The Markles : An Everyday Story of Cuntry Folk (Vol 1)

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THE MARKLES; An Everyday Story of Cuntry Folk
The story so far; Prince Harry Halfwit and his American bride Megain have grown tired of the pampered, luxurious lifestyle of British royalty, and no longer want to jet around the world between holidays, spending as much as six weeks of their year glad-handing plebs and cutting ribbons. Having thrown in the Royal towel, they’ve fled to the peace and tranquility of LA, in search of a more down-to-earth, private lifestyle. There, in the privacy of a Hollywood mansion, Megain spends her time plotting her climb onto the celebrity A-list. Now read on.

‘Bah!’, scowled the Prince of Sighs, and hurled his newspaper across the room. ‘Those beastly bounders!’.
‘Wha’s the matter, honey chile?’ asked Little Miss Sparkle distractedly, head bowed over her laptop.
‘It’s those damned rotters in the Blighty tabloids again, heart’s delight’ whined the Duke of Despondency. ‘They’re writing stuff about us again that’s downright sal… sal… salubrious!’.
‘Salacious’, replied Little Miss Sparkle, tapping away busily.
‘Bless you’, said the once-upon-a-time HRH, nodding furiously. ‘Well I tell you, old girl, one’s had enough. One’s writing to those johnnies at The Mirror, The Sun, The Mail and The Express, telling them that enough’s jolly well enough. It’s zero engagement with them from now on’.
Megain sighed, and stopped typing. ‘Now Harry dearest, I thought we had an understanding; I do the thinking, and you don’t. Looky here, we WANT media coverage, we wanna seem relevant, but it’s gotta be POSITIVE. Here on in, I’ll get ma people ta handle things. Y’know, make sure there’s always a reporter an’ a cameraman on hand when we do that stuff like walkin’ the dawg, or go ’bout town delivering stuff to the common people during the C-19 crisis’.
Harry frowned and took a sip from his iced soy latté. ‘Humph. That’s all very well old thing, but dash it all, a chap’s got to do, and all that rot. I’m jolly well going to give them a piece of my mind!’.
‘Ya ain’t got a piece ta spare, ya haffwit’, murmered the Duchess of Deceit to herself. ‘Now looky, an’ I’ll explain’, she continued. ‘Y’all see this here story in The Independent? “Harry and Megain donate £90k of royal wedding profits to hunger charity”. It’s all about us getting media exposure on OUR terms, about controlling the agenda, get it? Exploiting our image ta cash in’.
Harry looked nonplussed. ‘Erm, I think so, my little Turkish delight; be the new Posh and Becks and whatnot. Dash it all, I’ll leave that stuff to you. Thinking gives me a headache’. With that the Half-blood Prince stretched, and lowering his rapidly balding ginger head over his wife’s shoulder, peered at her computer screen. ‘I say, what’s that you’re writing? “Divorce American Style”. What’s that about?’.
‘Uhm, it’s ah, a movie screenplay I’m workin’ on’, replied Megain, hastily closing the computer.
‘I say, good show!’ cried Harry enthusiastically. ‘Is there a part in it for me?’.
‘Ya betcha ass’, replied Megain with passion.

To be continued.

Nominated by Ron Knee

74 thoughts on “The Markles : An Everyday Story of Cuntry Folk (Vol 1)”

    • Harry Hewitt has turned into a right miserable cunt since he met that LA B lister

  2. They don’t exist in my world, they stepped down. They’re like the Karcrasheons to me……..nothing to do with my life.

    • Holy cow, I thought that was a spoof site for a moment, seriously?
      I’d imagine B+W cunt would happily be Keeper of the Royal stool here should the vacancy arise! Fner fner.

    • You can only laugh! ‘Her down to earth and humble attitude’! I mean, just look how ‘posed’ the photo is, for fuck sake!

    • Next week – Meghan has a furtive scratch down below.

      What a pile of elephant shite.

      • My morning shit was conducted with a ‘down to earth and humble attitude’, stunning and brave, stunning and brave if I say so myself. Great cunting Ron, you weren’t paparazzi in a previous life were you, with all these inside scoops on our favourite pair of twats?

      • Thanks LL.
        No, I’m just a cunter with a down to earth and humble attitude, who can’t help but take a shot at a pair of total cunts. They’re my muse.

  4. “The Markles” sounds a bit like the title of one of those TV comedy series that Desilu turned out in the 1950s – probably the summer replacement for “I Love Lucy”.

    Lucille Ball was a better actress and comedianne than Mrs Hewitt though.

  5. I used to have some respect for the ginger Markle, fronting it out pretending that Charlie the Chimpboy was his real Dad when the whole world knew it was bollocks. Then he became a pussy whipped, preaching woke wanker. When Sparkle Tits kicks him out he can hardly go and get a job in Walmart so he’ll be back here begging to scrounge off us once again. Fuck off cunt, we don’t want you back. Stay over there and sell your posh arse down Hollywood Boulevard.

    • I’m sure Eddie Murphy has an old wig and a spare lippy for the not so fresh prince. I can see it now, some shitty parking space, Eddie with his winning smile, sparkles mum tapping her watch.

  6. I support everything that they do….they are managing to do more to bring about the end of the monarchy than any Republican could manage in a hundred years.

    You bash on Harry and Megs….chuck old “randy” Andy in the mix too, stand back and let them achieve the Place In History which they so richly deserve as the catalyst that finally saw the end of that family of inbred spongers and ne’er-do-wells.

    Fuck them.

    • Their a Holly weird romance right enough,
      Cruella de ville and Forest Gump.
      His grandad should of done the decent thing save the embarrassment,
      Nice neat car crash,
      Ohh hes so like his mum..

    • Morning Dick.
      Yeah good old ‘Air Miles’ Andy has managed to duck his way into the undergrowth lately.
      I suspect that it’s only a matter of time though before the meeja exhausts all the C-19 angles and starts hunting around again.
      The whole royal shooting match is better entertainment than ‘Downton Abbey’ will ever be.
      Has the Daily Fail trial started yet….

      • Morning Ron
        Morning All

        I’m just waiting for the video of Beatrice and Eugenie using Warwick Davis as a double-headed dildo to emerge….although it won’t do any more harm to the Royal reputation than Fergie and Andy have managed,at least it’ll make me laugh….particularly if poor little Warwick has to use his horse-sized set of teeth in a Munchkin’s body to savage his way out of the all-enveloping Royal pissflaps…..hopefully Pornhub’ll put the clip in my “Recommended For You” column.

  7. Great cunting Ron and Freddy must have read my mind, these useless money grabbing fuckmonkeys are now just piss taking material now and it seems Harry is now going to learn the hard way that vajayjay fever for him will be worse that Covid i hope he can still afford a good soliciter, cuz it wont be long im sure, and then he will be back here saying it was all our fault for putting them under pressure that coffee cunt couldnt handle.
    Meanwhile randy Andy must be thinking thank god for these clowns and cungflu because its keeping the spotlight off him and his dirty deeds.
    And good old phil will be able to take the Gaffa tape off and say what he wants.
    I haye said it before and i,ll say it again Maghan has been a red hot lead enima for the royal family and all we can do is watch, point and laugh at the stupid cunts at this stage….

    • Christ poor old Phil the Greek looks like one of the cast of ‘The Walking Dead’. Don’t know how they’re managing to keep him upright without the strings being visible.

      • Sure one of his arms fell off last time he was on the news!
        Royal aide quickly attached it.
        Only one I like, hes a real life mr Burns, excellent.
        ‘Release the hounds’..

  8. OK, not wife material but…she gives me the ‘orn. Therefore, she gets a free pass from me, you cunts.

  9. They have made enemies of 4 tabloids, anything they do now will be scrutinised down to atomic level, the silly cunts may as well go and live on Dickies private Island and never be heard from again.

    That could be a plot for a new reality TV show, The Hewitts Go Native (easy for miss Sparkle, it’s in the blood don’t you know) 😁

  10. Haven’t even got time for the bumbling Phil the Greek all of them are poncing off the country.

  11. “‘Ya ain’t got a piece ta spare, ya haffwit’, murmered the Duchess of Deceit to herself.”

    Brilliant stuff Ron, you keep raising the bar on these nominations.

    • Thanks CS. Like most of us, I’ve got a lot of spare time on my hands these days…
      Oh and the Markles just fucking ask for it of course.

  12. Yeah, making enemies of the four biggest newspapers in this country isn’t the smartest move when you are looking for the public to lick your bumhole. Still, as long as you are woke the good old BBC will never abandon you. An anti British match made in w*g heaven.

    • Looking at the picture, I think he’s been watching that ’60 Days In’ prison programme on tv. He’s giving the signal for ‘get me out of here’.

      • He just doesn’t look like a happy bunny these days, does he? I suspect that he doesn’t love his life in LA half as much as his little princess does, but as he said himself, ‘what Megain wants, Megain gets’.

      • He was much more cut out for nude snooker in his hotel room with a couple of trollops – love em and leave em – this dutiful husband routine will wear him down. Especially with a right on old bag like Markle.

      • You’re not wrong, Ron! I now read that the trailer trash slut thinks that they may have maid a mistake, moving from the UK. Well, fuckin’ boo boo! Seriously, if HM let’s those two cunts back into the country and reinstated the HRH, I will be extremely displeased, and will then sign up for a republic, when her reign ends!

  13. The more I see Meghan the more I think she is a fine specimen.
    I don’t blame Harry for letting her spend the money etc after all it’s not his money he’s worked for is it?
    A lot of people in this country like to have someone or people to look up to like the Royals who in turn look down upon you. What a load of bollocks.
    Being a Royal I bet she has now elevated her bedroom antics to such debauched acts only Royalty indulge in…I bet Harry gives her one in that ‘German’ military costume he once wore, I bet she plays a game where she is a poor, penniless Victorian slag, and does favours for Gin and money.
    What a woman, anyone who doesn’t think she is worthy of going in bareback is a lying cunt.
    Take a look at her then look at your Mrs….yeah thought so.
    Go fuck yourselves. 😁

    • Perhaps I could pay you to write my story old chap. A guaranteed best seller, so perhaps you pay me instead. 😁

      • I was thinking of writing a piece abaaaaaht the cunters we have and the ones who have disappeared.
        It’s not like I’ve got much else to do.
        I’ll get to it.
        Cheers old chap.

      • I am currently in the process of editing a book aimed firmly at the Christmas market:

        The Bumper Fun Book Of ISAC Cuntings And Comments For Boys And Girls (Though Not For Gender Neutrals).

  15. Second time a yank has caused agro in the royal family and the second time a ginger in recent years has caused agro too ( duchess of pork fucking moose ) what makes it worse apart from everything going on at the mo is he’s a spineless ginger twat who should have told her to fuck off and she’s a fucking anglo banjo self centred touch of the tar brush cunt

  17. Hewitt and the ( call) show girl
    well suited pair of absolute cunts
    Getting shot of them is definitely a plus for Britain………

  18. I’m struggling to decide whether Harry ‘Half-wit’ Hewitt is a cunt, or just a dribbling idiot, to be honest! I’ve heard from a few of the lads who were at the same base in Afghanistan, and they’ve told me that he caused more than a few issues in the mess with his entitled attitude. Out of the same mould as Uncle Andy, ad far as being a useless cunt of an officer and a dangerous pilot are concerned! Now this behavior would indicate that he is under, a cunt! However, if it’s natural behaviour and he doesn’t realise he’s a useless cunt, well that just makes him and imbecile! As for that cunt he’s married to, well she definitely is a cunt of the lowest order! Chicken legged sack of bat spunk, with a face like a box of smashed crabs!! Anyone who finds her attractive to the point of her being in the ‘wank bank’ needs some fucking help!!

    • I’d give her one and I do need help, either some covid-free fanny or some new extra-stimulating porn.

      • I’ve been on xhamster so much lately that’s it’s become jaded. The wife says I need a new hobby.

      • Who needs a hobby
        Like tennis or philately?
        I’ve got a hobby
        Re-reading Lady Chatterley.

        “Smut”, Tom Lehrer.

  19. I’d watch it if there was an ending with a car chase in Paris….

    Meghan Markle Fucking Ono Of Sussex really is a most disgusting creature.

  20. All I can think is that she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Must be the only reason old rusty knackers is still with her.

    • You can almost guarantee that all that kind of thing ended the minute she ate the wedding cake. It’s known to be an antidote to blowjobs!

  21. Political correspondent and now ex-royal biographer.

    Ron, you are indeed a man of many talents. Keep it up, sir! One is most amused.

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