Selfies

“A ‘selfie’ is a self-portrait, digitalised photograph, typically taken with a digital camera or phone. Selfies are often shared on social media”. So says Wikipedia for our elucidation.

Well, I think we all knew that much without the need to be told. What I find much more interesting is the obsession with self-representation that the selfie demonstrates. The phenomenon strikes me as distinctly odd, even bizarre; a manifestation of the kind of self-centred behaviour which seems so prevalent these days. In fact ‘selfitis’, the compulsion to take selfies and post them for others to see, has been classified as a genuine condition by psychologists. A ‘Selfies Behavioural Scale’ has even been developed in an attempt to clarify the various levels of addiction experienced by individuals.

It should be added that there is also some scepticism about the validity of the condition among clinicians, but as a mere layman, I for one am convinced, and offer an example which demonstrates its reality, at least to me.

The wife and I had to go into town the other day. The weather could only be described as totally shit: howling wind, driving sleet, dark, threatening clouds, and bitterly cold. And yet, there in front of the art gallery and museum, stood a couple of Chinese tourists, soaking from head to foot, phone extended on a selfie stick, busily snapping pictures of themselves. And believe it or not, they were wearing face masks, no doubt to protect themselves from catching coronavirus from us. The irony of the situation clearly escaped them as they stored up memories to be treasured and passed on to family and friends; this is us standing in the pissing rain, masks obscuring our faces…..Don’t we look great?

Yes, I’m convinced that selfitis is real and a total cunt, as persistent and annoying as all the cunts afflicted by it. And there are a fucking lot of them.

Nominated by Ron Knee

75 thoughts on “Selfies

  1. Obsessional behaviour indeed, Ron. As Mr. Fiddler will testify, at the assizes, Thursday next. Where his abominable and perfidious behaviour, regarding the sending of ‘ candid ‘ selfies to Ms.Arterton, will be called to account.
    He’s a disgrace.
    Good afternoon.

  2. Baffles me too. It seems cunts go places not to enjoy the view or feel but to take a selfie and fuck off.
    Amuses me when they fall off cliffs or buildings though.

    • There was that daft bint a few weeks ago that did that I think in Australia. Climbed over a fence that clearly states do not climb over and promptly fell 30m to her death on the rocks below. I did do a nomination on that but fear it might have been lost in the ether of all the other noms.

      • Cunting blondes who have just died is currently considered bad form.

      • Shagga, I agree.
        I still remember a cute blonde dying years ago. I’ll always remember the loveable and kind personality, think blonde hair, and slobbery kisses

        After all these years I still miss you, Bouncer.
        Neighbours is not the same without you.

  3. You see it everywhere nowadays, not least at major sporting events, rock concerts, some far-flung shithole in the middle of nowhere etc.

    You do get some fuckwits actually record an entire concert by holding their phones up and watching the gig via the camera viewer rather than directly at the frigging band!

    It’s as if recording an event is far more important than enjoying it with your own eyes in real time. Perhaps this explains the short attention-span of they gormless and vain twats!

    During my brief tenure of Instagram I did notice idiots taking selfies while they were sitting on the bog, or picking their nose, or eating a packet of crisps! Who the fuck would be interested in any of that shit on social media?

    • I was at a gig where the lead singer advised anyone standing behind a cunt with a phone held up to pour their pint down their neck. Hate those fucks.

  4. Another addiction to add to drinking, betting, smoking and doping. This one’s for the world’s ever expanding population of self obsessed narcissists that are compelled to constantly project themselves in the right light for all to see. “Look at who I’m with. Look where I am. Look at how attractive I am. Stupid deluded twatts. Just pop over to Cuntbook and do a random name search and before you can say Cheeese there’s a row of tuna fish with massive lip gob and 1cm wide eyebrows, and anything that’s got a cock in it’s pants stripped to the waist with a smartphone in their hands in the mirror. No wonder the use of anti-depressants and benzos has increased so much in recent years. What are these vain cunts going to do when they start to age and finally realise they’re not Kim Kardashian and Justin Beiber?

    Can anybody else see a dressing gown cord tied to a door handle, or is it just me?😆

    • Confucius say “woman who jump on Seven Sisters
      Get nasty surplise when she get big bang.”

    • It seems that the NT will be obliged to put up more signage and fencing…
      This was Darwinism in action, total fuckwittery at its greatest.

      Confucius she most certainly wasn’t; just confucked.

      • Dearly beloved,
        We are gathered here today to remember this person who, in the last minute of her life, handed a phone to a stranger whom was asked to take a photograph while said person leaped into the air, gurning.

        Lord, we commend this halfwit to you…

    • I read the article, two things I noticed.
      The first was related to selfies, 2 deaths by Grenade!! What the fuck were those ones about 😁
      The second was related to accidental death, 2 by vending machine, Don’t mess with vending machine, they bite back!

  5. Nicely cunted Ron.

    I walked past a bunch of Chinks yesterday who were NOT wearing masks. Worse still, the selfish irresponsible cunts were actually laughing – expelling great wafts of Corbyn-19 into the air around them!

    Managed to hold my breath for a full minute till there was plenty of distance between me and them.

    Come to think of it they weren’t taking selfies… so maybe they weren’t Chinks? Better safe than sorry.

    • Thanks Ruffers.
      We were in Edinburgh at New Year, and honestly, you could not move for fuckers taking selfies, most of whom appeared to be Chinese.
      It’s hard enough to get about in Edinburgh centre as it is at that time of year, but these cunts make it even more difficult. They’re so self-obsessed that they don’t seem to take pictures of the sights, just themselves in front of the Scott Monument or whatever, just showing enough of the view to prove that they’re actually there.
      ‘E-rah me inur fwont offah Scottah Monumentah…’. Tossers.

      • Who’s letting all these fucking chinks in? They may be on a mission to spread their chinavirus all over the western world, but do we have to help them do it? If any more come, we should make them stay on the plane. Or the boat. Don’t want any yellow bastard breathing on me.

      • What you didn’t allow them to cough and hock loogies on you ruff tuff? You biggoted racist cunt

  6. From as long ago as I can remember have suffered from the total opposite of Selfitis. Or Selfitis phobia if such a thing exists.

    Cannot stand having my photo taken (especially if told to “smile” or “say cheese”), hate looking in mirrors and will consciously not look at a reflection if I know one is there.

    Prefer to remember myself as I once was and not as I am today perhaps?

    Cannot and will not ever understand those who take and post selfies online.

    Shallow vain self centred cunts.

    • In Cardiff, the letterboxes and dalek-wimmin really DO say “Al-Quaeda.”

      Turn the middle-east into toast, with melted al-quaeda on top.
      That’s the way to do it.

  7. It seems to be a virulent and proliferating disease amongst the younger generation – narcissism. You see it everywhere – narcissists taking selfies, narcissists pouting like some fucking blowfish on Arsebook, Narcissists on the idiot lantern…

    They are fucking everywhere. Trying to convince every other narcissist in their peer group that they by far the most attractive and intelligent, have the most valuable house, drive the best car and go on the most exciting and exotic holidays. All in glorious Arsebook-vision for all their daft cunt ‘friends’ to drool/wank over and try to do one better. The nation is in the grip of a cuntitude epidemic, but I don’t see Boris chairing a COBRA meeting to plan how narcissism can be controlled. It is out of fucking control, no mistake.

    CUNTS!.

    • I admit to wanking a lot recently over a rather tarty bird on her Instagram (wtf ??) page, but only because I contacted her on ebay, and she said there were more photos of her, and gave me the link.
      It was the clothing that she was selling that really got me going; and she looks seriously nude underneath…

  8. Ive been sending images of my flaccid cock and badly misshapen ball bag to Greta Thunberg,
    Its gotten me into significant legal difficulties.
    Is that a ‘selfie?

    • What’s the appeal of thrusting a bag of broken biscuits under a young ladies gaze?

      • Just wanted her opinion.
        Thought she might be interested.
        Seems not.
        Police was though.

  9. What boils my piss is the ones taking selfies when they’re driving. What the fuck? Selfish, up their own arse wankers.

    • It’s mindless; ‘this is me, driving my car… I’m doing what millions of others are doing right now, but hey, there’s only one me!’.
      Nuts.

  10. Marvellous cunting, Sir Ron.

    ‘Selfies’, aka, narcissism that is out of control.

    This isn’t a mental disorder. It is the action of someone who loves their own image and manipulating it to suit their needs, usually projecting an image of themselves that is nothing like the harsh reality!

    This is more snowflakery. It cannot possibly just be as simple as the above, It has to be a ‘psychological disorder’, pandering to their big-headed fuckery.

    My young cousins and their friends (all in their late teens) must be suffering from this horror that is ‘selfitis’. Every five minutes there are different selfies of them all over Facebook…..all of them resembling a heavily made-up duck. Lips like RNLI dinghies, eyebrows like Groucho Marx and arse or titties stuck out for public consumption.

    They think they look like models.
    I think they look like cunts.

    I cannot WAIT for them to look back on those photos in years to come and cringe…..it’ll happen, mark my words……

    • I think all selfies posted on social media should be automatically digitally remastered to show the individual as they’d look when aged 70, drunk and naked. That’d put a stop to the fuckers.

  11. I was at Ground Zero in New York and all over were people taking selfies with stupid faces. Nice, somewhere 3000 people were murdered and you’re doing that. Needless to say most were younger than September 2011. I wanted to throw them into the water pits. Cunts.

    • The sight of four grinning japs taking selfies over the wreck of the USS Arizona in Pearl Harbor made my fucking blood boil. To get over to the wreck, you had to watch a 20 minute film, which explains it’s the grave of 1100 sailors, and should be treated with reverence. These japs didn’t give a fuck, it was like a theme park to the cunts. Perhaps their grandfather was in the attack that sunk it. Shame he wasn’t at Hiroshima. One day I hope to repay the dishonour, by having a selfie doing Victory signs Churchill style at a Shinto shrine, where they honour their murdering rapey cannibal soldiers. I wonder how that would go down?

      • Apparently they queue up to take selfies at Auschwitz. How fucking thick and thoughtless is it possible to get?

      • A mate of mine went to the Japanese imperial war museum, and they had a mannequin on a jap in an old style diving helmet, with a long pole that had a land mine attached to it. This was a kamikaze beach obstacle, for the expected allied invasion of Japan, when the landing craft went over the nip, he would shove the landmine into the bottom of it, killing plenty round eye, but also himself. Compared to what else they did it’s unremarkable, it was the English inscription on the exhibit that was. Apparently, it ended, ‘unfortunately, it was never tested in battle’. Unfortunately? Fuck me….

      • I wonder if that was a faux pas? Wouldn’t put it past the cunts to mean every word!

      • That is truly the worst application of the selfie and gruesomely inappropriate. Those born and bred idiots have no understanding how to conduct themselves and have no empathy or understanding of the suffering that occurred there and no doubt wildy complain ‘Ow me internet went down for 2 seconds, woe is me, I can’t get post on Facile Book or see what the Kardashians are doing on Instashit, waah’.

      • An absolute shower of cunts, never held properly accountable for their actions in WW2.

        I come from a family of Royal Marines and when my cousin (one of the only male members of the family that hasn’t served) starting going out with a Japanese girl my Grandad boycotted every single family event after that.

        Cunt married her too .

        Got my revenge though as we all play football on Boxing Day in the park. The whole family, just a tradition of ours.

        I stuck her in goal first year she was eligible to join us. She had no fucking idea and my brother got a couple of Alan Shearer style thunderous shots right in her face until she decided she didn’t want to play anymore .

  12. I don’t think I’m alone when my phone camera goes into “selfie” mode I recoil in abject horror.
    Anyhow a great cunting Ron.
    Fuck them all.

    • Why are chinkys always taking selfies anyway?
      They all look the same,
      Even their mums wouldnt know could be anyone .

  13. The UK trail walker who died in New Zealand recently, every bloody photo the news showed of her was a selfie at some far-flung place at the top of some precarious precipice.

    As New Zealand plod said the death was not suspicious, chances are this self-aggrandising bint took a wrong ‘un while trying to capture that “perfect moment”…of herself!

    All that beauty and yet all these vacuous cunts can do is occlude that beauty with their vacant fizzogs!

    You look at the Twitterati crowd of “Me! Me! Me!” cunts posting from Machu Pichu, the Golden Temple of Amritsar, the Pyramids, etc., and you can see fuck all of the wonder because of their gurning faces taking up 90% of photo opportunity real-estate!

    Cunts!

  14. There is only one good thing about selfies and someone mentioned it above , the selfie deaths. The best one i ever saw , well it wasn’t so much a selfie but a girl driving a car pretty fast was recording on her phone a mate hanging out the window of the passenger side . The girl hanging out the window was waving her hands giving it all the woo hoo shit but didn’t account for the oncoming lamppost. It totally fucking wiped her out , definitely killed her 👍. That was an awesome video that was , then the girl taking a selfie hanging over a very tall building seconds before she fell to her death, yep that’s all selfies are good for.

  15. Out here in sunny Asia, the place is currently flooded with fit Russian birds, parading up and down the beach. They all come equipped with the the selfie stick, or ‘Wand of Narcissus’ as we call them, and will stop mid stride to take that immaculately posed pic! On the plus side, they do make fucking excellent lightning conductors!!

  16. A very kind and caring overseas relative said to me recently that he feels that mentally I am living in the past, and that entering my house is almost like stepping back in time.

    Replied by saying that I was perhaps slightly happier living in the past than in today’s Britain and that my house reminds me very much of those days, and the late Mrs Stroker.

    After considering my comments and experiencing Ipswich first hand he conceded that perhaps it was better for my mental well being to adopt this strategy.

    • I’ve previously been told that going to Ipswich is already like stepping back in time. Do you have gaslights at home?

      • You’re not wrong Moggie.

        Lived in London for about 35 years and when driving through Ipswich on the old A12 pre bye pass used to laugh at the Ipswich people and their fashion sense.

        Back then you could pick up a five bedroom town house in nice area for under £120k.

        Central heating, running water and all mod cons. Even an inside WC!!

        Suffolk still a great part of the world, spoilt only by thousands of loud mouthed shouty criminal Eastern Europeans.

        Cunts.

        Little did I know at that time I would emigrate there in 1993.

  17. The more self absorbed each generation becomes the more fucking stupid and silly they seem to get.
    It seems it’s now ‘cool’ to photograph yourself pouting moronically. And thats just the blokes.( sorry i mean guys)

    • Selfies? Waste of time and effort – the Police take all my photographs!
      Good nom RK, we live in vacuous times.

  18. That pair of cunts in the header pic are pulling the archetypal poses of their genders ( sorry, I don’t know what inbetweeners do), the bloke doing the soyboy open mouth look, while the vacuous slag blows a kiss. Fuck them.

  19. Mrs B has become absolutely obsessed with taking selfies.
    I’ve told her she needs to take a long, hard look at herself.

  20. Why do these cunts expect us to believe that they are living the life of David Beckham?

    It’s funny how they NEVER post selfies of the times that their life is utterly shit, which I’d imagine in reality, is about 95% of the time.

    No…..it’s all “just on my way to a charity skydive lol”

    Yeah which you’ve used the sponsorship money to pay for. Cunts

  21. Fucking self obsessed, needy, attention seeking, bell ends, there is definitely something wrong with these fucktards from the cod lipped, trout pout wanna be supermodel with a face like a welders bench to the look at me im about to be malled by a tiger, or do a handstand off the edge of a cliff lol, what a bunch of cunts.
    The only saving grace is it gives natural selection a good chance to sort these muppets out once and for all, i wont shed a tear when these lesser spotted beardyweardy or Essex peach slappers with tyre lips are extinct, good fucking riddence, useless cunts fuck them all……

  22. Well said, fugly! We are all quite vain and I suppose pride is the biggest of the seven deadly sins. However, this ‘selfie’ business is just fucking dire; totally pathetic. The fake tan, hair extensions, lip augmentation and pouting which accompany this pandemic is way to much to bear. Fuck off!

  23. The Selfie can be summed up-

    ‘You see, this is my life! It always will be! Nothing else! Just me, the camera, and those wonderful people (on Facebook) All right, I’m ready for my close-up’.

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