronic dunderheads, elected ( by us ) to manage the country on our behalf.
The “experts” can’t even agree on any strategy or advice, yet agree that only the most Draconian measures are necessary to protect the public. These academics are the typical fuddy heads, up their own academic arsehole who have no fucking insight into the massive harm they do.
Worse even than the dumb cunt politicians who have given them free reign to fuck about with the country. By the time these twats are finishAsteroided, so too will we be.

I always thought it possible that the UK would be destroyed by way of warfare, Asteroid strike or a Labour Government. Never inm all my days did I think we would be fucked by an “Expert”

And why are we to be fucked? Because the Experts say we’re to be fucked, yet the thing they warn us of, is fast turning into a crock of shite.

Fuck the experts, lets have some common sense instead.

Nominated by Asimplearsehole

81 thoughts on “Experts

  1. “The hallmark of expertise is figuring out what information is important.” (D Epstein)
    These so called experts don’t even do that.

    Professor Tim Spector, (Kings College London), the cunt on the BBC the other week, advising “drinking detergent would be harmful”….No shit! Donald Trump never advised drinking detergent either.

    Expert? Expert CUNT!

  2. Bit of an eclectic mix of experts in that picture. I see Vinnie Jones and Robert Downey Jnr at the back, and a Princess Leia of Alderaan. Not sure who the other clever clogs are.

    • They’re not experts, they’re delivering milk in the 1950s.
      Except for David Niven on the left.

    • I reckon that’s Thelma from Scooby Doo on the left and Natalie Wood on the right.

    • Dudley Moore second from left I reckon although it could be woman doing a Dudley.

  3. We are all experts now. Doreen Lawrence is an epidemiologist apparently, or why would Labour have her investigating Corvid in effnicks?
    Everyfucker has a contrary opinion on everyfuckingthing.
    I am an expert on STDs in the older generation. Well, that’s how I explained a stray infection.
    Trump is the ultimate expert. He seems to know everyfuckingthing about absolutely fuckall. My kinda guy.

    • Maybe that’s it. Perhaps the government messed up on the email, (auto correct) and have been seeking advice for the last 10 weeks from Expats. This is why it has all gone to rat shit.

    • Basic definition of an Expert:
      An expert is someone who has a broad and deep competence in terms of knowledge, skill and experience  through practice and education in a particular field.

      I can’t understand how the government are hiring expert advice on a continuing basis about a virus that they claim there is still not a lot known about, other than it can kill a lot of people. Like many, I think the Lockdown was necessary and maybe have another week max and then let’s start to resume normality (such that it is)

      Trying to avoid second waves, third waves, spikes and all this crystal ball shit is just going to bollocks the economy and create more and more frustration and fear but there again, our masters love to do that, it’s what they do best. It’s called C-O-N-T-R-O-L.
      Just look at the cuntfoolery we’ve had to put up with surrounding social distancing measures that can’t be enforced or the impractical 2 metre rule in supermarkets that goes out the window as soon as you crash into a fellow shopper coming around a blind corner.

      The ‘experts’ are doing just fine and are hoping this will go on for another 6-12 months while they keep reviewing the situation and drawing their fat cheques. D-day for next Sunday 17th May IMO and sack the experts. Cunts.

  4. Totally agree, ASA.

    The so-called “experts”who seem to be leading “Govt. policy at the moment are no better at predicting what is coming than anyone else….but they do seem to have a ” let’s predict the worst” policy.
    Of course the Govt. should listen to experts but should also be able to see the bigger picture and take some hard decisions regardless. Nobody wants to see fatalities but there must come a point where the long-term future becomes more important than the short-term “save everyone”…..incidentally,this “it must be safe” doesn’t seem to apply to the most vulnerable…those in Old People’s Homes and their carers seem to have been abandoned while people who are at a very small risk of taking much harm are paid to sit indoors.
    Govt. and expert scaremongering will also mean that many low-risk people will be too frightened to return to work…anyhow,why bother when the Govt is paying you most of your wage anyhow?

    Fuck the experts, protect the vulnerable,bite the bullet and end this over-the-top State organised mass hysteria.

    • You’re rather the sage of this site, Dick. Selfishly, I love the lockdown as it’s halved my commute to work.

      • Must admit I’m rather enjoying it too…roads are quiet…even shopping isn’t bad now that I’ve realised that even the most immobile of fat biddy will almost do themselves an injury to get out of my way as I advance on them maskless and invade their “social-distancing” safe-space.

  5. I think you’re right to be worried ASA.
    Handing over the reins to these fuckwits will result in them altering something just to justify their existence.
    We’re all going to be part of some egotistical game we have no control over.

  6. George Osborne was an expert and he was a tad cunty. Hs advice was dogshit.
    Ken Clarke was an expert on the single currency and he was a bit cunty. Likewise, his advice was dogshit. They’re only experts at being cunty.

  7. Spot-on cunting. On the bright side I’m pleased to see that our friendly enrichers here in Bostongrad are pulling their weight and carrying on as normal during these difficult times:

    Fantastic news, it’s great that we can rely on the EE types to carry on murdering with aplomb. Bless them all – may their 10-inch hunting knives (carried for cutting cabbages officer) remain sharp and quick as ever.

    • It’s all dead bodies, drowned puppies and drugs gangs up there…I’m gonna have nightmares now and I’m 200mile away….

  8. Economists cunts are astrologists cunts. Especially if they’re in the guardian cunt or BBC cunt. I predict a riot.

  9. I’m an expert on having a shit and I’ve just had a very average shit.

  10. Our dear leaders only follow expert advice because it allows them to completely avoid making hard decisions.
    “Follow the science”?
    Fuck off stop flights coming in as soon as the plague kicks off.
    Soft cunts.

    • But that would rely on using common sense.
      It’s far too racist and xenophobic to deny pathogen carrying people into what’s left of our country.

  11. I’m getting a clear picture of ‘experts’ fighting like ferrets in a sack to get their own opinions and interpretations of sketchy data and poorly designed surveys into tomorrow’s headlines and the learned journals next month. None of this dross is worth a toss: it can’t be tested. Relax.

    Anyone looking for some rationality on this is directed to Private Eye’s ‘MD’ column.

    Ultimately x people (x may be around 300,000) will die of Covid in the UK, failing the timely introduction of an effective vaccine*. The only choice available is whether they die sooner or later. If we want a functioning economy within the next 5-10 years they will have to die sooner, and that is as far as my expertise as a qualified researcher extends…

    * I foresee a major snag here

    • Really though? If it’s that dangerous then why hasn’t India or China been decimated?

      • If it’s not, how come Italy, France and Spain (and us) got hit so hard?

        There is a weak* estimate out there that Covid has infected 10% of the UK population: 300K is a simple extrapolation from 30K already dead. That may well be naive; it is hopefully an overestimate, and that picture is hidden by the effective means used by national governments to reduce the rate of infection.

        *Find me a better one. Please.

      • The bug has mutated into at least three distinct variants, with different degrees of contagiousness and lethality. The west and east coast USA infections are mainly from two separate variants. The UK has the same *worst( variant as Italy & Spain.
        Then there’s the effects of climate, Chinese immigrant densities (high in Italy & Spain), etc. So there are no easy comparisons between the ways different countries have dealt with it.

    • 300000 deaths out of a population of 68 million is less than 0.5%
      If you were given those odds of dying from crossing a road, taking a flight or ferry, or eating a chinky takeout, I’m sure you’d take the odds.
      An expert shouldn’t warn against doing so, but should simply provide the odds
      If the odds are too high and deaths increase to significant levels of say 10% then drastic draconian measures can be taken. If the odds are different for different factions of society then provide the breakdown of odds.
      Its a bit like Deadpool picks – Some of the runners and riders are more likely and clear favourites in the field. But a few outsiders now and again make things interesting

  12. Enter Prof Neil Ferguson the governments favourite “modeller”:

    In 2005, Ferguson said that up to 200 million people could be killed from bird flu. In the end, only 282 people died worldwide from the disease between 2003 and 200
    In 2009, Ferguson and his Imperial team predicted that swine flu would lead to 65,000 UK deaths. In the end swine flu killed 457 people in the UK.

    By the way, he had his left-wing tart travel across London to see him, in contravention of his own advice. And this is the cunt the Government are listening to.

    • Ferguson’s scared of his own shadow,
      Soft cunts always bleating about this or that could kill millions,
      Doesnt stop him shagging other peoples wives as a essential travel situation.
      Experts can fuck off, lockdown doesnt seem to matter when people are turning up on planes and dinghies?

    • Ferguson was also responsible for the unnecessary slaughter of tens of thousands of cattle during the BSE crisis. The U.K. government has since covered up the CJD epidemic which followed, this is hidden under the “mysterious” increase of “dementia” (aka Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease) in Britain. Our experts are just as dishonest as their Chinky counterparts and the CUNT U.K. politicians who have held power in successive governments are just as crooked as their friends in Beijing.

  13. Those elected/chosen to run this once great country haven’t got a fucking clue about anything.

    Been the case for many, many years.

    Disgraceful to the point of being embarrassing.

    Incompetent cunts out of their depth the whole fucking lot of them.

  14. In any case, being a “celebrity” automatically makes them an expert on anything; from Brexit to Trump.

    • Dead right. What makes me crease is when there is a US presidential election and celebrislags like Miley Cyrus, Jennifer ‘Jizz-Law’ Lawrence, Kunty Perry and Scarlett Johansscunt act like they are real thinkers and actually have political minds and opinions. When the truth is they couldn’t write a fucking shopping list.

  15. I am an expert in the area of cuntishness.
    I predict lockdown (if it still be practiced that is) will be relaxed and the people will go back to work…only for a massive second wave of Kung Flu to flare up.
    This is a no win situation as the country cannot continue like this and people are already going aaaaaht and abaaaaaaht, so we will have to let it run its course. The damage has already been done and consumer confidence will take years to get back to normal unless a ‘vaccine’ is found.
    The entertainment industry I am in is fucked as well as restaurants and retail etc, sick of Kung Flu? its only beginning…I predict the worst recession in history and load of pissed off cunts.
    What a pile of cunt.
    Have a lovely day cunters.
    Ps The first vaccine will probably kill a few hundred.

    • Aye. The sensible solution is to let it burn itself out. We now have some extra hospital capacity, and a second wave would be more manageable. Relaxing house arrest is simply bowing to the inevitable – more and more people are ignoring it (the desire to do so is infectious, lol) and according to one study this week staying at home does bugger-all good anyway.

      • So many studies, theories etc Komodo its hard to know what to believe.
        I think the Goverment dont know what have clue what to do and considering we had more time to prepare than Italy and Spain and are ahead of them in deaths seem to show they arte out of their depth.

      • Exactly. The Komodo Method is to find the cheapest course of action with the least disruption and stick to it, if necessary with the army’s help. Unfortunately that is not the preferred approach for a veggie Trotskyist who thinks he can use the situation to bring down the system. (I can see his point, it’s a shit system, but it’s not going to work that way)
        Peace, anyway.

      • Greta is prevailing. Greta prevails. ‘Aided and abetted by this virus’. I likened her to Joan of Arc a while ago and I now do believe that she is somehow in tune with the Divine Will. For, what has she been asking for? The end of aviation, the end of the motor car, the end of our modern polluting industrial economies.
        ‘Aided and abetted by this virus’.
        Radical thought this but yes it is a very strange virus. It is behaving unpredictably. God I believe has had enough of us recklessly exploiting the earth as if it was a plaything. But mercifully He doesn’t want millions of us to die as in earlier pandemics. So He has unleashed this virus. Making us very careful of walking the earth. Quickly- to SLOW us down to make us APPRECIATE the world more.

    • Totally agree B&W

      The handling of the situation by those entrusted to protect the people’s of this country were predictably slow out of the starting blocks (several months in some aspects) and have continued to ignore best practice from other countries whose approach has been both logical and effective.

      Like many of my most I have absolutely no confidence in anything the government says or does, and history will show (if it doesn’t already) that many people will have needlessly lost their lives to Covid-19 as a direct result of this governments sheer arrogance and subsequent incompetence.

  16. In the picture, at the top, what are they holding? Is it a message from one od those old fashioned ticker tape machines?

    • That’s a tapeworm they’ve just extricated from someone’s arse.
      Afternoon Spoons.

  17. Doreen Lawrence – expert in inventing racism.
    Matt Hancock – expert in grabbing ten grand whilst telling footballers to take a pay cut.
    Chris Whitty – expert in skateboarding and eating pizza.
    Catherine Calderwood – expert at visiting her second home.
    Stephen (pouting Putin) Kinnock – expert at delivering birthday cakes.
    Neil Ferguson – expert at breaking lockdown with his scrubber.
    Boris Johnson – expert at snoozing, lying, betrayal, grabbing money and breeding.
    Thousands of unchecked untested people coming into the UK every single day while we are under house arrest and only allowed out to be bullied into clapping like deranged seals. (I took great pleasure in telling one of my neighbours to go f*ck herself recently when she demanded I applaud “for vital life saving workers like me” as she works part time in admin but pretends to be a key worker because is too lazy and spoilt to queue at the supermarket – complete cunt.)
    Fuck the “experts” – show me any of them that can lick their own balls and I will stop listening to the dog.

    • You’re not wrong Vernon

      From the hypocritical “do as so say, not do as I do” brigade.

    • Vern,
      I thought it was just NHS they are clapping for…(i have been watching WWII in colour on a Thursday night and have a note from my mam to be excluded)…..

      • We are now being ordered to clap for everyone and everything it would appear Daz.
        And if we don’t I presume we will be waycists before long.
        Unfortunately I do not have a note from a grown up excusing me from the conniving clappery – unless a Police “Cease and Desist” order relating to public drunkenness and indecent exposure counts! 😀

    • “show me any of them that can lick their own balls and I will stop listening to the dog.”

      Retained for further use, thanks!

    • ‘she demanded I applaud “for vital life saving workers like me” as she works part time in admin’

      Sounds like she suffers from delusions of grandeur.

      Tell her to see a fucking psychiatrist and, of course, to get fucked.

    • See a opportunity, go for I say!☺
      Just wish we had a lighthouse nearby, a 50ft shadow of my cock falling on those clapping in their gardens?..die with a smile on my hirsute face!

    • Who comes up with this fucking shite? We have come together as a nation behind our wonderful NHS in an overt out pouring of blatant hypocrisy and now need to shine torches?

      For as long as I can remember the public and tabloid press have heckled the NHS.
      Remember MRSA Superbug? Remember Alder Hay? Junior Doctors strike adorning the headlines every day? GP’s £100k a year pay rise? Lawsuits for incompetence? The privatisation by Blair at the turn of the Millenium? Unfair postcode lottery on certain treatments? Foreign workers diluting talent?…on and on for as long as I can remember.
      Now, the NHS is getting love letters, written by ‘celebrities’ and of course the doorstep pan and spoon ritual every week, in some bizarre U-turn promoted by mainstream media and tabloid press. Hypocrisy!
      I for one think our NHS staff do a tremendous job, showing dedication and care but the clap for nurses (applaud highly motivated under valued workers) has become a political trope, a false emblem of togetherness in some vein attempt to unite us. I don’t fall for bullshit but it seems many on the doorsteps of Britain have. Should be a Nom. CUNTS!

      • Not forgetting calling for junior doctors to be sacked when they went on strike. Excellent post, Daz.

    • I’ll sit near the window ad let the light bounce off of my forehead.

  18. It was Lord Dubs’ wise words that made me keen to post this particular story….the man is an Angel….
    “Dubs told the Guardian the transfer of these vulnerable people to the UK was a victory, but that Britain could do more to help children stranded in Greece. “We were very anxious that people should get here as soon as possible,” he said, “[so as] these 50 people, including quite a few children, join their families, that is a great thing and it’s a cause for celebration.

    “I hope it is only a start,” he added, “because there are other children who want to join their family in Britain under the Dublin III family reunion and there are other children who are in the Greek camps who may not have family here but also need to be helped to find safety.”

    • Well done this government!👏

      Stay safe, stay in your cage, we are fighting a pandemic and shipping in human shite in safety.
      Want me to crouch down Boris so you can stick the dagger in my back?
      Dirty fuckers!!💀⛈
      Never trust
      Never forgive.

      • It took the Government less than six Months to be found out.
        Cunts, led by a traitor.
        When this nightmare is over Boris the clown needs tying to a (deflating) dinghy and pointing towards Syria.

    • They come over here ( in 1939, on the Kindertransport) and tell us who else we should let in? Special pleading indeed from Lord D.

  19. I started to doubt this whole fiasco when Mrs Fistula phoned 111 told them her symptoms and they said it’s Covid19 without testing her. (Her company confirmed it by testing her) but I started to wonder how many more people were diagnosed without being tested ?
    I asked a Nurse I know what’s the policy at the Hospital ? She said anyone that dies of any respiratory condition it’s Government policy to diagnose Covid19.
    Given that most old people in Hospitals and care homes die of Pneumonia that’s equates to a lot of Covid 19.
    I’m not trying to push some conspiracy theory I’m just telling it as the facts have been presented to me.
    So, we know theirs a chink virus but is it really as bad as they say it is ?
    I think the Government have to have the guts and say , we had to take necessary steps at the beginning but It’s not as bad as we thought ,so let’s lift this ludicrous and damaging lockdown now.

    • The fact that dopey cunt Prof. Ferguson had his mistress flout the lockdown he advised on has made the whole thing a big joke. I wonder if his idiocy had any influence of yesterday’s easing up?

  20. I don’t need an expert or a politician to tell me what to do in a situation like this. When there’s a virus going around that kills, which is passed on by having close contact with people, and you can’t tell who’s got it by looking at them, then my common sense tells me to give everybody a wide berth. I stopped using public transport weeks before anyone suggested it.
    Apparently there are many who see the lockdown as an outrageous politically-motivated regulation imposed by an oppressive dictatorial government. (How dare they?) The human race would benefit if this virus only targeted those with an intelligence quotient of less than one hundred.
    I read this on a jokes website – “Our grandparents were asked to go to war. We’re being asked to sit at home and watch Netflix.” That sums it up and it’s not even funny.
    The search for intelligent life on Earth continues.

  21. If reports are correct, and samples taken in France back in December have tested positive, or even November according to Denmark, this is this really the first wave? Lots of people said they had all the symptoms of chinkyflu back in January, but were told by the medical professionals that it was impossible, as it had only become a human virus since late December. Only because they swallowed the bullshit the Chinese told them, and they based their whole reaction to their lies. Now they have paralysed half the country with fear of dying if some cunt walks past their house, while we slide deeper into the red.
    As I’ve said before, it isn’t going anywhere, so get back to fucking work.

  22. And the latest nonsense is shine a torch out your window to support something or other.
    Excellent – I have bike lights that can burn out a retina at 50 Metres, chav blinding time! 😀👍
    Awful I am!

  23. Have been amused by chavs scooting past saying ‘2m metres please’ on their way to score. Which has fuck all to do with experts and everything to do with freedom.

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